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(ABC News) Interesting U.S. to try out new citizenship tests. Must be able to name cast of "Friends"   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 61
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10952 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2003 at 5:29 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

61 Comments   (+0 »)


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Generation_D [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 11:58:14 AM  
I'd like to see the test.

 
DownSouth 2003-03-14 12:13:48 PM  
The sad thing is most other countries know more about our history then we do.

 
m1ah 2003-03-14 12:27:09 PM  
you know, back in 1903 when President Adams invented the citizen test, people didn't have pencils. President Jefferson, while still a general in WW1 Discovered the pencil wile crossing that river thing (in which he lost his lucky penny) the... uhh Danube. SO, now you know more about american history.

 
m1ah 2003-03-14 12:28:05 PM  
so you say there is an 'h' in while. Well, i dont care.

 
Sven_Burger 2003-03-14 12:46:25 PM  
That's easy, we have

The anorexic pencil girl, the breast explosion girl, the ditzy blond girl, the fat alcoholic guy, the annoying-voice guy, and the funny one.

 
bump 2003-03-14 01:10:31 PM  
"Could this be any wierder?..."

[/bing]

 
Frank_Lee_Mental 2003-03-14 01:33:54 PM  
[/bong]

 
bump 2003-03-14 03:53:12 PM  
Someone's at the door.... I'll get it....

 
Dr.Fey [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 04:27:56 PM  
"Oh, hi, Bump! Is your roommate around?"

 
wldncrzy14 2003-03-14 04:57:19 PM  
<cue canned laughter>

 
Nabb1 [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:33:23 PM  
"Where were the 13 colonies located?" with four multiple choice answers. The answer is the East Coast of the United States.

Good thing your average American high schooler doesn't have to take a the citizenship exam.

 
WorldCitizen [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:35:48 PM  
I wonder how many native born Americans would be able to retain their citizenship if they had to pass the same exam to keep it?

 
genki831 2003-03-14 05:35:55 PM  
Make all adults over the age of 21 take the test. If they fail...deport them.

 
albuquerquehalsey 2003-03-14 05:36:15 PM  
Never phucking watched it...i win.

 
conspiracytheorist 2003-03-14 05:36:20 PM  
I would love to see how many native born American citizens could pass such a test. Wait a minute..no I wouldn't.

/horrible scary mental image place

 
Raddamant 2003-03-14 05:37:11 PM  
Nabb1 Good thing your average American high schooler doesn't have to take a the citizenship exam.

I had to for my government class. First day, teacher came in, handed us the tests, and said good luck. I only missed 2 :)

 
genki831 2003-03-14 05:37:45 PM  
I think its a good idea to make Americans take this test...then we could get rid of all the rednecks and we'd be more like Canada...better.

 
Raddamant 2003-03-14 05:38:12 PM  
I never did learn how to close the italic tag, though...

 
HomerSamson113 [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:38:58 PM  
Monica, Pheobe, ....

Wait, it's a joke? Crap. Umm, yeah..Bye!

 
beer baron 2003-03-14 05:39:10 PM  
BART: Look at that hunk of junk!

GRANDPA: Ooh! You're ignoroant! That's the Wright Brothers' Plane. At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it for 15 miles on a thimble-full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the war, it did.

BART: So how do you know so much about American history?

GRANDPA: I pieced it together mostly from sugar packets.

 
Bladel [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:39:38 PM  
Mlah:


Thanks. Your post(s) made me laugh and droplets of spittle coated my laptop LCD.

This is very difficult to clean.

Thanks alot.

 
MrLonghair 2003-03-14 05:39:51 PM  
Placing 'Exit Only' signs at the borders of the country was deemed too rough, and so they decided to remake the test.

 
collywobbles 2003-03-14 05:40:38 PM  
Hold on ... the article seems to be suggesting that immigration and citizenship is now being handled by the department of Homeland Security (and I still hate that name). Is this correct? If it is, is anyone else as bothered as I am?

 
stubblyhead 2003-03-14 05:41:17 PM  
yeah, only an american would be able to name all the idiots on that shiatty show.

 
Monkeyknife [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:41:50 PM  
Pssst......I already have the cheat sheet.
The answers are:
1. B
2. B
3. A
4. D
5. syphyllis
6. paste wax
7. Morgan Fairchild
8. Hitler's dentist
9. Once between the eyes
10. Phoebe

 
broccoli 2003-03-14 05:43:32 PM  
I have to know the cast of Friends? Damn - I guess I'm becoming a Can-eh?-dian. (Just joking...)

I remember an Andy Rooney segment on 60 Minutes about the citizenship tests. It was damn funny and sarcastic in terms of he presented it, but it was the truth. Most people in this country would fail it, while the new citizens would ace it. Sad...

 
collywobbles 2003-03-14 05:43:33 PM  
The other question I have is this:

Did they hire Metritech Psychological Services (http://www.metritech.com/) or Metritech Vacuum Services (http://www.metritech.co.uk/)?

It's a fair question, since this administration only runs with ideas that suck.

 
icecycle 2003-03-14 05:43:38 PM  
MrLonghair

Placing 'Exit Only' signs at the borders of the country was deemed too rough, and so they decided to remake the test.

This way to the egress.

 
Cerberus 2003-03-14 05:44:19 PM  
If those are the answers, who has the questions for them, Monkeyknife?

It would be nice to see how many Americans could pass this. Expectations in school are too low.

 
Atthem 2003-03-14 05:47:01 PM  
HomerSamson113, you fail! They said CAST of friends. hahahaha! It would be Courtney Cox Arquette, Lisa Kudrow, etc...

 
Atthem 2003-03-14 05:47:44 PM  
God, I'm a dork...

 
Forsythe P. Jones [TotalFark] 2003-03-14 05:49:01 PM  
Sven_Burger: The pencil girl thing made me laugh,and reminded me of this:


 
AlgertMan 2003-03-14 05:49:39 PM  
if you're a terrorist this guy will fark you up


 
deevo 2003-03-14 05:50:23 PM  
There's the biatch who married Brad Pitt, the biatch who married that annoying actor who was on the collect-call commercials and then joined the WCW, and the weird biatch. Then there's the three gay guys.

 
staev 2003-03-14 05:51:43 PM  
Homeland Security now has its fingers in citizenship. I'm sure the testing company (a subsidiary of Cheynnanigans Interglobal) along with the National Conference of Latinos who do What we Say should be able to handle the problem. Then its just a short step to the creation of the Bureau of Impure Thought; which will probably have much to say about Farkers. Hope you all enjoyed voting in the last election.

 
George_W_Snatch 2003-03-14 05:53:44 PM  
When I'm through, the only thing harder than getting in will be getting out.

 
warning 2003-03-14 06:00:41 PM  
Yeah, why should a security risk not be allowed citizenship? Life is just not fair I tell you...

 
Young_Fart 2003-03-14 06:02:57 PM  
Friends sucks. TGI-SciFi-F !!!!

 
HarveyBrooks 2003-03-14 06:06:11 PM  

Collywobbles:"...immigration and citizenship is now being handled by the department of Homeland Security (and I still hate that name). Is this correct? If it is, is anyone else as bothered as I am?"


YES!!!!!!!



Something else that struck me from the article:"Applicants for citizenship are tested on their ability to read, write and speak English."


Never knew that it wuz mandatory that you speak English to become a U.S.citizen...


 
wub 2003-03-14 06:12:12 PM  
Most of you dorks didn't even read the article. It says nothing about the cast of Friends. Thank God.

 
immediatebreathcontrol 2003-03-14 06:41:57 PM  
http://www.rallye-pointe.com/Opinion/citizenship.htm

I got 100/100

 
d'limbo_stick 2003-03-14 06:46:08 PM  
What does knowing where the original 13 colonies have to do with Homeland Security?

I'm bettin' that it's more likely that those Al Queda terrorists will be studying up on that, and some poor half-literate farmer won't know Delaware from donkey shiat.

So the INS, in their infinite wisdom will obviously turn away the peasant farmer and welcome the terrorist with open arms.

 
Partisan 2003-03-14 06:48:01 PM  
Applicants for citizenship are tested on their ability to read, write and speak English...

Am I mistaken, or does the US not have an official language? If thats the case, then why the hell would the government be testing people on English as a condition for citizenship?

 
drgeoffrey 2003-03-14 06:48:10 PM  
Glad I'm already a citizen. I couldn't name them and I couldn't be paid to watch that sh!t!!

 
the_temp 2003-03-14 06:48:31 PM  
Citizenship Examiner: All right, here's your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?

Apu: Actually, there were numerous causes. Aside from the obvious schism between the abolitionists and the anti-abolitionists, there were economic factors, both domestic and inter -

Citizenship Examiner: Wait, wait... just say slavery.

Apu: Slavery it is, sir.

 
TheCharlie 2003-03-14 06:51:25 PM  
You have to wonder why such a high percentage of high school
students don't know the name of the Vice President.

 
the_temp 2003-03-14 06:53:03 PM  
Wait cast of Friends... I know this one.

There's the white one, the white one, the white one, the white one, the white one, and the other white one.

 
moonunit 2003-03-14 06:53:17 PM  
Immediatebreathcontrol You got 100/100? When their answers say that the president is "William "Bill" Jefferson Clinton"?

I'm not sure whether to be impressed or sad. ;)

 
kevinatilusa 2003-03-14 07:48:34 PM  
I thought they instituted the uniform question requirement because of abuses on the part of the immigration officials. For example, people of the wrong skin color might be asked about the 17th president instead of the 16th.

 
Hydrostatic_Equilibrium 2003-03-14 08:53:30 PM  
Those farking immigrants had better learn some proper english. I hate it when they can barely say, "Hi, I'm here to ruin your economy." I hate them.

 
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