Good.

Hooray.

FTFA: The Florida Highway Patrol also reports that alcohol is not related to the accident.
===============================================

-20 to subby.

Newsflash??? This was news over an hour ago (that he was just fine). Also, no alcohol was involved (I don't buy that, but that's what the report says)

Damn, the media frenzy will probably end soon now.. The BBC had some awesome helicopter footage of a tree.

I smell a coverup.

Yea, let's no go throwing the alcohol thing around with no evidence... Wait, this is Fark.

2am.

2pm.

what's the difference?

No sober person loses control of their car right by their driveway at 2:25AM

I was wondering why the Florida Highway Patrol all got new Escalades this morning.

WTF? TFA DUI MIA!

Are the fuzz sure that John Daly wasn't behind the wheel?

/You don't know me
//Like I know me

You mean other than TFA where it says the crash is not alcohol-related, subby?

jake3988: FTFA: The Florida Highway Patrol also reports that alcohol is not related to the accident.
===============================================

-20 to subby.

Hi, welcome to Fark. You must be new here. See, we don't always trust what the police officers tell us, and we like to make fun of celebrities. Good to see you here, though.

When this happens to regular people, the driver wrecks his/her vehicle. When it happens to celebrities, vehicles suddenly have a mind of their own.

"when the vehicle lost control"

Right INeedAName, he was driving under 30mph at 2:30am, in clear weather, and just happened to slam into a fire hydrant, and then a tree.

And conveniently, no breathalyzer was done.

I'm shocked. Celebrity treatment yet again. If he weren't Tiger Woods he'd be in jail awaiting a bail hearing right now.

Man, I pity him the next time he plays a game and takes out a driver.

Good to hear he's out of the "woods."

I hope that his Thanksgiving wasn't too rough, but it'll cost some green to get that car fixed.

/Fairway

Sounds par for the course for this type of thing.

Remember that knee surgery?

"Can we see oxy?"

No sober person loses control of their car right by their driveway at 2:25AM

^

-1 subby's reading comprehension. English not your first language, I assume.

Again, the original press release from the hospital said he was in good condition, but with "serious injuries." (A facial laceration is a serious injury.)

The only ones I saw all morning to incorrectly mistake this for "serious condition" (a much worse prognosis) was Fox News and their affiliates. CNN and others got the terminology right from the beginning.

yay new thread....
/RIP Natalie Wood

These people have all the money in the world, yet they still drive when they shouldn't be. I've left my cars in parking lots over night countless times and taken a cab home, even though the cab fare ended up being half the money i used that night.

Just prepping for his 2024 run for Congress.

Oh man I hope it turns out that he was drunk.

How do you lose control of your car backing out of your home (presumably something you do almost every day) without alcohol being involved? I call shenanigans.

Or he "was going out to get a newspaper..."

Pixelvision: Damn, the media frenzy will probably end soon now.

Oh, they'll find something else, don't worry.

CNN has moved on to "'Potential Danger' to flying public," so we can count on more fun holiday fearmongering.

Next on Action News: "Can your happy Thanksgiving end in a fiery plunge to death?"

And subby is a child molester.

greaser_77: No sober person loses control of their car right by their driveway at 2:25AM

Unless that sober person just had a major blowout with a spouse who was just a little bit pissed he was cheating on her. Driving while pissed might be worse than driving while drunk.

UnoriginalAndrew: jake3988: FTFA: The Florida Highway Patrol also reports that alcohol is not related to the accident.
===============================================

-20 to subby.

Hi, welcome to Fark. You must be new here. See, we don't always trust what the police officers tell us, and we like to make fun of celebrities. Good to see you here, though.

You must be new to Fark. Welcome.

And we like to make fun of subbies with reading disabilities.

This sucks. I mean, really, where is he going to find another Buick at this point?

R.I.P James Woods

Not all dumb crashes necessitate alcohol being present. If you're distracted at 2:30am a rabbit running into the road or an unexpected phone ring is enough to get some people.

Could be a cover up, could be one of your everyday moments of stupidity.

Seriously, does anyone farking read anymore? Shame on whoever greenlit this headline too.

Errk: And subby is a child molester.

Exactly. No submitter would make false accusations in a headline unless they were a child molester.

If you believe that alcohol "wasn't a factor" you are flat-out naive.

It was a holiday devoted to gluttonous consumption, it was 2am, it was his driveway, he hit a fire hydrant and then a tree, and he was driving alone.

...but then again he is Asian.

krazydiamond: How do you lose control of your car backing out of your home (presumably something you do almost every day) without alcohol being involved? I call shenanigans.

Well, senior citizens are known for hitting the gas instead of the brake from time to time.

/Wait, Tiger isn't old?
//Heard he drove a Buick

sober, i never lose control of my car and hit a fire hydrant and a tree at under 30 mph in the middle of the night. but for tiger, the first one i'd let him off the hook.

Burping Bacon Bits: When this happens to regular people, the driver wrecks his/her vehicle. When it happens to celebrities, vehicles suddenly have a mind of their own.

"when the vehicle lost control"

His car tried to kill him! I bet later a tape will be released showing his vehicle trying to hire an undercover cop to kill his driver.

DrumCorpsAlum: Seriously, does anyone farking read anymore? Shame on whoever greenlit this headline too.

-cough- page views
-cough/cough- advert revenues -cough-

I'm sure he had a perfectly logical reason for getting in his car and driving off in a huff at 2am on Thanksgiving night. Maybe he was called to an emergency meeting with Buick?

R.I.P. Ed Wood

Hello, fellow FARK enthusiasts. Has it yet been pointed out that this excerpt from the story

"The Florida Highway Patrol also reports that alcohol is not related to the accident."

is contradictory to failmitter's headline?

Also, am I too late for the wild ramblings of those who believe a conspiracy of preferential treatment towards those of celebrity status? Just because celebrities are better than they are gives them no reason to froth and spew vitriol at said celebrities, no matter how true their allegations may be.

/indignant rage