Tada!

Ahh, the miracle of suicide.

Too bad he can't swim away from the assault charge.

This is what the "Not sure if serious" graphic was made for.

Suicide miracle?

I hope this man gets the help he needs.

To be fair you don't have to swim in any of the water near Jersey. Stand up and walk on it.

"He started shivering," Rheem, 63, told The Post, adding that the impact had torn off Rawn's pants and shredded his underwear.
============================================================

It's a shivering naked suicidal man on a rock!

GWB hasn't been president for months now. I was hoping not to have to read about him any more.

Damn, he must've hit the water flat on or something.

*wince*

Cool tag also appropriate

It's been done.

In all fairness IF I survived a suicide attempt I'd take it as some kinda divine intervention

Belly flop, you say? (new window)

Water Polo is all kinds of violent and intense.
That is all.

Having never attempted suicide, I can't honestly say how I would handle failing at killing myself. Just the thought of sucking so bad that I couldn't even kill myself properly would most likely depress me even further and I'd goad myself into giving it another shot.

who didn't see this coming? he's been depressed ever since his horse drowned.

farkwell: who didn't see this coming? he's been depressed ever since his horse drowned.

WINDMILLSWATER POLO DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Oldiron_79: farkwell: who didn't see this coming? he's been depressed ever since his horse drowned.

WINDMILLSWATER POLO DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Maybe not the way YOU play...

Not only would you risk splating flat as a pancake after this dive but even if you knifed into the Hudson cleanly you would end up in very deep water with a long swim to the surface. Not an ideal recipe for survival.

T.M.S.: Not only would you risk splating flat as a pancake after this dive but even if you knifed into the Hudson cleanly you would end up in very deep water with a long swim to the surface. Not an ideal recipe for survival.

I'm just guessing, but I think that's kind of the point.

Hung_Solo: Belly flop, you say? (new window)

Actually, that was awesome.

Hung_Solo: Having never attempted suicide, I can't honestly say how I would handle failing at killing myself. Just the thought of sucking so bad that I couldn't even kill myself properly would most likely depress me even further and I'd goad myself into giving it another shot.

How about being so awesome you can survive a 212 foot plunge into 55 degree water? That's got to make you feel good about yourself.

Hung_Solo: Having never attempted suicide, I can't honestly say how I would handle failing at killing myself. Just the thought of sucking so bad that I couldn't even kill myself properly would most likely depress me even further and I'd goad myself into giving it another shot.

Water is for people who just aren't sure, or want the attention. If you absolutely have to jump off something (as opposed to cleanly shooting yourself in the head)m jump from a bridge tower or building onto the road side. Noone's ever "accidentally" survived a 200ft swan dive onto pavement.

Not much of a suicide attempt if you're diving into water. That is womanly. Yes, check the references.

Dive onto some pavement if you're serious.

So this is George Bush's fault?

Crudbucket: How about being so awesome you can survive a 212 foot plunge into 55 degree water? That's got to make you feel good about yourself.

Huh, I never realized how pessimistic I was until your post. Think I'll just go kill myself now.

Hung_Solo: Crudbucket: How about being so awesome you can survive a 212 foot plunge into 55 degree water? That's got to make you feel good about yourself.

Huh, I never realized how pessimistic I was until your post. Think I'll just go kill myself now.

Best of luck!

on the topic of suicide, perhaps someone would be willing to offer up a little advice. and yes, i know that this probably isin't the best place but i'm pretty worried and don't know what to do. my situation is this:
i'm pretty worried about one of my ex girlfriends. to be brief, she is a sweet girl and means well but shes pretty slow and people tend to judge her pretty negatively and as a result she does not have many friends. people have a tendency to make fun of her and she takes it to heart. she lives in the big city now away from her family, and she cant go to see them very often. she works at a minimum wage job and i'm pretty sure she barely gets by and i dont think things are getting any better. as far as her family is concerned, her dad is a drunk and i'm pretty sure her mom and sister see her as kind of a burden and shiat. not too many people talk to her. since i havent changed my cell phone number in a while and she always sends me psychotic ex girlfriend style text messages late at night and tells me about how lonely she is and stuff like that. and i believe her, i'm sure she is real lonely. while we were an item she never mentioned suicide or anything like that so i'd hate to bring it up in case it had never occured to her and then she got the idea or somethin.. but she has talked a lot about how tough life is and stuff like that, so i'm worried. i feel obligated to keep talking to her because i'd hate for her to think that everyone in the world abandoned her and do something permanent, but at the same time i'm a busy guy and i dont have time to sit and listen to her talk all the time. i don't want to hurt her feelings, don't wanna shatter her dreams or nothin - they are as valid as anybody else's - but i just dont know what to do. it really just breaks my heart when i wake up in the morning to see that she had sent me some late night text messages to tell me how lonely she is.
i'm leaning towards calling her mom or sister and telling them what i've been thinkin, but they might think that its none of my business and get offended and shiat like that. i dont want to mention anything to her just in case she has never thought about killing herself.
anyone have any ideas or advice or anything that might be helpful? haha, and sorry about the dear abby type shiat, my friends all make fun of me when i bring it up and i just wouldn't like to be the guy that sat by and did nothing when somethin bad did end up happening. figured i'd use the power of the internet. haha. thanks.

bmihura: Not much of a suicide attempt if you're diving into water. That is womanly. Yes, check the references.

Dive onto some pavement if you're serious.

Pavement is more compressible than water.

willicus: T.M.S.: Not only would you risk splating flat as a pancake after this dive but even if you knifed into the Hudson cleanly you would end up in very deep water with a long swim to the surface. Not an ideal recipe for survival.

I'm just guessing, but I think that's kind of the point.

The point is he lived.

i'm driving my life away: on the topic of suicide, perhaps someone would be willing to offer up a little advice. and yes, i know that this probably isin't the best place but i'm pretty worried and don't know what to do. my situation is this:
i'm pretty worried about one of my ex girlfriends. to be brief, she is a sweet girl and means well but shes pretty slow and people tend to judge her pretty negatively and as a result she does not have many friends. people have a tendency to make fun of her and she takes it to heart. she lives in the big city now away from her family, and she cant go to see them very often. she works at a minimum wage job and i'm pretty sure she barely gets by and i dont think things are getting any better. as far as her family is concerned, her dad is a drunk and i'm pretty sure her mom and sister see her as kind of a burden and shiat. not too many people talk to her. since i havent changed my cell phone number in a while and she always sends me psychotic ex girlfriend style text messages late at night and tells me about how lonely she is and stuff like that. and i believe her, i'm sure she is real lonely. while we were an item she never mentioned suicide or anything like that so i'd hate to bring it up in case it had never occured to her and then she got the idea or somethin.. but she has talked a lot about how tough life is and stuff like that, so i'm worried. i feel obligated to keep talking to her because i'd hate for her to think that everyone in the world abandoned her and do something permanent, but at the same time i'm a busy guy and i dont have time to sit and listen to her talk all the time. i don't want to hurt her feelings, don't wanna shatter her dreams or nothin - they are as valid as anybody else's - but i just dont know what to do. it really just breaks my heart when i wake up in the morning to see that she had sent me some late night text messages to tell me how lonely she is.
i'm leaning towards calling her mom or sister and telling them what i've been thinkin, but they might think that its none of my business and get offended and shiat like that. i dont want to mention anything to her just in case she has never thought about killing herself.
anyone have any ideas or advice or anything that might be helpful? haha, and sorry about the dear abby type shiat, my friends all make fun of me when i bring it up and i just wouldn't like to be the guy that sat by and did nothing when somethin bad did end up happening. figured i'd use the power of the internet. haha. thanks.

Is she hot?

Man, I actually sort of felt bad after that. I'm not good at snark. Just confront her about it and ask if she's suicidal. Being candid is the best way to go with that sort of thing, forget the family.

You know, if I was a former water polo star and did this, I would try to act casual and pass it off as an awesome dive.

Because if you want to live, I'd rather go on living as "the badass who dove 212 feet on a whim before braving the horrors of New Jersey" than the guy who just failed a suicide attempt in front of the entire world.

Oh, and thanks for the buzzkill, Captain Killjoy.

gr8fultom: So this is George Bush's fault?

Didn't try and stop him.

I've heard of people jumping off of bridges and surviving. In most of the stories, the people realized they wanted to live just after the jump.

The moral of the story?

Use a gun.

i'm driving my life away: on the topic of suicide, perhaps someone would be willing to offer up a little advice. and yes, i know that this probably isin't the best place but i'm pretty worried and don't know what to do. my situation is this:

(snip)

I would suggest just hanging out every now and then, preferably in places where she might meet new people. If she's just an introvert, then go ahead and introduce her to the internet, if she isn't a lurker to begin with. Give her a few interesting books to read so you can talk about them after she's done. But if you are really suspicious, yeah, tell her straight up that you're worried about her. If she flips out, then she's most likely just being an attention whore. If she's been having serious thoughts and wants help, then she'll appreciate it.

Hung_Solo: Man, I actually sort of felt bad after that. I'm not good at snark.

Suicide snark goes well with crappy mallcore filler (like Twilight), good snark offends people from multiple angles.

First thing I thought of.

I'll just leave this here...

T.M.S. writes:

Pavement is more compressible than water.

In the context of diving, that is the third most most stupid thing I've ever read on Fark. And I've been here awhile.

Back in my younger days, I've done 112 foot water dives. I would not try that on pavement.

i'm driving my life away: on the topic of suicide, perhaps someone would be willing to offer up a little advice. and yes, i know that this probably isin't the best place but i'm pretty worried and don't know what to do. my situation is this:
i'm pretty worried about one of my ex girlfriends. to be brief, she is a sweet girl and means well but shes pretty slow and people tend to judge her pretty negatively and as a result she does not have many friends. people have a tendency to make fun of her and she takes it to heart. she lives in the big city now away from her family, and she cant go to see them very often. she works at a minimum wage job and i'm pretty sure she barely gets by and i dont think things are getting any better. as far as her family is concerned, her dad is a drunk and i'm pretty sure her mom and sister see her as kind of a burden and shiat. not too many people talk to her. since i havent changed my cell phone number in a while and she always sends me psychotic ex girlfriend style text messages late at night and tells me about how lonely she is and stuff like that. and i believe her, i'm sure she is real lonely. while we were an item she never mentioned suicide or anything like that so i'd hate to bring it up in case it had never occured to her and then she got the idea or somethin.. but she has talked a lot about how tough life is and stuff like that, so i'm worried. i feel obligated to keep talking to her because i'd hate for her to think that everyone in the world abandoned her and do something permanent, but at the same time i'm a busy guy and i dont have time to sit and listen to her talk all the time. i don't want to hurt her feelings, don't wanna shatter her dreams or nothin - they are as valid as anybody else's - but i just dont know what to do. it really just breaks my heart when i wake up in the morning to see that she had sent me some late night text messages to tell me how lonely she is.
i'm leaning towards calling her mom or sister and telling them what i've been thinkin, but they might think that its none of my business and get offended and shiat like that. i dont want to mention anything to her just in case she has never thought about killing herself.
anyone have any ideas or advice or anything that might be helpful? haha, and sorry about the dear abby type shiat, my friends all make fun of me when i bring it up and i just wouldn't like to be the guy that sat by and did nothing when somethin bad did end up happening. figured i'd use the power of the internet. haha. thanks.

With so little to go on, are you sure she's not just being manipulative?

My advice is worth what you paid for it, but I would say if you really feel she might need help, then you are that help. If you really don't think you can, then maybe it's best you let her know you can't help her and get out of her life.

TsukasaK: Damn, he must've hit the water flat on or something.

*wince*

Yeah, it is a lot easier to jump in the water that has 10 foot ocean swells. The hard part is finding said bridge.

If he survived the impact with the water, that meant he positioned himself straight up and down. If he belly flopped, he'd be dead.

bmihura: T.M.S. writes:

Pavement is more compressible than water.

In the context of diving, that is the third most most stupid thing I've ever read on Fark. And I've been here awhile.

Back in my younger days, I've done 112 foot water dives. I would not try that on pavement.

Perhaps it would have been better for us if you had.

i'm driving my life away: on the topic of suicide, perhaps someone would be willing to offer up a little advice. and yes, i know that this probably isin't the best place but i'm pretty worried and don't know what to do. my situation is this:
i'm pretty worried about one of my ex girlfriends. to be brief, she is a sweet girl and means well but shes pretty slow and people tend to judge her pretty negatively and as a result she does not have many friends. people have a tendency to make fun of her and she takes it to heart. she lives in the big city now away from her family, and she cant go to see them very often. she works at a minimum wage job and i'm pretty sure she barely gets by and i dont think things are getting any better. as far as her family is concerned, her dad is a drunk and i'm pretty sure her mom and sister see her as kind of a burden and shiat. not too many people talk to her. since i havent changed my cell phone number in a while and she always sends me psychotic ex girlfriend style text messages late at night and tells me about how lonely she is and stuff like that. and i believe her, i'm sure she is real lonely. while we were an item she never mentioned suicide or anything like that so i'd hate to bring it up in case it had never occured to her and then she got the idea or somethin.. but she has talked a lot about how tough life is and stuff like that, so i'm worried. i feel obligated to keep talking to her because i'd hate for her to think that everyone in the world abandoned her and do something permanent, but at the same time i'm a busy guy and i dont have time to sit and listen to her talk all the time. i don't want to hurt her feelings, don't wanna shatter her dreams or nothin - they are as valid as anybody else's - but i just dont know what to do. it really just breaks my heart when i wake up in the morning to see that she had sent me some late night text messages to tell me how lonely she is.
i'm leaning towards calling her mom or sister and telling them what i've been thinkin, but they might think that its none of my business and get offended and shiat like that. i dont want to mention anything to her just in case she has never thought about killing herself.
anyone have any ideas or advice or anything that might be helpful? haha, and sorry about the dear abby type shiat, my friends all make fun of me when i bring it up and i just wouldn't like to be the guy that sat by and did nothing when somethin bad did end up happening. figured i'd use the power of the internet. haha. thanks.

http://www.preventsuicide.us/hopeline-new/

Seriously. Check it out.

I committed suicide once... overrated

I drove over the GW Bridge ... overrated.

Now he can move on his promise to pay God 2 percent of everything. 2 PERCENT! WE'RE TALKING "GROSS"

i'm driving my life away: on the topic of suicide...

Dear IDMLA...

1) You don't need to be the person in the worst shape in the scenario to benefit from getting professional help. If you're torn up over a friend's problem, get yourself some help. Counselors, etc. will be able to listen to your full story when your friends or Fark won't, and can give you specific advice on what to do next.

2) It really doesn't take a big time commitment to lend an ear in this day and age. People who really need someone to talk to are looking for someone to listen. In conversation, that involves a lot of eye contact, nods, and "uh-huh"s. In email or text, not so much. You can let someone know that you're listening in less than 5 minutes. If you find yourself worrying that you'll be the dude who gave someone in dire straits the cold shoulder, you can alleviate this with a very low time commitment and should do so. If they seem to like it too much and start asking for more time than you have to give, just be honest and tell them you are busy and have X amount of time to give.

/not licensed to practice blah blah blah
//Not Abby either

bmihura: T.M.S. writes:

Pavement is more compressible than water.

In the context of diving, that is the third most most stupid thing I've ever read on Fark. And I've been here awhile.

Back in my younger days, I've done 112 foot water dives. I would not try that on pavement.

Pavement actually is more compressible than water. What T.M.S. failed to elaborate on is that water moves out of the way when you jump into it, due to the fact that it is liquid. Pavement does not. Therefore, you die when you hit pavement, but dive when you hit water vertically.

I actually did survive a suicide attempt... less than two years ago, actually. I was immediately really angry, but grateful in the long run.