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(NYPost) Amusing Brooklyn grandma rents videotape of "Austin Powers", is shocked by new surprise ending revealing who Number Two really works for   (nypost.com) divider line 155
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Filth Paste 2009-07-14 11:33:07 AM  
Igor Jakovsky
dead_dangler Quote 2009-07-14 10:41:32 AM
I didn't realize that Austin Powers was a children's movie to begin with.

THIS...FTFA she was showing it to kids as young as 7. So she was freaked out enough to call her assemblyman about the porn at the end, but I guess all the innuendo, sexual references, scantily clad women and a 95% naked Mike Myers were OK for her grandkids...dumbass. Sounds like a farkin busybody to me.


Her name is Esther Klein. I'm thinking fat law suit in the making.

 
Crazy Joe Davola 2009-07-14 11:35:39 AM  
kpottruff: ...It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over...

Phase 1: Take Austin Powers out of the library
Phase 2: Dub pr0n over the ending
Phase 3: Profit

 
Merlin Macuser 2009-07-14 11:38:31 AM  
Came for the Be Kind, Rewind reference and am very happy...

What's a VHS? Is that anything like a newspaper?

 
GanjSmokr 2009-07-14 11:41:00 AM  
nobodys_goose: I still have sex over a telegraph.

TAPPITY TAP!
--. .. --. --. .. - -.--

 
amanogowa 2009-07-14 11:41:04 AM  
Merlin Macuser: Came for the Be Kind, Rewind reference and am very happy...

What's a VHS? Is that anything like a newspaper?


Not really. I can't imagine why anyone would try to line a bird cage with VHS, or wrap a fish in one.

 
kvinesknows 2009-07-14 11:41:58 AM  
kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Simple solution, and probably would save a library money in the long run.



Actually COST the Library money in the long run. The reason that Libraries have VHS tapes? Because that is what was sold for many years. Yeah lets have them wasting money going and replacing all those VHS with DVDs because DVDs are so impossible to add stuff to. Better yet, normal DVDs are on the way out, better go full retard and spend the entire library budget on blu-ray disks.

 
farkeruk 2009-07-14 11:46:01 AM  
kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Let's explain life for you: you can't guarantee anything. OK, there are things that you really, really, really want to make sure are right, like nuclear power station software and that the guards at the White House aren't whackos, but changing things based on freak events with little impact is just crazy.

 
Yeah_Right 2009-07-14 11:46:40 AM  
Merlin Macuser: Came for the Be Kind, Rewind reference and am very happy...

What's a VHS? Is that anything like a newspaper?


Yep... along with T.V.s with manual dials to change channels - and phones with plastic/metal disks with holes in them to stick your finger in, and rotate clockwise to 'dial' the number you want to call.

/ that last part seems a bit 'racy' in it's description
// it wasn't

 
groverpm 2009-07-14 11:47:46 AM  
mattharvest: Seriously, I thought that they actually stopped producing any VHS devices sometime last year.

You can buy them with a usb plug so that you can upload all your 80s porn films to your hard drive.

 
kpottruff 2009-07-14 11:48:29 AM  
amanogowa: kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Simple solution, and probably would save a library money in the long run.

I have a pen. I can write obscenities in books. I don't even have to check them out, or take them anywhere special -- I can do it right in the middle of the library, and there is nothing the library can do to guarantee it has not been done.

Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a book for enjoyment tell them to get a $300 netbook.


But granny could flip through the book first if she was worried about that, with a VHS tape she would have to watch the whole thing first, just in case. I am just saying that DVD's are much more secure and there is no reason to keep VHS tapes around instead of DVD's now.

 
Redwing [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 11:48:46 AM  
Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

Kinda like cutting off your nose to spite your face?

But Hikind said that showed "unbelievable chutzpah," and added that therapists have warned that children can suffer lasting psychological damage, carpal tunnel from exposure to pornography.

FTFE

 
amanogowa 2009-07-14 11:50:11 AM  
kpottruff: amanogowa: kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Simple solution, and probably would save a library money in the long run.

I have a pen. I can write obscenities in books. I don't even have to check them out, or take them anywhere special -- I can do it right in the middle of the library, and there is nothing the library can do to guarantee it has not been done.

Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a book for enjoyment tell them to get a $300 netbook.

But granny could flip through the book first if she was worried about that, with a VHS tape she would have to watch the whole thing first, just in case. I am just saying that DVD's are much more secure and there is no reason to keep VHS tapes around instead of DVD's now.


Sure there is. Money. Keeping those existing discs around is pretty much free. Replacing them would not be, and there are much better things to spend donations on.

Besides, she could have fast-forwarded through the movie first and done just as accurate of a job as with a book.

 
Ponzholio 2009-07-14 11:52:10 AM  
Redwing: Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

Kinda like cutting off your nose to spite your face?

But Hikind said that showed "unbelievable chutzpah," and added that therapists have warned that children can suffer lasting psychological damage, carpal tunnel from exposure to pornography.

FTFE


Don't forget blindness and kitten killing...

 
Latinwolf [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:03:23 PM  
NewportBarGuy: Well thank Christ we are banning VHS tapes. Up next, punch cards!

Gwendolyn: Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

Way to over react there sport.


If you live here in Brooklyn, you'd know that this is all this guy every does.

 
Latinwolf [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:05:04 PM  
mattharvest: What's VHS?

/Seriously, I thought that they actually stopped producing any VHS devices sometime last year.


Stand alones, yes, but they still make the DVD/VCR combos.

 
Azz Pumper 2009-07-14 12:05:42 PM  
I could see some damage being done to the kids if they spliced in 2 Girls 1 Cup!!

 
ferretman 2009-07-14 12:06:04 PM  
A few months ago someone in my apartment complex threw out 3 totes full of VHS porn.....since I still have a VCR (why?...I don't know) I grabbed a few to check out......they were horrible....I don't know the last time I had watched VHS porn but technology has definitely advanced significantly. I will never watch VHS pron again. Let see there was "Boob man of Alcatraz", "Million Dollar Snatch" and one other I can't remember.....they were terrible.

 
Prohest 2009-07-14 12:09:36 PM  
brainiac-dumdum: Quick! Everybody overreact!

Over in one..

 
Latinwolf [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:10:29 PM  
ps69: Dov Hikind is now demanding that we ban VHS tapes?

Dov Hikind is the same cackbag who wants to ban inclusion of gypsies, gays and others from the Holocaust memorials.

Why don't we ban that piece of garbage Dov Hikind?


The guy is so pro Jewish he makes Tatsuma look like a nazi.

 
id10ts 2009-07-14 12:12:11 PM  
Better ban all of those paper paged books too.
You never know how many chilrens could be damaged if someone slipped in some pronography in between the pages.
Ban them all. From now on only books on disk or kindles.
Yep, that'll do it.
They'll never be infected with teh pron that way.

 
nmiguy 2009-07-14 12:15:09 PM  
"The bottom line is that the local library can be unsafe for young children. It's pretty sick stuff."

Hey Grandma, Austin Powers international man of mystery is not a film for young children.

 
Perducci 2009-07-14 12:15:30 PM  
So, in summary:
1. It's a VHS tape.
2. It's from the library.
3. It's not a children's movie, even without the extra editing.
4. The extra bits ran during the credits at the end.

Statistically, there's a very very good chance that the scene in question will never been seen again.

 
Crazy Joe Davola 2009-07-14 12:18:01 PM  
Guys, please.. the only practical solution here is laser discs.

You can't dub them like VHS, and you can't fit them into a disc drive for tampering. The peace of mind more than makes up for the additional space required to store them, and they're practically future-proof.

 
ravenlore [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:26:50 PM  
dittybopper: nobodys_goose: I still have sex over a telegraph.

TAPPITY TAP!

Wanna see my straight key?



Seriously, I just used the identical key to talk with a fellow in Indianapolis, IN just last night.

Last week, I used it to talk to a guy in Romania and a couple of guys in Hungary.

I honestly haven't tried to have Morse sex, a primitive form of 'sexting' using Q and Z signals and prosigns, but apparently it has been done (still trying to find the page where I read about it).


See, if i did Morse, i wouldn't do "80-meter sexting" or whatever you might want to call it...just because if the FCC thing, you know? I'm afraid they'd pull my ticket.

 
kvinesknows 2009-07-14 12:38:28 PM  
kpottruff: amanogowa: kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Simple solution, and probably would save a library money in the long run.

I have a pen. I can write obscenities in books. I don't even have to check them out, or take them anywhere special -- I can do it right in the middle of the library, and there is nothing the library can do to guarantee it has not been done.

Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a book for enjoyment tell them to get a $300 netbook.

But granny could flip through the book first if she was worried about that, with a VHS tape she would have to watch the whole thing first, just in case. I am just saying that DVD's are much more secure and there is no reason to keep VHS tapes around instead of DVD's now.


I can EASILY... take a DVD from the Library, crack the protection, copy it to hard drive splice the movie with whatever I want, burn it back to a new DVD print a label and slap it on the DVD and return it. No one will be able to tell until that moment they hit the spliced in stuff.


Much easier, I can print out a piece of paper using the same font as whatever book in front of me and glue it into a book. Someone flipping throught the book will not even notice unless they read every single word.

 
crimsin23 [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:40:17 PM  
Filth Paste: Igor Jakovsky
dead_dangler Quote 2009-07-14 10:41:32 AM
I didn't realize that Austin Powers was a children's movie to begin with.

THIS...FTFA she was showing it to kids as young as 7. So she was freaked out enough to call her assemblyman about the porn at the end, but I guess all the innuendo, sexual references, scantily clad women and a 95% naked Mike Myers were OK for her grandkids...dumbass. Sounds like a farkin busybody to me.

Her name is Esther Klein. I'm thinking fat law suit in the making.


What does her being Jewish have anything to do with wheather she will sue?

 
mechgreg 2009-07-14 12:42:25 PM  
farkeruk: kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Let's explain life for you: you can't guarantee anything. OK, there are things that you really, really, really want to make sure are right, like nuclear power station software and that the guards at the White House aren't whackos, but changing things based on freak events with little impact is just crazy.


This reminds me of when I used to work in a video store in high school. Some old lady came in to complain that she had a bad tape (most likely she couldn't figure out the tracking button). We did the usual give her a free rental. But then she actually asked if we had some sort of regular testing program to make sure the bad tapes are taken out of circulation. Even though it was pretty clear we had thousands of tapes, and even if someone was watching movies full time to make sure there were no problems, it still wouldn't guarantee that each tape worked properly. She couldn't really grasp the concept.

 
Iowan73 2009-07-14 12:44:10 PM  
My wife used to work at a video store. One day a woman rented a DVD of Cinderella for her daughter, who was having a slumber party, and after the movie started they realized an employee had put the DVD for "SINderella" in with the kids movies instead of the "back room" where it belonged. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

 
mechgreg 2009-07-14 12:46:41 PM  
amanogowa: kpottruff: amanogowa: kpottruff: Am I the only one who can see this ladies point? It comes down to the fact that they can't guarantee the tape hasn't been dubbed over whereas it's highly unlikely that a DVD would have that done. Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a movie for enjoyment tell them to get a $30 DVD player.

Simple solution, and probably would save a library money in the long run.

I have a pen. I can write obscenities in books. I don't even have to check them out, or take them anywhere special -- I can do it right in the middle of the library, and there is nothing the library can do to guarantee it has not been done.

Keep the educational stuff but if people want to get a book for enjoyment tell them to get a $300 netbook.

But granny could flip through the book first if she was worried about that, with a VHS tape she would have to watch the whole thing first, just in case. I am just saying that DVD's are much more secure and there is no reason to keep VHS tapes around instead of DVD's now.

Sure there is. Money. Keeping those existing discs around is pretty much free. Replacing them would not be, and there are much better things to spend donations on.

Besides, she could have fast-forwarded through the movie first and done just as accurate of a job as with a book.


Exactly, I mean it is not like libraries are known for having massive budgets, and with the limited money they have I would rather they spend it on new books, rather than replacing the VHS copy of Austin Powers or whatever with a DVD copy.

 
Crazy Joe Davola 2009-07-14 12:47:04 PM  
Iowan73: My wife used to work at a video store. One day a woman rented a DVD of Cinderella for her daughter, who was having a slumber party, and after the movie started they realized an employee had put the DVD for "SINderella" in with the kids movies instead of the "back room" where it belonged. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

media.ebaumsworld.com

 
Lurkerbunny 2009-07-14 12:50:27 PM  
Wow, I did not expect a VHS-bashing thread. I actually prefer to rent VHS from the library rather than DVDs, because the DVDs (especially children's DVDs) are usually scratched up beyond watchability and the library doesn't do crap about it.

And also some things still aren't on DVD yet.

/My lawn, get off it.

 
crimsin23 [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 12:50:38 PM  
Latinwolf: Gwendolyn: Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

Way to over react there sport.

If you live here in Brooklyn, you'd know that this is all this guy every does.


Don't you just love living here?

/Chutzpah.
//Just wanted to say it.

 
StrikitRich 2009-07-14 12:54:44 PM  
mattharvest: What's VHS?

/Seriously, I thought that they actually stopped producing any VHS devices sometime last year.


No, they still make them. It was a major VHS tape manufacturer who stopped production last year, but you can still find product from smaller manufacturers.

 
amanogowa 2009-07-14 01:02:47 PM  
Lurkerbunny: Wow, I did not expect a VHS-bashing thread. I actually prefer to rent VHS from the library rather than DVDs, because the DVDs (especially children's DVDs) are usually scratched up beyond watchability and the library doesn't do crap about it.

And also some things still aren't on DVD yet.

/My lawn, get off it.


Why don't you demand your 'rental' fee back? Oh, that's right IT WAS FREE.

 
Latinwolf [TotalFark] 2009-07-14 01:05:51 PM  
crimsin23: Latinwolf: Gwendolyn: Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

Way to over react there sport.

If you live here in Brooklyn, you'd know that this is all this guy every does.

Don't you just love living here?

/Chutzpah.
//Just wanted to say it.


It has it's moments.

 
discospinster 2009-07-14 01:08:58 PM  
img212.imageshack.us

Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, putting in a VHS tape, right now, from a branch at the local library and finding pee-pees and woo-woos in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery? Doesn't HE deserve better?

 
MyMindIsGoingDave 2009-07-14 01:11:51 PM  
I guess its a good thing she wasn't watching Goldmember.

/DRTFA

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-14 01:13:49 PM  
discospinster: Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, putting in a VHS tape, right now, from a branch at the local library and finding pee-pees and woo-woos in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery? Doesn't HE deserve better?

*Heh heh*

Came for 'Bookman' ref.

/leaving satisfied.

 
kvinesknows 2009-07-14 01:14:18 PM  
amanogowa: Lurkerbunny: Wow, I did not expect a VHS-bashing thread. I actually prefer to rent VHS from the library rather than DVDs, because the DVDs (especially children's DVDs) are usually scratched up beyond watchability and the library doesn't do crap about it.

And also some things still aren't on DVD yet.

/My lawn, get off it.

Why don't you demand your 'rental' fee back? Oh, that's right IT WAS FREE.


kids VHS and DVDs are free in our city, Anything from the Not kids section costs $1 per rental to cover damages and such.

 
schadenfreudian 2009-07-14 01:23:35 PM  
It was a warm, humid day at the state fair. Despite eating several corn dogs and a deep fried candy bar, I was still hungry. I made my way to the other end of the fairgrounds, the sweat beginning to make my clothes stick to my skin.

I slowly opened the door of the toilet, and went inside. I made sure not to lock the door. It was much warmer inside, but I welcomed the shade from the hot sun. I lifted up the seat and gazed down to find a nearly filled tank. Without thinking twice, I slowly eased one foot through the porcelain gateway.

The liquid was a warm delight. The blue cleaning chemicals tingled my skin with such an incredible sensation, while pieces of soft feces became embedded in my hair. As I sat with knees up to my chin, I could feel the soft mud between my toes, and smell the heavenly fragrance all around me like the perfume of a goddess.

Suddenly the door opened, and I patiently waited. I remained absolutely silent, daring not to breathe. As the light from the porthole above diminished, I knew the time was right. Golden droplets sprayed down like rain on a pale spring morning. I closed my eyes and lifted my head.

Even in the most peaceful shower there's always a chance for thunder, and this was no exception. Softly at first it came, but then it was much more pronounced. My face was hit with a fine mist embedded with soft, brown grapes. My mouth was opened wide, and I was determined to catch as much as possible. It was very spicy, but that was nothing the cleaning agents couldn't handle. I washed down the chunks with a quick gulp of my surroundings.

While she may not have enjoyed her lunch, I sure did.

Who does No. 2 work for?

 
SuperNinjaToad 2009-07-14 01:36:20 PM  
Klein contacted her assemblyman, Dov Hikind (D-umbass) -- and he's now demanding that local libraries ban all VHS tapes.

"This is unbelievable," Hikind fumed. "The bottom line is that the local library can be unsafe for young children. It's pretty sick stuff."

But Hikind said that showed "unbelievable chutzpah," and added that therapists have warned that children can suffer lasting psychological damage from exposure to pornography.



This is why I hate Politicians!

www.defco.org
unbelievable chutzpah

 
Ldrtchbrd 2009-07-14 01:53:47 PM  
"The X-rated footage appeared as the credits rolled at the end."

Wait, what??? Who watches the credits???

 
kvinesknows 2009-07-14 01:58:42 PM  
Almost everyone watches credits now since movies started adding either deleted scenes to them or even outright new content in the case of some cartoons.

 
jsobota 2009-07-14 02:07:00 PM  
Unless the scenes in question came from a German I doubt she figured out who Number 2 worked for.

 
rewind2846 2009-07-14 02:22:22 PM  
Nem Wan: I doubt too many people are set up to copy VHS to VHS anymore.

The rig I've got set up can still copy VHS to VHS, VHS to DVD-R, DVD-R to VHS, and DVD to DVD-R with a homebrew DVR and two JVC SVHS tape machines. I've been working on it awhile, and use it to pull movies that probably will never come out on DVD, especially flicks from the 80's I get from... the library.
/has no life

 
Morton_toes 2009-07-14 02:28:13 PM  
rewind2846: Nem Wan: I doubt too many people are set up to copy VHS to VHS anymore.

The rig I've got set up can still copy VHS to VHS, VHS to DVD-R, DVD-R to VHS, and DVD to DVD-R with a homebrew DVR and two JVC SVHS tape machines. I've been working on it awhile, and use it to pull movies that probably will never come out on DVD, especially flicks from the 80's I get from... the library.
/has no life


Redundant slashie was redundant.

 
rewind2846 2009-07-14 02:42:22 PM  
Morton_toes:
/has no life

Redundant slashie was redundant.


Don't I know it.
/sad

 
The Mind Boggles 2009-07-14 03:09:11 PM  
Diogenes: medius: Diogenes: But Hikind said that showed "unbelievable chutzpah," and added that therapists have warned that children can suffer lasting psychological damage from exposure to pornography.

That's bullshiat! I grew up just fi....maybe we should look into this.

Hey, just because I can't get aroused without porn....and a ball gag, back of clothespins, and latex butt plug....

Sorry. I'll be in my bunk.


If that's your plan for a Tuesday afternoon, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for your Friday night.

 
dittybopper [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-14 03:53:06 PM  
ravenlore:
See, if i did Morse, i wouldn't do "80-meter sexting" or whatever you might want to call it...just because if the FCC thing, you know? I'm afraid they'd pull my ticket.



You'd use Q and Z signals:

QRL?
NO
QRV?
C
QAB?
QAB
QAQ?
NO
QCH LANDING STRIP?
QCH
TKS
QRQ QRQ QRQ
OK
[a short pause]
SRI SRI SRI HR QRU QRT SRI
LID

In this case, the female station is italicized, the male bolded.

Q signal list is here.

Prosigns and other abbreviations can be found here.

 
Loadmaster 2009-07-14 04:38:41 PM  
Why on earth would someone let a seven-year old watch Austin Powers?

 
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