Cape Cod hazmat trifecta in play. What really amuses me is, the two stories have consecutive Fark article IDs and consecutive newspaper article IDs (and were not submitted by the same person).

"The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house," Eldridge said.

I guess Texas had better start tattooing their disabled minorities then WRONG WRONG SO WRONG

/I'm sorry

Won't someone PLEASE think about Charles Darwin? The year is coming to an end!

Guy finds large U.S. Navy flare on the beach and brings it home. Doesn't notice the "Do Not Handle" stamped on it. Hilarity ensures as bomb squad called in

I don't find this hilarious at all.

I don't really like talking about my flare.

Sybarite: I don't really like talking about my flare.

Don't you want to express yourself?!

"Ever tried to stomp out a flare?"

I once did that to a Ric Flair; when they detonated it it just went WOOOOO

Babwa Wawa: Guy finds large U.S. Navy flare on the beach and brings it home. Doesn't notice the "Do Not Handle" stamped on it. Hilarity ensures as bomb squad called in

I don't find this hilarious at all.

To your health.

"The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house," Eldridge said.

That's some good advice there Lou

Bob Newhart, unavailable for comment.

It's unthinkable that a person could do this is the post 9-11 age.

/In before the roundheads.

Sybarite: I don't really like talking about my flare.

heh

Two feet by four inches diameter? That flare gets me hot.

old_toole: "The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house," Eldridge said.

That's some good advice there Lou

I donno. Everything turned out all right. People got to blow things up.

"The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house," Eldridge said.

Then shouldn't it also say "Do not put a rope on this and drag it"?

When I was a kid, I found a rail road flare and set it off. I then panicked and threw it in the lake. It kept burning so I ran home and waited for news that the lake had caught fire. I really practiced my "Oh really?" look.

This was after lake Erie had caught fire so I figured all lakes were somehow combustible.

You only have 1 piece of flare, that is clearly not enough.

I've found several of these. Although they're covered with all sorts of scary markings, they're EXPENDED, which is why they wash up on a beach. There's nothing left but the casing, as you can tell at a glance.

US NAVY!

jjorsett: I've found several of these. Although they're covered with all sorts of scary markings, they're EXPENDED, which is why they wash up on a beach. There's nothing left but the casing, as you can tell at a glance.

sounded like this one failed to ignite.

The Envoy: Sybarite: I don't really like talking about my flare.

Don't you want to express yourself?!


You obviously didn't get the memo.

Harry Freakstorm:This was after lake Erie had caught fire so I figured all lakes were somehow combustible.

Just as long as you didn't throw it in the river.

Donut handle?
I think a donut handle would be a good idea; I hate getting powdered sugar & glaze all over my hands.

carmi990: US NAVY!

Oh look! The best transportation service any Marine could hope for.

You know, the Nazis made the Jews wear pieces of flares.

I like her Navy flair:




/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

Hot with or without flair:


/hot like Jennifer Aniston

EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

As opposed to legs that wither to atrophied stumps and hover a few feet off the ground thanks to a mutant telekinetic power providing locomotive levitation?

Those flares have 10 ft diameter parachutes. They're useful.

"The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house make sure the Navy picks up after itself and doesn't leave really dangerous crap on the beach," Eldridge should have said.

Shouldn't be that difficult. Like a nurse counting sponges, I'm sure it'll get screwed up every once in a while.

/kill joy
//resume making fun of rope guy
///and people who use slashies

I actually found one of those washed up on Sea Island. The one I found was about a foot long and looked like a mini torpedo. I saw what looked like CCCP printed on the ass end of it and immediately thought Sonobuoy (I was 12 and Clancy was huge at the time, cut me some slack). I took it home and the nose of it had a small tube with sand packed in it. Naturally I poked the sand out with a stick and a stream of flaky magma started spewing out and melting a hole in the rubberized toe of my Chucks and left a char mark and melted rubber on our driveway. Pretty dangerous stuff, nearly as powerful as homemade Thermite out of old bike frames (go Magnesium alloys) after bonging around the sea floor for who knows how long. Just like the article says all it takes is exposure to air. I kept it just because I always liked military junk. It was much better tan the toilet tank I found with my metal detector :(

Seems like blowing things up on Cape Cod gets earlier every year.

EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

That is a staggeringly beautiful pair of legs. I will now be unable to work for the rest of the day. It's one of life's little ironies that I'm short yet I love tall women. On the plus side, I'm so short that plenty of women are tall in relation to me.

StaleCoffee: EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

As opposed to legs that wither to atrophied stumps and hover a few feet off the ground thanks to a mutant telekinetic power providing locomotive levitation?


Yes... I don't think I can fap to that.

when a sign says "do not feed the bears," man, you better not feed the bears.

Kazan: jjorsett: I've found several of these. Although they're covered with all sorts of scary markings, they're EXPENDED, which is why they wash up on a beach. There's nothing left but the casing, as you can tell at a glance.

sounded like this one failed to ignite.

Sounds like a MK58. These can burn out but leave some unburned residue on the inside surfaces. If you bang the cannister around, you can dislodge this residue which can then ignite.

Blowing the thing up is a bit over the top as a means of disposal, though.

EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

As opposed to....the ceiling?

StaleCoffee: EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

As opposed to legs that wither to atrophied stumps and hover a few feet off the ground thanks to a mutant telekinetic power providing locomotive levitation?


Yes, thank you Ted, that was the joke.

Quaker: StaleCoffee: EZ Writer: I like her Navy flair:

/I'm a sucker for legs that go all the way to the floor...

As opposed to legs that wither to atrophied stumps and hover a few feet off the ground thanks to a mutant telekinetic power providing locomotive levitation?


Yes, thank you Ted, that was the joke.

Pancakes.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ensues

There ya go subby!

Harry Freakstorm: This was after lake Erie had caught fire so I figured all lakes were somehow combustible.

Hey, Lake Erie itself didn't catch fire. It was a small oil slick burning on the Cuyahoga. We even have a local beer named after it. (Burning River Ale FTW) http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2009/01/after_the_flames_the_story_beh.html

/back in those days, almost any small river/canal with boat traffic or "industry" nearby would burn...
//lack of EPA regulations etc
///research, you fail it

"The lesson to the public is when it's marked 'Do Not Handle,' don't put a rope on it and drag it to your house," Eldridge said.

It was 2 feet long, why would he transport it that way?

gorgor: APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/yfh8ear
(copy and paste)

You never disappoint.

has anyone pointed out that subtard added an extra "R"?

I just read the lede and final sentence of that sotry aloud to my some coworkers. They're still laughing.

/can this be a "bash FLYNAVY" thread?

mr pity: /can this be a "bash FLYNAVY" thread?

That's exactly what I was thinking when I came to the thread! That still gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. What a total idiot that bloke was.

PYROY: It was 2 feet long, why would he transport it that way?

Well it was clear from the markings that he ought not use his hands...

If the instructions were on the handle, he was planning to exhibit the flare at a surrealist art show.

C'ceci n'est pas un handle.

What Navy flares flairs might look like.Hi sailor!