"Think of the worst jungle you've ever seen. This was it times ten."

Well, dumbass, I've lived in Florida most of my life, and the worst jungle I've ever seen is parts of the Everglades.

Did you not notice that BEFORE you started wandering alone through it? Cause it's pretty apparent right there at the beginning.

Uhhh... I'm not really familiar with the ecology of the area or the general habits of deer... Do you find a lot of deer in alligator infested swampy wetlands?

FTA: "I would like to do some kind of search and rescue and save somebody else's life," said Mosch, lifting his shirt to show the insect bites that cover his body.


Hold on there. This guy was so bad, he even lost his clothing.
Knowing he could possibly be searching for me if I were lost is enough to make me stay home forever.

The dream: hoping to come across a naked Adrienne Barbeau.

The reality: actually coming across a naked banjo-player from Deliverance.

FTA:

Mosch, who grew up hunting and camping in the woods of upstate New York...

Pointing and laughing. It would be a dream for me, because I'm not a stupid yankee.

All that for a Key Deer who is half the size of a normal White Tail?

I think I would have stayed with the truck.

There are few places on earth I would like less than being stuck in the Everglades.

That's when his partners called 911, starting in motion a search that would begin Tuesday morning and involve up to 60 rescuers using airboats, swamp buggies, ATVs, helicopters and rescue dogs.

Mosch, however, still wasn't worried Monday night.

"I thought to myself, 'No big deal. I'll just camp out.' I made a campfire and went to sleep," said Mosch, who thought he could find his way out Tuesday.

That's the day "I lost everything," Mosch said.

He found himself slogging through swamps with mud up to his waist that so thick it was like quicksand. Extricating himself, Mosch lost his pants, his lighter, his boots and a jacket that was tied around his waist.

At one point, he grabbed a branch with one hand and threw his rifle toward a tree with the other hand. That's when he lost his shotgun. His cell phone got wet and was ruined.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That doesn't even make any sense.

He soon realized he was lost and that his compass didn't work.

BULLshiat. I bet this farking retard just didn't know how to USE a compass.

Leave the Everglades to the Florida natives. And please, tell all your yankee friends the horror story so I can have the woods to myself.

Mosch, who grew up hunting and camping in the woods of upstate New York, went hunting off of Interstate 75 with newfound friends in the national preserve, which covers 730,000 acres.

Did he remember to bring his snow gear?

fta: ...because sound in the thick forest of the Everglades echoes"

New one on me.

It would be really funny if some deer followed him around taunting him.

"Look at the great white hunter."
"Ohh. Look at the great tighty white hunter"

This happened in Florida. Oh! Florida.

As per usual, any completely stupid event in Florida is done by stupid New Yorkers/Quebecois, or the hicks that live closer to Alabama than anything.

Darwin's going to want a recount on this one, Florida.

I grew up in that area...
Crunch61: fta: ...because sound in the thick forest of the Everglades echoes"
You can't tell where the sound is coming from, it seems to come from everywhere... and the cypress tree canopy is thick enough that you can't see the sun for much of the day so it is hard to get your bearings. No moss on the north side of treea etc... really easy place to die within a mile of a major highway.

Stupid yankee, do not go in the swamp on foot, it eats people.

Someone would like a word with the great hunter.

/4 days? Kids survive that long in the woods with less whining.
//Wilderness survival training, 28 days in the Sonora. Suck it.

Trick E. Dick: Someone would like a word with the great hunter.

/4 days? Kids survive that long in the woods with less whining.
//Wilderness survival training, 28 days in the Sonora. Suck it.

But still a douchebag.

Holy guacamole, dude go back to Yonkers.

wyltoknow: As per usual, any completely stupid event in Florida is done by stupid New Yorkers/Quebecois, or the hicks that live closer to Alabama than anything.

No...there's plenty of dumbsh*t done by the native Floridians.

Wonder if Les Stroud (new window) is reading about this, and doing a face-palm.

Confabulat: "Think of the worst jungle you've ever seen. This was it times ten."

Well, dumbass, I've lived in Florida most of my life, and the worst jungle I've ever seen is parts of the Everglades.

Did you not notice that BEFORE you started wandering alone through it? Cause it's pretty apparent right there at the beginning.

The everglades aren't a jungle. Went to Panama when I was younger and got lost within a hour of going into the rainforest. Had a map, a compass, and knew how to shoot an azimuth. I'd been taught survival skills, albeit in a decidious N. American forest, and thought I was ready to take on the jungle. Nuh uh. No way. It's tight, darker than you'd expect, and there's always something on or behind that next tree. Granted, I should have looked at my compass on EVERY tree/rock I marked for my azimuth, but to be completely honest, my eyes were all over the place looking for that nasty snake or spider that was following me. I was always at least 4 marks off my target and there were so many obstacles that it was impossible to simply walk in a straight line to it.

Trick E. Dick: Someone would like a word with the great hunter.

/4 days? Kids survive that long in the woods with less whining.
//Wilderness survival training, 28 days in the Sonora. Suck it.

Um....there's no Holiday Inn's in the 'Glades. Bear would not be comfortable. Also, can an assistant fit into a panther suit? They're pretty lithe.

Don't they have any swamps up in the North? Y'all Yankees should know it's a bad idea to go traipsing through a gianormous swamp... by yourself.

;)

FLMountainMan: Also, can an assistant fit into a panther suit? They're pretty lithe.

DO NOT WANT!

/wait, what?

Sounds like the "new friends" sent him on a snipe hunt.

Why would someone name their dog "Max And His Handlers"?

FLMountainMan: Um....there's no Holiday Inn's in the 'Glades. Bear would not be comfortable. Also, can an assistant fit into a panther suit? They're pretty lithe.

He might not actually do it, but he presents the know-how. Clearly, our dear friend from the North should have TiVoed a few episodes.

/Mud protects from bug bites.
//Don't walk through the mud.
///Sit still and wait for rescue teams.

FTA: "He subsisted by eating raw catfish, bullfrogs and sips of spring water before being found by a bloodhound named Max and his handlers."

""Considering he'd been in the Everglades for four days without food, without water and without sleep, he's doing pretty good," said Dr. Charlene DeLuca, the hospital's chief of medicine."

They really do need a new chief of medicine.

Southernologist: Don't they have any swamps up in the North? Y'all Yankees should know it's a bad idea to go traipsing through a gianormous swamp... by yourself.

;)


-That's the key right there. Wandering off alone in an unknown environment. Even I, who've never been there, know there are 'gators and snakes in the Everglades. What the hell was he thinking?!

TFA link didn't work for me, 404'd.

Here's the new location for the story (new window)

That Guy...From That Show!: Why would someone name their dog "Max And His Handlers"?

-Saw them play at RFK Stadium last Summer. They rock!

jbrooks544: TFA link didn't work for me, 404'd.

Here's the new location for the story (new window)

or not... woops!

The funniest thing about this story is the fact that I actually went to school with this guy. His friends from the area were on the local news. They were major douche bags all through school, and they are still the same douche bags today. I laughed when I first watched this story on the news. I wouldn't have laughed if he was found dead or never found. I'm not that mean spirited. Just because I don't like the guy, doesn't mean he should never return.

snugglyhugs: There are deer, but there are also giant aligators and 30 foot pythons

It's like "Land of the Lost" except hot as f*ck and more dangerous and with tons more mosquitoes


what an alligator and python fighting to the death in FL might look like:


this picture... it confuses me

gopher321: The dream: hoping to come across a naked Adrienne Barbeau.

The reality: actually coming across a naked banjo-player from Deliverance.

You know, its the dry season right now. And nice and cool out, hardly any bugs. If he had done this in the summertime, no way he would have lasted four days.

Trick E. Dick: Someone would like a word with the great hunter.

/4 days? Kids survive that long in the woods with less whining.
//Wilderness survival training, 28 days in the Sonora. Suck it.

You can almost see the doubletree resort in the background

The rocks and pool
Is nice and cool
So juicy sweet

Our only wish
To catch a fish
So juicy sweet

So, if he shot a deer, how was he planning on getting it out?

gambitsgirl: snugglyhugs: There are deer, but there are also giant aligators and 30 foot pythons

It's like "Land of the Lost" except hot as f*ck and more dangerous and with tons more mosquitoes


what an alligator and python fighting to the death in FL might look like:


this picture... it confuses me

New to the Internet? That pic is a staple.

StrikitRich:


this picture... it confuses me

New to the Internet? That pic is a staple.

I got dial up last week. What is this /b/ thing I hear about? Someone told me to post my photo and home address for christmas cards.

snugglyhugs: Anyone who goes into the Everglades and can't figure out its a giant dank swamp within the first 20 seconds deserves to die.

"I went to the Sahara Desert and was shocked to find the temperature to warmer than I care for... and a COMPLETE LACK of fast food restaurants.."



You must have shiat for brains, fella

Farkwaddle: Confabulat: "Think of the worst jungle you've ever seen. This was it times ten."

Well, dumbass, I've lived in Florida most of my life, and the worst jungle I've ever seen is parts of the Everglades.

Did you not notice that BEFORE you started wandering alone through it? Cause it's pretty apparent right there at the beginning.

The everglades aren't a jungle. Went to Panama when I was younger and got lost within a hour of going into the rainforest. Had a map, a compass, and knew how to shoot an azimuth. I'd been taught survival skills, albeit in a decidious N. American forest, and thought I was ready to take on the jungle. Nuh uh. No way. It's tight, darker than you'd expect, and there's always something on or behind that next tree. Granted, I should have looked at my compass on EVERY tree/rock I marked for my azimuth, but to be completely honest, my eyes were all over the place looking for that nasty snake or spider that was following me. I was always at least 4 marks off my target and there were so many obstacles that it was impossible to simply walk in a straight line to it.

The first fully qualified poster here. You must have been "in" prior to 1999 I take it.

Greetings from the Hotel Panama and Howard. Waves to the "huequos" on the way to the canal bridge.

FTA: Mosch could walk, but a member of the search party carried him for most of the 30 minute walk to a clearing where a helicopter picked him up.

That is just lazy.

I bet he ate things that would make a billygoat puke.

BikerRay: So, if he shot a deer, how was he planning on getting it out?

I was wondering that too. I hunt the South Carolina uplands and have had a hard time getting deer out of the woods. A swamp would be miserable and I understand the deer are the size of dogs. He should hunt gators in the mountains or fish in the desert.

Trick E. Dick: Someone would like a word with the great hunter.

/4 days? Kids survive that long in the woods with less whining.
//Wilderness survival training, 28 days in the Sonora. Suck it.

Why, does "Bear" know the location of a good hotel in the area?

That Guy...From That Show!: Why would someone name their dog "Max And His Handlers"?

Sounds more like a band name.

/shakes head in disapproval