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(Hartford Courant) Scary For all you folks that have been waiting for Jesus to return, he's in Connecticut beating children with a 2-by-4   (courant.com) divider line 252
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252 Comments   (+0 »)


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smoky2010 2009-07-15 03:46:37 PM  
I think Connecticut is bucking for it's own tag. Yesterday it was "Vicious Chickens" today the Son of Jesus beats kids with a board.

/CT needs a new slogan, like "Connecticut, so far from Florida, yet so close"

 
Colonel_Debugger 2009-07-15 03:47:46 PM  
hey crab man

thebluesite.com


/hot like a bushel of steamed blue crabs

 
gorgor 2009-07-15 03:48:12 PM  
He's occupied
http://tinyurl.com/n6g57g
(copy and paste)

 
author1701 2009-07-15 03:48:50 PM  
So he's the son of Jesus, eh? Makes sense since was was smacking people in the head with only half a cross.

/When he prays, does he say "My Grandfather, who art in heaven..."?

 
bobbydigital20g 2009-07-15 03:49:04 PM  
Thats Jesus' "for"gotten son, Craig Christ

 
FlyingJellyAttackConfectionary 2009-07-15 03:49:50 PM  
That's "Jesus Wept"...

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-15 03:50:11 PM  
gorgor: He's occupied
http://tinyurl.com/n6g57g
(copy and paste)


*choke* *guffaw*

/who you gonna' call?

 
NANCY'S MEAT PUPPET 2009-07-15 03:51:15 PM  
gorgor: He's occupied
http://tinyurl.com/n6g57g
(copy and paste)


That always makes me laugh.

 
ctobio 2009-07-15 03:51:19 PM  
WWTSOJD?

Son of Jesus came smiting people with a 2 x 4. Hacksaw Jim Duggan smote people with a 2 x 4 as well. WWE HQ is in CT. Coincidence? I think not.

 
Were_Outta_Bort_License_Plates 2009-07-15 03:51:28 PM  
'E's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy!

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock.

 
Karmacidal [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:52:22 PM  
Well thank God. Little heathens prolly had it coming. 'Spare the 2-by-4' and all...

 
roughridersfan 2009-07-15 03:53:48 PM  
He was up there on a nice cross, got angry, broke it and started attacking people with a piece of it.

Temper, temper.

 
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:54:29 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

"For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

-Jesus

Matthew 16:27-28


Ever played Vampire: The Masquerade?.

horrorsociety.com

/Ok, that's not Caine
//Hot as a Toreador stripper

 
twowlz 2009-07-15 03:55:06 PM  
fatty fatty, 2x4, can't fit through the kitchen door.

He sought revenge from his childhood days.

 
tumba00 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:55:22 PM  
FlyingJellyAttackConfectionary: That's "Jesus Wept"...

I know but whipped sounded more appropriate for the story.

 
Englebert Slaptyback 2009-07-15 03:55:39 PM  

Zeppelininthesky


Were_Outta_Bort_License_Plates: JayR30: You do realize this was as recorded by members following him who were formerly of an apocalyptic sect?

Judean People's Front?

No, the People's Front of Judea!


Splitters!

 
bighairyguy [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:55:40 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

I found one! (new window)

 
Moodybastard 2009-07-15 03:55:56 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

"For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

-Jesus

Matthew 16:27-28



Hmm...perhaps we missed him.
Ya know the whole rapture thing could've happened a while ago..
/just saying

 
CrankMyBlueSax 2009-07-15 03:56:00 PM  
Naked, he should have been naked. That would have made for a much FARKier headline. Naked Man is my favorite super hero.

 
Rev. Skarekroe [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:57:17 PM  
When this says "suffer the little children," he really means it!

 
Selkhit 2009-07-15 03:58:01 PM  
Ponzholio: He didn't say he was Jesus, just Jesus's son... Ruben.

Ruben Christ just doesn't have that special ring to it, though.

/neither does Craig Christ.

 
jdog71 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 03:58:08 PM  
i178.photobucket.com

 
germ78 2009-07-15 03:58:23 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

Is Abe Vigoda Jewish? Just sayin...

 
Shadow Blasko 2009-07-15 03:58:28 PM  
CygnusDarius: eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

"For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

-Jesus

Matthew 16:27-28

Ever played Vampire: The Masquerade?.



/Ok, that's not Caine
//Hot as a Toreador stripper


Oh no you did not!

//I miss my Gangrel

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-15 03:58:34 PM  
With an attitude like that, it's no wonder that carpenter gig didn't work out so well for him...

 
amateur6 2009-07-15 04:00:42 PM  
It does raise an interesting question, though: Who would Jesus beat?

/ You know, if he had a 2-by-4
// And wasn't afraid to use it

 
jdog71 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:03:12 PM  
In related news, Cthulhu came ashore today and was charged with 8 counts of indecent exposure. Police say ritualistic psilocybin may have been a factor.

i178.photobucket.com

 
vudukungfu 2009-07-15 04:04:10 PM  
Whoah.
Ron Glass has really let himself go.

 
MBooda 2009-07-15 04:05:05 PM  
Little bastards, he was probably just trying to teach them golf.
www.shelleytherepublican.com

 
Zamboro [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:05:17 PM  
i63.photobucket.com

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-15 04:06:00 PM  
vudukungfu: Whoah.
Ron Glass has really let himself go.


Venus Flytrap attacks children with 2x4?

 
Donnchadha [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:06:19 PM  
Colonel_Debugger: hey crab man

/hot like a bushel of steamed blue crabs


His hair is PacMan. Your argument is invalid and scared of ghosts.

 
chrisco123 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:07:16 PM  
Gonna beat my wife.

obscure?

 
Random Guy 2009-07-15 04:08:11 PM  
Iowan73: Spare the 2x4, spoil the child?

More like suffer the little children to come unto me
... So I can wap them with this 2x4

 
Latinwolf [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:08:53 PM  
BorgiaGinz: Raharu: Well, he is the right skin color.

Jesus was not White!


Princeton:
Oh, Christ do I feel good.

Gary Coleman:
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Princeton:
Who?

Gary Coleman:
Jesus Christ.

Kate Monster:
But, Gary, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:
No, Jesus was black.

Kate Monster:
No, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Princeton:
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!


So was Sammy Davis Jr.

 
RoxtarRyan [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:09:01 PM  
Huh... not only am I in CT, but I'm also right now watching that whole "anti-christ" program on the History Channel.

 
pudgyv 2009-07-15 04:10:29 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

"For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

-Jesus

Matthew 16:27-28


Yep. It sure says that. Read the next chapter, Matthew 17:1-9. They saw it!

And after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart,
And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light.
And, behold, there appeared unto them Moses and Elias talking with him.
Then answered Peter, and said unto Jesus, Lord, it is good for us to be here: if thou wilt, let us make here three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias.
While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him.
And when the disciples heard [it], they fell on their face, and were sore afraid.
And Jesus came and touched them, and said, Arise, and be not afraid.And when they had lifted up their eyes, they saw no man, save Jesus only.
And as they came down from the mountain, Jesus charged them, saying, Tell the vision to no man, until the Son of man be risen again from the dead

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-15 04:11:25 PM  
RoxtarRyan: Huh... not only am I in CT, but I'm also right now watching that whole "anti-christ" program on the History Channel.

*Heh*

I'm not really 'anti-christ', I just find religious types kind of off-putting.

 
Cardinal Bonecrusher 2009-07-15 04:11:57 PM  
eqtworld: He's not coming back, he gave a time limit for his return. Unless you know a few 2000+ year old jews...

"For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every man according to his deeds. Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

-Jesus

Matthew 16:27-28

16:28 Shall not taste death, till they see the Son of man. The reference is not to his final coming to judge the world, but to his spiritual coming to establish his kingdom. This was fulfilled on the day of Pentecost. Mark shows the meaning by substituting, Till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power (Mr 9:1). The coming of the Son of man in his kingdom means, therefore, the same as the kingdom of God come with power. Compare Ac 1:8 Lu 24:49. The kingdom came with power on the day of Pentecost (Ac 2:1).

 
petethephreak 2009-07-15 04:12:10 PM  
looks way too much like the guy who gets to bang the hot chick on my name is earl

/manchester born and raised ftw

 
deadsanta 2009-07-15 04:13:52 PM  
Englebert Slaptyback: Zeppelininthesky

Were_Outta_Bort_License_Plates: JayR30: You do realize this was as recorded by members following him who were formerly of an apocalyptic sect?

Judean People's Front?

No, the People's Front of Judea!


Splitters!


You're all wrong, it's the People's Popular Front... Splitters!

 
obzerver 2009-07-15 04:15:37 PM  
Did he put that "2-by-4" in his 4-by-4 truck next to the 6-by-6 joist?

/2x4
//2x farking 4
///They are actually 1.5x3.5 though
////I got wood

 
MysticSavage 2009-07-15 04:15:39 PM  
Morton_toes: vudukungfu: Whoah.
Ron Glass has really let himself go.

Venus Flytrap attacks children with 2x4?


You're thinking of Tim Reid.

 
FVendetta 2009-07-15 04:15:55 PM  
smoky2010: I think Connecticut is bucking for it's own tag. Yesterday it was "Vicious Chickens" today the Son of Jesus beats kids with a board.

/CT needs a new slogan, like "Connecticut, so far from Florida, yet so close"


Seriously. Came here to say this. Or maybe "All the fail of Florida in approximately 8% of the space"?

 
forresttriax [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:16:48 PM  
word

 
lunchinlewis [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:17:51 PM  
ctobio: Son of Jesus came smiting people with a 2 x 4. Hacksaw Jim Duggan smote people with a 2 x 4 as well. WWE HQ is in CT. Coincidence? I think not.

It took this long for someone to bring up the obvious.

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-15 04:18:26 PM  
MysticSavage: Morton_toes: vudukungfu: Whoah.
Ron Glass has really let himself go.

Venus Flytrap attacks children with 2x4?

You're thinking of Tim Reid.


Wow, Tim Reid has really let himself go.

 
gorgor 2009-07-15 04:19:42 PM  
He's Coming!!!
http://tinyurl.com/mcprc7
(copy and paste, NSFW)

 
Norman Greenbaum 2009-07-15 04:19:57 PM  
Slightly off-topic: When I was little, I always thought my dad was saying "Tuba for". Like, "I need to get a tuba for." And I would wonder what the Old Man was up to, since he never stated the purpose that he needed a "tuba for".

 
Zamboro [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-15 04:21:03 PM  
Vertiaset: "SOME Christians, a small minority of Evangelicals, believe this. The rest of the TWO BILLION Christians, do not."

Wait, you speak for two billion Christians? They don't believe Jesus will return? They don't believe in Heaven?

Why don't you, Vertias, king of all Christians, tell me what they believe.

 
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