Dang.

/hot like daughter

Let's not pass over this little gem FTA:

An intoxicated woman passed out in Nino's Bar on Main Street early Sunday morning. She had vomited everywhere, and other bar patrons got into a fight while trying to help her.

Findlay, OH sounds like one hell of a place.

JER-RY JER-RY JER-RY JER-RY

A man and woman engaged in fisticuffs

That word always conjures a picture like this in my mind.

Did anybody else blend all of those together as one story?
Sounded like one hell of a party.

Infinite Monkeys In Front Of A Computer: Findlay, OH sounds like one hell of a place.



Oh you know it!

Sybarite: A man and woman engaged in fisticuffs

That word always conjures a picture like this in my mind.

BULLY!

Sybarite: A man and woman engaged in fisticuffs

That word always conjures a picture like this in my mind.

I always think of this:


"TURN UP MY LEFT HEADPHONES!"

damn, and all I do on saturday morning is post farking cats

A woman in the 2900 block of Greenacre Drive reported Saturday that she found a man she didn't know sitting in her car. When he saw her, he got out of the car and struck the side of her face, breaking her glasses.

A woman from the 2700 block of Greenacre Drive reported Saturday that her son-in-law was sitting in her car in her driveway sending harassing phone messages tp her daughter.

Trailer parks have blocks?

Agent Nick Fury: Trailer parks have blocks?

I take it you've never been to some of our lower-income neighborhoods in small town Ohio.

Giggity Giggity, Giggity Goo

You know, it occurs to me that I've had evenings in my life that, if transcribed into succinct hour-by-hour summaries, would read much like this police blotter.

A man was arrested Saturday for stealing Insane Clown Posse shot glasses at Spencer's Gifts in the Findlay Village Mall.

Really, just give the guys name. The public humiliation of trying to shoplift Insane Clown Posse shot glasses is much more punishment than any jail time.

Well did he come!!!?

Population of Findlay: 38,967. Home of Marathon Oil.

Small towns in Ohio are much larger than small towns in my state.

A man was cited for having an open container of Bud Light outside a bar in the 200 block of Crystal Avenue.

He should have been shot on site.

Standards, people standards.

A man was caught stealing $32 worth of energy drinks Saturday afternoon at the Trenton Avenue Walmart.

So that's like two Red Bulls?

I definitely want to party in Findlay now.

ricewqter_stool: I definitely want to party in Findlay now.

I'd travel to a Fark Party in Findlay.

Site appears to be farked. Anyone copy/pasta the article?

Monday, November 02, 2009
Public Record


Docket

From the public records of the Findlay Police Department and the Hancock County Sheriff's Office:

Police Department

A man and woman engaged in fisticuffs Friday afternoon on Hardin Street while the man was removing some of his possessions from the woman's home. He caught her finger on a key ring, breaking it, and she bit him.

A woman in the 1300 block of Fishlock Avenue reported Friday that her daughter has been sending her threatening telephone messages while drunk.

A woman called the police early Saturday morning during an argument with her husband after he claimed that the woman's daughter performed oral sex on him, and the daughter was better at it.

A drunken driver was arrested early Saturday morning after police spotted him weaving through streets and alleys on and near North Main Street.

A woman in the 2900 block of Greenacre Drive reported Saturday that she found a man she didn't know sitting in her car. When he saw her, he got out of the car and struck the side of her face, breaking her glasses.

A woman from the 2700 block of Greenacre Drive reported Saturday that her son-in-law was sitting in her car in her driveway sending harassing phone messages tp her daughter.

A man stole more than 11 gallons of gas Saturday at the Eastside Party Mart on Tiffin Avenue.

A man was caught stealing $32 worth of energy drinks Saturday afternoon at the Trenton Avenue Walmart.

A man was arrested Saturday for stealing Insane Clown Posse shot glasses at Spencer's Gifts in the Findlay Village Mall.

A woman was cited early Sunday morning for having an open container of rum and Coke on a sidewalk in the 1200 block of Morey Avenue.

A man was cited for having an open container of Bud Light outside a bar in the 200 block of Crystal Avenue.

A man reported early Sunday that a neighbor's boyfriend knocked on her door while intoxicated and created a disturbance by falling down the stairs. He also made threats to the caller by simulating a gun with his hand. The boyfriend was arrested.

An intoxicated woman passed out in Nino's Bar on Main Street early Sunday morning. She had vomited everywhere, and other bar patrons got into a fight while trying to help her.

A man reported that his intoxicated ex-girlfriend yelled at him and hit him in the face early Sunday in the 300 block of South Cory Street.

The owner of Dave's Hideaway, 1634 Imperial Lane, reported Sunday that someone burglarized the bar and stole about $3,500 in cash, checks and credit card slips. The money was contained in three bank bags.

Sheriff's Office

A man at the Wayside Golf Course on Ohio 568 reported that someone damaged one of the holes on the green and stole one of the tee markers. The damage amounted to about $2,600.

An Arlington man reported Friday that his friend's ex-boyfriend punched him several times in the side of the face after he and the friend returned from a football game together. The ex-boyfriend was arrested.

Anyone with information about a crime can call Findlay/Hancock County Crimestoppers between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. weekdays at 419-425-TIPS, or visit the Web at www.HancockCrimeStoppers.org.

Callers may remain anonymous.

Am I the only one hearing "Dueling Banjos" in the background while reading that?

I smell a new FOX reality show in the works

Tom_Slick: Am I the only one hearing "Dueling Banjos" in the background while reading that?

The theme to "Green Acres" was running through my head. My how that town has changed

So that's how it is in their family!

A man at the Wayside Golf Course on Ohio 568 reported that someone damaged one of the holes on the green and stole one of the tee markers. The damage amounted to about $2,600.



Not amused.

/hot like Kentucky Bluegrass, Feather Bent and California Sensemilia

"Well, I wasn't going to LIE to the POLICE, Linda! What kind of man do you think I AM?"

A woman called the police early Saturday morning during an argument with her husband after he claimed that the woman's daughter performed oral sex on him, and the daughter was better at it.


Words can't even express the truth of this "HEADline"

I think I just jizzed in my pants

APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/yzghnct
(copy and paste)

Man, that sounds like the description of a marathon of COPS (AKA the "Drunk shirtless rednecks" show) episodes.

the woman's daughter performed oral sex on him, and the daughter was better at it

Well, I'd like to be the judge of that.

so... she was upset since... truth hurts?

Now you Farkers have crashed the site trying to get a home address for TF family.

I think we need a link to this report every Friday, right after the smoking gun link. So much win in that town!

typical of those NORTHERN states, damn inbred yankees.

Pocket Ninja: You know, it occurs to me that I've had evenings in my life that, if transcribed into succinct hour-by-hour summaries, would read much like this police blotter.


THIS.

I've had nights where I check the police blotter the next day to try and get a handle on what really happened.

Wow.. I am going to make a point of stopping over in Findlay on my next business trip to the rust belt. Just to take in the rarefied Americana.

/did anyone get the daughter's number?
//kidding

I'm assuming it was the stepdaughter, but we need for info to make a accurate assessment and dispense appropriate judgement.

NYRBill: so... she was upset since... truth hurts?

Truth only hurts if mom and daughter left their teeth in...

FTAA man and woman engaged in fisticuffs Friday afternoon on Hardin Street while the man was removing some of his possessions from the woman's home. He caught her finger on a key ring, breaking it, and she bit him.

I'm confused. Break the key ring or her finger...?

1lastcall: Pocket Ninja: You know, it occurs to me that I've had evenings in my life that, if transcribed into succinct hour-by-hour summaries, would read much like this police blotter.

THIS.
I've had nights where I check the police blotter the next day to try and get a handle on what really happened.

I liked reading the newspaper section on local crimes to see if I knew any of the people arrested
/only a few tines....

i do believe someone got told

I like this report better. Must be a whacked out place.
Link

Gold. Top to bottom comedy gold.

Ah, the small-town heartland. Full of hard-working, law-abiding, virtuous folks, not like those Obama-loving homos in the big cities.

Was she angry because her daughter is better or because she did he dad?

I'm gonna double bag my junk and head on over to Findlay and get my freak on.