It turns them into Smurfs?

Chemistry prof Neil Branda and his colleagues achieved their startling effects by drugging their test animals with a fearsome ultraviolet-sensitive concoction, which they refer to as a "Photocontrolled Molecular Switch" - effectively a deadly remotely-activated poison.

Here Mr. Enemy Combatant, drink this deadly concoction so I can zap you with a ray gun and paralyze you in the name of "non-lethal weaponry".

That's just farked up.

Please tase me bro, 'cos I don't want that shiat.

+1 for the headline, though, subby

Didn't Alan Moore already invent that?

Seriously, "empurplement?"

Eric Idle is unavailable for comment.

Canadian invents reversable paralysis-ray that turns its victims blue and flaccid. U.S. Defense Dept. counters with picture of Rosie O'Donnell

In other words, this is an update of the old "NASA invents a pen to write in zero gravity; the Soviets use a pencil" urban legend.

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude:
Here Mr. Enemy Combatant, drink this deadly concoction so I can zap you with a ray gun and paralyze you in the name of "non-lethal weaponry".

We can expect to see blue people coming out of Gitmo in 3,2,1...

I was expecting some weirdness from the lab of Troy Hurtubise.

Impooter: Seriously, "empurplement?"

Yes, empurplement. It's a perfectly cromulent word, I advise you to start to embiggening your vocabulary.

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Chemistry prof Neil Branda and his colleagues achieved their startling effects by drugging their test animals with a fearsome ultraviolet-sensitive concoction, which they refer to as a "Photocontrolled Molecular Switch" - effectively a deadly remotely-activated poison.

Here Mr. Enemy Combatant, drink this deadly concoction so I can zap you with a ray gun and paralyze you in the name of "non-lethal weaponry".

This is why you introduce it into the tap water.

Fano: This is why you introduce it into the tap water.



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The effect is claimed to be "reversible", but is often fatal.

Then its a death ray, not a paralysis ray. Oh, those humble, understated Canadians.

Fano: Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Chemistry prof Neil Branda and his colleagues achieved their startling effects by drugging their test animals with a fearsome ultraviolet-sensitive concoction, which they refer to as a "Photocontrolled Molecular Switch" - effectively a deadly remotely-activated poison.

Here Mr. Enemy Combatant, drink this deadly concoction so I can zap you with a ray gun and paralyze you in the name of "non-lethal weaponry".

This is why you introduce it into the tap water.

Or vaccines for largely harmless illnesses hyped by the media.

/adjusts tinfoil haRRRRRRRRRRRK *thud*

So, the UV light by itself is relatively harmless, it's the neurotoxin cocktail you have to have tossed back sometime before that gets ya.

Well, fark that. I have my own neurotoxin cocktail I imbibe on a very regular basis...

Lampooning headline is overkill; TFA devolves into steampunk mad scientists striking the head from the British Empire with this concoction about halfway down.

Wait... when did Malign Hypercognition Disorder spread to Canada? I thought the initial European outbreak had mostly been contained after the spread to the United States (and Siberian quarantine facilities)?

causing instant flaccidity and empurplement.

Really? For me, flaccidity and empurplement are opposite sides of the same coin. One or the other, but never at the same time.

I shall demonstrate.
Case A) Rosie O'Donnell.
Case B) Kate Beckinsale

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Chemistry prof Neil Branda and his colleagues achieved their startling effects by drugging their test animals with a fearsome ultraviolet-sensitive concoction, which they refer to as a "Photocontrolled Molecular Switch" - effectively a deadly remotely-activated poison.

Here Mr. Enemy Combatant, drink this deadly concoction so I can zap you with a ray gun and paralyze you in the name of "non-lethal weaponry".



...High Fructose Corn Syrup.

//Honestly, that crap is in damn near everything we drink.

Didn't a 007 book start like this?

The Canadian History ray? I've heard of that.