Dad?

As opposed to someone else?

I enjoy how he plead guilty to save the embarrassment of the public trial, only to be then quoted by the BBC and posted on Fark.

Welcome to the modern age, Mr. Masturbates on Trampolines With a Smoke in His Hand.

but who was holding his beer?

This does NOT benefit Mr. Kite.

Cagey B: This does NOT benefit Mr. Kite.

Having been some days in preparation
A splendid time was surely had by all

Sproing-fap sproing-fap sproing-fap!

The sound of one herp trampofapping.

Burden was arrested and charged with shameless indecency.

The only way to go.

I knew this would happen one day.

That's not how your sperm produces a bouncing baby boy...

Or as I call it, Date Night.

How is babby formed?

haddie: Mr. Masturbates on Trampolines With a Smoke in His Hand

[RealMenOfGenius.wav]

sarahlh3: As opposed to someone else?

Or the trampoline, maybe?

Burden pleaded guilty to a single charge of publicly exposing his person and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.

He must have had a big double handfull of "manhood" to instill such a state of fear and alarm.

Gordon Addison, defending, said his client now claimed to have "only pled guilty to avoid the embarrassment of a trial".

As opposed to the embarrassment of hopping up and down on a trampoline naked with a boner in one hand and a cigarette in the other where everyone can see you?

And now, online where everyone knows how you jack off?

Withdrawing your plea was a very very foolish idea, Mr. Addison.

Again?

Don't people know you do that at work. Using office supplies.

aim57: Burden pleaded guilty to a single charge of publicly exposing his person and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.

He must have had a big double handfull of "manhood" to instill such a state of fear and alarm.

What I'm saying. If I could instill fear and alarm that way I'd have it on my resume.

Sounds dangerous. I would think jumping naked on a trampoline would be harmful to one's testicles. I imagine there'd be a lot of a nutsack slapping. Perhaps that's why the neighbour looked out the window.

Lloyd Braun: Sounds dangerous. I would think jumping naked on a trampoline would be harmful to one's testicles. I imagine there'd be a lot of a nutsack slapping. Perhaps that's why the neighbour looked out the window.

I assumed the neighbor was worried about the cigarette and penis colliding.

damn that nosey neighbor.

He's got some keen coordination.

lovethisthread.jpg

Thank you fark. I can go home with a smile on my face.

Lloyd Braun: Sounds dangerous. I would think jumping naked on a trampoline would be harmful to one's testicles. I imagine there'd be a lot of a nutsack slapping. Perhaps that's why the neighbour looked out the window.

It can be risky.

When I was an EMT, we heard a scary/funny story about a kid who was jumping around on a trampoline in shorts, missed the trampoline, and landed straddling the springs. The spring opened up as he came down, then closed right on his balls.

It sounds funny, but the pain was so severe, the kid was almost dead from shock when the paramedics arrived. To make matters worse, his testicles had swelled around the springs, and they had to take him to the ER like that for surgery.

So this guy was taking an even bigger chance than he knew, boinking around on his trampoline naked at night. He could have been found on top of the trampoline, and his fearful, alarming manhood underneath.

No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Gyrfalcon: When I was an EMT, we heard a scary/funny story about a kid who was jumping around on a trampoline in shorts, missed the trampoline, and landed straddling the springs. The spring opened up as he came down, then closed right on his balls.

It sounds funny, but the pain was so severe, the kid was almost dead from shock when the paramedics arrived. To make matters worse, his testicles had swelled around the springs, and they had to take him to the ER like that for surgery

No, no it doesn't. I just felt a disturbance, like thousands of Farkers screaming all at once.

I wasn't aware that it was a mode of transportation.

Gyrfalcon: Lloyd Braun: Sounds dangerous. I would think jumping naked on a trampoline would be harmful to one's testicles. I imagine there'd be a lot of a nutsack slapping. Perhaps that's why the neighbour looked out the window.

It can be risky.

When I was an EMT, we heard a scary/funny story about a kid who was jumping around on a trampoline in shorts, missed the trampoline, and landed straddling the springs. The spring opened up as he came down, then closed right on his balls.

It sounds funny, but the pain was so severe, the kid was almost dead from shock when the paramedics arrived. To make matters worse, his testicles had swelled around the springs, and they had to take him to the ER like that for surgery.

So this guy was taking an even bigger chance than he knew, boinking around on his trampoline naked at night. He could have been found on top of the trampoline, and his fearful, alarming manhood underneath.

Jumping Jacks do not work that way!

Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Aaaaaand this is why I come to Fark. Grammatical lessons about the proper use of the word masturbate.

RayD8: Gyrfalcon: When I was an EMT, we heard a scary/funny story about a kid who was jumping around on a trampoline in shorts, missed the trampoline, and landed straddling the springs. The spring opened up as he came down, then closed right on his balls.

It sounds funny, but the pain was so severe, the kid was almost dead from shock when the paramedics arrived. To make matters worse, his testicles had swelled around the springs, and they had to take him to the ER like that for surgery

No, no it doesn't. I just felt a disturbance, like thousands of Farkers screaming all at once.

That makes what bigz2k (new window) went through seem like a soft breeze on a warm spring day. Ow ow ow hurt pain ow.

WilliamRobertBrasky: Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Aaaaaand this is why I come to Fark. Grammatical lessons about the proper use of the word masturbate.

Euphemisms work evar so much better. Avoids the grammatical faux pas and deters the Nazis.

WilliamRobertBrasky: Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Aaaaaand this is why I come to Fark. Grammatical lessons about the proper use of the word masturbate.

Words are the tools by which we communicate. We would do well to keep them sharp.

Nakito: WilliamRobertBrasky: Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Aaaaaand this is why I come to Fark. Grammatical lessons about the proper use of the word masturbate.

Words are the tools by which we communicate. We would do well to keep them sharp.

Uplifted middle digit to you, my Grammar Nazi friend. :-)

Clete Orris: Uplifted middle digit to you, my Grammar Nazi friend. :-)

Well stated!

What the fark are the odds that Lou Gherig would contract Lou Gherig's disease?

/about the same as I'll contract Nick Nostril's disease?

Nakito:
Words are the tools by which we communicate. We would do well to keep them sharp.

If you'll permit me the use of a double negative, I don't disagree at all. I didn't mean to come across as derisive, but your comment reminded me of something a middle school grammar teacher would say, except, y'know, substituting a different transitive verb for masturbate. At least in the schools I attended. Which is a shame, because discussing a topic so near and dear to my middle school years would have really forced me to pay more attention in those grammar classes.

/8th grade grammar teacher was hot.
//probably why I didn't pay much attention in the first place.

Chuckie2d0pe: haddie: Mr. Masturbates on Trampolines With a Smoke in His Hand

[RealMenOfGenius.wav]

We salute you, Mr. Trampoline Cigarette Smoking Masturbator...

Nick Nostril: What the fark are the odds that Lou Gherig would contract Lou Gherig's disease?

/about the same as I'll contract Nick Nostril's disease?

What about all the "Al"s that got ALS? Astronomical odds, man.

Clete Orris: Nick Nostril: What the fark are the odds that Lou Gherig would contract Lou Gherig's disease?

/about the same as I'll contract Nick Nostril's disease?

What about all the "Al"s that got ALS? Astronomical odds, man.

Duuuuuuuude.

Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Actually, it works perfectly fine to say "He himself masturbated," even if redundant, and thus a rearrangement of the words is still grammatically correct.

In other words, the sentence could read:

"He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and he had masturbated there."

Instead it's just worded differently.

Gyrfalcon: Lloyd Braun: Sounds dangerous. I would think jumping naked on a trampoline would be harmful to one's testicles. I imagine there'd be a lot of a nutsack slapping. Perhaps that's why the neighbour looked out the window.

It can be risky.

When I was an EMT, we heard a scary/funny story about a kid who was jumping around on a trampoline in shorts, missed the trampoline, and landed straddling the springs. The spring opened up as he came down, then closed right on his balls.

It sounds funny, but the pain was so severe, the kid was almost dead from shock when the paramedics arrived. To make matters worse, his testicles had swelled around the springs, and they had to take him to the ER like that for surgery.

So this guy was taking an even bigger chance than he knew, boinking around on his trampoline naked at night. He could have been found on top of the trampoline, and his fearful, alarming manhood underneath.

Gah! I don't even have balls and that made me cringe. Did he end up being ok after? Oh the poor, poor kid.

ignite ice: Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

Actually, it works perfectly fine to say "He himself masturbated," even if redundant, and thus a rearrangement of the words is still grammatically correct.

In other words, the sentence could read:

"He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and he had masturbated there."

Instead it's just worded differently.

Well sure, you can always replace "he" with "he, himself" to create a sort of artificial, redundant, pronunian transitivity. But then the exception swallows the rule, don't you yourself think?

Nakito: No, he did not masturbate himself. He masturbated. Masturbate is not a transitive verb.

I don't know; according to the dictionary I had under my bed for many years, "to masturbate" means "to manipulate one's own genitals or the genitals of another for the purpose of sexual gratification." This would seem to imply that it can be used transitively.

Dreamless: I don't know; according to the dictionary I had under my bed for many years ...

You have the tamest porn stash of all time.

But is it illegal here in the states?! Inquiring minds want to know!

I mean, all this talk on fark constantly of how Great Britain is a nanny state, so can you legally masturbate on a trampoline while smoking in the nude in the privacy of one's own back yard?

I know you can sunbathe nude if you have a fence up and a reasonable assumption of privacy, so how about a jump and jerk?

Evi1Bo1weevi1: But is it illegal here in the states?! Inquiring minds want to know!

I mean, all this talk on fark constantly of how Great Britain is a nanny state, so can you legally masturbate on a trampoline while smoking in the nude in the privacy of one's own back yard?

I know you can sunbathe nude if you have a fence up and a reasonable assumption of privacy, so how about a jump and jerk?

As long as you don't clear the fence, I would imagine you have a reasonable assumption of privacy. But if you know your wee willie winks over the wall with each leap, then not so much.

Isn't "masturbated himself" redundant, or is this some sort of Britishism?

/I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink

huntercr: Isn't "masturbated himself" redundant, or is this some sort of Britishism?

/I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink

Yes, please have one.