It's like Hollywood is PROUD of being out of ideas...

A "Ouiji" board movie makes sense, easy horror movie potential, actually I'm sure there have been more than a few past horror movies that tied in a Ouigi board.. this one will just be called "Ouiji", and the board will have slightly more to do with the plot.

I never played or got into MTG, but, it is almost surprising a movie HASN'T been made from it yet, considering all the other fantasy movies that have come out based on other games.

The other ones are really just stretching to make a storyline out of a board game.

SFX: Heavy footfalls, shaking the entire theater
SFX: Hideous crunching sounds.

Fade up from Black onto:
TV LIVE SHOT. A REPORTER is in the foreground, with an utterly devastated Times Square behind him. Bodies are strewn about, and huge swaths of the buildings are torn to shreds.

REPORTER
...government officials can't tell us what caused this dramatic change in behavior (he pauses, his eyes going wide) Oh my God...

SFX: Heavy footballs

The camera begins shaking and is suddenly knocked aside, laying on the pavement. We can't see what is happening, but we hear hideous screams before the camera cuts out.

CUT TO:
Interior, basement of a suburban home. The power is off and a swinging camping lantern offers the only light, casting a family in moving shadows. A MOTHER holds a LITTLE GIRL in her arms -- more for her own comfort than the child's.

MOTHER (nearly hysterical)
Why...why won't they go away?

CUT TO:
Interior, military base. A GENERAL and a WHITE HOUSE AIDE look at scenes of destruction on monitors. The GENERAL is pale. The AIDE is furious

AIDE
You told me you could stop these things! What the hell happened?

GENERAL
Everything we've thrown at them they've shrugged off. Every soldier who faced them was...(he trails off, horrified). I...I don't think we're going to be able to stop them.

CUT TO:
Black screen. Fade in graphics by line
They've waited long enough for dinner to be served

CUT TO:
Interior, basement. The lantern has stopped swinging, and it is eerily quiet. Close-up on the LITTLE GIRL

LITTLE GIRL
Maybe...maybe they're finally full?

Massive crashing sounds and screams as the lantern goes black along with the screen

CUT TO: Black screen with graphics, line-by-line

HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS

CUT TO: Black screen

SUMMER 2014
IT'S FEEDING TIME

Fade to black

Mr. Coffee Nerves: HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS

CUT TO: Black screen

SUMMER 2014
IT'S FEEDING TIME

Fade to black

Simpsons Robot Chicken did it. Amazing how prescient they were.

Mr. Coffee Nerves: SUMMER 2014
IT'S FEEDING TIME

Oh man. Someone at least needs to make that TRAILER. That was great!

ragekage: Mr. Coffee Nerves: HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS

CUT TO: Black screen

SUMMER 2014
IT'S FEEDING TIME

Fade to black

Simpsons Robot Chicken did it. Amazing how prescient they were.

Dammit!!! I missed that one. Great, now I'm going to get sued by Seth Green again -- and this time I don't have the "you can't PROVE that's my semen" defense.

Monopoly: grade-A stupid, if it really has anything to do with the board game.

Clue: It's already been done, you idiots! And the old movie was about as good as it's ever going to get! Just leave it alone!

Battleship: If I can see 400-feet-tall CGI red pegs sticking out the top of an air-craft carrier, then this movie might be worth renting.

Ouija Board: This is the only one is a somewhat good idea, but I have my doubts that it would be worth shelling out the money to see it in a theater.

Stretch Armstrong: This will be as good of a movie as Garfield the Cat.

ViewMaster: Just farking kill me now. This has GOT to be a sign of the apocalypse.

Risk: Stupid and boring. But I look forward to the great Battle of Kamchatka and the giant roman numerals fighting it out with each other.

Candy Land: Kids under the age of 3 might like this movie. Kids under the age of 3 shouldn't be going to movies, though. Don't you get ENOUGH visual stimulation through the TV's your parents put you in front of 10 hours a day?

Magic: The Gathering: I've never liked the card game, and I am sure I won't like the lame storyline that they create around it.

Lando Lincoln: Risk: Stupid and boring. But I look forward to the great Battle of Kamchatka and the giant roman numerals fighting it out with each other.

This could actually be interesting. The climax of the movie could be the Battle of Eastern Canada between the Pan-African League and Australio-Russian Empire.

A better way to do this, however, would be to make Civilization II: The Movie. And, uh, *ahem*...I just happen to have a couple of scripts, y'know, just in case.

Lando Lincoln: Monopoly: grade-A stupid, if it really has anything to do with the board game.

Clue: It's already been done, you idiots! And the old movie was about as good as it's ever going to getjust a red herring! Just leave it alone!

Battleship: If I can see 400-feet-tall CGI red pegs sticking out the top of an air-craft carrier, then this movie might be worth renting.

Ouija Board: This is the only one is a somewhat good idea, but I have my doubts that it would be worth shelling out the money to see it in a theater.

Stretch Armstrong: This will be as good of a movie as Garfield the Cat.

ViewMaster: Just farking kill me now. This has GOT to be a sign of the apocalypse.

Risk: Stupid and boring. But I look forward to the great Battle of Kamchatka and the giant roman numerals fighting it out with each other.

Candy Land: Kids under the age of 3 might like this movie. Kids under the age of 3 shouldn't be going to movies, though. Don't you get ENOUGH visual stimulation through the TV's your parents put you in front of 10 hours a day?

Magic: The Gathering: I've never liked the card game, and I am sure I won't like the lame storyline that they create around it.

FTFY

Oujia board was already made into a movie. Witchboard.

Electric_Banana: Oujia board was already made into a movie. Witchboard.

I thought it was The Exorcist.

Ass: The Movie

...and that's all it was.

Lando Lincoln:

Battleship: If I can see 400-feet-tall CGI red pegs sticking out the top of an air-craft carrier, then this movie might be worth renting.



Hahahahaha! Either that or everyone in each fleet is blind, so they randomly fire at certain spots

Lando Lincoln: Magic: The Gathering: I've never liked the card game, and I am sure I won't like the lame storyline that they create around it.

Wizards of the Coast actually has an impressive back story and source material for the game, enough so that a decent movie could be had out of it.

The chances of that happening of course are zero... but hey the material is there.

Lando Lincoln: Battleship: If I can see 400-feet-tall CGI red pegs sticking out the top of an air-craft carrier, then this movie might be worth renting.

I was thinking if they did that as part of a sequel to Colossus: The Forbin Project that that might be interesting. However, as I am sure only a dozen people will get that reference, I suspect this movie would be the box office flop of all flops.

Electric_Banana: Oujia board was already made into a movie. Witchboard.

And when was it unfashionable in Hollywood to remake 20 year old movies and TV shows?

As far as some of the other ones that sound like craziness on the surface....

Candy Land could go in two directions..... one being very much for the preschool set that everyone else is envisioning. The other being more of a "Willy Wonka/Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" mashup where there is a bit more panic and drama about getting through the "candy forest". Nothing says a Candy Land movie has to be for 4 year old's.

I'm really trying to stretch with Viewmaster. If they decided to not make all these movies as "kid" movies, I could maybe see a "Viewmaster" movie where somehow a viewmaster reel, instead of pictures of National Monuments or Dora the Explorer, gets someones murder scene photos, and some sort of story around that. Or maybe some sort of "possessed" Viewmaster that predicts the future, and shows people going to their deaths. Kind of a creepier "Early Edition".

Can't one of those forest fires over there bless us with a good Hollywood burn? Sadly, they are moving a lot of operations to the Boston area so I will never be safe :(

When's Connect Four the movie being released or is it going straight to video?

fschloss1: When's Connect Four the movie being released or is it going straight to video?

After what happened with Connects 1, 2, and 3, I'd imagine straight to video.

dletter: A "Ouiji" board movie makes sense, easy horror movie potential, actually I'm sure there have been more than a few past horror movies that tied in a Ouigi board.. this one will just be called "Ouiji", and the board will have slightly more to do with the plot.


It was called Paranormal Activity, and it made a bazillion dollars.

I'd see a M:TG movie if it were based off of the Time Spiral books... I like those... I'd love to see how the handle they Slivers and Nico Bolas... Or maybe the books from the Kamigawa block... Talking rats & fox-people mixed with Japanese motifs... Otherwise there are tons of other stories they have already written and published - just gotta pick em up and convert them for the screen. They've got a pretty built-in audience, but then again the same thing could have been said about D&D (snerk)

That aside, it looks like Hollywood is gone beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel, and have started to scrape down the sides and the lid... They've gone through TV pretty well, movie remakes & reboots are still a pretty big thing but they are fading, toy & video game properties have been exploited pretty well... And now we have board games and what-not...

I think what's going to be next is licensed advertising characters... By 2013 (assuming the giant space monsters haven't eaten us by then) we'll have a film featuring Count Chocula, Franken Berry & Boo Berry (with a cameo by Yummy Mummy & Fruit Brute) done in the style of "Monster Squad"... Or we'll have a "Crank"-esque action movie featuring the Cocoa Puffs bird...

Or maybe Crackle & Pop have to avenge the death of their beloved brother, taking out corrupt law enforcement, mob hitmen and other assorted thugs along the way, sort of in the style of a typical martial art revenge movie... We can call it... "Snap Judgement"

/This is fun...

DoughyGuy: Or maybe Crackle & Pop have to avenge the death of their beloved brother, taking out corrupt law enforcement, mob hitmen and other assorted thugs along the way, sort of in the style of a typical martial art revenge movie... We can call it... "Snap Judgement"

Only if we can secure Adam Sandler

What about "Operation; The Movie." It could star Hugh Laurie

Magic the Gathering: The Movie

hmmm...so how are they going to convey all that tapping of the mana?

Bermuda59: What about "Operation; The Movie." It could star Hugh Laurie

Someone hasn't seen Black Jack (new window).

Lando Lincoln:
Clue: It's already been done, you idiots! And the old movie was about as good as it's ever going to get! Just leave it alone!


what are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?

I think a Candyland movie would probably be okay for small kids in the vein of "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs" - that one actually makes sense.

Also, as much as I like the comedic Clue! movie, I'd love to see a modern filmmaker like Verbinski take on a good old fashioned parlor room murder mystery. I'd rather see a remake of "The Legacy" or "The Evil" but what are ya gonna do?

The rest? Just... don't. You want to make a movie about buying real estate in Atlantic City? Go ahead, just don't base it on a board game that no one ever finishes.

I believe they already made a Stretch Armstrong movie and it was called "Fantastic 4"

I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.

Electric_Banana: Oujia board was already made into a movie. Witchboard.

Came here to say this. :)

Ouija Board
Even less exciting than the idea of a piece of printed cardboard that supposedly talks to the dead is a movie about said worthless piece of printed cardboard. The studio is billing the project as "a supernatural action-adventure movie" and hints that the plot may involve some of those supposed Ouija board rules that gave you goose bumps back in elementary school: never use it alone, never use it in a graveyard, always say goodbye at the end of a Ouija session. Fan-fark-tastic.

Not only has it been done, but it's already had a couple of crappy sequels:
Witchboard (pops)

If there was ever a sign that capitalism has just gone too damn far, this is it.

The M:tG movie will only be good if you spend enough money on tickets. Those of us who only spend a little bit on our ticket will hate the movie.

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Maybe...maybe they're finally full?

You win the internets. All of them.

Clarence Potter: Lando Lincoln: Battleship: If I can see 400-feet-tall CGI red pegs sticking out the top of an air-craft carrier, then this movie might be worth renting.

I was thinking if they did that as part of a sequel to Colossus: The Forbin Project that that might be interesting. However, as I am sure only a dozen people will get that reference, I suspect this movie would be the box office flop of all flops.
Got the reference. Still don't understand how that would be possible.
Colossus and Guardian as the players? Weren't they working together?

fschloss1: When's Connect Four the movie being released or is it going straight to video?

Link (new window)

Check out what this video is a response to, right under the video window.

I'm just looking forward to my Carcassone movie.

The Settlers of Catan : The Movie.
Chess (no not the singing one).
Pictionary
Trivial Pursuit - I wan't massive pie slices in the sky!

/ did anyone mention Witchboard yet?

Cheese eating surrender monkey: Colossus and Guardian as the players? Weren't they working together?

In the second book, Colossus organizes naval battles a la Rollerball to keep the people happy. I have no idea why the Battleship movie made me think of that, but it did.

No Blood Bowl?

This is why Honk Bag needs to be greenlit.

The Letter Two: I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.

You too?
/I hope I get there first

Just so that we can never speak of this again...

When has posting something on Fark ever prevented the same topic from coming up in the next hour, never mind couple years?

Viewmaster? Candy Land? WTF. Stupid Hollywood. >=(

How about an Oregon Trail movie?

If the Magic: The Gathering movie is based on the story of the Weatherlight, then it has to be awesome.

It'll be like "Master and Commander", but with motherfarking slivers instead of Frenchmen.

If the M:tG movie is based on the Brother's War, than it would actually have a chance.

Ravinca would also be cool to see as a movie.

Aboleth: No Blood Bowl?

Of course not, that would be too awesome.

Aboleth: No Blood Bowl?

I miss my Dark Elf team.

/Goes back to Fumbbl.com

Electric_Banana: How about an Oregon Trail movie?

Only if everyone dies from dysentery. Then I can laugh maniacally while the rest of the theater cries their eyes out.