"Beginning agitation of specimen 27."

It had been a long day in the lab at the Center for Disease control in Atlanta, GA. More specifically, it had been a long month for Drs. Heidi Schloss and Olga Von Beuren in the Airborne Bacteria isolation tank. They had been assigned to examine specimens from several villages in South-East Asia that had fallen outside the bounds of normal diseases. No-one seemed to know what it was, only that it was highly communicable, transmitted by coughing, and was 98% lethal. Heidi and Olga had been coming in for the past 26 days and examining a new sample each day, only to find that the disease was not only unaffected by common antibiotics, but seemed resistant to chemicals, heat, and radiation. In fact, the only treatment that seemed to affect it at all was agitation.

In other words, picking the damn thing up and shaking it to death.

"Thirty seconds," said Olga, shaking the bottle fiercely.

Heidi sat impassively at her microscope, waiting to observe the reaction. There was no way to tell whether the sample had been completely eliminated except to examine the bottle under the microscope, which, of course, had to wait for Olga to finish shaking it.

Heidi's mind began to wander as she sat, going back to the locker rooms this morning. Usually, Heidi arrived long before Olga, and was scrubbed and suited up a good 15 minutes before her. This time, however, the commuter train had been late ("These Americans have no idea how to run a light rail system" she mused, thinking back to the impeccably reliable commuter train at her hometown on the banks of the Bodensee), and she had arrived a little after Olga.
Heidi had never seen Olga outside of the lab, and thus had no idea what she looked like outside of the inflatable containment suit that all researchers in the isolation tanks wore. As Heidi had been getting changed into her lab wear this morning, though, she had been surprised by a beautiful, buxom Valkyrie of a woman coming out of the showers, who just happened to have Olga's face.

She kept in shape, it seems.

Olga had seemed as surprised as her to encounter Heidi in the locker room, and had struck up a conversation as she toweled off. It had been all Heidi could do to keep from staring like a teenager. Before today, Heidi never would have thought herself to have these thoughts, these. . . urges, but now, sitting in the lab, sensing Olga's presence behind her, she found it hard not to think of the blonde woman's shapely curves, her thighs...her erect nipp-

"Agitation complete."

Heidi let out a sigh and reached for the bottle. As Olga handed it to her, their gloved hands grazed for a moment, and Heidi felt an electric shiver run down her spine. It was going to be a very long day.

"Hurry up with that damn laxative! If I fart one more time, we'll have a containment breach!"

Why must our suits remind us that you're the thin one?

Ever have that "not so fresh" feeling?

"Mary, if you say that line one more time "She who controls the Spice controls the Universe!", I am gonna take this vial of AIDS tainted blood and pour it in your suit."

Oh, that red liquid I gave you in a bottle, whatever you do, do not turn it sideways, OK, Susan? We'd die within seconds! Susan?...

Eine Minute Olga, ich only have four more slides to go, dann wir can practice für our Kraftwerk cover band.

"this would have made a better photoshop thread"

You may be a black belt, but you are no yellow suit, Helen! Enlightenment takes discipline!

"If you make one more fart joke I swear to God there will be Ebola drenched glass shards shoved in your face so hard you'll be picking them out for the next 20 years."

Little known German feminist New Wave band "Der Atomzeitalter Brustwarzen" decides to jump on the 80's revival in spite of Helwig's advanced Parkinson's and Inta's painful bloating.

Oh my god, we're doing Michael Jackson's tox screen but we're only wearing this much protection?

Damn! Paris Hilton's vaginal swab samples are penetrating this suit!

/there, it's been done now.

"So this is...sample 12? Christ, Jane. How many guys DO you fark a week?"

It was at that point that Magda had just about enough of Thea's little boatie noises.

"It's dividing..."

"In a vacuum, bombarded by electrons? It shouldn't even be alive!"

From the new JJ Abrahms film "Cloverfield 2: Trekking my Alias on an Impossible Mission to the Fringe. Here we see Barbara Eden and Jane Curtin assembling the Round Red Thing that will take our protagonists back in time to stop an alien from releasing a Huge Tom Cruise monster on New York, in a bid to halt the invasion of Xenu. Not Pictured: Carrot Top as the Red Round Thing.

"No matter how many times you do it, reversing the air hose in my suit isn't ... wait, that's my sewage line you *blurgh*"

No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Does this spacesuit make my ass look fat?

Possibly infected 6000 people with dirty needles? Pffffft!

Someone farted in my tube.

Are you ready to perform the Venereal Disease test for (insert least favorite TotalFarker here)?

"Ok, we drank all of those, when do we start seeing things?"

In Other News, Federal Funding for the CDC was cut further today, Memo states: Use items found under kitchen sink for HAZMAT Suits...