And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

Riiiiight.

Let's just fill in all the pieces then, please. Motive, for example, seems clearly lacking.

Let's assume he was depressed and despondent (why? because he was a census worker??)...sooooo, he staged a suicide to look like a homicide just to do what? Make his city/county/state look like a bunch of anti-government psychos? Try and get Glenn Beck in trouble?

I mean, what do they think his point in staging all this would have been? That he was trying to help some greater good by killing himself to expose the anti-DC wackos as anti-DC wackos...like they haven't been doing that enough themselves with all the teabagger crap?

Nice police work there, Lou Bob.

Should have taken Subby with him.

Did Houdini make your "ed" disappear?

And what the hell is "ductape"??? "Duct tape" I could see...

Not that I care much, but I'm waiting for the teabaggerphobes to retract their accusations. I'm expecting more along the line of Dan Rather's "fake but accurate".

Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

FOX's article had a lot more info, sounds like he took out life insurance a bit before, and suicide is obviously not covered. Messed up way to do it

Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

The AP version says he had an insurance policy with a no-suicide clause. So they must believe that he was trying to make it look like a murder. Another poster in a redlit thread said that making your death national news is probably not the best way to get people to not investigate thoroughly, but I suppose if you're suicidal, you aren't thinking logically about a lot of things.

ju66l3r: Let's just fill in all the pieces then, please. Motive, for example, seems clearly lacking.

He was dying of cancer. He had recently taken out two insurance policies that didn't pay off for suicide.

He had apparently talked to relatives about taking his own life.

There is your start. Reading is such a big help!

squidzilla: Not that I care much, but I'm waiting for the teabaggerphobes to retract their accusations. I'm expecting more along the line of Dan Rather's "fake but accurate".

I'll apologize for my assumption that he was killed by Beckian types right after I see the apology from the right-wing bloggers that he was killed because he was a pedophile. I'm sure that will all be happening Real Soon Now.

squidzilla: Not that I care much, but I'm waiting for the teabaggerphobes to retract their accusations. I'm expecting more along the line of Dan Rather's "fake but accurate".

One thing you have to say for us libtards, we don't do things by half-measures. Letter 'B' scrawled backwards on the cheek? Pshaw! Amateurs.

House of Tards: squidzilla: Not that I care much, but I'm waiting for the teabaggerphobes to retract their accusations. I'm expecting more along the line of Dan Rather's "fake but accurate".

I'll apologize for my assumption that he was killed by Beckian types right after I see the apology from the right-wing bloggers that he was killed because he was a pedophile. I'm sure that will all be happening Real Soon Now.

We can both agree that there will be no apologizin'.

You might say that the skills this guy used in setting this thing up would be in excess of what was required to stage a fake murder. With such dexterity, I wonder if he practiced Kung Fu.

House of Tards: Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

The AP version says he had an insurance policy with a no-suicide clause. So they must believe that he was trying to make it look like a murder. Another poster in a redlit thread said that making your death national news is probably not the best way to get people to not investigate thoroughly, but I suppose if you're suicidal, you aren't thinking logically about a lot of things.

The policy only would have paid out if he had been killed on the job. This was in one of the redlit links, I forget which.

mediablitz: He was dying of cancer. He had recently taken out two insurance policies that didn't pay off for suicide.

report i saw was that they couldn't find this cancer that he claimed.

stable people don't suicide. this guy was barking mad or descending into craziness. maybe everything he was doing made sense to him.

it's sad, and the left shouldn't have used it as a political football in the first place, and the right shouldn't use it back at them now.

Barakku: Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

FOX's article had a lot more info, sounds like he took out life insurance a bit before, and suicide is obviously not covered. Messed up way to do it

If you are going to stage your own death to avoid the "no-suicide payout" clause in your life insurance policy, making it look like a high-visibility hate crime guaranteed to get international attention is quite possibly the worst way to go about it.

mediablitz: He was dying of cancer. He had recently taken out two insurance policies that didn't pay off for suicide.

Cancer isn't suicide. His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

NEXT!

Sgt Otter: If you are going to stage your own death to avoid the "no-suicide payout" clause in your life insurance policy, making it look like a high-visibility hate crime guaranteed to get international attention is quite possibly the worst way to go about it.

He should have tried the "walk into the middle of a field, tie a handgun to a balloon, shoot yourself in the head and let the gun float away of its own accord" scheme that the Red Lobster guy did.

ju66l3r: Cancer isn't suicide. His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

NEXT!

1) That would be painful.

2) There was an extra 10k in payout if it was an on-the-job death.

ju66l3r: Cancer isn't suicide. His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

But the months spent slowly dying of cancer before the policy paid off might have been too much to bear.

Cagey B: He should have tried the "walk into the middle of a field, tie a handgun to a balloon, shoot yourself in the head and let the gun float away of its own accord" scheme that the Red Lobster guy did.

School kids on a field trip find a gun attached to a bunch of deflated balloons.

ju66l3r: His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

That would depend. If the plan was a AD&D plan, I don't think a pre-existing condition like cancer would be covered. The articles that I have read does not say.

Cagey B: He should have tried the "walk into the middle of a field, tie a handgun to a balloon, shoot yourself in the head and let the gun float away of its own accord" scheme that the Red Lobster guy did.

Which is a variation of the "tie a rock to the gun, stand on a bridge, shoot yourself in the head and let the gun fall in the water" from the Sherlock Holmes story.

HeadLever: ju66l3r: His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

That would depend. If the plan was a AD&D plan, I don't think a pre-existing condition like cancer would be covered.

Even if you have a +12 vest of insurance?

HeadLever: ju66l3r: His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

That would depend. If the plan was a AD&D plan, I don't think a pre-existing condition like cancer would be covered. The articles that I have read does not say.

His THAC0 would have been way too high to be covered under such a plan.

ju66l3r: Cancer isn't suicide. His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

Yeah, I'd rather kill myself than die of cancer. It's usually not a nice way to go.

ju66l3r: Let's assume he was depressed and despondent (why? because he was a census worker??)...sooooo, he staged a suicide to look like a homicide just to do what?

Let his family collect on the insurance policy. This article (new window) notes that he was ill, talking about ending it and had just taken out two accidental life insurance policies totaling $600,000 that would not pay out for suicide (nor would his family get a $10k federal death benefit).

ne2d: Which is a variation of the "tie a rock to the gun, stand on a bridge, shoot yourself in the head and let the gun fall in the water" from the Sherlock Holmes story.

That one sounds like it would work a lot better. I'll send a company-wide memo out to Red Lobster.

Cagey B: HeadLever: ju66l3r: His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

That would depend. If the plan was a AD&D plan, I don't think a pre-existing condition like cancer would be covered. The articles that I have read does not say.

His THAC0 would have been way too high to be covered under such a plan.

Yeah, but the plan was still worth the money because it gave him a +10% to his Fire-Building, Diplomacy, and Rope-Use... ah, nevermind.

/window seat, please

Kinda funny how so many of our Fark Independents are jumping on the high road here when you weren't saying shiat when this came out about this guy.

If he had been murdered because he was a census taker, it would have been terrible. If he killed himself because of depression/desperation, it is just as terrible. Just a sad story all around.

ju66l3r: mediablitz: He was dying of cancer. He had recently taken out two insurance policies that didn't pay off for suicide.

Cancer isn't suicide. His policies would have paid off if he had died of cancer.

NEXT!

Sigh. So he wasn't dying of cancer or didn't want to wait it out. Crazy people don't think so good, amirite?

GAT_00 [TotalFark] Quote 2009-09-23 05:58:55 PM
I got $20 that says the person/people who did this went to the Teabagger events.

So how do you want to do this? Paypal?

Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

FTFA:

He had just taken out a $600,000 life insurance policy that didn't pay in the event of suicide.

That's why.

Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

it's been said... mainly a $600k insurance policy that didn't pay off on suicide.GAT_00: Kinda funny how so many of our Fark Independents are jumping on the high road here when you weren't saying shiat when this came out about this guy.

I was here, calling out your punk ass then, too.

punk..

ne2d: GAT_00 [TotalFark] Quote 2009-09-23 05:58:55 PM
I got $20 that says the person/people who did this went to the Teabagger events.

So how do you want to do this? Paypal?

Not so fast there. Do you know for a fact that Sparkman didn't attend teabagger events before he offed himself?

mcsestretch: Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

FTFA:

He had just taken out a $600,000 life insurance policy that didn't pay in the event of suicide.

That's why.

The article's been greatly expanded since my initial post.

If this indeed is a suicide, does anyone else think this guy was an asshole for putting "FED" on his body? You want to kill yourself and make it look like murder or an accident, go ahead, but why deliberately try to stir shiat up?

AdolfOliverPanties: If this indeed is a suicide, does anyone else think this guy was an asshole for putting "FED" on his body? You want to kill yourself and make it look like murder or an accident, go ahead, but why deliberately try to stir shiat up?

Maybe he had seen that Bachmann rant against the census, and decided to make his final act on Earth an epic troll.

AdolfOliverPanties: You want to kill yourself and make it look like murder or an accident, go ahead, but why deliberately try to stir shiat up?

1) Better pay-out if it was something that happened on the job.

2) It was believable. Well, to all that non-teabaggers out there. Teabaggers are retarded, not smart like the progressives. Progressives knew it was a Teabagger that did it. 'Cuz, duh, it was obvious.

AdolfOliverPanties: If this indeed is a suicide, does anyone else think this guy was an asshole for putting "FED" on his body? You want to kill yourself and make it look like murder or an accident, go ahead, but why deliberately try to stir shiat up?

That's what always made me think this was a murder. Hard enough to duct tape yourself up, but adding that? It just doesn't add up.

AdolfOliverPanties: If this indeed is a suicide, does anyone else think this guy was an asshole for putting "FED" on his body? You want to kill yourself and make it look like murder or an accident, go ahead, but why deliberately try to stir shiat up?

You're asking why someone committing suicide isn't being logical?

GAT_00:

That's what always made me think this was a murder. Hard enough to duct tape yourself up, but adding that? It just doesn't add up.

Doesn't add up? He was trying to establish motive

but but but Andrew Sullivan said this was done by "Southern populist terrorism, whipped up by the GOP and its Fox and talk radio cohorts" (new window)

mcsestretch: Rev. Skarekroe: And once again, the important question, "why?", goes unanswered (and in this case, unasked).

FTFA:

He had just taken out a $600,000 life insurance policy that didn't pay in the event of suicide.

That's why.

I still don't get it. It's not like he was going to be able to take the $600,000 with him.

Maybe he was teabagger who was deeply ashamed he was a census worker?

GAT_00: Hard enough to duct tape yourself up,

No, it's not hard to duct tape yourself up.

Hang On Voltaire: but but but Andrew Sullivan said this was done by "Southern populist terrorism, whipped up by the GOP and its Fox and talk radio cohorts" (new window)

And WND said it was Mexicans (new window), and single, never-married Dan Reihl said it was the parents of a child that Sparkman was buggering becuase single never-married men are typically pedophiles (new window).

But please, continue feeling vindicated.

jbuist: GAT_00: Hard enough to duct tape yourself up,

No, it's not hard to duct tape yourself up.

Can you duct tape your own hands and feet and get up on a chair and fit your head in a noose? Seriously? Think that through. I'm not convinced it is possible.

GAT_00: I'm not convinced it is possible.

*Sheesh*

1)climb chair
2)duct tape feet while at top.
3)stick head in noose, tighen until snug
4)duct tape wrists (easily done even though you don't have full use of your hands)
5)kick out chair

/yeah, not that hard

HeadLever: GAT_00: I'm not convinced it is possible.

*Sheesh*

1)climb chair
2)duct tape feet while at top.
3)stick head in noose, tighen until snug
4)duct tape wrists (easily done even though you don't have full use of your hands)
5)kick out chair

/yeah, not that hard

Hmm, didn't think to do it in that order for some reason. All right, much more plausable.

GAT_00: Seriously? Think that through

Sure. Take two strips of duct tape about a foot long. Stick them to your pant legs. Walk into the woods. Prepare noose. Standing below the noose, with it at the right height, tape up your ankles. Remove another piece of tape and use your mouth to wrap it around your wrists. Next use your bound hands to fit the noose around your neck, lift feet, hang there until you pass out.

No chair needed. They found him with his feet on the ground.