What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

I got stabbed in the eye with a rusty fishhook. It sucked bad.

pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

A Twinkie.

pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

Pictures of Emma Watson.

Manta537: pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

A Twinkie.

DannyJunior: pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

Pictures of Emma Watson.

How about Emma Watson's twinkie?

That is one sweet url:

/police-man-tries-stab-man-eye-screwdriver/

Sounds like he was trying to stab him in the penis, AKA, the "man eye"

Was his name Philips?

The orange juice stings.

I've had repeated nightmares about losing an eye to an umbrella, so I'm cringing like hell at these replies.

Buford? classic

gorgor: The orange juice stings.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we've got a drink named after you!" and the grasshopper says "You've got a drink named 'Steve'?!?!?"

Came for Lenny reference....leaving disappointed.

Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.

/In 8th grade, we were at recess playing stick ball. The line of kids waiting to bat wasnt behind the fence. One of the kids accidently let the stick slide out from his hands and it flew directly into the face of one of my classmates, hitting him squarely in the eye. He fainted, lost a shiat-ton of blood and threw.

He survived but lost his eye and had nerve damage to his face.

Eventually, he Goetz over it.

Was Absolut or Stoli used in the screwdriver?

/WHAT!

crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.

My own shellacked dick is up there too.

I was always afraid of sticking the teeth of the hay rake into my eye. I NEVER ever ran to get on the tractor. Ever.

Yeah, I'm not right.

NeuroticRocker 2009-07-15 02:02:23 PM
crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.
my brother got stabbed in the eye with a dog claw, and he tossed many a cookie, and could barely walk. the human body is a wierd thing.

Since he didn't actually get stabbed in the eye, who cares? It hit his head, which still sucks, but it's not the eye.

Hey! Didja all see? We can follow the reporter on Twitter!

FTA: - Gavin Lesnick (Follow Gavin on Twitter)

Sweet!

You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

Looks like the Wu Tang Clan strikes again.

Oh wait, it wasn't a rusty screwdriver.

In a freak accident when I was 5, I stabbed myself in the eye with a screwdriver. Went under the eye, rather then through so wasn't too bad.

FTFA: "Buford immediately engaged Hanger and struck him with a screwdriver in the head between his left eye and temple," Detective Robert Wies wrote in the affidavit.


Actually, it sounds a lot more like he was trying to stab the man in the head.

Of course, Emma Watson's twinkie would likely have resulted in fewer complaints.

pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

My own personal hell (and source of a recurring nightmare) would include several of these being unleashed upon my nutsack.

What's that insect that uses a needle-like penis-stinger to forcibly inject agressive sperm into the female's bloodstream?

That.

That is the thing with which I do not want to be stabbed in the eye.

"...screwdriver out of my head!"

lukelightning: gorgor: The orange juice stings.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we've got a drink named after you!" and the grasshopper says "You've got a drink named 'Steve'?!?!?"

Then he hung himself in a closet while masterbating.

pizen: What would you like to be stabbed in the eye with?

BOOBIES!!

One of those electric screwdrivers would hurt a shait-load!

"That's a Stabbin" or "then it gets all Stabby"

/GIS for Eye Screwdriver

heh. the second thing that got jabbed in my dads eye was a screwdriver...

Buford you say?

NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.

/In 8th grade, we were at recess playing stick ball. The line of kids waiting to bat wasnt behind the fence. One of the kids accidently let the stick slide out from his hands and it flew directly into the face of one of my classmates, hitting him squarely in the eye. He fainted, lost a shiat-ton of blood and threw.

He survived but lost his eye and had nerve damage to his face.

That's my nickname for your mom

I got stabbed in the eye with a rusty fishhook. It sucked bad.

Buddy didn't get it in the eyeball, but the eyelid when fishing... from his brother when trying to cast.

Brother nailed him AGAIN the very next trip! Same eye.

/we were still kids
//he NEVER strayed near his brother while fishing again -literally

other thought that came to mind was capt'n stabbin' but i'm not going to GIS that at work.

The first Halloween I can remember someone had a stuffed dummy on their doorstep with screwdrivers in its eyes. And that was the end of my trick-or treating. This still squicks me out.

Donor: /GIS for Eye Screwdriver

Possibly NSFW...and yes, he survived. (new window)

NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead?


Sometimes referred to in Arkansas as a "Plus" or a "Minus" screwdriver.

There was a guy here at a lake a few years ago here that saw an egret caught on fishing line in a partially submerged bush.He went up to it in his boat to see if he could free it.Well,the damn thing pecked him in his eye and he's now blind in that eye.

"Ow my eye, I'm not supposed to get pudding in it"

Icicle?

thereisnospoon: NeuroticRocker 2009-07-15 02:02:23 PM
crap. meant to say he threw up more than i have ever seen. Just endless vomiting as he was almost dying.
my brother got stabbed in the eye with a dog claw, and he tossed many a cookie, and could barely walk. the human body is a wierd thing.

I think the vagus nerve runs right behind the eye and doesn't like being pressed on. At least, in dogs pressing on the eye lowers the heart rate, eventually to dangerous levels. Dunno if people do that too.

/Not a doctor.

I had a corn leaf gouge my cornea. Boy is that a bad sensation. Feels like you have sharp bits of metal in your eye, like around it or behind it or under it. Brain can't quite get a lock on where to 'place' the pain sensation I guess.

Apparently when the doctor dropped some dye in he could still see the triangular outline of the leaf tip and said "Wow there's a whole chunk missing" which scared the crap out of me.

It healed up ok and I can see fine, but apparently it never quite heals as perfectly as before, so every once in a while i get a bad pain (usually when I'm getting up in the morning) where my dry eyelid has ripped off a little cornea due to it not being as flat as it should be.

Approves, but would have recommended insertion through the base of the skull.

oldcub: "...screwdriver out of my head!"

Came here for this, full quote is "get the damn screwdriver out of my head!" Link (new window)

How about a trident harpoon?

makes me cringe... I can't even put contacts in....

Psycoholic_Slag: Lenny

Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!

/feel better?

Phineas Gage would be proud.

A buddy of mine was working on a ship and down the way someone was using a torch to cut bolts off. One of these flew off and hit him in the eye. He said you could never imagine the pain. He likes to take his eye out at parties, kind of funny.

discospinster: Psycoholic_Slag: Lenny

Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!

/feel better?


Ahhhh....that's the ticket.

Ambitwistor: How about a trident harpoon?

Approves:

For me, screwdriver is right below penis.

Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

Isn't that basically how they did lobotomies up until a few years ago?

I would like to not be stabbed anywhere with anything. If at all possible. Thank you for your time.

How about a magic trick?

Phillips or flat-head?

Got metal shavings in my eye once, trying to tap a broken bolt. I flushed it real good. Then, it felt like they got completely washed out later that night by my tear ducts.

I was wrong.

Three days later I'm in the ER, with the doctor trying to fish the now rusty particles out of my eye.

Much pain was experienced.

In this case, the goggles would've done something.

I hate it when that happens.

You know all of these responses, and not ONE mention of the fact that this MANIAC also damaged the home's front screen and window!

Throw the book at him, I say!!!

Just remember, screwdrivers don't gouge out eyeballs, nutjobs WITH screwdrivers gouge out eyeballs. (Or at least they try.)

Keep screwdrivers legal.

First thing that came to mind.

NeuroticRocker: Was it Philips or Flathead? This is important. If I had to choose which is I would rather be stabbed with...this is a hard call.

The Philips isnt as sharp, but it would leave a hole. The Flathead is just a deep slit, but is sharper.


I'd rather have a flathead wound... a straight wound would probably be easier to suture. Plus as a godless heathen I am opposed to a cross-shaped wound.

i'm from evansville, so i'm really getting a stab out of these replies.

If there's a hierarchy to things you don't want to get stabbed in the eye, "things on fire" definitely sits pretty close to the top if not top of the list.

How about your dad's hand?
You know, so he can eat your eye.

/too soon?

MooseBayou: Got metal shavings in my eye once, trying to tap a broken bolt.

Hope you never need an MRI.

I ran with scissors once when I was 3. I sure wish my mom had told me not too. Depth perception is something I've never had, that and the ability to really enjoy a 3-D movie.

/disclaimer: the preceding was completely true.

Just remember what your mother told you:

"Never put salt in your eye"

I guy who worked for me spent his honeymoon in a hospital in Amsterdam after he was randomly stabbed with a screwdriver. The first day he's there, right in front of his hotel, a normal looking guy asked him if he had a light and while he's fishing in his pockets, the guy sticks him in the ribs three times with a screwdriver and WALKS off, leaving the screwdriver stuck in his chest.

He was told by the police that random stabbing are very common in Amsterdam. WTF?

Lumoclear: Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

whut?
http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr
(copy and paste)

wait... wasn't that"

"Salt in your eye"

no, no, no

I think it was:

"Always put salt in your eyes!"

Apik0r0s: He was told by the police that random stabbing are very common in Amsterdam.

Especially in the red-light district. It's red from all the blood.

imfallen_angel: wait... wasn't that"

"Salt in your eye"

What was it Danny said?...

imfallen_angel: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

A public service announcement: salt is not effective as an eye bleach substitute. The below image represents a more appropriate medium for clearing ones ocular area.

Screwdriver? seems kinda white trashy. Most negroes solve disputes with handguns i thought

FTA: According to an Evansville Police Department probable cause affidavit, it happened about 3 p.m. Monday while the victim, Antonio Hanger, was with Heather Kuenzli at 1764 Hazelwood Square.

Two black dudes fighting over a fat white chick?

gorgor: Lumoclear: Screwdriver in the eye? That is worse than a naked picture of Rosie O'Donnell from gorgor.

whut?
http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr
(copy and paste)

I used that to keep deer out of my garden last summer.

Made all the tomatoes taste like milk and salty coins, unfortunately.

I don't know if the headline is a reference to something. If it is, I missed it.

But damn, that headline makes me giggle for some reason.

Eudeyrn: I used that to keep deer out of my garden last summer.

Made all the tomatoes taste like milk and salty coins, unfortunately.

Salty coins are what we call mom's nipples.

Came for Fried Shrimp.

Leaving disappointed.

Things I would like to get stabbed in the eye with:
- A hot chick's nipples

Things I would NOT like to get stabbed in the eye with:
- Everything else

"And then pow the old fork in the eye"

BunkoSquad: I've had repeated nightmares about losing an eye to an umbrella, so I'm cringing like hell at these replies.

Um, is that some kind of Freudian thing?

Is it just me, or does "criminal mischief" seem a tad light-hearted for this sort of behavior?

/FTFA

My personal list of things I don't want to be stabbed in the eye with, in order of most horrifying to least.
1. Anything
2. A screwdriver

My mother has spent the last 9 months getting stabbed in the pupil every 2 weeks with a needle. It's some sort of experimental treatment to slow her macular degeneration.

I'd say, fark that, I'd rather be blind. She's a stronger woman than I.

I'd post a picture of her bloody eye, but I don't want a time out.

number one on my list is a frozen bloody aids infected tampon.

enjoy.

APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/luq44k
(copy and paste)

gorgor: http://tinyurl.com/mfdtvr

beautiful. Like the unmistakable scent of feminism.

//also, rancid and disturbing, like old socks in a preacher's laundry.

"Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get screwdrivers in it!"

It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye ...

Then it becomes a sport!