For those who want to know, here is the NSFW version of the story.

I got to #2 before I fell asleep.

SNORE!!!

I read both versions. Really doesn't make sense without reading the dirty version.

The clean version makes absolutely no sense. Dirty version makes only a tiny amout of sense. Both are horribly written.

Thanks for the nsfw link, I was confuse on a few of them. :)

`ed

It's a horrible premise for an article. I pray he was at a loss for an article and this was the best he could come up with at the last minute.

The clean version doesn't make any sense at all. The dirty version is ok, but it wasn't all that great.

Then again, some people don't ever read outside of the sports page. See this moron:

"Bob

I am a huge sports fan and I have to say that your recent column on cursing in sports was one of the greatest single articles I have ever read on the Internet. Not only was it funny as shiat, but it was well written and brought up some nice examples I was unaware of. The only thing I would have added was Jim Mora's moronic attempts to curse without cursing all time, especially his use of Didly Poo.

Thanks for a great read.

Marty"

Ball Four truly is the best book ever written.

RobVanDam

It's a horrible premise for an article. I pray he was at a loss for an article and this was the best he could come up with at the last minute.

The writer should have just printed fark comments from a sports thread(correctly attributing the witticisms to Fark of course.) CBS Market Watch does it all the time, it would have made a much more entertaining story and only taken 10 minutes to write.

Where the hell was the Earl Weaver rant?

For those who haven't heard it, I strongly suggest you listen to it.

Earl Weaver : NSFW!

As a lifelong Cub fan, Lee Elia's rant is special to me. I have a copy of it on CD somewhere.

What? Where's Iron Mike screaming 'I'll fark you 'till you love me"?

blah blah blah Emerson Fittipaldi

Who himself said, when confronted by a CBS reporter after a Detroit GP in the early 90s, "My tires ees sheet all day!"

Back to you, Jim.

What an awful article.

I've seen better writing from high school kids, hell, middle school kids.

With so many writers out of work, it's sad to see such poor writers still employed.

One of the 6 most profane moments was "Whoop-de-damn do"?! They say "damn" in cartoons.

yep, the sfw version makes no sense whatsoever. and even the nsfw version left out the part about bobby knight taking a dump, wiping his ass and then shoving the soiled toilet paper in his players faces, screaming about how they're playing just like the crap he just took...

That Earl Weaver thing might be the funniest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

that article made no farking sense. Then i read the NSFW version and it made sense, but it was just stupid.

pretty good article for Flak.

Sorry fellas...but the best thing ever said in the sports world would be Albert Belle calling Hannah Storm a coont.

On national TV.

Beautiful.

The Lee Elia thing is priceless. I didn't imagine Lou's kindly old sidekick was capable of such a symphony of profanity.

w00T~

Real Audio version of Lee Elia's rant can be found here.

Have to at least give the author props for the "Take the Money and Run" line. Genius.

My personal fav was the XFL game (one of the first ones) where the players were miked running out on the field. I heard an mf'er slip through on broadcast TV.

Dammnit man why is windowsupdate flaking out?! I have stuff to patch, man!

askheaves: you get that on NFL games sometimes too, most often if someone is run out of bounds near one of those parabolic mics.

Maybe we can get Ralph Wiley from ESPN to translate this....he speaks gibberish as well.

Errr....what goes on in scripted wrestling is a little different than what goes on in the heat of actual competition.

my head hurts

what the copulate kind of mothercopulating article is this??
i didnt understand human excrement from this article,i could write a better article using my male member for a pen and my mothercopulating gluteus maximus for a brain
the guy who wrote this article is jack-gluteus maximus
if i was his boss i would prostitute-slap him!

I wonder why he left out the comentators comments? Without them we would not have had sports broadcasting. That is what makes sports the big money machine that it is. That said my favorite of all time was when Harry Cary said on WGN radio and I quote "holy cun_t on a cow!" This is where his trade mark Holy Cow came from. This was before the advent of delayed broadcast.

/hope that makes it thru the filter

Somebody needs to ask Tommy Lasorda again what he thought of Dave Kingman's "performance".

It's been maybe 25 years since I read Ball Four, but I remember him saying his manager was fond of his own personal compound word, "farkshiat". Or was it "shiatfark". But he'd go around the clubhouse saying it.

One of my favorite national TV moments was in a NL playoff game between the Braves and I-forget-who... somebody may be able to better fill me in on the details... Braves were on the field, I think Glavine was pitching, and the ump called a pitch wide that looked pretty good. They cut to a closeup of Leo Mazzone in the dugout, I mean a REAL tight shot with a microphone nearby. He suddenly lets out the loudest "F**K!!!!!" you'll ever hear on TV. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver were in the booth, and there was just no way around it. Finally, Buck comes up with, "and Leo Mazzone says, he thought that pitch was a strike."

I don't follow wrestling anymore (since I hit puberty and all)....and I knew that'd get you going....but it's still funny.

And I don't know who Hyubusa is....but I do know that Dynamite Kid's "injuries" were all a result of steroid use....which also claimed the life of my favorite wrestler as a kid, Davey Boy.

1prostitute slap
Pronunciation: 'prs-t&-"tt slap
Function: noun, transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -tuted; -tuting

1: To slap one in the same manner as a prostitute might be slapped. Used in specific instances where political correctness overextends its bounds, or upon a flagrant abuser of political correctness. EX: When Jill condescendingly referenced her donations to the physically challenged, I couldn't help but prostitute slap her across the room.


I would truly love it if this term would be a mainstay on these boards. Or anywhere. Yes, the entire world at large could benefit from this. We start using this term - World Peace ensues. :)

Solzhenisin-
woot indeed :)

It's not really "sad" when someone is injured doing something pointless and dangerous....maybe that's just my opinion.....

Now, if he were doing flips to cure Cancer....THEN maybe...

Too...many...words....

This is written so badly it hurt my brain. And what's this MC5 of which he speaks? I read "Ball Four:" I don't remember any MC5 in it.

"Before Bouton wrote "Ball Four," most fans had no idea baseball players cursed, much less drank like fish and chased skirts."

I believe the correct idiom is "chase skirt."

I can't believe they made a clean version of that column. It makes no sense.

I remember a story from the early days of Monday Night Football, when one of the teams featured a player named "Fair Hooker". The color comments man has come up with "Fair Hooker, I've never met one, how about you guys?" followed by a stony silence as the commentators decided that any reply would be a career limiting move.

whats the big farking deal biatch

Peaceboy, you're right, Tommy Lasorda's views on Dave Kingman ain't quite Lee Elia, but they're pretty damn close. I wonder if he felt that way about everyone who hit three homers against the Dodgers.

Another good one is the canucks versus the oilers during the regular season or the playoffs this past year. I was watching it on CBC with Chris Cuthbert commentating. On e of the canucks screwed up on the ice and they were showing the canucks bench up close and the players were saying "You farked up, you farked it up!" Chris Cuthbert then says " I guess the general consensus down there is that they screwed up."

blah blah blah Emerson Fittipaldi

Who himself said, when confronted by a CBS reporter after a Detroit GP in the early 90s, "My tires ees sheet all day!"

Back to you, Jim.

I'd read somewhere that it ws the late, great Ayrton Senna who once said to a reporter, "Today, my Goodyear tires ees sheet".

I dunno, it was pretty funny anyway. But not as funny as that fat, talentless tub o' shiat Jimmy Spencer suckerpunching a still-buckled-in-his-car Kurt Busch after the race today. If you listen closely, you can actually hear the turdlike remnants of Spencer's "career" being flushed down the toilet.

Born2Die

Hayabusa is a japanese wrestler who is paralized from the neck down or so I believe. He's messed up real bad anyway.

It's sad that ECW went off the air, that was actually entertaining. The WWE is just horrible now.

I still have no idea where this guy got his list of seven though. Even with Pete Rose, Bouton talks in Ball Four about how many people reacted to him printing the book and some of them I thought were funnier.

Hey, if you really want comedy read the list one by one on the clean side and then read the dirty version at http://www.flakmag.com/sports/cook030217.html right after.