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(Courier Press) Scary Of all the things I don't want to get stabbed in the eye with, "screwdriver" is up there, man. It's up there   (courierpress.com) divider line 99
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99 Comments   (+0 »)


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pizen [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 11:28:19 AM  
What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

 
Biggs [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 11:33:56 AM  
I got stabbed in the eye with a rusty fishhook. It sucked bad.

 
Manta537 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 11:38:37 AM  
pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

A Twinkie.

 
DannyJunior 2009-07-15 11:48:33 AM  
pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

Pictures of Emma Watson.

 
mark71 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 11:57:37 AM  
Manta537: pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

A Twinkie.


DannyJunior: pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

Pictures of Emma Watson.


How about Emma Watson's twinkie?

 
HulkHands [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 12:35:02 PM  
That is one sweet url:

/police-man-tries-stab-man-eye-screwdriver/

Sounds like he was trying to stab him in the penis, AKA, the "man eye"

 
gopher321 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 01:43:56 PM  
Was his name Philips?

 
gorgor 2009-07-15 01:58:34 PM  
The orange juice stings.

 
BunkoSquad 2009-07-15 01:58:51 PM  
I've had repeated nightmares about losing an eye to an umbrella, so I'm cringing like hell at these replies.

 
mg73 2009-07-15 01:59:34 PM  
Buford? classic

 
lukelightning 2009-07-15 02:00:33 PM  
gorgor: The orange juice stings.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we've got a drink named after you!" and the grasshopper says "You've got a drink named 'Steve'?!?!?"

 
Psycoholic_Slag 2009-07-15 02:00:59 PM  
Came for Lenny reference....leaving disappointed.

 
NeuroticRocker [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:01:21 PM  
Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.

/In 8th grade, we were at recess playing stick ball. The line of kids waiting to bat wasnt behind the fence. One of the kids accidently let the stick slide out from his hands and it flew directly into the face of one of my classmates, hitting him squarely in the eye. He fainted, lost a shiat-ton of blood and threw.

He survived but lost his eye and had nerve damage to his face.

 
Trainspotr 2009-07-15 02:01:55 PM  
Eventually, he Goetz over it.

 
Rann Xerox 2009-07-15 02:02:06 PM  
Was Absolut or Stoli used in the screwdriver?

/WHAT!

 
NeuroticRocker [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:02:23 PM  
crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.

 
Arklop 2009-07-15 02:03:59 PM  
www.jzakweb.com

My own shellacked dick is up there too.

 
Smoothly Marginated 2009-07-15 02:05:54 PM  
I was always afraid of sticking the teeth of the hay rake into my eye. I NEVER ever ran to get on the tractor. Ever.

Yeah, I'm not right.

 
thereisnospoon 2009-07-15 02:06:06 PM  
NeuroticRocker 2009-07-15 02:02:23 PM
crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.

my brother got stabbed in the eye with a dog claw, and he tossed many a cookie, and could barely walk. the human body is a wierd thing.

 
ihatedumbpeople 2009-07-15 02:09:42 PM  
Since he didn't actually get stabbed in the eye, who cares? It hit his head, which still sucks, but it's not the eye.

 
Pujols 2009-07-15 02:12:05 PM  
Hey! Didja all see? We can follow the reporter on Twitter!

FTA: - Gavin Lesnick (Follow Gavin on Twitter)

Sweet!

 
jst3p 2009-07-15 02:12:43 PM  
You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

www.filmcritic.com

 
cambie [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:13:39 PM  
Looks like the Wu Tang Clan strikes again.

Oh wait, it wasn't a rusty screwdriver.

 
nosponger 2009-07-15 02:14:49 PM  
In a freak accident when I was 5, I stabbed myself in the eye with a screwdriver. Went under the eye, rather then through so wasn't too bad.

 
Incredulous [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:15:38 PM  
FTFA: "Buford immediately engaged Hanger and struck him with a screwdriver in the head between his left eye and temple," Detective Robert Wies wrote in the affidavit.


Actually, it sounds a lot more like he was trying to stab the man in the head.

 
Incredulous [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:17:10 PM  
Of course, Emma Watson's twinkie would likely have resulted in fewer complaints.

 
rukusrazor [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:17:12 PM  
api.ning.com

 
jdog71 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:17:35 PM  
pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

My own personal hell (and source of a recurring nightmare) would include several of these being unleashed upon my nutsack.

i178.photobucket.com

 
Sir Roderick Ponce von Fontlebottom [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:19:47 PM  
What's that insect that uses a needle-like penis-stinger to forcibly inject agressive sperm into the female's bloodstream?

That.

That is the thing with which I do not want to be stabbed in the eye.

 
oldcub 2009-07-15 02:19:54 PM  
www.mutantreviewers.com

"...screwdriver out of my head!"

 
gorgor 2009-07-15 02:19:58 PM  
lukelightning: gorgor: The orange juice stings.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we've got a drink named after you!" and the grasshopper says "You've got a drink named 'Steve'?!?!?"


Then he hung himself in a closet while masterbating.

 
ram.1500 2009-07-15 02:23:44 PM  
pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

BOOBIES!!

 
elkraf 2009-07-15 02:23:46 PM  
One of those electric screwdrivers would hurt a shait-load!

 
eas81 2009-07-15 02:25:09 PM  
"That's a Stabbin" or "then it gets all Stabby"

www.wizzyprodizzy.biz

 
Donor 2009-07-15 02:28:49 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

/GIS for Eye Screwdriver

 
toon 2009-07-15 02:31:10 PM  
heh. the second thing that got jabbed in my dads eye was a screwdriver...

 
sboyle1020 2009-07-15 02:35:39 PM  
Buford you say?

web.mit.edu

 
DubyaHater 2009-07-15 02:38:40 PM  
NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.

/In 8th grade, we were at recess playing stick ball. The line of kids waiting to bat wasnt behind the fence. One of the kids accidently let the stick slide out from his hands and it flew directly into the face of one of my classmates, hitting him squarely in the eye. He fainted, lost a shiat-ton of blood and threw.

He survived but lost his eye and had nerve damage to his face.


That's my nickname for your mom

 
TheMega 2009-07-15 02:39:06 PM  
I got stabbed in the eye with a rusty fishhook. It sucked bad.

Buddy didn't get it in the eyeball, but the eyelid when fishing... from his brother when trying to cast.

Brother nailed him AGAIN the very next trip! Same eye.

/we were still kids
//he NEVER strayed near his brother while fishing again -literally

 
eas81 2009-07-15 02:41:59 PM  
other thought that came to mind was capt'n stabbin' but i'm not going to GIS that at work.

 
chandie 2009-07-15 02:45:23 PM  
The first Halloween I can remember someone had a stuffed dummy on their doorstep with screwdrivers in its eyes. And that was the end of my trick-or treating. This still squicks me out.

 
jdog71 [TotalFark] 2009-07-15 02:47:51 PM  
Donor: /GIS for Eye Screwdriver

Possibly NSFW...and yes, he survived. (new window)

 
dryknife 2009-07-15 02:52:40 PM  
NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead?


Sometimes referred to in Arkansas as a "Plus" or a "Minus" screwdriver.

 
ocelot 2009-07-15 02:54:31 PM  
There was a guy here at a lake a few years ago here that saw an egret caught on fishing line in a partially submerged bush.He went up to it in his boat to see if he could free it.Well,the damn thing pecked him in his eye and he's now blind in that eye.

 
ChrissMari 2009-07-15 02:55:58 PM  
"Ow my eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it"

 
CrawlingKingSnake 2009-07-15 02:58:50 PM  
Icicle?

img225.imageshack.us

 
interruptive_cow 2009-07-15 02:59:23 PM  
thereisnospoon: NeuroticRocker 2009-07-15 02:02:23 PM
crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.
my brother got stabbed in the eye with a dog claw, and he tossed many a cookie, and could barely walk. the human body is a wierd thing.


I think the vagus nerve runs right behind the eye and doesn't like being pressed on. At least, in dogs pressing on the eye lowers the heart rate, eventually to dangerous levels. Dunno if people do that too.

/Not a doctor.

 
G2V 2009-07-15 03:00:31 PM  
I had a corn leaf gouge my cornea. Boy is that a bad sensation. Feels like you have sharp bits of metal in your eye, like around it or behind it or under it. Brain can't quite get a lock on where to 'place' the pain sensation I guess.

Apparently when the doctor dropped some dye in he could still see the triangular outline of the leaf tip and said "Wow there's a whole chunk missing" which scared the crap out of me.

It healed up ok and I can see fine, but apparently it never quite heals as perfectly as before, so every once in a while i get a bad pain (usually when I'm getting up in the morning) where my dry eyelid has ripped off a little cornea due to it not being as flat as it should be.

 
Reverend Otis 2009-07-15 03:01:12 PM  
i376.photobucket.com

Approves, but would have recommended insertion through the base of the skull.

 
ScreamingInDigital 2009-07-15 03:02:26 PM  
oldcub: "...screwdriver out of my head!"

Came here for this, full quote is "get the damn screwdriver out of my head!" Link (new window)

 
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