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(Some Guy) Dumbass You know it's a weird story when the least strange part is a man eating a squirrel's eyeballs   (bransondailynews.com) divider line 52
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7898 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2010 at 4:26 AM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share via Emailshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!


52 Comments   (+0 »)
   


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NEDM 2010-03-19 04:30:07 AM  
Okay, that article is at least seven different kinds of farked-up.

 
jingks 2010-03-19 04:33:15 AM  
He sure did a whole routine. Were the kids just staying there watching him or did he somehow stop them from leaving.

 
goochmeister42 [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 04:34:10 AM  
I killed a squirrel once. Felt really bad about it too. Didn't stop my idiot friends from skinning it and boiling the skull.

 
No Catchy Nickname 2010-03-19 04:39:24 AM  
Yeah, the fact he was wearing blue boxer shorts just freaked me out. I mean, blue boxer shorts with a squirrel skull??
Sartorial suicide, Hellllooooooooo!

 
log_jammin [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 04:39:58 AM  
They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

I'm going to try that line out this saturday night.

 
AFWX 2010-03-19 04:39:59 AM  
So technically, he skull farked the squirrel?

 
jerky on the veldt 2010-03-19 04:41:13 AM  
FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

Pretty soon he's going to wish he doesn't have this (butthole) because it's going to be pounded in jail all the time.

 
cantsleep 2010-03-19 04:42:14 AM  
AFWX: So technically, he skull farked the squirrel?

I guess he'll be known as "squirrel d*ck" on the inside.

 
AFWX 2010-03-19 04:42:17 AM  
jerky on the veldt: FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

Pretty soon he's going to wish he doesn't have this (butthole) because it's going to be pounded in jail all the time.


Naw, I'm sure dude's so into that kinda thing he had 3 a-holes installed.

 
jingks 2010-03-19 04:44:56 AM  
He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

 
AFWX 2010-03-19 04:45:31 AM  
I know when I wear my squirrel fur-banana hammock, my testicles itch like a son of a...

 
Biner 2010-03-19 04:47:12 AM  
Dad? Is that you?

 
AFWX 2010-03-19 04:51:36 AM  
I told you not to call me that in public. Now get me a beer...SON

 
John_David_Stutts 2010-03-19 05:01:24 AM  
Even for Branson, that's odd.

 
Jimsus 2010-03-19 05:04:24 AM  
Flood appeared in court earlier this month in an orange jumpsuit and waived his preliminary hearing.

Not how I thought that sentence would end.

 
Uncle Tractor 2010-03-19 05:41:30 AM  
"Daddy ate my eyes."

 
yarnothuntin 2010-03-19 05:41:35 AM  
I kinda want to party with this guy.

 
yarnothuntin 2010-03-19 05:42:57 AM  
jingks: He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

I dunno- I'm just glad I don't have his testicles.

 
starlost 2010-03-19 06:03:03 AM  
The Aristocrats

 
Isildur 2010-03-19 06:22:39 AM  
Uncle Tractor

Oh Goddammit fark you so everfarking much for reminding me of that. *shudder*

 
ZAZ [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 06:36:31 AM  
Contrary to submitter, I think the squirrel eyeballs part is the strangest part of the story.

 
Point02GPA [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 06:43:50 AM  
ZAZ: Contrary to submitter, I think the squirrel eyeballs part is the strangest part of the story.


Just what are you suppose to do with do with all those loose squirrel eyeballs?

 
Kengar 2010-03-19 07:43:02 AM  
Oh, ffs! I just managed to recover from the last eyeball-eating thread...

 
Mudwhistle62 [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 08:09:08 AM  
Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Godfarkingdamnitsomuch i knew...KNEW this was coming

 
dr.zaeus 2010-03-19 08:13:13 AM  
Timothy Flood... retina specialist?

Link (new window)

 
StaleCoffee 2010-03-19 08:13:51 AM  
So did the statutory sodomy charge apply to the squirrel skull?

 
bungle_jr 2010-03-19 08:29:54 AM  
i dnrtfa, but the first guy i thought of after reading the headline is andrew zimmern, of the travel channel's "bizarre foods" and "bizarre world"

 
EZ Writer 2010-03-19 08:31:30 AM  
Oh I don't know... They're delicious made into a jam and spread on fresh sourdough bread.

 
ElPollotonto 2010-03-19 08:33:15 AM  
Uncle Tractor

I hate you for reminding me of that

 
Monkeylint 2010-03-19 08:44:16 AM  
30 posts into a squirrel related thread and no FARK nuts squirrel pic yet? Slackers.

 
mayble 2010-03-19 08:45:58 AM  
I read the headline and thought "no way".
Way.

 
Uncle Tractor 2010-03-19 08:48:53 AM  
Mudwhistle62: Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Godfarkingdamnitsomuch i knew...KNEW this was coming


Good thing we god that out of the way then. B)

 
Uncle Tractor 2010-03-19 08:49:35 AM  
Monkeylint: 30 posts into a squirrel related thread and no FARK nuts squirrel pic yet? Slackers.

"Daddy ate my nuts." ...?

 
FeatheredSun 2010-03-19 08:59:49 AM  
I can't believe noone's posted the FARK squirrel yet. Wow.

/FARK has totally failed

 
Amigajoe [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 09:19:49 AM  
-Come on, who here hasn't waived their rights in public from time to time?

 
Shakespeare's Monkey 2010-03-19 09:27:05 AM  
FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

www.uniquesportsaccessories.com

That could have solved a lot of problems. I'm thinking he won't see the light of day for many years to come.

adios

 
funzyr 2010-03-19 09:38:58 AM  
AWWWWW nuts.

 
stimpington 2010-03-19 09:52:29 AM  
Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Aw, Khrist on a kracker.

I was having a good Friday morning until I read that quote and was reminded of that hideous incident. :(

 
talulahgosh 2010-03-19 10:02:26 AM  
should i take the bait and ask, what's "daddy ate my eyes" from? or should i google it?

/won't google it because those hits are nsfw. definitely.

 
Thallone1 2010-03-19 10:38:00 AM  
jingks: He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

Well, there's the squirrel skull. maybe they counted that? But that would be more like beatiality.

 
kryphon 2010-03-19 11:09:46 AM  
Who knew attempted swaffling was a crime

 
Kanaric 2010-03-19 11:19:31 AM  
should i take the bait and ask, what's "daddy ate my eyes" from? or should i google it?


A while back there was an article about a man who eat his childs eyes out of his skull. It was sick.

 
greenapple2step 2010-03-19 11:30:07 AM  
He is complete!

 
xxBirdMadGirlxx [TotalFark] 2010-03-19 11:50:47 AM  
greenapple2step: He is complete!

Why am I hearing that in James Earl Jones's voice?

 
lockheed1039 2010-03-19 12:29:57 PM  
FAIL

no TF Squirrel

 
Nuclear Monk 2010-03-19 12:38:26 PM  
Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."



That could have solved a lot of problems. I'm thinking he won't see the light of day for many years to come.

adios


It might have helped a little, but nothing soothes itchy balls better than a 100% organic squirrel skull on the peener.

 
saomai 2010-03-19 01:06:16 PM  
Subby, I hate to point this out but most likely the article didn't mean to imply he was going down on himself and eating the squirrel's eyes but in all likelihood from the poor grammar of the article the article meant to say that he then asked the children to eat the squirrel's eyeballs.

The warrant application also stated that Flood had placed a squirrel's skull "on the head of his penis and tells them to look at it and then eats the squirrel's eyeballs."

 
RockIsDead 2010-03-19 01:47:00 PM  
In France they call that 'art'.

 
eastiowa 2010-03-19 01:54:31 PM  
you'll love my nuts

 
DrewFL 2010-03-19 03:50:01 PM  
Now wait a second...he definitely did some sick shiat, but how does any of that qualify as sodomy or as an attempt thereof?

 
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