Yeah, until the llama rips jaw and yer face off (along with your eyes), rips your fingers off and then proceeds to eat you.. I'm going to go with CHIMP

Jerking on ya? Kinky!

Bukkake!

That's Hawt!

Is this another Paul Janka thread?

santadog: Yeah, until the llama rips jaw and yer face off (along with your eyes), rips your fingers off and then proceeds to eat you.. I'm going to go with CHIMP

What is truly terrifying about chimp attacks is that they seem like they are totally about being as brutal and evil as possible. I bet it's a dominance thing... "I'm the alpha male and to prove it I'm going to mutilate this wimpy human as a message to the rest of you."

For all the "meat is murder" people out there, and the "apes are people too!" folks as well, should we arrest and try chimpanzees when they kill each other?

lukelightning: santadog: Yeah, until the llama rips jaw and yer face off (along with your eyes), rips your fingers off and then proceeds to eat you.. I'm going to go with CHIMP

What is truly terrifying about chimp attacks is that they seem like they are totally about being as brutal and evil as possible. I bet it's a dominance thing... "I'm the alpha male and to prove it I'm going to mutilate this wimpy human as a message to the rest of you."

For all the "meat is murder" people out there, and the "apes are people too!" folks as well, should we arrest and try chimpanzees when they kill each other?

our prison system is already full of...

wait... i'm not gonna be the one to make that joke

I hate stories like this. They always end with the animal being killed for simply doing what animals do. Sickening.

Loved the quips and slang the folks were a hollerin' there. Sounds down right Suthin ya all. Who da thunk it?

I especially liked, "...but he never spit on anyone except for my sister - and if you knew my sister, you would understand why he spit on her."

Llamas are used as herd guards for sheep because they'll stomp the shiat out of coyotes and wolves, so I'm not surprised.

/still doesn't beat having your face and hand ripped off

I came for the "Man beats off llama" headline. I leave...dissatisfied...

//sigh

FTFA:

"...he never spit on anyone except for my sister - and if you knew my sister, you would understand why he spit on her."

Now that's kinky!

Was it the third leg?

Llama.
LLAMA???
DUCK!

First off...god bless texas country folk. I talk to dozens of guys like this every week and you would be amazed at the knowledge of the land they have. They might not know how the internet works or what a torrent is but if I ask them about a geological outcropping or a specific native american tribe, they will talk for hours.

That being said....full on godwin in that video.

/spends almost every weekend in Ladonia Texas right now
//population roughly 120

I is wunderin what darn language they be spoken down there.

Steele is now sporting crutches and hundreds of stitches - his wife said nearly 700 - in his right leg.



700 my ass. Not even 27.

gruntmints: Llama.
LLAMA???
DUCK!

In Stereo!

What an angry Lama may look like:

They certainly do sound country.
Good to know there are still people out there with strong dialects and that the English speaking world is not yet completely homogenised.

Cuidado!
(new window)

lukelightning: santadog: Yeah, until the llama rips jaw and yer face off (along with your eyes), rips your fingers off and then proceeds to eat you.. I'm going to go with CHIMP

What is truly terrifying about chimp attacks is that they seem like they are totally about being as brutal and evil as possible. I bet it's a dominance thing... "I'm the alpha male and to prove it I'm going to mutilate this wimpy human as a message to the rest of you."

For all the "meat is murder" people out there, and the "apes are people too!" folks as well, should we arrest and try chimpanzees when they kill each other?

well, they are wild animals, and you are correct that when they attack they go for the areas that they know will be the most painful and humiliating. Given their incredible strength, they could surely kill more efficiently than they do. They obviously have other purposes in mind- a sign of their intelligence.

The lady in Connecticut who kept her "pet" chimp as a surrogate for family, which repaid her by ripping off the face of her friend, is a fool, as is anyone who thinks they can safely keep these animals living in their homes.

There was a show on the other day interviewing the lady who got attacked by the chimp. It was a horror show, basically.
I'm amazed she's alive and pray and hope for her the best.
But wow, I hope they can give her a face transplant or do something for her, no one should have to go through life like that.

Just watched the vid. They look like The Skipper and Gilligan.

/LOVE the accents.

So this llama named Spanky grabs his leg and starts jerking on him and he beats Spanky off. Subby, I'm so disappointed in you.

When I was a kid a buddy of mine had a few of those as pets. One time I was over and one of the farking things spit on me. Holy shiat I have or never will smell anything that bad again.
/wishes I could Conan punch the thing, I think I was 13 at the time.

TFA reminded me of this lady



She's the woman Sarah Palin wishes she could be.

BabyDumplings: I hate stories like this. They always end with the animal being killed for simply doing what animals do. Sickening.

He was a tame llama that went off on someone. Rabies is a good indicator here.

There are few things in this world as soft as the muzzle of a llama.

I mean, a llama and some peanut butter would make for a great party.

Andralynn: BabyDumplings: I hate stories like this. They always end with the animal being killed for simply doing what animals do. Sickening.

He was a tame llama that went off on someone. Rabies is a good indicator here.

it's sickening that people kill rabid animals for simply doing what comes naturally

WeenerGord: Steele is now sporting crutches and hundreds of stitches - his wife said nearly 700 - in his right leg.



700 my ass. Not even 27.

Probably not 700, but you know there are usually stitches on the inside of the cut as well?

Cool story bro: I once had a cut like that on the calf of my leg. Really nasty. I had quite a few inside stitches. When the time came to get the outer stitches removed the nurse looks at what was an inside stitch surfacing through the cut, and shes like "hmm, whats that?" she takes some plier like object and then YANKS on that inside stitch. Worst. Pain. I've Ever felt. In. My Life. And I've dealt with kidney stones...I told the doctor what the dumb biatch did and he takes her to the other room to "speak with her", I could hear him yelling at her like crazy.

lukelightning: What is truly terrifying about chimp attacks is that they seem like they are totally about being as brutal and evil as possible. I bet it's a dominance thing... "I'm the alpha male and to prove it I'm going to mutilate this wimpy human as a message to the rest of you."

For all the "meat is murder" people out there, and the "apes are people too!" folks as well, should we arrest and try chimpanzees when they kill each other?

Chimps attack like this in the wild when they attack other tribes. It is not much different than the human tendency to war. Basically the chimps raid other groups and then kill as many enemy chimps as they can. Since they don't really have weapons or anything they just go to ripping. I have seen videos where they rip apart baby chimps and knaw on the bones. It is all about eradication of the enemy.

/the more you know

GoSurfing: I once had a cut like that on the calf of my leg.

Didja get that surfing? Shark bite or board strike?

*gnaw

Bigjohn3592: Best Quote in the whole article

"My grandkids rode on his back and did everything with him," she said. "I have always heard they were spitters, but he never spit on anyone except for my sister - and if you knew my sister, you would understand why he spit on her."

Can't believe it took this long to point that out. Gold.

When I read the subby's headline, I expected a chimpanzee biting and masturbation incident.

/Left disappointed.

Broken9754: Can't believe it took this long to point that out. Gold.

Nevermind, was pointed out earlier, I just missed it. Nice work Farkers.

looks no worse than a møøse bite

My friend saw the chimp attack victim on Oprah the other day. He wishes he could un-see her.

BabyDumplings: I hate stories like this. They always end with the animal being killed for simply doing what animals do. Sickening.

Not really. We punish humans who do things this horrific with death or life in prison. I guess it's sickening if you don't believe in the death penalty.

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: My friend saw the chimp attack victim on Oprah the other day. He wishes he could un-see her.

Found this online:

Chimp owner attacked and mauled by other chimps during visit to see his house-trained chimp in an animal sanctuary. Two other chimps escaped from their cages and chewed off his nose, mangled his testicles and foot. The chimps also bit off chunks of his buttocks and legs before the sanctuary owner shot the two animals dead.

/not posting the picture.

"I just bought an alpaca from Pakistan"

"Islamabad?"

"No, I just prefer alpacas"

Chimpanzees are violent, calculating animals that would just as soon kill you as look at you. If chimps had nukes, the world would have been cinders long ago.

Sounds like someone needs to really whip the lama's ass.

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: the chimp attack victim on Oprah

The Huff Post had pics and they also linked to a video of the interview on YouTube...which YouTube deleted.

(I'm going to assume it was deleted because of copyright issues.)

For the curious, here's a video clip of the Oprah interview: Link (new window)