How about a trident harpoon?

makes me cringe... I can't even put contacts in....

Psycoholic_Slag: Lenny

Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!

/feel better?

Phineas Gage would be proud.

A buddy of mine was working on a ship and down the way someone was using a torch to cut bolts off. One of these flew off and hit him in the eye. He said you could never imagine the pain. He likes to take his eye out at parties, kind of funny.

discospinster: Psycoholic_Slag: Lenny

Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!

/feel better?


Ahhhh....that's the ticket.

Ambitwistor: How about a trident harpoon?

Approves:

For me, screwdriver is right below penis.

Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

Isn't that basically how they did lobotomies up until a few years ago?

I would like to not be stabbed anywhere with anything. If at all possible. Thank you for your time.

How about a magic trick?

Phillips or flat-head?

Got metal shavings in my eye once, trying to tap a broken bolt. I flushed it real good. Then, it felt like they got completely washed out later that night by my tear ducts.

I was wrong.

Three days later I'm in the ER, with the doctor trying to fish the now rusty particles out of my eye.

Much pain was experienced.

In this case, the goggles would've done something.

I hate it when that happens.

You know all of these responses, and not ONE mention of the fact that this MANIAC also damaged the home's front screen and window!

Throw the book at him, I say!!!

Just remember, screwdrivers don't gouge out eyeballs, nutjobs WITH screwdrivers gouge out eyeballs. (Or at least they try.)

Keep screwdrivers legal.

First thing that came to mind.

NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.


I'd rather have a flathead wound... a straight wound would probably be easier to suture. Plus as a godless heathen I am opposed to a cross-shaped wound.

i'm from evansville, so i'm really getting a stab out of these replies.

If there's a hierarchy to things you don't want to get stabbed in the eye, "things on fire" definitely sits pretty close to the top if not top of the list.

How about your dad's hand?
You know, so he can eat your eye.

/too soon?

MooseBayou: Got metal shavings in my eye once, trying to tap a broken bolt.

Hope you never need an MRI.

I ran with scissors once when I was 3. I sure wish my mom had told me not too. Depth perception is something I've never had, that and the ability to really enjoy a 3-D movie.

/disclaimer: the preceding was completely true.

Just remember what your mother told you:

"Never put salt in your eye"

I guy who worked for me spent his honeymoon in a hospital in Amsterdam after he was randomly stabbed with a screwdriver. The first day he's there, right in front of his hotel, a normal looking guy asked him if he had a light and while he's fishing in his pockets, the guy sticks him in the ribs three times with a screwdriver and WALKS off, leaving the screwdriver stuck in his chest.

He was told by the police that random stabbing are very common in Amsterdam. WTF?

Lumoclear: Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

whut?
http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr
(copy and paste)

wait... wasn't that"

"Salt in your eye"

no, no, no

I think it was:

"Always put salt in your eyes!"

Apik0r0s: He was told by the police that random stabbing are very common in Amsterdam.

Especially in the red-light district. It's red from all the blood.

imfallen_angel: wait... wasn't that"

"Salt in your eye"

What was it Danny said?...

imfallen_angel: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

A public service announcement: salt is not effective as an eye bleach substitute. The below image represents a more appropriate medium for clearing ones ocular area.

Screwdriver? seems kinda white trashy. Most negroes solve disputes with handguns i thought

FTA: According to an Evansville Police Department probable cause affidavit, it happened about 3 p.m. Monday while the victim, Antonio Hanger, was with Heather Kuenzli at 1764 Hazelwood Square.

Two black dudes fighting over a fat white chick?

gorgor: Lumoclear: Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

whut?
http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr
(copy and paste)

I used that to keep deer out of my garden last summer.

Made all the tomatoes taste like milk and salty coins, unfortunately.

I don't know if the headline is a reference to something. If it is, I missed it.

But damn, that headline makes me giggle for some reason.

Eudeyrn: I used that to keep deer out of my garden last summer.

Made all the tomatoes taste like milk and salty coins, unfortunately.

Salty coins are what we call mom's nipples.

Came for Fried Shrimp.

Leaving disappointed.

Things I would like to get stabbed in the eye with:
- A hot chick's nipples

Things I would NOT like to get stabbed in the eye with:
- Everything else

"And then pow the old fork in the eye"

BunkoSquad: I've had repeated nightmares about losing an eye to an umbrella, so I'm cringing like hell at these replies.

Um, is that some kind of Freudian thing?

Is it just me, or does "criminal mischief" seem a tad light-hearted for this sort of behavior?

/FTFA

My personal list of things I don't want to be stabbed in the eye with, in order of most horrifying to least.
1. Anything
2. A screwdriver

My mother has spent the last 9 months getting stabbed in the pupil every 2 weeks with a needle. It's some sort of experimental treatment to slow her macular degeneration.

I'd say, fark that, I'd rather be blind. She's a stronger woman than I.

I'd post a picture of her bloody eye, but I don't want a time out.

number one on my list is a frozen bloody aids infected tampon.

enjoy.

APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/luq44k
(copy and paste)

gorgor: http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr

beautiful. Like the unmistakable scent of feminism.

//also, rancid and disturbing, like old socks in a preacher's laundry.

"Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!"

It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye ...

Then it becomes a sport!