I thought Batman always wins?

Anyone who thinks Batman wins this should diaf, eabod and whatever other fashionable insults there are.

Batman wins.

Batman always. Farking. Wins.

I'm not even a huge Batman fan, but them's the breaks as they say.

They being people that speak like idiots.

ChimpZealot: Anyone who thinks Batman wins this should diaf, eabod and whatever other fashionable insults there are.


Well, I didn't RTFA but Batman is smarter than Flash, that much is certain. Although super-speed it pretty tough to beat, Batman has the intellect & is well-equipped enough to devise a solution. Furthermore, we have to remember that Batman has already equipped himself with the ability to take down any member of the JLA who may go rogue. He doesn't trust anybody, even his allies. ner has.

Short version: Intelligence trumps all.
Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom, and Charisma are all secondary.

schattenteufel: Well, I didn't RTFA but Batman is smarter than Flash, that much is certain

You should RTFA, especially "Rob's" part.

Is Flash faster than the speed of light? nope. so the trap would be a cage made of lasers. Batman Wins

ChimpZealot: Anyone who thinks Batman wins this should diaf, eabod and whatever other fashionable insults there are.

Batman should often not win, but yet they always make him win. That's the point though. It's about the regular old human outwitting the gods, demons, and super powered things they put him up against. I mean seriously, superman could tear Batman in half. Batman does not walk around with kryptonite shoved up his ass "just in case." However, that does not change comic book history.

Hobodeluxe: Is Flash faster than the speed of light? nope. so the trap would be a cage made of lasers. Batman Wins

Actually, I believe that the Flash IS faster than light, and can time travel.

Though I am certainly no expert on this.

Hebalo: schattenteufel: Well, I didn't RTFA but Batman is smarter than Flash, that much is certain

You should RTFA, especially "Rob's" part.


I RTFA. "Rob's" part was silly. I liked "Dave's" part though. While also silly, it seems like something Batman's writers would have him do.

I just wanted an excuse to post this.

/also Batman should have won.

You know what would stop The Flash? A regular old net. Batman at least has cutting implements on his person.

Sorry, Batman hands down.

Flash would lose because of when they changed his powers so that he isn't really fast, he's just a computer program come to life that thinks its a human. So no all Batman needs to do is give Flash a computer virus which is easy peasy.

So, it comes down to the goddamned Batman and a guy whose only real power is that he can run. I'm going with Batman, yet again.

Wooohooo!! Flash rules, you nerds drool can suck it.

cowsspinach: Sorry, Batman hands down.

That's exactly the point. When Bats' hands are down, Flash pounces.

HeathSteele: So, it comes down to the goddamned Batman and a guy whose only real power is that he can run. I

Well, he can fly too.

Yeah, Batman always wins because he's the one with no super powers. Superman nuking Batman from orbit with his laser vision would make for a pretty short comic. And he's the only one who doesn't have powers to fall back on. When Superman loses his powers he can fight for shiat.

schattenteufel: ChimpZealot: Anyone who thinks Batman wins this should diaf, eabod and whatever other fashionable insults there are.


Well, I didn't RTFA but Batman is smarter than Flash, that much is certain. Although super-speed it pretty tough to beat, Batman has the intellect & is well-equipped enough to devise a solution. Furthermore, we have to remember that Batman has already equipped himself with the ability to take down any member of the JLA who may go rogue. He doesn't trust anybody, even his allies. ner has.

Short version: Intelligence trumps all.
Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom, and Charisma are all secondary.

Lol did you ever play DAoC?

The Flash takes this about 250 times before Batman has time to soil his bat-underwear. The one time Batman took down Flash in JLA: Tower of Babel, it was with a method - shooting him with a "vibra-bullet" that gave him seizures at light speed - that itself is so incredibly unbelievable it defies all logic, since the Flash has been shown many, many times over that he can easily avoid bullet fire, even when caught unaware. It was a complete jobbing by the Flash necessary to move the story along.

Any version of the Flash absolutely wreaks Bruce in a fair fight, no question.

The Motherfarking Flash

Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest shiat to ever shiat on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fark you batman. That's Batman.

But the farking Flash, my god, my farkING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that farking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.

Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fark! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's farking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't farking enough!

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shiat but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, farker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or farkING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the farking Flash.

Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shiat he's going to lose and fark how is Superman THIS farking strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! fark you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet farking russia! RUSH-A! biatch.

Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why WolverineBatman sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.

He's the goddamn Batman. He wins. No contest.