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(Cleveland.com)   Homeland security says to watch out for floating booby-trapped beer coolers on Independence Day   (cleveland.com) divider line 156
    More: PSA  
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7755 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2004 at 2:49 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2004-07-02 03:10:12 PM  
Beer would never hurt me. Would it?!?!?
 
2004-07-02 03:10:22 PM  
And once again, people yell and scream at the government for "scaring us to death". Would you rather they keep all potential threats hidden?

I'd rather the government just prevent this from happening. If there is another attack, it will be because Bush went to Iraq and wasted resources that were needed to go after actual terorrists. Not to mention resources that are needed here to prevent these attacks.
 
2004-07-02 03:12:04 PM  


It looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
 
2004-07-02 03:14:30 PM  
Way I see it, if I'm messing with a beer cooler that isn't mine or my buddy's, I at least deserve to get my ass kicked. Maybe getting blown up is going too far, but come on people! You don't mess with other people's beer! You just don't do it!
 
2004-07-02 03:14:34 PM  
From the uncharted regions of North American wilderness comes... DOOM BREW. This deadly delivery system is disguised as a beer can. It lurks in coolers and waits for your holiday thirst to become your death sentence.
 
2004-07-02 03:15:10 PM  
EVERYONE...send me your stocked beer coolers and I'll take the risk of checking them out to make sure they're safe. This is a free service I am providing because I care!

(only Guiness and Bass Ale stocked coolers please...all crappy american beer stocked coolers will be returned to sender unchecked and you will be billed for the postage.)
 
2004-07-02 03:15:42 PM  
I know this is a funny story and all, but I don't think this stuff should be taken so lightly. The administrattion is definitely crying wolf too often, but that doesn't mean that another attack isn't possible. It won't be so funny when something actually blows up, but let me guess...that will be Bush's fault too, right?

/don't say I didn't warn you
 
2004-07-02 03:15:43 PM  
It's Cleveland, the whole river could catch fire.

Okay, okay, I know, I know...
 
2004-07-02 03:16:16 PM  
That's it, nuke'em.
 
2004-07-02 03:16:41 PM  
This is silly. Must they try to scare us before every three day weekend and every celebrity gala?

We should have a thread for us to brainstorm evil methods of attack, deliver the whole list to Homeland Security (the gov't agency, not the S&L) and tell them to watch out for these and leave us be.

I will start:
Watch out for terrorists in stores wanging the the tops of soda pop cans.
 
2004-07-02 03:17:43 PM  
soporific

I'd love to see what you would be saying if the streets of America were being patrolled by the Armed Services. I presume those are the valuable resources of which you speak?
 
2004-07-02 03:18:03 PM  
Zulu_as_Kono A beer cooler contains only beer because it gets opened a lot more. You'll want your food in another separate cooler so the ice will last longer and the bottom doesn't fill with water as fast and get your food wet. I suppose it could contain other drinks, but scotch really doesn't need to be all that cold.
 
2004-07-02 03:18:33 PM  
I'd rather the government just prevent this from happening. If there is another attack, it will be because Bush went to Iraq and wasted resources that were needed to go after actual terorrists. Not to mention resources that are needed here to prevent these attacks.

See, what did I tell you? You don't actually believe this, do you, soporific?
 
2004-07-02 03:18:40 PM  
Anyone going to be on the Apple River, Wisconsin this weekend?
 
2004-07-02 03:18:47 PM  
Also, the weed you buy gives money to the terrorists, who want to blow up your beer and eat your nachos.

 
2004-07-02 03:19:27 PM  
Way to go, guys! If the terrorists haven't already thought of this, (and I'm pretty confident they haven't) we're just giving 'em ideas!
You know what else they might do? Tiny explosives in all the heads of lettuce in any given city. Ooh! Or... tiny heads of lettuce in all the explosives! Yeah! That'll learn 'em!

And now, anytime a random beer cooler explodes, it'll be an outbreak of terrorism, and the gov't can say "I told you so."

To combat the possibility of terrorism, I'll just drink my beer straight from the tap, thankyouverymuch! :-)
 
2004-07-02 03:20:29 PM  
WOLF!
 
2004-07-02 03:21:09 PM  
Does this mean i can remove the plastic from my windows now?

/Still waiting for the all-clear.
 
2004-07-02 03:24:32 PM  
 
2004-07-02 03:24:36 PM  
If you see one of these, call me and then run away!
 
2004-07-02 03:24:42 PM  
The best thing was how on the History/Discovery channel last-night/night-before they were showing how they transport hazardous materials, and how the trucks had GPS and satellite communication. Useful stuff to know if you want to blow people up. The best part was that they said "look for the white cap on top the truck" to know which trucks had the good stuff.
 
2004-07-02 03:25:21 PM  
He may not need to, because he covered our assets for the months ahead in May, warning that terrorists would "hit the United States hard" on Memorial Day, or on Independence Day or Election Day or during the political conventions or at the All-Star break.

I read that wrong the first time...
 
2004-07-02 03:29:38 PM  
MODS please start a photoshop contest of other possible things to watch out for this weekend.

 
2004-07-02 03:31:58 PM  
2004-07-02 03:04:37 PM helix400
Once again, the government passes on potential threats to us.

And once again, people yell and scream at the government for "scaring us to death". Would you rather they keep all potential threats hidden?


Read the article again. The warning was 'lightly classified' and sent to local police departments.
 
2004-07-02 03:32:29 PM  
I heard the terrorists are going to booby-trap the election boths this fall so that people that vote for Kerry will get small pox.
 
2004-07-02 03:33:03 PM  
If something does happen during a holiday, how long will it be before you very same bloviators will be saying "It's Bushes fault! That fascist, freedom stealing Ashcroft should have warned us!"

/Yeah, we get it. You hate Bush, he lied, etc...
//MOVE ON!
 
2004-07-02 03:33:03 PM  
And once again, people yell and scream at the government for "scaring us to death". Would you rather they keep all potential threats hidden?

Yes.

If you want a list of potential threats, wellll,

Your cellphone could give you cancer.
The water you drink could give you cancer.
The beef you eat could give you cancer.
The fish you catch could poison you, and give you cancer.
The emissions from your vehicle could give you cancer.
The insulation in your home could give you cancer.
The air you breathe could give you cancer.
Your job will probably be given to an Indian. (dot not feather)
You could die of a home fire.
You could die in a car accident caused by someone having phone sex on their cellphone during rush hour.
The person living next to you could be a yet-to-be-convicted murderer, rapist, arsonist, or Republican.
You could be caught in the crossfire in a ghetto shootout.
YOu could be arrested in a case of mistaken identity and shot when your suburban ire causes you to yell at the cops and resort to fisticuffs.
Bush may get elected again.


All of these are a much higher risk than asploding beer coolers or "plans invloving explosions near large gatherings of people in the coming months."

It's pointless.
Get out and live and ignore this photo-op knee-jerk department and their ridiculous little chart.

Just remember,

Duck, and cover.
 
2004-07-02 03:34:16 PM  
Wasn't there some sort of legal hissy last time the wrong branch tried to warn us? Ridge, putz that he is, is actually not doing anything too bad with the warnings. ashcroft, on the other hand, is a sad, scary man with no imagination whatsoever. I've read more credible threats in the comics. Isn't this guy alone enough to sway your vote?
 
2004-07-02 03:34:57 PM  
well said DarwinEffect.
 
2004-07-02 03:35:10 PM  
Nothing for me to worry about, the closest body of water to me will be the the toilet, and while a massive unidentified floater may be a problem, I seriously doubt it'll asplode.

/cutting checks for new keyboards and brain bleachings, hell, it had to be said.
 
2004-07-02 03:36:14 PM  
Oh, and by the way, every single copy of My Life was printed on anthrax laced paper. So don't go near that book, okay? The new Sean Hannity toss off expose is just a ripping good read, however.
 
2004-07-02 03:37:04 PM  
Your Beer Asplode! Wait... Thats not funny.
 
2004-07-02 03:38:21 PM  
st8kdryver
If something does happen during a holiday, how long will it be before you very same bloviators will be saying "It's Bushes fault! That fascist, freedom stealing Ashcroft should have warned us!"

Not long.

There's a huge difference between issuing countless, frivolous warnings and actually preventing terrorist activities.

The fact that the government is issuing such warnings will not excuse them if they fail and a terrorist attack occurs.
 
2004-07-02 03:38:30 PM  
Sure, I want warnings but it'd be nice if they were credible and based on some sort of intelligence. I certainly don't want the local PD pulling me over because I have a tan and a cooler!

Remember the almanacs!?!?
 
2004-07-02 03:39:07 PM  
I will be on my in-laws Carver yacht (if any of you farkers are there, it is called "Chewbacca's Millennium Falcon" - come have a beer). The anchor dropped as close to the Statue of Liberty as we can get for the fireworks. I'm POSITIVE that I will stumble into a cooler and knock it into the water at some point...

/hoping an FBI sniper doesn't take me out.
 
2004-07-02 03:41:52 PM  
From my experience, the only floating foam beer coolers I
ever find on the lake are very thoroughly empty- though
they did find an abandoned six-pack cooler, and shut down
the boulevard while they opened it to find....air.
 
2004-07-02 03:42:10 PM  
Now come on...if you see a bouy that looks like this you should know better than to bump it...

 
2004-07-02 03:42:58 PM  
Homeland Security would be wise and learn from the National Weather Service about making sure you give valid warnings, lest the populace starts to ignore them.
 
2004-07-02 03:43:46 PM  
GREYALIEN

Thats the way to ensure a winning spot. I should have known that you would start the "finger pointing" before anything even happens.

My point here is that you hate Bush and nothing will satisfy you guys. At least this administration allows you liberals a chance to pretend you really do matter.

//...while delusions of granduer danced in there heads...
 
2004-07-02 03:44:55 PM  
Fear fear fear. I'm mean wolf, wolf, wolf.


This administation need to go!
 
2004-07-02 03:47:35 PM  
The last time (1986) I toobed the Guadaloupe river in Texas, our beer coolers asploded when they went over Slumber Falls. The river was running at a +8 or 9 that year. We were so drunk no one noticed that half our beer was gone when we got to the landing. We just bought more and bribed all the chicks to flash us. Even the New Braunfels cops were cool. Pulled us over..."Hey you guys look pretty drunk. Don't kill anybody. Get out of here".....

/Memories, like the corners of my mind..........
 
2004-07-02 03:51:00 PM  
YYRKOON

I would bet money that you are a "global warming" conspiracy theorist. Typically, the same crowd that has been fear-mongering that bunch of bogus junk science crap, says that a warning against a REAL danger (that whole terrorist jihad thing that you neocoms totally ignore)is just crying wolf.

/SAVE THE EARTH!
//save your breath and spare us the pain
 
2004-07-02 03:51:10 PM  
st8kdryver,
Thats the way to ensure a winning spot.

How is this different from issuing countless, frivolous warnings?

If no terrorist attack takes place, they saved us.
If one does, they warned us.
 
2004-07-02 03:53:13 PM  
st8kdryver
YYRKOON

I would bet money that you are a "global warming" conspiracy theorist.


Nice strawman. You need more practice before you troll FARK.
 
2004-07-02 03:54:13 PM  
GREYALIEN

And your point is ........
 
2004-07-02 03:55:13 PM  
??

/contentless post
 
2004-07-02 03:56:57 PM  
st8kdryver

My point here is that you hate Bush and nothing will satisfy you guys. At least this administration allows you liberals a chance to pretend you really do matter.

And the ones who matter are telling us to beware of beer coolers and (as we were reminded earlier in the thread) almanacs? I don't know why you would want to apologize for that. Does it give you some sense of belonging or something?
 
2004-07-02 03:57:32 PM  
GREYALIEN

I got your "STRAWMAN" right here.
 
2004-07-02 03:59:49 PM  
st8kdryver, does it really feel better if you don't squirm and lube yourself up first?
 
2004-07-02 04:00:32 PM  
WAITAMINUTE

I don't remember apologizing for anything.

//belongs to no one
 
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