As I think I've already demonstrated once with shoes, anything can sound sexay if you say it right.

He lifted the cracker to his mouth. He flicked his tongue across its surface, the moist tip seeking out each crevice, each hole, each line and point. The salty essence spread across his tongue, warming his body. Mmmmm, he sighed. He lowered his teeth onto its firmness. A moment's resistance, and then the soft crunch, an explosion in his mouth. He masticated, content.
*
She tapped the pen against her cheek. It was a thick pen, heavy around the middle, bulbous. Her tongue twirled once around its tip as she perused her grocery list. What was she forgetting? Without thinking, she clicked the pen's button, was suddenly startled by the hard point pressing into her mouth. Oh my, she said. She wondered if there would be a stain.
*
The turn lay up ahead. Her gloved hands slid over the steering wheel, guiding it, urging it with something close to tenderness in the direction she wanted to go. With her right hand, she cupped the knobbed gearshift and thrust it forward, to third. Felt new energy surge through the car, up her seat and into her tense body. So long, she'd been driving. So long.
*
He moaned as she took his manhood deep inside her, and

Oh, sorry. Got distracted on that last one.

Fark is not your personal erotica site.

I put on my wizard hat.

See that hole down there on Pa? Wartch me burn it up...

gorgor: Then she says, "Get off me dad, yer crushin mah smokes!!"

LMFAO

"Bunny lies on his back on the sofa. He is naked and his clothes sit in sad, little heaps on the living room floor"

All right who'se been peaking in my window?

/fap

It rubbs the lotion on it's skin. It does this whenever its told.

"I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily."

/oblig.
//not too hard to write about with the right motivation

He was out of graph paper, and his calc homework was past due, but what could he do about it with her supple moaning thighs strangling him like that?

/all right, I tried

"You Touch My Tra-la-la"?

Their mad, passionate kisses broke for a moment. They needed to get away. The primal urges, the wanton lust, was driving them onward, and they just needed a moment's privacy. He leaned in toward her, nodded his head off to the side, and uttered the magical words that would soon give them the privacy needed for their mutual ecstasy: "Get in the truck, biatch."

I frequently wear a totem mask on my genitals, so I got a kick out of TFA.

They all play night elves.

My wife asked me to talk dirty to her. So I told her to fark off.

it puts the lotion on its skin...

\no?

/left out thrust, manspear

Simulacrum of swoon?

Let me try:

two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun

/wow... I made special sauce just typing that.

Pocket Ninja

you farking win. as usual. you magnificent bastard.

AbbeySomeone: "I frequently wear a totem mask on my genitals, so I got a kick out of TFA."

And here I thought I was the only one!

I can't fap to this.

He slammed his hulking man stick into her quivering giggle hole.

No,

He slipped his salami of love into her gaping pleasure box.

No, damnit.

He eased his sweaty throb nobbin into her waiting junk tunnel.

DAMNIT,

He drove his pulsing tickle tool deep into her slippery beef bucket.

Sigh,

They porked and then later watched TV.


/Parking the Beef Bus in Tuna Town.

maxximillian: "You Touch My Tra-la-la"?

My ding ding dong...

Everyone else's sexual experiences but those of me and my beloved are icky and irrelevant.

/That means all of you.
//Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding

Engorged.

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Dirty talk makes me laugh.

unchellmatt: AbbeySomeone: "I frequently wear a totem mask on my genitals, so I got a kick out of TFA."

And here I thought I was the only one!

redundant (nsfwish)

/ham wallet

Catsmeow: He was out of graph paper, and his calc homework was past due, but what could he do about it with her supple moaning thighs strangling him like that?

/all right, I tried

"Moaning thighs"? Your ladies have some distinctly different physiology than I'm familiar with, apparently.

/just fark each other and be done with it

First you puts your hands on his chest
and let them rest
Now lean in and spoon
give a simulacrum of a swoon
Make a mewling sound
and swing your girl around.
Thats right!
Now you're doin' the Desperately Awkward Latestage Desperate for another Dance Sensation Chubby Checker,
now whip it out and wreck her.

Tachikoma: Engorged.

Had me think that read as "Engorgor"

Penis 8===) Vagina repeatedly.

I stuck my whizzer-jizzer up into her baby chute.

I've got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this Link (dirty version)

Didn't this win an award a while back:

"Jennifer sat there quietly ovulating...."

Pocket Ninja: As I think I've already demonstrated once with shoes, anything can sound sexay if you say it right.

He lifted the cracker to his mouth. He flicked his tongue across its surface, the moist tip seeking out each crevice, each hole, each line and point. The salty essence spread across his tongue, warming his body. Mmmmm, he sighed. He lowered his teeth onto its firmness. A moment's resistance, and then the soft crunch, an explosion in his mouth. He masticated, content.
*
She tapped the pen against her cheek. It was a thick pen, heavy around the middle, bulbous. Her tongue twirled once around its tip as she perused her grocery list. What was she forgetting? Without thinking, she clicked the pen's button, was suddenly startled by the hard point pressing into her mouth. Oh my, she said. She wondered if there would be a stain.
*
The turn lay up ahead. Her gloved hands slid over the steering wheel, guiding it, urging it with something close to tenderness in the direction she wanted to go. With her right hand, she cupped the knobbed gearshift and thrust it forward, to third. Felt new energy surge through the car, up her seat and into her tense body. So long, she'd been driving. So long.
*
He moaned as she took his manhood deep inside her, and

Oh, sorry. Got distracted on that last one.

If I had the proper plumbing, I would offer to bear your children.

illicit
I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Damn you.
\attacks the darkness with magic missile

"The night was sultry."

The male inserted his genitalia into the genitalia of the female, thus commencing coitus.

gorgor: greighwolf: Tachikoma: Engorged.

Had me think that read as "Engorgor"

Ewwwwwww



He engorgored me!

What sexy lyrics might look like:

ding ding donga dong dong ding dong
dingy dingy son of a gun
half my time i tell you baby
never am I all for sure
why why why why why baby
sicky sicky from within
everytime I stick my finger on in ya
you're a wild wild little town biatch
now how 'bout ding a dang dong dong dong ling long
dingy a dingy dong a down

I'm going to go home and hit my wife with the mayonnaise truck.

Bunny lies on his back on the sofa. He is naked and his clothes sit in sad, little heaps on the living room floor

What's wrong with that? It tells us in simple terms the action and then gives us subtext through a nice metonymy.

It always seems a little odd to me how often overcooked sex scenes turn up in books unnecessarily. My guess is that forcing such a scene into a story probably screws up the authors natural storytelling rhythm.

In most cases they should just keep it suggestive or leave them out entirely; they aren't writing a blockbuster screenplay.

Pocket Ninja lightly brushed the keyboard with the tips of his fingers. What he was about to do wasn't new to him. He'd done this countless times before, and yet... each time was special. He carefully examined the space that his comment would fill. The headline and article had left a perfect slit for his wit to take up, but the fit would be tight. He would have to proceed slowly, and build up.

Gently, Pocket Ninja built up his premise. Word by word, letter by smooth silky letter, he poured himself out into the comment box. A brush of non-chalant observation here, a stroke of storytelling there, and it was almost ready. It was so close. Grabbing the keyboard firmly and decisively now, he pushed in his signature comedic twist. Then held it, one final beautiful second, before hitting Add Comment and allowing his essence to explode into the virginal thread.

Thread 4808407 would see many other comments, but she would never forget her first. Even as others dropped by, they could still see and feel the aftershocks of PockecNinja's entry. Regardless of what they'd give it now, the thread looked forever content with what PocketNinja had left inside of it. The others did not even mind taking seconds, for there was nothing sloppy about what came first. With respect and admiration, they merely filled up the rest with what they could.

animalmagnet: I put on my wizard hat.

Came here for this.

/link (new window)

We live in a duplex. The damned neighbor kids were tear-assing around, being noisy as all hell again. I figured it was time we let their parents know just how thin the walls are.

I join my wife in the shower, told her to bend over, and stuck it in her soapy ass.

So, am I alone in wanting to see what Salman Rushdie wrote? I mean, the dude WAS married to Padma Lakshmi, so he's got some taste, though, he seems to have veered more towards an interest in Eric Carle's The Hungry Caterpillar..