Ooooh, a thread whining about Twilight. We haven't had one of those yet... today.

Subby is just jealous that he didn't think of Twilight first.

Kevin Smith said it best -"How dare you pass judgment on those 12-year-old girls who like vampires! They need to be encouraged because in six years they'll be 18-year-old girls who like vampires and are into all sorts of goth-permissive (sex) and whatnot. Don't poo-poo it. There's a plan, and it's working."

I can't wait to see how they handle the birth scene in Breaking Dawn

Chariset: I can't wait to see how they handle the birth scene in Breaking Dawn

There's a birth in Twilight, I thought nobody had sex since it was all Mormony?

mitchcumstein1: Chariset: I can't wait to see how they handle the birth scene in Breaking Dawn

There's a birth in Twilight, I thought nobody had sex since it was all Mormony?

The whole thing's just one big abortion.

mitchcumstein1: Chariset: I can't wait to see how they handle the birth scene in Breaking Dawn

There's a birth in Twilight, I thought nobody had sex since it was all Mormony?

from Link (new window)
warning: Tolstoy but damn good one on why it should be made.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fark his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fark out, leaving her badly bruised.

Let's go over that again: Edward farks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.

Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while farking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!

The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shiatty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.

Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron.

In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his farking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.

Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she's about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman's terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.

I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.

The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fark the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.

scruffy1: mitchcumstein1: Chariset: I can't wait to see how they handle the birth scene in Breaking Dawn

There's a birth in Twilight, I thought nobody had sex since it was all Mormony?

from Link (new window)
warning: Tolstoy but damn good one on why it should be made.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fark his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fark out, leaving her badly bruised.

Let's go over that again: Edward farks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.

Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while farking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!

The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shiatty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.

Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron.

In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his farking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.

Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she's about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman's terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.

I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.

The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fark the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.

That sounds....interesting.

SilentStrider: Ooooh, a thread whining about Twilight. We haven't had one of those yet... today

In the last hour, you mean.

He went to Jared!

/ripped off from Genevieve Marie

Don't like it, don't watch it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

I don't really care one way or another about Twilight. Sure, it's very pervasive right now - almost to the point of intrusive. But the pervasiveness is nowhere near as bad as Titanic.

SchlingFocker: Don't like it, don't watch it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

FishyFred: It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

As do 95% of the movies and shows about relationships have in the past.

No biggie.

There is only ONE clan of vampires in the universe:



All others are inferior copies.

FishyFred: SchlingFocker: Don't like it, don't watch it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

Also, that Twilight shiat is EVERYWHERE. I can't even go to the grocery store without seeing Twilight merchandise. It's really getting out of hand when you can't avoid it without becoming a hermit with no TV or internet.

SchlingFocker: FishyFred: It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

As do 95% of the movies and shows about relationships have in the past.

No biggie.

Yeah, but I don't think those movies and shows promote borderline abusive relationships like Twilight does. If it was geared toward adults, I wouldn't care, but this shiat is geared toward preteen girls. If they believe this is how relationships are supposed to be, it's going to lead them down a very bad road.

CraicBaby: If they believe this is how relationships are supposed to be, it's going to lead them down a very bad road.

Yup, much better to believe that relationships are going to be whirlwind romances where the guy jetsets around the world taking the girl out to exotic locales on a whim.

Mainstream media has always marketed unrealistic and unhealthy portrayals of relationships. Nothing new here.

SchlingFocker: Yup, much better to believe that relationships are going to be whirlwind romances where the guy jetsets around the world taking the girl out to exotic locales on a whim.

YOu mean like happens in the books???

Weaver95: There is only ONE clan of vampires in the universe:



All others are inferior copies.

Fark you, witch

I tried my best, guys. My husband & I went to the movies last Thursday to see Where the Wild Things Are. It got out at 10pm and there were TONS of giggling little girls & their mothers all camped out in the lobby. I grabbed a clipboard of a nearby counter, went to the front of the line, and told them I was the general manager of the theatre and apologized profusely that we had not received our copy of New Moon and would have to cancel the midnight showing.

There was initial skepticism, so I told them that we would be honoring their tickets tomorrow on a first-come, first-serve basis, as long as they got them stamped at the ticket window within the next half-hour.

I tossed the clipboard back onto the counter & high-tailed it out the door during the ensuing chaos.

brigid_fitch: I tried my best, guys. My husband & I went to the movies last Thursday to see Where the Wild Things Are. It got out at 10pm and there were TONS of giggling little girls & their mothers all camped out in the lobby. I grabbed a clipboard of a nearby counter, went to the front of the line, and told them I was the general manager of the theatre and apologized profusely that we had not received our copy of New Moon and would have to cancel the midnight showing.

There was initial skepticism, so I told them that we would be honoring their tickets tomorrow on a first-come, first-serve basis, as long as they got them stamped at the ticket window within the next half-hour.

I tossed the clipboard back onto the counter & high-tailed it out the door during the ensuing chaos.

You, ma'am, are my hero!

brigid_fitch: I tried my best, guys.

I pray this is true. Pranks of this nature, telling a line full of people waiting at midnight for a copy of Harry Potter, etc ... they are what makes my world turn. Yes, yes they do.

brigid_fitch: Fark you, witch

Poseur.

don't blame me, I saw Fantastic Mr. Fox.


/meh on Bullock's obvious Oscar grab.

I just realized that I have read more about this series on Fark than anywhere else. Other than seeing the occasional Burger King cup, I don't think I encounter very much Twilight stuff during an average day.

After that plot synopsis of Breaking Dawn I'd love to see it get made. And then love to see the various Twi-moms defending their decisions to let their tween daughters see it.

FeedTheCollapse: don't blame me, I saw Fantastic Mr. Fox.

How was that? I've heard good reviews.

CraicBaby: Also, that Twilight shiat is EVERYWHERE. I can't even go to the grocery store without seeing Twilight merchandise. It's really getting out of hand when you can't avoid it without becoming a hermit with no TV or internet.

Keep in mind, back when I was a kid, it was all Super Mario stuff. Cereal, clothes, bed sheets... everything was Mario. And, as a Nintendo-owning Mario-playing kid, I ate it up.

Never saw Twilight, don't care to, but if you have that big of a beef with something you've never ever seen that you can't stop talking about it, remember that every 5 or 10 years pop culture spews out another fad that will be gone and done with in 2 or 3.

Stop stressing about it already.

scruffy1: from Link (new window)
warning: Tolstoy but damn good one on why it should be made.

honestly, I would probably see this movie. If they included all that beyond farked-up shiat, I would probably even be willing to stand in line and pay for a ticket.

CraicBaby: SchlingFocker: FishyFred: It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

As do 95% of the movies and shows about relationships have in the past.

No biggie.

Yeah, but I don't think those movies and shows promote borderline abusive relationships like Twilight does. If it was geared toward adults, I wouldn't care, but this shiat is geared toward preteen girls. If they believe this is how relationships are supposed to be, it's going to lead them down a very bad road.

Please. We were raised on Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Madonna and Porkeys. I would say these were much more pathetic and questionable themes for women than Twilight, which is a vampire FANTASY. shiat, The Little Girl Who Lived Down the Lane was farked up.

This is hardly farked up.

theorellior: FeedTheCollapse: don't blame me, I saw Fantastic Mr. Fox.

How was that? I've heard good reviews.

it was funny. If the name Wes Anderson doesn't immediately turn you off, you'll probably enjoy it.

FishyFred: SchlingFocker: Don't like it, don't watch it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

I keep seeing feminists pull that out of their ass -- but as I said to one somewhere else, "if you're dating a farking vampire, you're already screwed."

I mean, it's like saying Star Wars promotes incest because Luke and Leia kissed. It's a fantasy, get over the self-important over-analysis.

/I hate that feminists have forced me to defend Twilight of all things.

SchlingFocker: FishyFred: It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

As do 95% of the movies and shows about relationships have in the past.

No biggie.

No, this is worser than 95% of other movies about relationships.

scruffy1:



And I'm stealing this:

Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!

mabelkitty: Please. We were raised on Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Madonna and Porkeys. I would say these were much more pathetic and questionable themes for women than Twilight, which is a vampire FANTASY. shiat, The Little Girl Who Lived Down the Lane was farked up.

Revenge of the Nerds is my favorite from that era -- it has actual date rape in it. But the chick is cool with it because apparently, nerds are good in bed.

Clearly this is what happens when you let the masses decide what they like. The common folk are sheep and need to have their tastes regulated for the common good.

serpent_sky: Revenge of the Nerds is my favorite from that era -- it has actual date rape in it. But the chick is cool with it because apparently, nerds are good in bed.

Quinten Tarintino needs to do a remake of Revenge of the Nerds.

Weaver95: Quinten Tarintino needs to do a remake of Revenge of the Nerds.

I think I laughed and threw up in my mouth a little. It was unpleasant.

Weaver95: serpent_sky: Revenge of the Nerds is my favorite from that era -- it has actual date rape in it. But the chick is cool with it because apparently, nerds are good in bed.

Quinten Tarintino needs to do a remake of Revenge of the Nerds.

That does sound awesome. I woul love to see his take on Booger.

Twilight SUCKS!!!

/obligatory

I saw Ninja Assassin


\will spoil breaking dawn for the dumbass teenage girls
\\you're all farking idiots for giving a horrible author a crap load of money
\\\ninja assassin 3.5 out of five
\\\\slashies

Not my fault - I saw 'The Road'. Nice feature of seeing such a bleak, limited-CGI, anti-blockbuster movie is that it doesn't appeal to texting teenagers and fat retards who need to eat and loudly whisper during the whole movie. First time I've been in a theater since Return of the King, and I was thankful to be surrounded by considerate adults.

/bleak-ass movie though
//woman 2 seats over was a sobbing mess by the end
///BLEAK

FishyFred: SchlingFocker: Don't like it, don't watch it.

Seems pretty simple to me.

It promotes terrible ideas about relationships. Go read the SkepChick blog posts about it.

Oh, FARK that! Like I'm gonna read some chicks Blog about a movie and what it stands for.
If you're a good parent, your kid will just watch the movie, read the book and get a little excited about what one of the actors looks like.
Maybe some posters. Some photos for her locker and a T-shirt or two.
Who farking cares? And ya, I'm looking at you, whiney-Subby.
It's no different than the Beatles or having a Lynda Carter poster on my wall and freaking out if I missed an A-Team episode.
Let the kids have their fun and be their when they ask, do real vampires sparkle?
Then say..

"THEY'RE AREN'T REAL VAMPIRES! Sparkle, wear gay clothing or party all night. There's no such thing so it doesn't matter what anyone says.".

Now Bigfoot....there was a real creature....

If you're a Twilight fanatic...you need to get a life.

If you're a Twilight hater (or a Twilight fanatic hater)...you need to get a life too.

Weaver95: Poseur.

*golf clap*

What a vampire may look lke:

Fuggin Bizzy: If you're a Twilight fanatic...you need to get a life.

If you're a Twilight hater (or a Twilight fanatic hater)...you need to get a life too.

What if you really enjoyed the Rifftrax but thought the movie would probably be unwatchable otherwise? And you haven't read the books but just think the sparkly thing is pretty dumb?

For all you people biatching about Twilight teaching a bad lesson, consider The Polar Express: It teaches young children to accept rides in vehicles from strangers (but don't tell your parents!). They will be rewarded with gifts and fun and then be returned safely home neither killed, tortured, or molested.

/That one has bugged me for a while.
//Tom Hanks voicing a rubbery Max Headroom doesn't help, either.

scruffy1:

from Link (new window)
warning: Tolstoy but damn good one on why it should be made.


I'd almost be willing to sit through that in a theater just to see the reactions of the parents who had no clue what was coming. Almost.

One thing good that has come out of all this Twilight suckage is one damn good Rifftrax and the promise of two more (how many Twilight books are there? Meh, who cares, they'll all be made movies, and then Rifftrax).

/at least when I was a thirteen year old girl I had something cool to drool and obsess over
//yes, it was the Lord of the Rings books, and the dream of three new good Star Wars movies
///may not have gotten three more good Star Wars movies, but at least I still have my books, and then got three Lord of the Rings movies in high school and college

Ashtrey: Fuggin Bizzy: If you're a Twilight fanatic...you need to get a life.

If you're a Twilight hater (or a Twilight fanatic hater)...you need to get a life too.

What if you really enjoyed the Rifftrax but thought the movie would probably be unwatchable otherwise? And you haven't read the books but just think the sparkly thing is pretty dumb?

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're saying.