You gotta love contextual ads. Evil babies drink Enfamil! Apparently...

I'm helpless
I'm flawless
I'm a machine
Give me

How is this not green yet? I thought Cracked paid for it's stupid lists to go green immediately...

wee: How is this not green yet? I thought Cracked paid for it's stupid lists to go green immediately...

Guess they had to wait for the check to clear.

I read through this earlier thinking of my daughter and checked off 5/6.

Killing your social life.

1. Being born.

Came early for Stewie, TF'ers did not dissapoint.

6. Poop
5. Pee
4. Poop and Pee together
3. Indeterminate poop and pee
2. Poop, pee, and projectile vomiting
1. Online stock trading

dagnabbit, work finally got around to blocking Cracked.

I'm not sure if it belongs in the "erotic" category though

Babies can also start crying in the next room while I'm about to bust a nut all over it's mommy. That is the evil incarnate.

Atomic Spunk: Babies can also start crying in the next room while I'm about to bust a nut all over it's mommy. That is the evil incarnate.

Next room?

Sticky Hands: dagnabbit, work finally got around to blocking Cracked.

I'm not sure if it belongs in the "erotic" category though

By me it's "Tasteless." (But apparently not "odorless.")

Overpopulation not on the list.

They left out puking in parents' mouths when they hold them over their heads.

hogging your wifes and or girlfriends now swollen breasts

Racist babies in MY vagina?

/its more likely than you think

1. Shoot pooh out of their diapers and up the back of their shirts until their bulbous heads stop it.

As a parent, you're torn between depression and fascination. "I just changed it." you say. And you're almost out of wipes.

Ah, long ago. Long ago.

Quasar: 6. Poop
5. Pee
4. Poop and Pee together
3. Indeterminate poop and pee
2. Poop, pee, and projectile vomiting
1. Online stock trading

You forgot to wedge "toxic gas emissions" into your list. My friend's nephew, as a baby, was infamous for being able to clear a room by simply farting. It was noxious, and I was absolutely sure it was his form of biological warfare/defense mechanism for when he was around new people.

bogart the wife's tats for indeterminate amount of time...

Coming out sideways...

rFarke: bogart the wife's tats for indeterminate amount of time...

for that they must suffer the gruelest fate of all, being made to eat babyfood

Sticky Hands: Atomic Spunk: Babies can also start crying in the next room while I'm about to bust a nut all over it's mommy. That is the evil incarnate.

Next room?

Move on please nothing to see here.

Took 'em this long to figure out #1? My friends kid will make damn sure you're looking right at him before he starts crying, and hits his head all the time, cuz he's a little attention whore.


Cute, though.

I have a 7-8 month old at home.

I enjoyed this list.

Did a baby write this article. CONJUGATE!

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

The list:

6. Lying
5. Prejudice
4. Defiance
3. Getting High
2. Stealing
1. Murder

I'm typing this with my 15 month old son next to me so I'm really getting... wait, what are you doing... hey, son, watch it..... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh.....

*THUMP*

I was so flustered I forgot to use a "?".

That's why whenever I find a misbehaving baby, I spike it like an NFL player in the endzone. Complete with silly dance afterwards

7. Refusing to say their ABCs

/That's a dunkin' right there.

Peter von Nostrand: The list:

6. Lying
5. Prejudice
4. Defiance
3. Getting High
2. Stealing
1. Murder

I'm typing this with my 15 month old son next to me so I'm really getting... wait, what are you doing... hey, son, watch it..... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh.....

*THUMP*

Why would you bother to type "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh"? Wouldn't you just say it?

Boy, there's nothing like a list about what adorable little attention whores infants are to make you follow even more closely to your birth control regimen!

Quasar: 6. Poop
5. Pee
4. Poop and Pee together
3. Indeterminate poop and pee
2. Poop, pee, and projectile vomiting
1. Online stock trading

poop in the bathtub... 1st time it happened to out little guy last night... awful

GIVE.... ME..... THE BINKY.....

NOW.

This article validates why I dislike children.

Donnchadha: Peter von Nostrand: The list:

6. Lying
5. Prejudice
4. Defiance
3. Getting High
2. Stealing
1. Murder

I'm typing this with my 15 month old son next to me so I'm really getting... wait, what are you doing... hey, son, watch it..... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh.....

*THUMP*

Why would you bother to type "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh"? Wouldn't you just say it?

perhaps he is dictating

Becoming teenagers.

Quark_Quasar: Took 'em this long to figure out #1? My friends kid will make damn sure you're looking right at him before he starts crying, and hits his head all the time, cuz he's a little attention whore.


Cute, though.

Or, according to #6, your friends kid may just be trying to get high when he bangs his head.

loonatic112358: rFarke: bogart the wife's tats for indeterminate amount of time...

for that they must suffer the gruelest fate of all, being made to eat babyfood

Ok, I do not know if changing out cruelest for gruelest was intentional or not, but that made my tea spew outta my nose.

TFA: When you were first born, your parents would put you into your crib and you fell asleep.

WHAT?

I think I detect a writer who never had any children.

40 watt range: Did a baby write this article. CONJUGATE!

I stopped reading what was an otherwise funny article because of all the grammatical and spelling mistakes. It's like when a hot guy has crazy back hair - you just can't get past certain things.

yakmans_dad: 1. Shoot pooh out of their diapers and up the back of their shirts until their bulbous heads stop it.

As a parent, you're torn between depression and fascination. "I just changed it." you say. And you're almost out of wipes.

Ah, long ago. Long ago.

2. shiatting in their bouncy seats so that it squeezes out through the top and bottom of the diaper, coats their back and legs, and shoots out onto the floor.

/most amazing shiat ever
//ah parenthood

Sticky Hands: Donnchadha: Peter von Nostrand: The list:

6. Lying
5. Prejudice
4. Defiance
3. Getting High
2. Stealing
1. Murder

I'm typing this with my 15 month old son next to me so I'm really getting... wait, what are you doing... hey, son, watch it..... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh.....

*THUMP*

Why would you bother to type "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaargh"? Wouldn't you just say it?

perhaps he is dictating

Do you think he could have meant 'Camaaaauuuuggghhhh'?

Sticky Hands: dagnabbit, work finally got around to blocking Cracked.

I'm not sure if it belongs in the "erotic" category though

Cracked is blocked for me too -- what I find most curious is that 4chan is not...

yakmans_dad: 1. Shoot pooh out of their diapers and up the back of their shirts until their bulbous heads stop it.

As a parent, you're torn between depression and fascination. "I just changed it." you say. And you're almost out of wipes.

Ah, long ago. Long ago.

I just had a flashback.

My son used to do the head banging thing and it freaked me the fark out. I was scared he was going to be retarded or something. And what was extra creepy was the way he would laugh after he did it.

Now I know the little guy was just getting his buzz on.

Random Guy: Ok, I do not know if changing out cruelest for gruelest was intentional or not, but that made my tea spew outta my nose.

sorry, but it was all pun in jest