Guy on left: "Now listen closely and watch, here's the incriminating part..."

See, you can't even tell by the pixels that I Shopped my junk?

See I told you that you can't order Winn-Dixie grocery bags online.

"... and that's how you tweet."
"Tweet? But I didn't hear anything."

"See how much skill your Daughter has? Man, I wish I was that cucumber!"

"This is how bad that tie looks with a striped shirt."

"Two girls and one whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?????"

"Here's that 'one guy one jar' video the kids are talking about"

"Hmmm. A Jessica Alba thread."

"Hmmph...my headline was better."

That's not you! That's Greg Oden.

See, I told you they unblocked 4chan.

Good Lord, how could a picture called "hello.jpg" be that bad?!??

Just ignore that part, I know I've seen that ring somewhere in this room before....

...and here's the part where he says,"no more earmarks."

Sorry Sir, they redlighted you again on fark.

What the hell does "U CAN HAZ BIGG EERZ, LOL" mean?

He's a very angry man and I think he says: stick it in the pooper !

"...and if you get to the next level you get bonus points!"

"...nnngh...ghgh...*snort*. Whaa... bonus? Bonus? Gimme that thing..."

"No way do I believe those are real. She's obviously had some silicone work."

"So, how would you caption this Fark photo, George?"

"And Senator, they have thousands of other cute cats with funny sayings"

"Rhinophyma is a descriptive term for a large, bulbous, ruddy appearance of the nose caused by granulomatous infiltration, commonly due to untreated rosacea. Alcoholism is mistakenly attributed as one of the reasons for this disease...

See your good, oh wait, ...heavy alcohol consumption aggravates the condition and consequently it is suffered by many alcoholics."

"MmmmHmmm, now tell me what it says about jowls and turkey neck."

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are my ears really that big? Oh my.

"See sir, typing google in to Google didn't break the internet"

I'd hit it.

"I just checked my facebook account, some kid's parents are out of town and he's having a party!"

"Aw hell dog, I hear you. Let's go piss out some windows!"

I finally got that footage from Drew's birthday party the other night. What do you think this one titled "Sights and Sounds from the UFIA Contest" could possibly be...

Forget the polls. If you really want to know what people think of you, Google your name and the term 'Rule 34' with Safe Search turned off...like this, see? You're shown in six out of nine images as being the 'top' - this is a good thing.

"you see, this is why we NEED 4chan, imagine if these delinquents were actually unleashed upon society. we're talking code red here sir. plus i mean, oh my god, hang on, this is the part where she takes the 10 pack of hotdogs and..."

Red Leader the Senator touched his ear. I repeat the signal has been made. Release the hounds!

What do you mean turn it up? Nobody LISTENS to midget porn.

If only...

As far as lean-ins go this one sux

"I don't think he ever gets back his bukkit"

"Look! I told you someone drew a dick on the back of your ear!"

Be vewy, vewy quiet. We aw voting on wegistwation for the countwy

No, seriously. The monkey eats his own poop!

And THIS Senator, is why you are going to vote Yes on healthcare.

"Fine, here's 'Meatspin' but don't expect me to do that in your office later today"

See? The reason they're still grilling you is because the checks haven't cleared yet.

That's your wife on travel? She a goer eh? Know what ah mean, know what ah mean? Say no more, wink wink, he said knowingly.

"I've never seen it shaven in that particular pattern before...What does that say?"

It says..."Granny's having jowls for supper tonight"..

Guy on left: "A-sphincter says what!"

Old guy: "What?"

Imagine how much more I'd be able to hear if I cupped the right ear!

Guy on left: "Apparently all our base belong to this guy"

Old Guy: "WHAT YOU SAY?!?!?"

She says she wants us both and we are to bring condoms and wine coolers...