What the offspring of Wolverine and a tree may look like:

Why is Michigan playing Stanford at this time of year?

And now my day is complete.

Which is worse: a dendrophiliac wolverine, or a zoophiliac tree? Think about it.

The chair is against the wall.

What I do with trees in the privacy of my woods is my business, bub...



/Hot like Jean Grey

A shy young man, inexperienced in the ways of women, comes and visits a whorehouse.

He stutters and stammers, leans on one foot and then the next, and the head Madam knows what he is after.

"Ever been with a woman before boy?" she asks.

He shyly shook his head no.

"Well then, I'll tell you what, way out back, beyond the creek, there is a tree back there with a big knot in it. Why don't you go back there and get your self some practice. When you think you are ready, come back here and I'll have one of the girls give you the special."

So the boy leaves.

A few months later, he returns. He is confident now, assured, his eyes darting from side to side, watching everything. The Madam sends him upstairs with one of her girls.

And in a few minutes, the most horrible screaming is heard all through the whorehouse. All the girls and the Madam burst into the room and see the young man jamming a broomstick into the poor whore sent to service him.

"What in the hell do you think you are doing boy!" the Madam shouts.

"I'm checking for bees first!" the boy replies.

The moral of this story, if there is one, is that I hope that the wolverine checked for bees first.

I bet it was one of those slutty aspen trees.

Serious Black: Which is worse: a dendrophiliac wolverine, or a zoophiliac tree? Think about it.

Both are extinct in california.... or so we thought.

This is how porcupines are formed.

The All-Powerful Atheismo: TREES!

Dammit. You beat me to it.

Noam Chimpsky: This is how porcupines are formed.

There.

Those things are nasty, nasty little critters. Years ago I voluntereed at a wolf preserve and we had the local sheriff bring in a wolverine. They found it in a cage in some redneck's barn. I'm told the first deputy basically went "Oh look at this little weasel thing. I'll just grab it and OOOH MY GOD, IT'S CLAWING MY FACE OFF."

They eventually tied it up and tossed it in the back of a cruiser. In the space of about a 25 minute drive it got through the ropes, the plastic door cover and was making a strong attempt to gnaw through the metal of the cruiser door and escape.

We kept it in on of the isolation runs for violent wolves for a few weeks until he could be transported out to Montana. Talk about nothing but muscle, pointy ends and anger management issues.

Don't call me sir, Shirley. Grrrr.

/I would like...

//to feed your feeengerteeeps...

///to de wolvereeenes.

(nothing is obscure on Fark.)

Would you, could you.... say 'he's giving it wood'?

That's not making love... that's just farking.

Does not the wind love the dirt? Just give it all you've got and do it in da butt!

Three cheers for Fark! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Tate Forcier?

What's with their only two explanations? How about, "It wandered into a truck or something and got a free cross-country trip"?

They don't even make eggheads like they used to.

I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

Ishkur: It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

The wiki entry is the third one on Google for "wolverine" ...

NSFW... different position.

"I wish we had the answers," said Amanda Shufelberger, a wildlife biologist for Sierra Pacific Industries, which has used a baited remote camera to photograph the animal several times over the past few weeks.


I call shenanigans.

There's no way a wolverine could find a tree still standing if Sierra Pacific is involved.

The same happened to me one time when I was drunk.

traylor: The same happened to me one time when I was drunk.

A wolverine tried to hump you?

/perfect caption

Ishkur: I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

and porn, lots and lots of porn.

Ishkur: It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

Google the word 'ocelot', and most of what you get will be images from Metal Gear Solid.

jaylectricity: What the offspring of Wolverine and a tree may look like:

Somebody call the SCP Foundation.

Idaho-to-California crossing requires a long slog through sagebrush-covered high-elevation desert, habitat unknown to wolverines.

I'm guessing it hid out in a truck from I-15 down to I-80 and got off in Reno/Tahoe. That would have taken it less than a day. Probably once the truck go going it was that long before the first stop or that's where the trucker slept. Of course there are some other attractions like the Mustang Ranch so that might have played a part.

Ishkur: It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

Try using Boolean searching. Google uses a hyphen before a NOT word.

wolverine AND weasel -Xmen -football

Kanemano: Ishkur: I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

and porn, lots and lots of porn.

What's this pop culture thing you keep speaking of?

Ishkur: It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

Chock full of FAIL!

The All-Powerful Atheismo: traylor: The same happened to me one time when I was drunk.

A wolverine tried to hump you?

Wolverines don't try to hump anything.

They just do it.

/Why do I suddenly hear a White Zombie song in my head right now?
//Wanna try me?

Wow. Even I've never been so desperate as to hump a tree and it's been quite while since I had any.

/that Wolverine is only about twenty miles from me. Did they give coordinates?

You know who else allegedly humped a tree?

Slick Johnson: Wow. Even I've never been so desperate as to hump a tree and it's been quite while since I had any.

/that Wolverine is only about twenty miles from me. Did they give coordinates?

You're gonna try and make time with the lonely wolverine?

Sick bastard.

Ishkur: It is really really hard to find genuine video and graphic information about wolverines on the internet.

A search for "wolverine" gives you pages of links about Logan/James Howlett/Patch/Weapon X/whatever he calls himself these days.

A search for "wolverines" gives you either Michigan State football or Red Dawn.

I hate the internet sometimes. Genuinely interesting information drowned out by pop culture bullshiat.

In all fairness, I assume that you are using Google, which uses popularity as one of the main criteria for prioritizing search results. Since the term "wolverine" or "wolverines" happens to be associated with incredibly successful comic books and movies, and also the Michigan football team, I would suggest adding something like "animal" to your search to refine your results. The use of quotes in your search may also be beneficial.

To give you a great example of this, try searching for something like, How many lemons should I obtain to host an ice tea party, and I guarantee the majority of you results will end up with you seeing a picture of two elderly men performing oral sex on each other.

WOLVERINE!!

/There's only one of them in CA, that's why he's so horny.

The Angry Hand of God: To give you a great example of this, try searching for something like, How many lemons should I obtain to host an ice tea party, and I guarantee the majority of you results will end up with you seeing a picture of two elderly men performing oral sex on each other.

That sounds one lemon short of a party.

jingks: The Angry Hand of God: To give you a great example of this, try searching for something like, How many lemons should I obtain to host an ice tea party, and I guarantee the majority of you results will end up with you seeing a picture of two elderly men performing oral sex on each other.

That sounds one lemon short of a party.

And won't he feel like a goat when he doesn't find what he's looking for!

The Angry Hand of God: To give you a great example of this, try searching for something like, How many lemons should I obtain to host an ice tea party any damn thing, and I guarantee the majority of you results will end up with you seeing a picture of two elderly men performing oral sex on each other.

All better

FTFA "he knows I'm coming before I'm close"

/giggity

Hey, That was my slutty aspen...

jaylectricity: What the offspring of Wolverine and a tree may look like: