Cool, a healthier, happier wang without cavities or wrinkles!

While you are kissing, your brain conducts instant chemical analysis of your partner's saliva and issues a "verdict" of your genetic compatibility.

Holy crap. Really!?

Too bad the same chemical analysis can't screen for total psycho biatches. That would have saved me years of wasted time.

Oh ... so my dentist was just anesthetizing me?

Huey Lewis knew the Power of Love all along.

Hmm... now I feel better for being makeout-easy in junior high.

that'd be one helluva pick up line:

dude "hey baby, did you know that by kissing we're increasing our levels of endorphins and antibiotics that actually help to heal the human body? Add to that how it allows for us to exchange antibiotic resistance and i think its a forgone conclusion that we should kiss"
MASE!!
dude "aaaaaaaargh!!! my eyes!!!"

maybe it wouldn't work. but when it does...

Sounds like I need to get me a perscription!

Is it just me, or have headline writers become really lazy today?

Yeah, why don't they just shove it in our faces... "not only are you not getting any, but us that are are healthier, look better, are slimmer, and feel less pain!"

I call bullshiat. One kiss is more than effective than a dose of morphine...sure...

Is this super short headline day?

The headline is translated and kinda funny.

"We lose no less than 12 calories during every passionate kiss. However, one does not have to be a love fanatic to lose a few extra pounds. Scientists claim that 3 kisses a day (20 seconds each) will be enough to make you lose an entire extra pound."

Screw Atkins. Based on that math, every 60 seconds of making out "will be enough to make you lose an entire extra pound." Ergo, after a 15-minute makeout session you'll lose 15 pounds. I'm seconding eclectic's call of bullshiat!

</still no cure for ca...wait a second

what about rimjobs?

/crickets

//drunk

God I'm lonely

me too :(

I'm not lonely...beer loves me and I love her, uh....I mean it just the same. Ok fine...I'm lonely too. Time for a beer.

yup, lonely am I as well :(

Rim job + knobber = loss of 248 pounds

/but I'll never realy know...

WTF. Do boring kisses count? or at least help out ?

/long relationship dyin slow JK rye

Id take the morphine over most kisses ive had...

Come on guys..
You're ignoring the first unspoken rule of fark: Thou shalt not publicly wallow in self-pity, instead take a detached cynical attitude to cover up the inner pain of being what most of society would consider an outcast. It's still OK to hate most women for all the pain and suffering they cause us.

*joins tonight's dejected and loveless club*

Well, at least I have something in common with other humans now :)

"We lose no less than 12 calories during every passionate kiss."
Heck, I can do better than that if I fart at the same time..... ..........what?

Most of that stuff sounds fairly reasonable; I mean heck, I can burn calories by sneezing, or get a good dose of antioxidants by eating dark chocolate. But what's this genetic compatibility bullsh|t?? If our tongues are capable of genome analysis, why haven't they started growing them in vials in pharmaceutical labs for research purposes?

While you are kissing, your brain conducts instant chemical analysis of your partner's saliva and issues a "verdict"* of your genetic compatibility.


*This "verdict" is probably the little thoughts your having while with your other.

"Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this girl/this guy, I feel so - Oh crap! Is Orlando Bloom on Conan tonight? DID I SET MY VCR? I hope this is over with quick...."

Erm. You're*, rather.

FarkingUpTheWrongTree
You just gave someone an idea that will yield them a billion-dollar patent while leaving you the poor bastard that you are.

I call shenanigans. The first paragraph claims saliva prevents cavities, when in fact it is the saliva eating away at sugars on your teeth that _Cause_ cavities.

FarkingUpTheWrongTree

If our tongues are capable of genome analysis, why haven't they started growing them in vials in pharmaceutical labs for research purposes?

Oh, great; thanks for giving them the idea. The world is frucked up enough without having labs full of bank after bank of live, disembodied, wriggling human tongues. Wait'll they get loose and wreak their unholy vengeance on mankind.

Did anyone else look at the stories on the side bar, about Isreal being the gate to hell and that Russia conqured Mars 30 years ago? Is this a "real" newspaper, or a Russian equivelent of a tabloid?

waiting for power of a blowjob...

Was this headline an obscure Tears for Fears reference that I missed?

ok. im calling the s-word.

i shoulda lost 30-45 pounds early this morning based on the algorithm provided in the article.

TCG

you guys would get lucky with the ladies if:

-you drove an old beat to crap car and didnt care about what people thought of it.
-listened to bands/groups no one ever heard of.
-cared not for fashion or clothing choice.
-went against the grain because its cool.
-were anti-establishment.
-disliked anything thats popular.


...oh wait..