Chidi Uzomah is currently a member of the U.S. Army reserves -- and is assigned to a special forces unit. Translation -- he's a very dangerous man.

Well, yeah. But only on weekends.

Followup: US Army apologizes to world for having to arrest stalker before he could nuke Ryan Seacrest

man, earlier today i actually uttered the phrase "Oh sh*t I have cheese in my pocket"

i thought nothing would be more nonsensical than those words.

thanks fark

Is this a "Don't ask don't tell" issue?

I misread that as "US Army apologizes for Ryan Seacrest"

I was a bit crestfallen when I read it again

/get it???
//god I hate puns

Because he got a soldier instead of the seaman he ordered?

Kanemano: Because he got a soldier instead of the seaman he ordered?

well done.

apologized to him for Dont ask, dont tell?


/DNRTA

I wish I'd been there when they told Seacrest. "Also, your stalker...yeah, turns out he's a Green Beret."

Just to fark with him, I'd then have someone cut the lights and scream "the security system is down!" He's gotta have one at his house, right?

Psyops/Support guy? Oooooh SCARY! That guy never went through selection.

He's not a green hat.

Alacritous: Chidi Uzomah is currently a member of the U.S. Army reserves -- and is assigned to a special forces unit. Translation -- he's a very dangerous man.

Well, yeah. But only on weekends.

This!!

I'm sure (s)he is secretly enjoying every moment of it. (Ryan, that is. The other guy can now live on with the constant ridicule that has to do with stalking Ryan Seacrest.)

Baldanders: I wish I'd been there when they told Seacrest. "Also, your stalker...yeah, turns out he's a Green Beret."

Just to fark with him, I'd then have someone cut the lights and scream "the security system is down!" He's gotta have one at his house, right?

"Assigned to Special Forcecs unit" != "Special Forces."

About 90% of the guys I met who wore a 1st Special Forces Group combat patch either pumped their gas or served them breakfast.

We had this one dipshiat thrown out of a Promotion Board for that. He showed up wearing a U.S. Army Special Operations Command combat patch, despite deploying with the 1st Cavalry Division, which his own First Sergeant knew.

"Why the fark are you wearing a USASOC patch?"
"Well, we were attached to a unit, that was under operational authority of a unit, that was tasked out to a unit, that was assigned to a unit, that was the detached to a unit, that fell under USASOC, First S'arnt. So I'm technically authorized to wear it."
"Get the fark out. Now."

Kanemano: Because he got a soldier instead of the seaman he ordered?

You can have all the internets I'm not using, your powers are much more needed.

Sgt Otter: Baldanders: I wish I'd been there when they told Seacrest. "Also, your stalker...yeah, turns out he's a Green Beret."

Just to fark with him, I'd then have someone cut the lights and scream "the security system is down!" He's gotta have one at his house, right?

"Assigned to Special Forcecs unit" != "Special Forces."

About 90% of the guys I met who wore a 1st Special Forces Group combat patch either pumped their gas or served them breakfast.

We had this one dipshiat thrown out of a Promotion Board for that. He showed up wearing a U.S. Army Special Operations Command combat patch, despite deploying with the 1st Cavalry Division, which his own First Sergeant knew.

"Why the fark are you wearing a USASOC patch?"
"Well, we were attached to a unit, that was under operational authority of a unit, that was tasked out to a unit, that was assigned to a unit, that was the detached to a unit, that fell under USASOC, First S'arnt. So I'm technically authorized to wear it."
"Get the fark out. Now."

Oh, I know. My dad actually was Force Recon, and my grandfather was a Ranger (this has nothing to do with anything, just that I have some minor connection to the whole thing). I've met a lot of old special forces guys over the years, buddies of my dad and grandpap. I just think the idea of one of those guys stalking Ryan Seacrest hilarious.

I don't know if this is a tradition or an older thing or a coincidence what, but a lot of the guys had weird facial hair, like this mustache that tapered down into their beards to either side of their mouth almost to their chins. I just imagine one of those guys, decked out in camo, watching Ryan Seacrest through sci-fi-like digital binoculars. Recording his movements. And then striking. The diversion explosion. The sound of breaking glass. Ryan's scream of terror suddenly silenced.

And that's pretty farked, about the combat patch. I've never served, but coming from a military family, I get the impression you guys are pretty serious about insignia symbolism and shiat. My dad never, ever wears anything connected with the marines (as he has some shame over the things he did), but he gets insanely pissed off when he hears about guys wearing stuff he doesn't feel they deserve.

To quote TMZ in the blurb before this one. Yes all you are right and I'm not sure why the Army is apologizing.

Chidi Uzomah, Jr. is currently in the Army Reserves in Upland, California. He was trained as a front line soldier and assigned to the 426th Civil Affairs Battalion -- a part of the Army special forces, which is attached to the Green Berets.

Before Uzomah's gig in the 426th, he served in the California Army National Guard from April 2005 through April 2009. He was honorably discharged and then transferred to the Army Reserves.

Uzomah was an ROTC Cadet at Cal State Dominguez Hills.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/page/2/#ixzz0Vm3IWVMv



/Wow no one thought of this??

Sgt Otter: About 90% of the guys I met who wore a 1st Special Forces Group combat patch either pumped their gas or served them breakfast.

We had a reclass at AIT with a "tip of the spear" combat patch. He was so hard core he fell out of the final ruck march about halfway through, along with every other reclass. I was apoplectic when they got their crossed sabers along with the rest of us.

NewportBarGuy: AIT

AIT part of OSUT, in case anyone asks.

Alacritous: Chidi Uzomah is currently a member of the U.S. Army reserves -- and is assigned to a special forces unit. Translation -- he's a very dangerous man.

Well, yeah. But only on weekends.

And two weeks a year.

Sgt Otter: Baldanders: I wish I'd been there when they told Seacrest. "Also, your stalker...yeah, turns out he's a Green Beret."

Just to fark with him, I'd then have someone cut the lights and scream "the security system is down!" He's gotta have one at his house, right?

"Assigned to Special Forcecs unit" != "Special Forces."

About 90% of the guys I met who wore a 1st Special Forces Group combat patch either pumped their gas or served them breakfast.

We had this one dipshiat thrown out of a Promotion Board for that. He showed up wearing a U.S. Army Special Operations Command combat patch, despite deploying with the 1st Cavalry Division, which his own First Sergeant knew.

"Why the fark are you wearing a USASOC patch?"
"Well, we were attached to a unit, that was under operational authority of a unit, that was tasked out to a unit, that was assigned to a unit, that was the detached to a unit, that fell under USASOC, First S'arnt. So I'm technically authorized to wear it."
"Get the fark out. Now."

lolz

NewportBarGuy: Sgt Otter: About 90% of the guys I met who wore a 1st Special Forces Group combat patch either pumped their gas or served them breakfast.

We had a reclass at AIT with a "tip of the spear" combat patch. He was so hard core he fell out of the final ruck march about halfway through, along with every other reclass. I was apoplectic when they got their crossed sabers along with the rest of us.

Haha, we had one reclass (fueler), who loaded up his rucksack with a beachball and towels. We also ran out of rubber ducks (fake training M16, to simulate the weight, or for practicing crawling in the mud with a weapon), so he wasn't even carrying one. He STILL fell out.