Meh, the puns are a little too well done today. They're leaving me scrambled.

interesting that this guy wins Frances's highest literary award, AND the bad Sex prize for the same novel.

Myself, I think Nick Cave's entry was a pretty close second.

His sunny side wasn't up? Turn him over easy.

Third In Line: His sunny side wasn't up? Turn him over easy.

That's a rotten yolk.

The man later apologized for attempting to force his way into her not-so-sunny side, saying "the deviled made me do it!"

This is what happens when an author has a free range of imagination.

discospinster: Third In Line: His sunny side wasn't up? Turn him over easy.

That's a rotten yolk.

Women are never going to want to have sex with him again, he really screwed the poach...

Not sure if I can fap to that description. Even with the help of this handy-dandy flowchart. (new window)

Not sure if I can fap to that... Even with the help of this handy-dandy flowchart. (new window)

EZ Writer: Not sure if I can fap to that description. Even with the help of this handy-dandy flowchart. (new window)

LOL

I thought for sure you'd be making eggs benedict arnold.

In all fairness, good sex does drain the head.

he's benedict his entire life.

I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

Der Vassermeister



This is your brain on drugs

Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

I've had enoeuf of this tomfoolery.

/french fail

Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

That turns into nature's rusted nail, requiring a shower.

tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Oh good grief
Messican, dude, Messican.
Once you've had brown, you never frown.


never mind

Brandi Svenning: Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
Gil Hicks: Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done you're not the same as before. You're changed.

sboyle1020: Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

That turns into nature's rusted nail, requiring a shower.

It requires no more showering than normal unless you're particular about the pigment of your post-coital crust.

Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

That turns into nature's rusted nail, requiring a shower.

It requires no more showering than normal unless you're particular about the pigment of your post-coital crust.

somehow this post is funnier in light of your username.

Frankly I think the guy nailed it. Mind-blowing orgasm and all that.

What do I know, I'm but a simple apeman.

Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

That turns into nature's rusted nail, requiring a shower.

It requires no more showering than normal unless you're particular about the pigment of your post-coital crust.


...and on that note, I am officially NOT having Manhattan style clam chowder with my lunch today.

/and I was really looking forward to it, too...it's a miserable cold wet day outside
//God knows what puns I just invited on myself

meh, there's the germ of a pun there, but I can't get ova how forced it was.

whistleridge: Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: Wendy's Chili: sboyle1020: tedbundee: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

So you only have period sex or something?

Well thanks for turning this thread from punny to flat out gross.

Nothing wrong with nature's lube.

That turns into nature's rusted nail, requiring a shower.

It requires no more showering than normal unless you're particular about the pigment of your post-coital crust.


...and on that note, I am officially NOT having Manhattan style clam chowder with my lunch today.

/and I was really looking forward to it, too...it's a miserable cold wet day outside
//God knows what puns I just invited on myself

*giggle*

brap: Frankly I think the guy nailed it. Mind-blowing orgasm and all that.

What do I know, I'm but a simple apeman.

I was with him up to the spoon part, then I was like "What?"
I liked the soft boiled egg analogy though. Emptying of the brain.

Also, breasts are like a bag of sand.

Jakevol2: Also, breasts are like a bag of sand.

Beat me to it.

Kudos Sir.

So sex felt like God having breakfast?

My favorite bad sexual description: "A venom cock, they're called. I'd heard the words grunted respectfully among pottery clan man. I'd also heard the words mentioned by women wearing a carefully blank expresssion cultivated to hide opinion. Understand, women do not rever the venom cock as men do. They see it for what it is: an uncontrolable reaction to an impending event, and a slightly foolish reaction at that."

I... first became aware of it during the physical act of love. A profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred. Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, But I do deny them my essence.

Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

There's a taco joke to be made here, somewhere.

Scoop84: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

There's a taco joke to be made here, somewhere.

Go ahead, I can handle it

Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

Very well, then. What's your position on sausage? Bacon?

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Third In Line: I would describe sex quite differently. For one thing, I like salsa with my eggs!

Very well, then. What's your position on sausage? Bacon?

*chortle*
oh and *chirizo*

Link (new window)

Here is the list of all the finalists, with longer excerpts from each one. Some truly lolworthy writing. This one might be my favorite:

"Then, Bobby starts scrabbling frantically across the carpet for Mr Condom, sending five or six multicolour Durexes flying through the air, and he struggles getting the packet open and Georgie has to roll Mr Condom down Mr Penis for him and she has to help insert him into Mrs Vagina."

Magorn: interesting that this guy wins Frances's highest literary award, AND the bad Sex prize for the same novel.

Myself, I think Nick Cave's entry was a pretty close second.

"He puts his hands under her knees and manoeuvres her carefully so that her bottom rests on the edge of the settee. He slips his fingers underneath the worn elastic of her panties that are strung across the points of her hips, slips them to her ankles and softly draws apart her knees and feels again a watery ardour in his eyes as he negotiates a button and a zipper. It is exactly as he imagined it - the hair, the lips, the hole - and he slips his hands under her wasted buttocks and enters her like a farking pile driver."

i lol'd

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."
The 2005 Bulwer-Lytton winner has always been my favorite.

lol, bookmarked.

Drizzit: Magorn: interesting that this guy wins Frances's highest literary award, AND the bad Sex prize for the same novel.

Myself, I think Nick Cave's entry was a pretty close second.

"He puts his hands under her knees and manoeuvres her carefully so that her bottom rests on the edge of the settee. He slips his fingers underneath the worn elastic of her panties that are strung across the points of her hips, slips them to her ankles and softly draws apart her knees and feels again a watery ardour in his eyes as he negotiates a button and a zipper. It is exactly as he imagined it - the hair, the lips, the hole - and he slips his hands under her wasted buttocks and enters her like a farking pile driver."

i lol'd

Farking amazing. I am now certain that is not a book I would want to read lol...

Sue Dunham: "As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."
The 2005 Bulwer-Lytton winner has always been my favorite.

Finish your coffee... then GET OUT!
/obscure

"Randy's toe knuckles pop audibly. He lifts himself and Amy into the air, experiences some kind of synaesthetic hallucination very much like the famous 'jump into hyperspace' scene from Star Wars. Or perhaps the air bag has accidentally detonated? Then he pumps something like an Imperial pint of semen - it's a seemingly open ended stream of ejaculations, each coupled to the next by nothing more than a leap of faith that another one is coming - and in the end, like all schemes built on faith and hope, it lapses, and then Randy sits utterly still until his body realizes it has not drawn breath in quite a while."

/my all-time fave, Cryptonomicon
//seriously? Imperial pint?
///and there were no showers nearby at that point in the book. Ick.

The author - note how he can't keep his hand off it even for a photoshoot. Not sure what that is in his other hand, or what he is about to do to his ear with it, but it may involve eggs