Paula Deen Cooking Made Simple

1) Take food.
2) Add sugar.
3) Add lard.
4) Add butter.
5) Cook, serve.

Mmmmm.... ham.

Pocket Ninja: Paula Deen Cooking Made Simple

1) Take food.
2) Add sugar.
3) Add lard.
4) Add butter.
5) Cook, serve.

You say that like it's a bad th......

*clutches chest and collapses*

Just add bacon to everything bacon makes any food bet....

mmmmmmm...bacon....om nom nom nom

here's the actual link to the video (new window)

She frightens me just a little. I had no idea it was possible to be that Southern. But she seems to have a great family and a husband who adores her, so more power to her.

I'd hit it.

So it's official: pigs can fly.

I thought she was usually trying to butter it up for the camera.

Ham to the face = Southern bukkake

Pocket Ninja: 2) Add sugar.
3) Add lard.
4) Add butter.

My guess is that she applies steps 2-4 to everything in life. That includes sex with that salty old sailor of hers.

/Go ahead, work on that mental picture
//While you're doing that, look at these words: GYRATE, MOIST, GOO and UNDULATE

Poor Paula. I'm sure it was just an accident.

"I'ma git up in those Lane Bryants!"

So...she caught the swine flew?

Now all those things that were going to come true "when pigs fly" are going to come true! Oh joy!

Her voice makes me want to punch a baby.

Comeuppance for eating her own kind.

Chariset: She frightens me just a little. I had no idea it was possible to be that Southern. But she seems to have a great family and a husband who adores her, so more power to her.

Not to mention a son that gayer then Bloomingdales at Christmas.

/which FoodTV seems to have a problem with

Pocket Ninja: Paula Deen Cooking Made Simple

1) Take food.
2) Add sugar.
3) Add lard.
4) Add butter.
5) Cook, serve.

Well, to be fair, her brand of cookware is featured at WalMart. Most WalMart shoppers probably don't have the pallate to appreciate such exotic spices as garlic, cinnamon, or even salt.

I always thought she was just trying to butter us up.
/dnrtfa

Oh, if only it was a turkey...the WKRP mashups would've been epic!!

i knew that there would be a video associated with this link and that it would involve paula deen and a ham.

but, when the hams started flying i fully expected paula to catch one in her gaping maws and to then crouch down for a second helping.

I love that moment in a celebration where the fun and games come to a screeching halt because of someone being injured.

/not really
//still a powerful feeling that sweeps over the party, though

I've said it before on a Paula Deen thread, and I'll say it again...

You know she'd have to slather your cock in butter before she sucked it, right?

Not that that's a bad thing, just warning you.

However, the buttered cock would make for a fine lube when you eventually shoved it in her pooper.

Chariset
She frightens me just a little. I had no idea it was possible to be that Southern. But she seems to have a great family and a husband who adores her, so more power to her.

I tried to watch her show several times. Every episode had a 5-minute monologue about how she found her husband and he's such a Southern gentleman and she's so proud to be from the South and so forth. After about the third episode I gave up. I'm from the South too, but damn, she takes it overboard. I do like most of her recipes, mainly due to bacon. Maybe the ham to the face was karma having a good laugh.

/cool story bro (sis?) time
My husband worked in her son's restaurant one summer. Apparently she's a right biatch in the kitchens, all the way down to cussing the cooks and busboys. And it's not Food Network with something against her gay son, it's her.

jwa007: Just add bacon to everything bacon makes any food bet....

mmmmmmm...bacon....om nom nom nom

My hubby has a t-shirt that says 'Bacon makes everything better'. He get's lots of compliments on that one.

/Love Paula Deen...she seems so sweet and friendly.

I'll never forget the episode where they went to England. She ate a chip butty. That's a French Fry sandwich with butter for those of us from the Colonies.

/French fry sandwich. With butter.

Which son is gay? Bobby or Jamie? Or another son we don't know about?

My wife used to subscribe to her magazine...some really good recipes in there, actually, but there was one problem:

HER EYES!

I swear, it can't be healthy for so much white to be visible around the iris at all times. I think she must be on high-powered amphetamines, or something...could be all the sugar, I guess.

Emeril on the tragedy: "BAM biatch!"

numb3r5ev3n: I'll never forget the episode where they went to England. She ate a chip butty. That's a French Fry sandwich with butter for those of us from the Colonies.

/French fry sandwich. With butter.

I saw part of the one where she went to Paris. Good lord I've never felt so embarrassed to be American. She made a complete ass of herself.

I like how at the end the give the old white haired dude the ham like he won a prize, he almost looks satisfied.

SteelCityKid: I like how at the end the give the old white haired dude the ham like he won a prize, he almost looks satisfied.

that's her husband.

Saracuda: Which son is gay? Bobby or Jamie? Or another son we don't know about?

Bobby, supposedly

How come she's not fatter?

See what happens when you agree to do a show with Kate Gosselin, Paula?

This is just a warning shot...back out now or next week you get blasted with the whole f*cking pig.

Bobby Deen:

Wiredroach: you owe me a keyboard

Hmm i just though she was a drunk

Wiredroach: ya, wasn't expecting that. Nicely played.

"Hey, Y'all...watch this..." THUMP

The ham just dropped out of the sky?

Wiredroach wins!

That video was an emotional roller coaster.

At first I loled.

Then I felt sad for a minute. She looks like the "nice Grandma" type. That made me sad.

But then I loled again and hated myself for it.

/conflicted

That was the ham's revenge against Paula getting his name wrong in the commericals.
"My name Is 'SmithFIELD', not 'SmithVILLE', you stupid butter-sucking whore!"

I misspelled 'commercial', dammit!

Yeah, I bet Bobby's gayer than a Lady Gaga concert. Too bad it's not Jamie...beefy cornfed hick...yummy!

FuryOfFirestorm: That was the ham's revenge against Paula getting his name wrong in the commericals.
"My name Is 'SmithFIELD', not 'SmithVILLE', you stupid butter-sucking whore!"


if you re-play the clip, slow it down to .25 speed, and boost the volume 400% you can hear the ham saying "spiral cut THIS, b*tch!" too.

Poor Paula.

/lol

DerekSD: SteelCityKid: I like how at the end the give the old white haired dude the ham like he won a prize, he almost looks satisfied.

that's her husband.

I think it's funny that he just stood there not rushing to his wife's side to see if she had a busted nose.

/rub some butter on it, it'll heal