Tell them sex makes you go blind. It worked for masturbation.

ScottHimself: colatf:

The simple rule goes against the most basic animal instinct, so it's not going to be very effective.

That's why we're capable of abstinence in the first place! We are not animals! We think, we reason, we consider ideas and are skeptically vigilant. Maybe the little abominations aren't human if they can't distinctively identify themselves as such.

Yeah. We are animals.

Tatsumaki Senpuu-Kyaku!: ScottHimself: Abstinence works.

Failure to abide by the simplest rule possible is not an excuse to scrap the only decent sex ed. these kids get.

I'd put up a "Don't feed the troll" image, but who am I kidding? He'd still get 100+ bites.

This guy's shtick is perfect for FARK.

Yeah, I've been convinced he's a troll for the last few threads I've seen him in. He always seem to be working the hippie angle, relentlessly spewing pseudo-psychiatric talk about human nature, what sets us apart from animals, and the like. Even if he's not trolling, he just seems weird.


Here's some abstinence talk from a 16 year old ScottHimself:


When I was 16 a buddy down the street went out of town with his family to Disney World. He told me I could use his house for a party and, being 16, I got cooch and booze on the brain and never stopped to consider whether or not it was within his rights as the non-homeowner to give me permission to use his not-home.

About $400 in alcohol, 100 people, party-thrower-guaranteed-sex, and a massive hangover later his parents came home to find a house that looked like it'd been cleaned by a 16 year old guy with a hangover after a bomb went off in it.

They ask the neighbors who the fark was in their house, and in short time find out somebody threw a party in it. Short interrogation later my buddy rolls on me, and his parents threaten me with B&E, destruction of property, etc. charges. They decided not to, but it sure as hell scared the shiat out of me and got me grounded for a good 6 months.

/oh yeah, how this relates - I got into his house through his doggy door
//later found out they were just scaring me and had no intentions of charging me
///still get invited over to Thanksgiving dinner every year - still very awkward

ScottHimself: Abstinence works.

Failure to abide by the simplest rule possible is not an excuse to scrap the only decent sex ed. these kids get.

ScottHimself: That's why we're capable of abstinence in the first place! We are not animals! We think, we reason, we consider ideas and are skeptically vigilant. Maybe the little abominations aren't human if they can't distinctively identify themselves as such.

You must have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager in a body raging with new hormones. Expecting people to go against the biological imperatives is totally unrealistic. Might as well tell kids not to eat or breathe.

Eudeyrn:
Here's some abstinence talk from a 16 year old ScottHimself:


When I was 16 a buddy down the street went out of town with his family to Disney World. He told me I could use his house for a party and, being 16, I got cooch and booze on the brain and never stopped to consider whether or not it was within his rights as the non-homeowner to give me permission to use his not-home.

About $400 in alcohol, 100 people, party-thrower-guaranteed-sex, and a massive hangover later his parents came home to find a house that looked like it'd been cleaned by a 16 year old guy with a hangover after a bomb went off in it.

They ask the neighbors who the fark was in their house, and in short time find out somebody threw a party in it. Short interrogation later my buddy rolls on me, and his parents threaten me with B&E, destruction of property, etc. charges. They decided not to, but it sure as hell scared the shiat out of me and got me grounded for a good 6 months.

/oh yeah, how this relates - I got into his house through his doggy door
//later found out they were just scaring me and had no intentions of charging me
///still get invited over to Thanksgiving dinner every year - still very awkward

OH SNAP, BABY!

retro128: The concept of abstinence is total bullshiat, which is why the only time you ever hear about it, it's from some crazy who's waving a Bible around.

Not necessarily. Personally, I've found that waving a Bible around greatly enhances the pleasure and satisfaction gained in my own sexual experiences, so it doesn't have to be about abstinence per se.

/what... why are you looking at me like that?
//stop judging me!

These are not the drones your looking for...

shanrick: You never go ass to mouth. Never.


Dante approves, Randal and Becky do not.

Biological Ali: retro128: The concept of abstinence is total bullshiat, which is why the only time you ever hear about it, it's from some crazy who's waving a Bible around.

Not necessarily. Personally, I've found that waving a Bible around greatly enhances the pleasure and satisfaction gained in my own sexual experiences, so it doesn't have to be about abstinence per se.

/what... why are you looking at me like that?
//stop judging me!

You should carve out the inside of the bible to make a condom and "toy" storage area.

I have 2 comments:

1. God, grant me the serenity to not have sex with my best friend's girlfriend and to know that masturbation is always the most sensible solution.(Blades of Glory reference)

2. Damn, you can't fark nothing without gettin some sort of disease.

Biological Ali: retro128: The concept of abstinence is total bullshiat, which is why the only time you ever hear about it, it's from some crazy who's waving a Bible around.

Not necessarily. Personally, I've found that waving a Bible around greatly enhances the pleasure and satisfaction gained in my own sexual experiences, so it doesn't have to be about abstinence per se.

/what... why are you looking at me like that?
//stop judging me!


Yeah, that part about Lot and his daughters is kinda hot, isn't it?

RIP Walter Cronkite

Uncle Tractor:
You must have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager in a body raging with new hormones. Expecting people to go against the biological imperatives is totally unrealistic. Might as well tell kids not to eat or breathe.

Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.

phrawgh: RIP Walter Cronkite

Teen sex thread made you think of Walter Cronkite. Yuck.

Trapper439: Tell them sex makes you go blind. It worked for masturbation.

You sir, are a mean bastard. No offense.

scalpod: Abstinence
Not %100 effective

You magnificent bastard.

They just need to use more abstinence clowns.

ScottHimself:

Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.


Wow, I can't believe you admitted that publicly.


/unless what you meant isn't how I understood it.

Chariset: Don't have it standing up, either. That isn't as much fun as you'd think

I dunno, I've had good luck doing that in the shower.
Although I admit, height can be tricky to deal with, but I'm smooth like that ;)

Not that I condone her actions, but ScottHerself has been trolling the shiat out of you guys.

Either put her on ignore, or stop giving her attention.

My prudish Mother and Father in-law's actual response on this matter.

Oh NOES! Knowing about sex is SO BAD! I dunno why, it's just BAD! Y'know what I mean?

GAWD won't let us into his hebben if we teach our kids birth control! My parents didn't teach me either and I turned out all right! Ya know?

It's in th' BAHHH-BULLL! Right there!

Well if they get VD or pregnant it's GAWD's own punishment! We told 'rm not to do it!

Farkin' PRUDES.

phrawgh, why dont you shake some sand out of your vagina, threadjacker

One of my sisters got pregnant at 15, had the baby and told the guy to get lost. Then she had another one at 20 by a different guy and married him. My other sister is pregnant at 21, and her babydaddy is dating someone else. My brother knocked up his girlfriend recently and married her - they aren't sure the baby is his kid. He is 28 and the baby is 2 years old.

They all know better, and, oh yeah, my sisters are Fundamentalists who attend New Life Church with my Mom.

I am considered the sinner, the atheist (which I'm not), and my Mom even called me a traitor because I told her Bush was a POS. And even though I had a couple of close calls when I was younger, I am the only one in the family who got married and THEN had a kid.

Condoms work, people. Safe sex is possible. I'm teaching my daughter about it, and any other kids we have. My Mom gave me the Time-Life Sex Education Library when I became a teenager - it told me all about pubic hair and periods, but there was no information about actual sex, or how to do it safely. I had to learn everything from step-dad's porn stash. And do you really think there was information there on doing it safely?

Teach the kids. Ignorance is what is killing this country.

Teens have sex?
Damn it I was lied to.
They killed that part of my sex life, those bastards!

ScottHimself: Uncle Tractor:
You must have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager in a body raging with new hormones. Expecting people to go against the biological imperatives is totally unrealistic. Might as well tell kids not to eat or breathe.

Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.

You were a parent? I'm so sorry for your loss. What happened?

:( (Bunch of frowny faces...)

adeist69: ScottHimself:

Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.


Wow, I can't believe you admitted that publicly.


/unless what you meant isn't how I understood it.

I bet a lot of local kids understand the consequences because of him.

Baryogenesis: Chariset: Don't have it standing up, either. That isn't as much fun as you'd think

You're doing it wrong

/watch out for extreme height differences

That's what milk crates are for.

D_Evans45: Not that I condone her actions, but ScottHerself has been trolling the shiat out of you guys.

Either put her on ignore, or stop giving her attention.

Oh come on, sometimes obvious trolls can be fun.

/You know you like it.
//Some obvious trolls aren't trolls at all - they're serious.

None of you get it.

/the abstinence thing
//what else would I mean?

ScottHimself: Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.

May I assume you told them about condoms and so on?

ScottHimself: colatf:

The simple rule goes against the most basic animal instinct, so it's not going to be very effective.

That's why we're capable of abstinence in the first place! We are not animals! We think, we reason, we consider ideas and are skeptically vigilant.

And yet, we ARE still animals, subject to whim, emotion, and urge.
Yes, we are capable of reason and forethought, but not a single person on the planet has ever carefully considered and unemotionally made every decision, and the stronger the emotions involved, the less likely people will be to make highly rational decisions.

I order teens to have sex with all the time... I just wish it was cheaper.

Gyrfalcon: Baryogenesis: Chariset: Don't have it standing up, either. That isn't as much fun as you'd think

You're doing it wrong

/watch out for extreme height differences

That's what milk crates are for.

Why? I can still reach my own dick.

/Oh, were you talking about having someone else there?

onebadgungan: Gyrfalcon: Baryogenesis: Chariset: Don't have it standing up, either. That isn't as much fun as you'd think

You're doing it wrong

/watch out for extreme height differences

That's what milk crates are for.

Why? I can still reach my own dick.

/Oh, were you talking about having someone else there?

Vaginas can help.

When my kids are teenagers, I fully expect they will have sex. Why? Because when I was a teenager, I had sex, my friends had sex, everyone except that one weird dude and the really oddball girl had sex (and she probably had sex and nobody admitted it).

The trick is to teach them to have sex safely. :)

ScottHimself: None of you get it.

/the abstinence thing
//what else would I mean?


Oh no, I get it. The "abstinence only" thing is a farking broken record, it doesn't work. We were making progress in this country until conservatives got their panties in a bunch and demanded Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders resign because she offended them by seeing things logically and offered solutions that worked.

ScottHimself:Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because I, oh I don't know, WAS A PARENT. Maybe that's the best sex ed you can get in the first place.

Bravo, sir. You are one of few in this country who can claim the mantle of taking responsibility for your kids.

Now, if only it were possible for everyone elses' children to have the same opportunity to get educated on, as you said, "the consequences of premarital sex" in a structured, educational-oriented environment. Say, like those pre-college institutions they have for the general populace, the ones paid for by taxpayer money. Oh yeah! Public Schools!

It would be FANTASTIC if children reaching puberty could have the opportunity to learn consequences of premarital sex, hell, let's just admit that the consequences of premarital and postmarital sex are generally the same, and just let them be taught as the consequences of having sex, in a complete manner.

Why not include a little biology in the mix, let the kids know what sort of weird shiat is happening to their bodies during this time.

We might be able to give a generalized name for it, too! "Education for your advancement into sexual maturity"

Too long?

"Education for sex"?

No, something doesn't feel right about that.

"Sex Ed"! That'll work!

Now, to finish out the course, why don't we teach some effective ways for these developing young people, who by the way are in no way psychologically prepared to be the progenitor of a new life due to our society's insistence on prolonging the coddling infant stage of mental and social development, how to keep themselves from causing an unwanted pregnancy, like contraception.

What?

You just want them to not have sex? You want to tell them that they shouldn't want to have sex? Not until after they're married?

Then... why teach them any of this at all?

NO! I WASN'T SUGGESTING WE NOT TEACH THEM ANYTHING! ARE YOU CRAZY?!?

onebadgungan: Gyrfalcon: Baryogenesis: Chariset: Don't have it standing up, either. That isn't as much fun as you'd think

You're doing it wrong

/watch out for extreme height differences

That's what milk crates are for.

Why? I can still reach my own dick.

/Oh, were you talking about having someone else there?

Well, if you want to play solo flute, that's on you, babe. But you'll grow hair on your palms.

JohnnyC: When my kids are teenagers, I fully expect they will have sex. Why? Because when I was a teenager, I had sex, my friends had sex, everyone except that one weird dude and the really oddball girl had sex (and she probably had sex and nobody admitted it).

The trick is to teach them to have sex safely. :)

Damn right. No dynamite.

Also, I will add that without premarital sex, none of us would be here... Sex has been around a LOT longer than marriage. So without premarital sex, we couldn't even have this discussion.

grimeystubs: Big surprise. A bunch of democrats are elected and reports start coming out that the kids have become sluts.

IIRC, during the 8 years Clinton the teenage pregnancy rate dropped consistently. During he Bush years it went up.

Uncle Tractor: texastag: //Palin will lose in the '12 primary

Never underestimate the power of stupid.

I think it was Einstein who said:
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

scalpod: Abstinence
Not %100 effective

And you couldn't paint it if you tried.

ah, abstinence ed. my school had a pretty fantastic health teacher...one day, he came in with a rose. he asked us who wanted it, and pretty much every girl in class raised their hands. then he started to tell a story about "jane."
she had a high school boyfriend, and after 2 years, because they were very much in love, she had sex with him. (the teacher plucks a few petals off the rose at this point) then she had a college boyfriend who she slept with (the teacher plucked a few more petals off) and then there was a one night stand (more petals off) and so on. after two or three more guys, there were no more petals left on the rose. "now who wants this?" my teacher asked, and no one raised their hand. of course, the message was to save yourself for marriage.

...it was a traumatic way to tell us, that's all i'm saying.

funny,this was the next story in my RSS...

paloma: ah, abstinence ed. my school had a pretty fantastic health teacher...one day, he came in with a rose. he asked us who wanted it, and pretty much every girl in class raised their hands. then he started to tell a story about "jane."
she had a high school boyfriend, and after 2 years, because they were very much in love, she had sex with him. (the teacher plucks a few petals off the rose at this point) then she had a college boyfriend who she slept with (the teacher plucked a few more petals off) and then there was a one night stand (more petals off) and so on. after two or three more guys, there were no more petals left on the rose. "now who wants this?" my teacher asked, and no one raised their hand. of course, the message was to save yourself for marriage.

...it was a traumatic way to tell us, that's all i'm saying.

Yeah, but that rose stem will be able to fit in places that a full rose couldn't even dream of.

ScottHimself: Sorry, but my kids understand the consequences of premarital sex because

they were your bitter lesson learned to begin with?

nebjammer: phrawgh, why dont you shake some sand out of your vagina, threadjacker

;)

paloma: ah, abstinence ed. my school had a pretty fantastic health teacher...

THAT is a fantastic health teacher????
Someone who tells you that having sex will spoil you and turn you into a worthless, ruined thing that nobody wants?
I hope you were being sarcastic...