Okay, that article is at least seven different kinds of farked-up.

He sure did a whole routine. Were the kids just staying there watching him or did he somehow stop them from leaving.

I killed a squirrel once. Felt really bad about it too. Didn't stop my idiot friends from skinning it and boiling the skull.

Yeah, the fact he was wearing blue boxer shorts just freaked me out. I mean, blue boxer shorts with a squirrel skull??
Sartorial suicide, Hellllooooooooo!

They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

I'm going to try that line out this saturday night.

So technically, he skull farked the squirrel?

FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

Pretty soon he's going to wish he doesn't have this (butthole) because it's going to be pounded in jail all the time.

AFWX: So technically, he skull farked the squirrel?

I guess he'll be known as "squirrel d*ck" on the inside.

jerky on the veldt: FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."

Pretty soon he's going to wish he doesn't have this (butthole) because it's going to be pounded in jail all the time.

Naw, I'm sure dude's so into that kinda thing he had 3 a-holes installed.

He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

I know when I wear my squirrel fur-banana hammock, my testicles itch like a son of a...

Dad? Is that you?

I told you not to call me that in public. Now get me a beer...SON

Even for Branson, that's odd.

Flood appeared in court earlier this month in an orange jumpsuit and waived his preliminary hearing.

Not how I thought that sentence would end.

"Daddy ate my eyes."

I kinda want to party with this guy.

jingks: He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

I dunno- I'm just glad I don't have his testicles.

The Aristocrats

Uncle Tractor

Oh Goddammit fark you so everfarking much for reminding me of that. *shudder*

Contrary to submitter, I think the squirrel eyeballs part is the strangest part of the story.

ZAZ: Contrary to submitter, I think the squirrel eyeballs part is the strangest part of the story.


Just what are you suppose to do with do with all those loose squirrel eyeballs?

Oh, ffs! I just managed to recover from the last eyeball-eating thread...

Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Godfarkingdamnitsomuch i knew...KNEW this was coming

Timothy Flood... retina specialist?

Link (new window)

So did the statutory sodomy charge apply to the squirrel skull?

i dnrtfa, but the first guy i thought of after reading the headline is andrew zimmern, of the travel channel's "bizarre foods" and "bizarre world"

Oh I don't know... They're delicious made into a jam and spread on fresh sourdough bread.

Uncle Tractor

I hate you for reminding me of that

30 posts into a squirrel related thread and no FARK nuts squirrel pic yet? Slackers.

I read the headline and thought "no way".
Way.

Mudwhistle62: Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Godfarkingdamnitsomuch i knew...KNEW this was coming

Good thing we god that out of the way then. B)

Monkeylint: 30 posts into a squirrel related thread and no FARK nuts squirrel pic yet? Slackers.

"Daddy ate my nuts." ...?

I can't believe noone's posted the FARK squirrel yet. Wow.

/FARK has totally failed

-Come on, who here hasn't waived their rights in public from time to time?

FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."



That could have solved a lot of problems. I'm thinking he won't see the light of day for many years to come.

adios

AWWWWW nuts.

Uncle Tractor: "Daddy ate my eyes."

Aw, Khrist on a kracker.

I was having a good Friday morning until I read that quote and was reminded of that hideous incident. :(

should i take the bait and ask, what's "daddy ate my eyes" from? or should i google it?

/won't google it because those hits are nsfw. definitely.

jingks: He seems a lot more like a crazy homeless guy than an actual pedophile. And what exactly does sodomy refer to in this case? I thought all definitions required penetration of some sort.

Well, there's the squirrel skull. maybe they counted that? But that would be more like beatiality.

Who knew attempted swaffling was a crime

should i take the bait and ask, what's "daddy ate my eyes" from? or should i google it?


A while back there was an article about a man who eat his childs eyes out of his skull. It was sick.

He is complete!

greenapple2step: He is complete!

Why am I hearing that in James Earl Jones's voice?

FAIL

no TF Squirrel

Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: They said that Flood "pulled down his blue boxer shorts, exposed his penis to them and told them they better be glad they don't have 'these' (testicles) because they itch all the time."



That could have solved a lot of problems. I'm thinking he won't see the light of day for many years to come.

adios

It might have helped a little, but nothing soothes itchy balls better than a 100% organic squirrel skull on the peener.

Subby, I hate to point this out but most likely the article didn't mean to imply he was going down on himself and eating the squirrel's eyes but in all likelihood from the poor grammar of the article the article meant to say that he then asked the children to eat the squirrel's eyeballs.

The warrant application also stated that Flood had placed a squirrel's skull "on the head of his penis and tells them to look at it and then eats the squirrel's eyeballs."

In France they call that 'art'.

you'll love my nuts

Now wait a second...he definitely did some sick shiat, but how does any of that qualify as sodomy or as an attempt thereof?