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(New Yorkish)   Man spends life in search of overpriced, generic, terrible-tasting coffee   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
•       •       •

8175 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2004 at 2:37 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

109 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-07-16 03:16:11 PM  
I hate starbucks coffee as much as the next addict. But, before there was Starbucks the only place (besides your own percolater) to get coffee was at the donut store drip machine.
2004-07-16 03:16:42 PM  
I think he was last spotted in Poughkeepise:

Was he picking his feet?
2004-07-16 03:17:57 PM  
Colombian coffee I meant, just to ward off the people who would make jokes about that. I'm someone who would make jokes about that.
2004-07-16 03:19:08 PM  
The only downside is that a good cup will spoil you for the mass-produced stuff afterwards.

Then what's the point?? Coffee is a staple of a healthy diet. I say... get the big boy's coffee because it's only a buck nineteen, free refills, and dosn't taste half bad at all when it's black. Or make your own with the stuff in isle 9 at Kroger, cause that's a buck nineteen a can. If you don't know better, you will ALWAYS enjoy cheap coffee.

/drinks wine or scotch only to get drunk
/smokes cigars when out of cigarettes
2004-07-16 03:21:26 PM  
I like Starbucks' coffee. At least it has a decent amount of caffeine. What I hate about Starbucks is waiting in line behind the fat biatches getting their triple mocha caramel marshmello cream iced cappucinos.
2004-07-16 03:22:13 PM  
According to the guy's website (, he's doing this "to be different." He also wants to just be known as "Winter" (no first or last name). How weird and misguided can you get?

Oh yeah, and if he wants to be different, why is he going to Starbucks???
2004-07-16 03:22:50 PM  
Was he picking his feet?

[image from too old to be available]
2004-07-16 03:23:25 PM  
As Lewis Black pointed out, a Starbuck's across the street from another Starbuck's will signal the end of the world. That has happen and now this guy.

I will be in my cave, let me know when it is safe to come out.

Have been banned from Starbuck's for life, something about a Venti being shoved up some punks nose, at least thats what the police report said.
Ike [TotalFark]
2004-07-16 03:23:53 PM  
I never fancied myself a coffee elitist, but the only actual coffee I've ever had from a Starbucks is their frozen/iced crap. Year before last, I worked really close to one of those not-actually-a-Starbucks shops that sells their product anyway inside a Barnes Ignoble, and they seemed to have a new frozen triage of otherwise untested/unwanted flavours every couple of weeks. Tried their hot coffee, almost did a spit-take, and politely returned it, thinking someone had farked up royally in the process. Got a fresh cup after they cleaned the works, still tasted like ass. Like Navy coffee. Like bank-chain-lobby, Chicago-used-Ford-dealership, athletic-sock-filtered, bunsen-burner-roasted, refried-coffee-bean coffee. It was putrid. Someone I worked with suggested I go by a Barnie's Coffee and try a cup of their Jamaican Blue Mountain. I haven't really liked any cup I've had since, and finally bought my own percolator and some of the ridiculously-expensive ground stuff of the same origin. Man, that's good.

Some other thread on Fark turned me on to Tito's vodka last month. If you're a coffee drinker, try to get a hold of some of this Blue Mountain stuff. Wow.
2004-07-16 03:24:09 PM  
I didn't notice it until you pointed it out.....

[image from too old to be available]

Here's the joke anyways rhiannon. :)
2004-07-16 03:25:05 PM  
25 cups a day will turn your hair white after a while.

Let's see, is there anything else he might learn from this?
2004-07-16 03:25:47 PM  
Hey, This guy is a friend of mine, and he's not a loser, he's eccentric. His hobby (obsession) doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the problem? I wish I could be as passionate about something as he is about Starbuck's. He got a free trip to London and a bunch of free Starbuck's and has appeared on several national TV shows. He's quirky, NOT a loser. Annoying, yes, but not a loser.
2004-07-16 03:27:35 PM  
My question then ParanoidRain... is how does he keep getting jobs if he has a record of quitting after a couple months all the time as per the article?
2004-07-16 03:31:10 PM  
picturescrazy: I could have let it go, but it was too great a risk not to post a disclaimer. Though I got served the picture anyway. Oh well.
2004-07-16 03:31:20 PM  
My favorite--Tim Horton's--just plain good coffee, always fresh and brewed to the proper strength. No fancy flavors, just good stuff.
2004-07-16 03:33:18 PM  

He's a programmer, contract work, his jobs only last months at a time. Perfect for his travelling.
2004-07-16 03:37:52 PM  
Ok, that would make sence. Article makes it seem like he just up and quits.
2004-07-16 03:40:00 PM  
Starbucks is great if you like burnt out char-tasting coffee. If you're a fan of properly roasted and brewed coffee, move along, nothing for you to see in Starbucks.

All their beans are parisienne roast, which is only suitable for a few select beans where prime flavor can only be brought out with high temperatures. Most beans release the prime flavor at much lower temperature and thus require much less roasting, however that also means that for strong taste you must use more beans - and that would cut into their fat profit margins.
2004-07-16 03:40:44 PM  
well, at the very least, it's a unique way to see this great nation of ours. Had I the money and time, I'd drive from minor league ballpark to minor league ballpark, but that's just me...
2004-07-16 03:41:34 PM  
oh, and dunkin' donuts coffee rocks. the hot stuff, not that frozen shiat.
2004-07-16 03:45:43 PM  
People who claim to "enjoy" Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts have tastebuds of Neanderthals.

[image from too old to be available]

Try buying some locally roasted beans, coarse grinding them, and using a french press. Then tell me what is good coffee.
2004-07-16 03:46:08 PM  
I've never had a cup of coffee I liked (not even the mostly milkshake Starbucks stuff). I hate to intrude, but I would like to be able to stand coffee. Can anyone suggest a good beginner's brand? (Boring job- need more caffeine than soda can provide).
/falling asleep at computer
2004-07-16 03:47:51 PM  
wow. Just wow. I guess you have to have some kind of goal in your life. Too bad this one is stupid.
2004-07-16 03:49:22 PM  
Quit ragging on the Baristas. It is not our fault we have to ask all those annoying questions, it is part of the job requirement. I really don't give a crap how you want your coffee and what size you call the cup, but my manager does and I will get fired if don't ask those annoying questions. So there.

And yes Starbucks coffee does taste burnt sometime, it is due to the over-roasting of the beans rather than how the coffee is brewed.

and chowda_head baristas do know how to pull a good espresso shot, we just don't for you.
2004-07-16 03:54:53 PM  
Man, am I glad I'm not as hung up as some of you dudes are on finding the finest, most properly roasted products for your tastebuds? A cup of Starbucks is fine for me. Glad to be me and not you all.

I never did understand wine enthusiasts, cigar enthusiast, etc, either. I guess some of us are just wired differently.
2004-07-16 03:55:28 PM  
baristas? They actually gave a fancy name to people who chose not to go to secondary education and went the servitude career track?

[image from too old to be available]

Remember kids choose start college not start career
2004-07-16 03:58:04 PM  
Starbucks coffee is great when used in their coffee-based drinks. But as a cup o' joe, it tastes like ass.

Now, 7-11 coffee - that's good coffee, and under half the price of the Starbucks next door.

That being said, I'm a sucker for a quad venti percent mocha.
2004-07-16 03:58:56 PM  
I just pulled a good shot a few minutes ago. You can have it if you really want it.

/just got home from work
//can see the NSFW links now
2004-07-16 04:20:55 PM  
I had no idea there were so many prentious coffee snobs here. "Keep drinking your swill - only I know what good coffee is!!!!"
2004-07-16 04:31:52 PM  
Yeah, as life quests go, this is pretty farking sad.

//back to sorting and classifing dryer lint.
2004-07-16 04:41:30 PM  
"Keep drinking your swill - only I know what good coffee is!!!!"

I couldn't have said it better myself. Oh, wait! I did.
2004-07-16 04:44:48 PM  
4 words (well, 3 1/2): Chock Full o' Nuts!
2004-07-16 04:57:10 PM  
Worst Headline Ever.

This "It's hip to hate starbucks" thing is so overplayed.

Come on...
2004-07-16 05:10:31 PM  
the baristas really irritate me at those places, very contradictory and will always correct the way I pronounce a drink...
2004-07-16 05:41:17 PM  
I'm not a cob of corn, so you can stop buttering me up. I don't need you to tell me how farking good my coffee is, all right? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes out shopping she buys SHIAT. Me, I buy the expensive gourmet stuff because when I drink it I like to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead ****** in my garage.
/Do you see a sign in my frontlawn?
2004-07-16 05:49:05 PM  

Coffee Cofee! ya ya

[image from too old to be available]

um Cornholio. TP for my bung hole
2004-07-16 05:51:44 PM  
oh, how sad
2004-07-16 05:52:53 PM  
People who claim to "enjoy" Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts have tastebuds of Neanderthals.

I wasn't aware Neanderthals were noted for having underdeveloped tastebuds.

Try buying some locally roasted beans, coarse grinding them, and using a french press. Then tell me what is good coffee.

Feh. You're a phillistine. I'll only drink kopi luwak coffee - made from beans that have been picked from feces of the cat-like Indonesian palm civet by third-world children whose spirits have been broken (it tastes better that way).

2004-07-16 05:54:23 PM  
>I had no idea there were so many prentious coffee snobs
>here. "Keep drinking your swill - only I know what good
>coffee is!!!!"

there's even a coffee roaster here!

/farking from the cupping counter next to the roaster; antigua just finished, colombian in next.
2004-07-16 05:54:37 PM  
In other news... his heart asploded.
2004-07-16 06:02:10 PM  
What have you got against neandertals? I bet you a neandertal would have brewed a great beer. If he had had any barley.
2004-07-16 06:07:53 PM  
BTW, I only drink from my personal stash ancient mystic spirit coffee. It was pooped by a species that is now extinct, and roasted and blessed by a long dead Incan priestess. The rest of you are all Cretans.
2004-07-16 06:14:31 PM  
BTW, I only drink from my personal stash ancient mystic spirit coffee. It was pooped by a species that is now extinct, and roasted and blessed by a long dead Incan priestess. The rest of you are all Cretans.

CRAP! I must outdo you somehow.
2004-07-16 06:26:14 PM  
That made me almost spit my coffee (which incidentally is office coffee and sort of tastes and looks like a mud puddle)all over the place.
you funny. me laugh.
2004-07-16 06:31:23 PM  
ok, ok, my coffee is made from beans that were a gift to President Lincoln by his personal secretary (named Kennedy). They were in Lincoln's coat pocket at Ford's Theater the night he was shot. Upon his death several hours later, the beans were whisked away and placed in an 1860s-era vacuum-sealed container, which patiently awaited the arrival of the Space Age. On Alan Shepherd's first Mercury suborbital mission, he unsealed the container and began roasting the beans during his ascent; the roasting was completed in a zero-G environment.

After Shepherd's splashdown, the beans were placed in quarantine and visited by President Kennedy; his secretary (named Lincoln) suggested that he carry them around in his pocket as a memento. On 22 November 1963, Kennedy was assassinated, and the beans were seized by the Dallas Police (and later the Warren Commission) as evidence. After Arlen Specter's "magic bean theory," they mysteriously disappeared, until I sued the government to release them under the Freedom of Information Act.

Upon their release, I hand-ground each bean seperately and with the utmost of care, and brewed the best cup of coffee ever in (appropriately enough) an 1860s-era coffeemaker on loan from the Smithsonian. Only the finest, boiled-then-triple-filtered water was used in the brewing of my coffee.

So there.

/waiting to leave work
/kill me
2004-07-16 06:34:56 PM  
Wow. That's pretty good, except no innocent humans or animals were harmed during the production of your coffee. That's the secret ingredient that makes it taste so good.
2004-07-16 06:36:58 PM  
Wow. That's pretty good, except no innocent humans or animals were harmed during the production of your coffee. That's the secret ingredient that makes it taste so good.

Well, Lincoln and Kennedy weren't exactly "innocent," I guess, but both of them got shot in the head. That's gotta count for something.
2004-07-16 06:37:04 PM  
this guy is a grade a dumbass
2004-07-16 06:38:29 PM  
That's true, dead presidents do make for good coffee.
2004-07-16 06:44:19 PM  
wow, looking back on this thread, the whole discussion would be much less of teh ghey if it were people arguing over their favorite beers. those threads are always fun.

[image from too old to be available]

/not expecting to get a discussion started; just looking forward to drinkage tonight
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