Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, found himself at his wit's end. His last two first round draft picks, Jamarcus Russel and Darius Hayward-Bey, were complete flops and it looked like Oakland was headed for another season of futility. Frustrated beyond belief, Al decided to turn on the evening news to take his mind off of things. On the news was a human interest piece about US soldiers in Kabul teaching young Afghanis how to play American football. To Al's amazement, one young teenager picked up the football for the first time and threw a perfect spiral for 60 yards. It was at that moment that Al Davis realized he had found his qb of the future.

Al spent the next year pulling strings, calling in favors and doing everything he could to get that young Afghani man into the United States. Eventually, his efforts paid off and the young man was allowed to enter the country and sign with the Oakland Raiders.

It was a good investment. Overnight, the Raiders offense improved dramatically. Team after team fell to the Raiders unstoppable offense. The raiders swept the regular season, breezed through the playoffs and, impossibly, won the Super Bowl. It was their finest hour.

Fresh off of his victory, the young man called home to tell his mother what had happened.

"Mother! Mother!" he exclaimed. "We've won the Super Bowl!"

His joy was met with stony silence.

"Mother, are you there?"

"How could you?" his mother asked coldly. "How could you do this to your family?"

"Mother," the man stammered, "I don't understand. What's wrong?"

"While you were living the life of a superstar, your family has been abandoned to a live of depravity! Every day, our lives are interrupted by violence and gunfire! Your sisters have to avoid trash and broken glass on the way to school, and your brother is being threatened by fanatical gangs of drug dealers! You have abandoned us to a life of poverty and misery! Why, oh why did you ever move us to Oakland?"

/Thank you, try the veal

28% unemployment beat 75% unemployment I guess. And it's all small gunfire instead of car bombs and IEDs.

I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest map out of town I can borrow?

FTFY.

Oddly it doesn't surprise me. Detroit is particularly famous to Iraqi people if I remember correctly. Wasn't Saddam Hussein given the key to the city of Detroit back when we were "friends" with Iraq?

Yep... I remembered correctly (new window).

I think this will be good for the region. Legal immigration with people that want to live there rather than leave and will open a whole new avenue of employment opportunities with small business in an area with depressed wages, depressed housing prices, and depressed commercial rent

Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

In Detroit, they aim for your head.

Please keep believing everything you sheepish troll farks say about Michigan, keeps you losers out of my state.

Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

Depends on where you are going in Detroit. If you're staying downtown, you're fine. It's like the city and the police decided that was their "Green Zone," that they weren't going to let it fall no matter what. It's incredibly nice, with the Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Arena, and Ford Field. Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar. The area is clean, fairly free of crime and trash and other undesirable elements.

Outside of that... Well, you still may not need the vest. You can drive seven miles without seeing a soul.

Great headline. Would lol again.

MIguy: Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

In Detroit, they aim for your head.

Please keep believing everything you sheepish troll farks say about Michigan, keeps you losers out of my state.

Of course they aim for the head. People in Detroit know how to deal with zombies.

Shadowknight: Depends on where you are going in Detroit. If you're staying downtown, you're fine. It's like the city and the police decided that was their "Green Zone," that they weren't going to let it fall no matter what. It's incredibly nice, with the Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Arena, and Ford Field. Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar. The area is clean, fairly free of crime and trash and other undesirable elements.

So you're talking about downtown Detroit and then mention the Silverdome? The fail is strong with you.

I would imagine most Arab immigrants are (still, continuously) settling in Dearborn, which is worlds different than Detroit proper. It's really quite nice, in parts. The family mentioned at the top of the story is in Farmington, which is your standard white-washed suburb. Really, I don't know any recent immigrants who've moved downtown, as everything in MI is cheap enough to have a wide variety to choose from, no matter how new to the area one is.

When the Machines establish their new city in the ruins of old Detroit, they'll call it 01.

I'm going to market snow gear for Iraqis.

Isn't Omni Consumer Products about to privatize the Detroit police force?

MIguy: Shadowknight: Depends on where you are going in Detroit. If you're staying downtown, you're fine. It's like the city and the police decided that was their "Green Zone," that they weren't going to let it fall no matter what. It's incredibly nice, with the Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Arena, and Ford Field. Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar. The area is clean, fairly free of crime and trash and other undesirable elements.

So you're talking about downtown Detroit and then mention the Silverdome? The fail is strong with you.

I'm with you on this, (co-)MIguy. Downtown is still roaming with grossness, and just because the tourist strip on Woodward doesn't have crack on it doesn't mean Cass, a few feet away, isn't the same ole' wasteland. And yeah, Pontiac is NOT downtown.

We're up to what, 4000 total Iraquis we've been kind enough to let come to America?

MIguy:
Please keep believing everything you sheepish troll farks say about Michigan, keeps you losers out of my state.

I feel the same way about Tennessee. It's funny, actually: Damnyankee motherfarkers are swarming into western North Carolina, completely oblivious to the fact that they are on the wrong side of the mountains.

Good.

Stupid damnyankees.

at least someone is moving to detroit...

MIguy: Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

In Detroit, they aim for your head.

Please keep believing everything you sheepish troll farks say about Michigan, keeps you losers out of my state.

To be fair, there isn't a state in the union, that Farkers haven't deemed horrible in some way, shape or form. We're all trolls here.

MIguy: So you're talking about downtown Detroit and then mention the Silverdome? The fail is strong with you.

I hate that you name yourself "MIguy" and basically make all us Michiganders look like farking tools. If you notice, I say "Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar." This would imply that I am reluctantly counting it, even though it's separate from the previously mentioned downtown area and alongside the sites already listed.

But hey, go ahead and keep making us all look like douche bags.

Where the hell did all those, commas, come, from,?

Shadowknight: But hey, go ahead and keep making us

You live in Virgina, douche.

Some fascinating reading here (pops)(keep reading to get to the story about the weird sex club)

MIguy: You live in Virgina, douche.

You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

They just want to lose themselves in the music, the moment...

I know it's easy to blame the blacks, but Detroit was pretty white when the turn came. Take a little pride. What happened?

I just got back from a nice day in Detroit and dinner at the Mexican Village so I'm getting a kick out of your fear.

/Mexican Village has great drinks

So the US invades Iraq on a lie with the result that 5 million people are displaced or become refugees and the "magnanimous" US allows 4,000 to come to the US. At one point one small town in Sweden had taken more refugees than the entire US. I am astounded that americans are amazed that they aren't loved around the world.

Shadowknight: Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

Depends on where you are going in Detroit. If you're staying downtown, you're fine. It's like the city and the police decided that was their "Green Zone," that they weren't going to let it fall no matter what. It's incredibly nice, with the Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Arena, and Ford Field. Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar. The area is clean, fairly free of crime and trash and other undesirable elements.

Outside of that... Well, you still may not need the vest. You can drive seven miles without seeing a soul.

I don't know if it's still that way (it was when I was there), but if you get lost and are tooling downtown outside the aforementioned 'green zone' and you find Puritan Street... farking gun it.

Unless you're looking for a prime zone of crack dealers. Then it's your first stop.

Shadowknight: You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

ha-ha-guy: I just got back from a nice day in Detroit and dinner at the Mexican Village so I'm getting a kick out of your fear.

/Mexican Village has great drinks

YUM. I love Mexican Town (well, the restaurants).

I love being familiar with Detroit, living near it, exploring it. My husband and I looked at $10,000 mansions one day. $75k worth of work, and they'd be gorgeous again.

However, living in Detroit again just isn't appealing to me.

trollfeet: I would imagine most Arab immigrants are (still, continuously) settling in Dearborn, which is worlds different than Detroit proper. It's really quite nice, in parts. The family mentioned at the top of the story is in Farmington, which is your standard white-washed suburb. Really, I don't know any recent immigrants who've moved downtown, as everything in MI is cheap enough to have a wide variety to choose from, no matter how new to the area one is.

When I was in Farmington I found it interesting that the local black population there had an average income higher than the rest of the residents, who aren't generally poor either; the local cops didn't do the "driving while black" thing much.

It was also one of the highest average household income counties in the USA. A few miles of buffer suburbs from Detroit, yes, but not really whitewashed. Especially if you include the people from India.

Ahhh_Ennui: ha-ha-guy: I just got back from a nice day in Detroit and dinner at the Mexican Village so I'm getting a kick out of your fear.

/Mexican Village has great drinks

YUM. I love Mexican Town (well, the restaurants).

I love being familiar with Detroit, living near it, exploring it. My husband and I looked at $10,000 mansions one day. $75k worth of work, and they'd be gorgeous again.

However, living in Detroit again just isn't appealing to me.

Mexican town would rock if it was inside the highways. If was on the other side of I-75, say nice and close to the Joe it would be great. Raze some of those warehouses right along the river and move it over.

Ya know shadowknight is right though. The silverdome is a pretty nice part of detroit, as is somerset mall. Hell even the mackinac bridge is kind of nice.
Seriously though, congratulations on leaving michigan shadowknight.

Shadowknight [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-11-22 08:18:29 PM
Soni: I'm going to Detroit on Friday. Does anyone have a bulletproof vest I can borrow?

Depends on where you are going in Detroit. If you're staying downtown, you're fine. It's like the city and the police decided that was their "Green Zone," that they weren't going to let it fall no matter what. It's incredibly nice, with the Cobo Hall, Joe Louis Arena, and Ford Field. Hell, even the old Silverdome is nice, even if it did sell for pennies on the dollar. The area is clean, fairly free of crime and trash and other undesirable elements.

Outside of that... Well, you still may not need the vest. You can drive seven miles without seeing a soul.

Not sure if it has changed, but last time I had to go to Detroit, (2001) I and dozens of others saw two guys smash a cars window, hotwire and steal the car just down the street from Joe Louis Arena in broad daylight as everyone was walking to a game. Soooo....

Soni, you want to check out Detroit sometime, you let me know (no bulletproof vest needed). Your choice; we go out for some outstanding beer/pizza at the Motor City Brewery, or I'll treat you to some of the best BBQ you've ever had over at Slow's. Neither of them are "downtown" and yet they're absolutely thriving. If you pick Slow's, by the way, you'll get a close up view of the big, bad Michigan Central train station, too.

It won't be quite as exciting a story as "OMG I seen fifty people shot and that was in the airport concourse!@11!", but I'm sure you'll be able to come up with SOME sort of story for your friends.

MIguy: Shadowknight: You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

That's not fair, and you know it. Besides, I remember you saying all sorts of ridiculous, disparaging things about southeast Michigan. Don't you live on the western side of the state?

Detroit needs to be knocked down, so they can start from scratch.

Ahhh_Ennui: MIguy: Shadowknight: You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

That's not fair, and you know it. Besides, I remember you saying all sorts of ridiculous, disparaging things about southeast Michigan. Don't you live on the western side of the state?

Shoulda checked your profile - Plymouth != West. Sorry 'bout that.

MIguy: Shadowknight: You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

I've never known Michigan to be a land of jackasses, but maybe now I'll have to revise that belief. And half of my family is from, or resides in, Michigan(mostly Dearborn) and has been there since immigrating from Poland.

snugglyhugs: what the average house in Iraq might look like

One important difference: one of those two houses will have three feet of snow come January.

Detroit: if the brothas don't kill ya then January will.

This is not all that different than all of the Vietnamese that somehow took over half of Orange County, CA. Even the old ruler is there, and, from all accounts the area is home to all of the old gangs from the homeland.

I do not know what gangs the Iraqis may have, but if the Shiites do not get top billing, it will only be a matter of time until the Iraq wars move here. It was enough that all of the Caldeans lived in the Detroit metro area, now you bring in the Muslims, too?

MIguy: I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

Please change your name. Your constant idiocy, in no matter what thread I see you in, just serve to make us all look bad. If you honestly want to berate someone for serving in the military, or being married to someone in the military... Well, I think that pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

/residency is still held in Michigan
//moving back after we finish our two year overseas tour next year
///fark your a dick

Shadowknight: MIguy: I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

Please change your name. Your constant idiocy, in no matter what thread I see you in, just serve to make us all look bad. If you honestly want to berate someone for serving in the military, or being married to someone in the military... Well, I think that pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

/residency is still held in Michigan
//moving back after we finish our two year overseas tour next year
///fark your a dick

Meh, just pretend he is on the Detroit city council and tune him out. You know like a text based Conyers.

/SHREK!

ha-ha-guy: Shadowknight: MIguy: I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

Please change your name. Your constant idiocy, in no matter what thread I see you in, just serve to make us all look bad. If you honestly want to berate someone for serving in the military, or being married to someone in the military... Well, I think that pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

/residency is still held in Michigan
//moving back after we finish our two year overseas tour next year
///fark your a dick

Meh, just pretend he is on the Detroit city council and tune him out. You know like a text based Conyers.

/SHREK!

I lol'd

Shadowknight: ///fark your a dick

You're a dick. Had to fix that for myself.

/he's still a dick

Ahhh_Ennui: MIguy: Shadowknight: You do know that people move, right? You know that sometimes, people have to go elsewhere do to occupations, education, and a many other factors, right? In our case, the Navy has a real fetish about us being, you know, near salt water.

I don't give a fark why you left, fact is you left. Your opinion of the state means dick.

That's not fair, and you know it. Besides, I remember you saying all sorts of ridiculous, disparaging things about southeast Michigan. Don't you live on the western side of the state?

Ah, just ignore MIguy. He's been a prick in every thread I've ever seen him, whatever the subject. Poor guy's just perpetually angry for some reason.

trollfeet: I would imagine most Arab immigrants are (still, continuously) settling in Dearborn, which is worlds different than Detroit proper. It's really quite nice, in parts. The family mentioned at the top of the story is in Farmington, which is your standard white-washed suburb. Really, I don't know any recent immigrants who've moved downtown, as everything in MI is cheap enough to have a wide variety to choose from, no matter how new to the area one is.

A whole bunch of this. I was looking for a house for a friend of mine here. We figured on 18k max price. I found 25 houses north of Redford, on the edges of decent areas. 2 of them were VERY nice houses in Waterford. 800 sq ft, 6000 sq ft lots in good neighborhoods. If only there were jobs here, I would encourage anyone to try and get a place in Oakland County.

The Invisible Sky Wizard: Ah, just ignore MIguy. He's been a prick in every thread I've ever seen him, whatever the subject. Poor guy's just perpetually angry for some reason.

He lives just outside of Detroit. I'd be pissed off too.

Saginaw/Flint area myself, so I guess I can't really talk. I grew up next to corn field, though, so I don't really have the experience with the crazy crime crap.