I'd deploy the chart for the tactical use of "Oh, snap!", but this should surprise exactly no one.

Ebert has his moments.

Granted, there *are* those lapses in judgment in which he gives positive reviews to Knowing and The Box, but still...

I am surprised that Mr. Ebert rated this so highly.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Ebert has his moments.

Granted, there *are* those lapses in judgment in which he gives positive reviews to Knowing and The Box, but still...

These are the reviews that make those go away. Besides, we're all in the extreme minority on some movie.

/but seriously, Knowing?

Is it me or has Ebert been way more snarky since he lost the whole ability to speak?

robsul82: These are the reviews that make those go away. Besides, we're all in the extreme minority on some movie.

I'll concede that.

Hell, I've championed some less-than-worthy movies in the past.


/but seriously, Knowing?

If I remember correctly, he even gave it a four-star review.

Consider my mind officially boggled.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: robsul82: These are the reviews that make those go away. Besides, we're all in the extreme minority on some movie.

I'll concede that.

Hell, I've championed some less-than-worthy movies in the past.


/but seriously, Knowing?

If I remember correctly, he even gave it a four-star review.

Consider my mind officially boggled.

I went to see Knowing based purely ON that four star review. It looked like crap, it was clearly Nicolas Cage in moneygrubbing mode, but Ebert - a critic who gets a ton of shiat because he's synonymous with "movie critic" as "Coke" is with soda - gave it four stars and the premise was intriguing enough so that I figured, eh, why not. And boy howdy was Ebert wrong on that one.

My current theory is that he went to the critics' screening fully blazed on his medicinal marijuana stash.

robsul82:

/but seriously, Knowing?

C'mon. I mean math is coming.

robsul82: I went to see Knowing based purely ON that four star review. It looked like crap, it was clearly Nicolas Cage in moneygrubbing mode, but Ebert - a critic who gets a ton of shiat because he's synonymous with "movie critic" as "Coke" is with soda - gave it four stars and the premise was intriguing enough so that I figured, eh, why not. And boy howdy was Ebert wrong on that one.

My current theory is that he went to the critics' screening fully blazed on his medicinal marijuana stash.

In all fairness, he DID rip Transformers 2 a new one, so I'll grant him some leniency.

Not enough leniency to justify his out-of-completely-farking-nowhere four-star review of Knowing, but still.

Perhaps the studio laced his drink with powerful hallucinogens?

House of Tards: C'mon. I mean math is coming.

"HOW DO I STOP THE END OF THE WORLD?!"

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: robsul82: I went to see Knowing based purely ON that four star review. It looked like crap, it was clearly Nicolas Cage in moneygrubbing mode, but Ebert - a critic who gets a ton of shiat because he's synonymous with "movie critic" as "Coke" is with soda - gave it four stars and the premise was intriguing enough so that I figured, eh, why not. And boy howdy was Ebert wrong on that one.

My current theory is that he went to the critics' screening fully blazed on his medicinal marijuana stash.

In all fairness, he DID rip Transformers 2 a new one, so I'll grant him some leniency.

Not enough leniency to justify his out-of-completely-farking-nowhere four-star review of Knowing, but still.

Perhaps the studio laced his drink with powerful hallucinogens?

Maybe. And true, that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review was a work of art.

robsul82: Maybe. And true, that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review was a work of art.

Every bit a classic as his Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo review.

Rob Schneider checked himself into his local hospital's ICU after taking such an unceremonious beating.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: robsul82: Maybe. And true, that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review was a work of art.

Every bit a classic as his Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo review.

Rob Schneider checked himself into his local hospital's ICU after taking such an unceremonious beating.

And of course Ebert's retort to Schneider's whining about an unrelated critic? Magnifique.

On the other hand, THIS is awesome:

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" takes the tepid achievement of "Twilight" (1988)

What!!? Some of the stars of this movie were not even born then!!!

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Ebert has his moments.

Granted, there *are* those lapses in judgment in which he gives positive reviews to Knowing and The Box, but still...

I liked The Box. (shrug)

"Yes, Edward (Robert Pattinson) is back in school, repeating the 12th grade for the 84th time."



I'm loathe to ask, but why does Edward still go to highschool? The previews and this review indicate he's centuries old... but still romancing teenagers and going to their school? That's more than a little creepy.

Just remember, Ebert and Oprah used to bang.

A sweaty sexual sea of pasty white flesh and rolls of chocolate swirling inside a steamy silken cocoon.

/Two thumbs were up
//Don't ask up who

WFern: "Yes, Edward (Robert Pattinson) is back in school, repeating the 12th grade for the 84th time."



I'm loathe to ask, but why does Edward still go to highschool? The previews and this review indicate he's centuries old... but still romancing teenagers and going to their school? That's more than a little creepy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo4kDrWBa6c

I think that sums up why.

WFern: "Yes, Edward (Robert Pattinson) is back in school, repeating the 12th grade for the 84th time."



I'm loathe to ask, but why does Edward still go to highschool? The previews and this review indicate he's centuries old... but still romancing teenagers and going to their school? That's more than a little creepy.

That's about the only creepy thing about that wussy, sparkly creature from the undead.

WFern: "Yes, Edward (Robert Pattinson) is back in school, repeating the 12th grade for the 84th time."



I'm loathe to ask, but why does Edward still go to highschool? The previews and this review indicate he's centuries old... but still romancing teenagers and going to their school? That's more than a little creepy.

Bringing this particular concept up with a fan of the books is something I highly recommend you do at least once in your lifetime.

"Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks."

/BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
//(wipes eye) thanks for turning me on to that article

This isn't a review: its notes formatted as paragraphs.

Ebert usually writes in longer paragraphs, and this isn't his style. It's punchy and sarcastic instead of thoughtful and witty. One can argue it's a parody of pacing, but who the hell knows what Brylcreem is anymore? It's a cultural reference out of its time.

I'm not saying he didn't write it, I'm saying he didn't write it well. I've read Mr. Ebert for years, and this is an uncharacteristic and shoddy review. I'm just glad it's for an inept movie.

It reminds me what a superb writer he is.
Stay well, Mr. Ebert.

Yes, I read the books.

Why?

1. Twilight actually provides a dead on accurate map of the general female thought process. All those crazy annoying illogical conclusions Bella comes to? It was like a light came on in my head, and female reactions made sense (well in the same way an error report makes sense of a flawed program)

2. 90% of girls of all ages, from 18 to 90, are reading them. This makes knowledge of them an impressive converation piece with girls. I'm in law school and I can't tell you how many women in the top 10% of the intelects are reading these books, and how any conversations you can enter based only on knowing them, ones that quickly lead to other topics much more interesting.


Guys, read them. Consider them opposition research.


//oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled.

I read the books. I believed a good review of them and took them with me on vacation to a remote area where there was nothing else to read. They are incredibly creepy, poorly written drivel. And
hetheeme, if the women you know think like this, you need to get away from your law school and find some real women.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Granted, there *are* those lapses in judgment in which he gives positive reviews to Knowing and The Box, but still...

Both of those films had redemptive qualities. Certainly they weren't great by anyone's standard but there were reasons to like each. They both had original stories and plot twists that weren't expected. They weren't perfect by a long shot but I found each interesting to one degree or another.

I have really come to like Ebert's reviews a lot more in the last few years. I like his website and enjoy the way he writes. I used to watch him on TV a long time ago, but like him better in this format.

hetheeme: Yes, I read the books.

Why?

1. Twilight actually provides a dead on accurate map of the general female thought process. All those crazy annoying illogical conclusions Bella comes to? It was like a light came on in my head, and female reactions made sense (well in the same way an error report makes sense of a flawed program)

2. 90% of girls of all ages, from 18 to 90, are reading them. This makes knowledge of them an impressive converation piece with girls. I'm in law school and I can't tell you how many women in the top 10% of the intelects are reading these books, and how any conversations you can enter based only on knowing them, ones that quickly lead to other topics much more interesting.


Guys, read them. Consider them opposition research.


//oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled.

Wow, you are going about this "dating" thing in about the dumbest way I've ever heard.

The point is to find girls that like the same stuff you do, not do "opposition research."

I weep for your future wives.

I used to think having a job like Ebert's would be pretty cool, and then I remembered that he probably has to sit through every movie that's popularly released. That would get old for me...

/ I don't envy the Rifftrax guys on this one either....

hetheeme: //oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled.

I think you need to take your own advice and not even attempt to logically rationalize this. Nothing in the twilight series makes the slightest shred of sense. It's actually shocking how little coherence there is in those books. In fact, there is so little clear thinking in the thousands of pages that I'm unsure about my initial judgment that they were badly written, because it looks a lot more like some evil genius went over each manuscript with a fine-toothed comb and purged every shred of logical validity.

/read them
//not nearly as badly written as statements made every day on the news

Oh Ebert doesn't like it? Oh, well, that changes everything! I was planning on seeing it this weekend, because it looks so awesome, Academy Award awesome. But, I guess I won't now because Ebert said it was bad. Thanks Ebert! Where would I be without your well spring of insight? I am certainly unable to discern good movie or bad movie without your valuable input!

WFern: "Yes, Edward (Robert Pattinson) is back in school, repeating the 12th grade for the 84th time."



I'm loathe to ask, but why does Edward still go to highschool? The previews and this review indicate he's centuries old... but still romancing teenagers and going to their school? That's more than a little creepy.

I actually asked a teenager why was she mooning over a very old pedophile. She says it's because he never grew up, so he's REALLY still 17. Then she started going on about 'real' vampires and the Blood Moon...or some such crap. You can't reason with these people. Their heads are sooo far up their keisters, they can't hear you.

What's up with Rotten Tomatoes no longer being our media friend?

yarnothuntin: Oh Ebert doesn't like it? Oh, well, that changes everything! I was planning on seeing it this weekend, because it looks so awesome, Academy Award awesome. But, I guess I won't now because Ebert said it was bad. Thanks Ebert! Where would I be without your well spring of insight? I am certainly unable to discern good movie or bad movie without your valuable input!

Are you one of those people angry at the very concept of movie critics?

hetheeme: Yes, I read the books.

Why?

1. Twilight actually provides a dead on accurate map of the general female thought process. All those crazy annoying illogical conclusions Bella comes to? It was like a light came on in my head, and female reactions made sense (well in the same way an error report makes sense of a flawed program)

2. 90% of girls of all ages, from 18 to 90, are reading them. This makes knowledge of them an impressive converation piece with girls. I'm in law school and I can't tell you how many women in the top 10% of the intelects are reading these books, and how any conversations you can enter based only on knowing them, ones that quickly lead to other topics much more interesting.


Guys, read them. Consider them opposition research.


//oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled.

You haven't met many women, have you?

If Edward looks 17, he could pass for 18 and just say he graduated. How does repeating the same grade over and over NOT look suspicious?

/read Twilight
//hated Twilight
///has no intention of seeing any of the films

hetheeme: Guys, read them. Consider them opposition research.

You sound like a fat, unsparkly virgin.

hetheeme: //oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled

When the argument was made that he is centuries old, the point of it was that you'd think someone among ten generations of principals/teachers/graduates would notice that the same student is in every yearbook since the school was built.

"Welcome to your twenty year reunion!"
"Is Edward here? I always wondered where he'd end up"
"Oh no he's umm... he's still a student here."

So is anyone else bothered by the mere commercial for this movie? Since when do werewolves turn into wolves? Wouldn't that just make them some type of lame shapeshifter? And I would bet money Meyer got rid of the whole "full moon" idea.


/Trying not to have a "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" reaction.

Just glad my girl friend doesn't read it. She seems to read books with "god" in the title. She just finished God of Animals and is now on God of Small Things.

Not to defend New Moon, but Ebert seems to be a joke now a days. Seriously it seems like he just wants to pan everything so he can write joke complaints to sound cool. The guys is pointless now and should give it up.

The Twilight Saga is an extended metaphor for teen chastity, in which the punishment for being deflowered I will leave your imagination.

I just came in here to say that Ebert is right on the money with this.

szyska: Just glad my girl friend doesn't read it. She seems to read books with "god" in the title. She just finished God of Animals and is now on God of Small Things.

Should ask her why she's looking for relationship help with you

Razorwolf: hetheeme: //oh, and Edward still goes to school because he does not age and is frozen with the look he had when he was made a sparkling zombie. School is the best way to keep appearences up supposedly. Though if they are just wanting to keep questions at bey they could just say they were homeschooled

When the argument was made that he is centuries old, the point of it was that you'd think someone among ten generations of principals/teachers/graduates would notice that the same student is in every yearbook since the school was built.

"Welcome to your twenty year reunion!"
"Is Edward here? I always wondered where he'd end up"
"Oh no he's umm... he's still a student here."


I've not read the books, however I have three teenage daughters living in my house and a wife (pity me) and they are all gaga over this Twilight thing. Anyway, from what I can gather, the vampire family (flock? coven?) moves around a lot and changes their name to avoid suspicion. OTOH, I could be totally wrong about this since I generally don't pay close attention when they all start nattering on about the books.

My wife is a professional Dominatrix. She is taking her slave to this movie as a form of punishment.

Ebert also is quoted as:

mmmguht pfffftsheffft unguh .... ::drool::

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: robsul82: Maybe. And true, that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review was a work of art.

Every bit a classic as his Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo review.

Rob Schneider checked himself into his local hospital's ICU after taking such an unceremonious beating.

Yes. Pure awesome. I loved it when Ebert pointed this out: Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

MDGeist: Not to defend New Moon, but Ebert seems to be a joke now a days. Seriously it seems like he just wants to pan everything so he can write joke complaints to sound cool. The guys is pointless now and should give it up.

Aw, are you angry at the movie critic too? Do I sense a little jealousy?

szyska: Just glad my girl friend doesn't read it. She seems to read books with "god" in the title. She just finished God of Animals and is now on God of Small Things.

How Mighty Have Fallen next

bglove25: So is anyone else bothered by the mere commercial for this movie? Since when do werewolves turn into wolves? Wouldn't that just make them some type of lame shapeshifter? And I would bet money Meyer got rid of the whole "full moon" idea.

/Trying not to have a "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" reaction.

(from wiki) A werewolf or werwolf, also known as a lycanthrope (from the Greek λυκάνθρωπος: λύκος, lukos, "wolf", and άνθρωπος, anthrōpos, man), is a mythological or folkloric human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or an anthropomorphic wolf-like creature, either purposely, by being bitten or scratched by another werewolf, or after being placed under a curse.

there are also some stories of what i'd guess you can call "reverse werewolves" that are wolves that can become humans to lure unwitting human prey away from their homes, etc.

Likewise, vampires had the ability to become bats, wolves, rats, and mist, but Meyer thought sparkles was a cooler trait since she made it up.

You_mean_Im_gonna_stay_this_color: On the other hand, THIS is awesome:

Sam Rockwell's Moon was awesome. One of the best movies of the year.

I have a 13 year old daughter who is simply "in LOVE" with Edward- I read the books so that I knew what she was filling her head with. IMHO, the books are crap, but realatively harmless crap, and I question the sanity of grown women who are swooning over this stuff.