On the last flight I was on, when the announcement came on to switch off all cellular devices, I took my Blackberry and I turned it to mute. Then I just put it to sleep. That's right. I just put it to sleep. It was on the whole time, motherfarkers. The whole freakin' time. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. I LIVE ON THE EDGE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Pocket Ninja: The whole freakin' time. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. I LIVE ON THE EDGE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

You want to live on the edge? Eat pork sashimi.

Brian Eno: Music For Airports!

Keep it on your iPod, and listen to it in the terminal before boarding. Seriously, it sounds like boring music, but if you play it an hour before you take off, it makes the flight so much easier.

EvilEgg: Pocket Ninja: The whole freakin' time. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. I LIVE ON THE EDGE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

You want to live on the edge? Eat pork sashimi.


That's nothing. Back in the day I used to return rented videos without rewinding them! (slams fist on table) WITHOUT REWINDING THEM I SAY!!!!!

The Flying Without Fear app has an introduction by Branson, a video-based in-flight explanation of a flight, frequently asked questions, relaxation exercises and a fear attack button for emergencies with breathing exercises.

This would be an unbeatable opportunity for a variant on those "screamer" videos.

*shot of calm blue sky*

"Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...OH SWEET JESUS WE'RE GOING DOWN!! AHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!"

We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L-1011. Came off the line twenty months ago. Carries a Sim-5 transponder tracking system. And you're telling me I can still flummox this thing with something I bought at Radio Shack?

Unless it rush orders Xanax to your seat this is stupid.

Next thing you know, owning an iPhone with this app will be considered conspiracy to circumvent FAA restrictions. Download includes a free cavity search.

Next up: In your casket and bored while awaiting burial? There's an iPhone app for that!

PEOPLE scared of flying can now press a button on their iPhone to help them deal with their panic.

Yes, it's called "RTK Touch". You will be so engrossed in it that you won't remember you're in a plane until the flight has landed and the attendants are trying to usher you out the door.

I'm not bringing the laptop on my flight next month, so I'm going to have to find something to distract me. It's not that I'm afraid of flying, I just hate it so much....

/gotta put more games/distractions on the ipod touch.
//gotta get a recharger for it too.
///loading up podcasts

Just make sure the pilots don't it.

Pinhead Patriot: Just make sure the pilots don't it.

Don't the whole thing?

Cagey B: "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...OH SWEET JESUS WE'RE GOING DOWN!! AHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! Tied to a wheel, fingers got to feel!
Bleeding through a tourniquet smile!"



FTFY

Gaboo: Pinhead Patriot: Just make sure the pilots don't it.

Don't the whole thing?

dammit...

I can't turn off my laptop, I might need to land this thing! Can I do that in Excel?

Eirik: I can't turn off my laptop, I might need to land this thing! Can I do that in Excel?

If you can locate a copy of excel 97.

1. On a new Worksheet, Press F5
2. Type X97:L97 and hit enter
3. Press the tab key
4. Hold Ctrl-Shift
5. Click on the Chart Wizard toolbar button
6. Use mouse to fly around - Right button forward/ Left button reverse
7. Land plane

Faddy: Eirik: I can't turn off my laptop, I might need to land this thing! Can I do that in Excel?

If you can locate a copy of excel 97.

1. On a new Worksheet, Press F5
2. Type X97:L97 and hit enter
3. Press the tab key
4. Hold Ctrl-Shift
5. Click on the Chart Wizard toolbar button
6. Use mouse to fly around - Right button forward/ Left button reverse
7. Land plane

Is that for just Airbus planes, or will that work on Boeing, too?

I hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE flying! My fiance is a pilot and every single time has to talk me through all the airplane noises, weather, cloud formations (trying to get me to calm down), flying techniques, emergency techniques (for landing a plane), and disproves all my crazy theories (like airplane fuel randomly exploding the plane which apparently can't happen). He also holds my hand the whole time and reminds me to breath.

All that for a short one hour flight. Anything longer than that and I say "fark it" and take sleeping pills. Our honeymoon trip is going to be tough for me. We are flying overseas. :-/

hailin: like airplane fuel randomly exploding the plane which apparently can't happen

It can and does happen! The more often you fly, the more likely it is going to happen to you! The whole concept of jet propulsion is manipulation of exploding fuel. Imagine the amount of fuel that is required to be exploded to push a massive plane and several hundred people through the air! Just takes one lil thing to go wrong and the cabin will be filled with exploding jetfuel, and before you know it, it's the final scene of Die Hard 2. Congratulations on getting married and I hope you have a nice honeymoon!

brilliant headline

The iFlask?

Too bad I'll be sitting next to the guy using this using my "Special Effects Highlights From Die Hard 2 (Die Harder)" app.

I still don't know why they want you to turn off everything. Any equipment that may be sensitive to interference is so well shielded that there is no way for anything you have left turned on will bother the systems.
That is unless you've taken out the magnetron from a microwave oven and are threatening to defrost someone.

There's a map for that.

DancesWithSquirrels: I still don't know why they want you to turn off everything. Any equipment that may be sensitive to interference is so well shielded that there is no way for anything you have left turned on will bother the systems.
That is unless you've taken out the magnetron from a microwave oven and are threatening to defrost someone.

Basically there is an almost zero chance of severe interference but can you attest to the shielding of every device on the plane, what frequencies they are using etc.. As long as there is even a minuscule risk that can be eliminated they will do it. In fact you are lucky they still let you take any electronics on the plane.

DancesWithSquirrels: I still don't know why they want you to turn off everything. Any equipment that may be sensitive to interference is so well shielded that there is no way for anything you have left turned on will bother the systems.
That is unless you've taken out the magnetron from a microwave oven and are threatening to defrost someone.

Did you know that Magnetron was supposed to be the original villain of the Transformers universe? Yeah, the creators thought he was too overpowered though, so they split that one character into the two characters of Megatron and Magneto. However, since Magneto was not a robot, there was no longer a place for him in Transformers. So, they sold the character of Magneto to Marvel who, in turn, incorporated him into their X-men comics.

I was under the impression that if you used a cell phone on an airplane it disrupted the signal for people below the plane.

That and it would be extremely annoying to listen to some teenage chatterbox droning on about how cute the Jonas Brothers are to her little gay friend.

Martian_Astronomer: Next thing you know, owning an iPhone with this app will be considered conspiracy to circumvent FAA restrictions. Download includes a free cavity search.

My dad is an FAA official, and he just told me that the prohibition of cell phones is an FCC rule, not an FAA one. Something about the cell signal frakking with the towers on the ground. I have no idea why I'm so excited to have this little piece of trivia.

Faddy: DancesWithSquirrels: I still don't know why they want you to turn off everything. Any equipment that may be sensitive to interference is so well shielded that there is no way for anything you have left turned on will bother the systems.
That is unless you've taken out the magnetron from a microwave oven and are threatening to defrost someone.

Basically there is an almost zero chance of severe interference but can you attest to the shielding of every device on the plane, what frequencies they are using etc.. As long as there is even a minuscule risk that can be eliminated they will do it. In fact you are lucky they still let you take any electronics on the plane.

This. Kind of like how a $1 laser pointer from the ground can somehow bend in an arc, go directly into a cockpit, shine into the pilot's eyes, who will then immediately put the plane into a dive and crash.

I hate Chevy: Kind of like how a $1 laser pointer from the ground can somehow bend in an arc, go directly into a cockpit, shine into the pilot's eyes, who will then immediately put the plane into a dive and crash.

What gave you the idiotic idea that the laws of physics must be violated to shine a laser into the cockpit of a jet?

I hate Chevy: This. Kind of like how a $1 laser pointer from the ground can somehow bend in an arc, go directly into a cockpit, shine into the pilot's eyes, who will then immediately put the plane into a dive and crash.

A few of these get me prepared for a flight.



/Maker's Mark
//Works every time

guestguy: Did you know that Magnetron was supposed to be the original villain of the Transformers universe? Yeah, the creators thought he was too overpowered though, so they split that one character into the two characters of Megatron and Magneto. However, since Magneto was not a robot, there was no longer a place for him in Transformers. So, they sold the character of Magneto to Marvel who, in turn, incorporated him into their X-men comics.

Holy sweet god damn welcome to my ignore list

The cell phone ban is more for people's sanity than safety. Do you really want to listen to 300 F-Tards have idiotic conversations with their F-Tard friends, family or business associates for six hours? I"ll fly any airline that keeps that cell phone ban and pay more for it.

No one is so important that they can't be out of contact for a few hours. Just sit down, shut up and try not to annoy everyone around you for a few hours. Its good to try new things.

moothemagiccow: Holy sweet god damn welcome to my ignore list

Awww...

guestguy: moothemagiccow: Holy sweet god damn welcome to my ignore list

Awww...

I dunno Cliffy, I kinda liked your rambling tidbit..

/Learn somthing new every day on Fark..

strutin: I dunno Cliffy, I kinda liked your rambling tidbit..

/Learn somthing new every day on Fark..

All of which was, in fact, extracted from betwixt mine meaty cheeks...I profusely apologize for any actual accuracies contained therein.