Taking bets on Ginsburg v Swayze v Dear Leader

Takers?

So...is the evil totalitarian government fatwa trifecta in play, or what?

FTFA _{"(Reporting by Jack Kim, Editing by Dean Yates)"} Take all the credit you can from 2 tiny paragraphs!!!!

bob_ross: WAIT A SECOND HERE... How can God die?

He's a slave to the power of death.

/got nothing

Hmm, maybe this explains all of the noise that North Korea's been making recently. I know it was assumed that it was in preparation for introducing his successor, but that would definitely explain why it was on such an accelerated timeline.

That's some fine reporting there, lou.

I guess all that confirmation and details stuff just got too expensive.

driven to quit: Hender: King Something: Pancreatic cancer.

Stick a fork in 'im, 'e's done.

Well, Steve Jobs beat it so it's not unheard of to survive it. Apparently there are a couple of types of pancreatic cancer--one you can get better from with proper treatment, the other kills you pretty quickly no matter the treatment.

Your comparing one of the richest men in the world with the leader of one of the poorest countries in the world. I'm pretty sure Jobs gets some of the top of the line medical treatment for his cancer. Even with Kim being the leader and getting the best NK has to offer...its still NK were talking about. Plus have you seen the recent photos of him. I don't think the cancer is losing.

He's screwed, he can't go overseas for treatment for obvious reasons, and I don't think NKs finest doctors are no more experienced than the Janitor from Scrubs.

CitizenTed: Once his bratty kid takes over as leader, we need to send lots of tall, hot, white chicks to fark him stupid. From there, meaningful diplomacy can flow. North Korea will become the 51st state.

Just send him some women from South Korea. If they can't turn him then no women can.

An unsourced newsflash on South Korean TV, one of the most reliable places to find a story.

AR55: AdolfOliverPanties: How will the brainwashed citizens of NK wrap their brains around the fact that Dear Leader is not a God?

hmm. I wonder how the Japanese handled their leader "surrendering" to the inferior Westerners during WW2? Wasn't he also considered a God by the people as well?

Yup. Now they just respect him (because they're crazy about respect over there) and use him as an excuse to screw with their calendar (they have two year denominations, the normal one and "after emperor's birth'). Hopefully the same thing happens here.

Can't think of a more deserving person to get Pancreatic Cancer than Kim Jong Il.

rynthetyn: Hmm, maybe this explains all of the noise that North Korea's been making recently. I know it was assumed that it was in preparation for introducing his successor, but that would definitely explain why it was on such an accelerated timeline.

And certainly, everyone will accept this 25-year-old as their leader, and there'll be no ensuing period of power struggle and instability that our intelligence agencies might meddle with....

I volunteer to donate my pancreas to him, and by pancreas, I mean a large steaming log

bob_ross: WAIT A SECOND HERE... How can God die?

Should clone him a new one

I was going to complain that my headline wasn't used because it's exactly the same as this one, but now I see this was submitted before mine.

Apparently I'm not very original.

Lenny_da_Hog: Needs more "House" refs.

Watch it turn out to actually be lupis this time.

/ happy?

Good. Hopefully he dies soon and NK rejoins the south peacefully. Come on cancer don't let us down.

I'm sure this'll make great material for the next movie he directs and writes and stars in.

When the collapse finally happens, just think of all that North Korean snatch, desperate for a better life in the West. Even a loser like me will have a chance. Hell, I'll probably get two or three. Pretty ones. Young ones. God, I can't wait. I'll make them do the nastiest, most perverted things I can think of, and threaten to send them back if they don't comply.

i would say something snarky about this being a good thing and whatnot....but you know what they say about the devil you know, as opposed to the devil you don't.

/and belgianguy -southparkstudios.com-

No! Not a grand humanitarian like him!

So, does he go out like a power crazy psycho and bomb whatever he can with whatever he has or does he go out like a little pussy and hope that his successor takes up the cause and doesn't fold like a cheap house of cards?

Let's see.

skinink: CitizenTed: Once his bratty kid takes over as leader, we need to send lots of tall, hot, white chicks to fark him stupid. From there, meaningful diplomacy can flow. North Korea will become the 51st state.

Just send him some women from South Korea. If they can't turn him then no women can.

Mmmm...hot like kim chee...

jj325: My mom lasted three months with pancreatic cancer. Hope this bastard lasts longer and suffers more.

I am sorry about your mother. The comment about pancreatic cancer that sticks with me was a doctors comment when the emperor of Japan was dying from it. King of Pain.

May he have a painful/slow death, then get ass-raped in hell.

/Over and over again.

gothelder: Lenny_da_Hog: Needs more "House" refs.

Watch it turn out to actually be lupis this time.

/ happy?

"I'm sure, with him being a god and all, he'll just walk out of the hospital for a lunch-time miracle... any moment now."

[puts feet on desk, looking smug]

oh come on. he's probably been dead for over a year, they're just trying to find a way to have someone else take over without admitting that he Kim Jong-Il isn't the invincible god he claims to be

skinink: Just send him some women from South Korea. If they can't turn him then no women can.

and if they can't they, they are so farking batshiat crazy and farked up they can nag him to death or beat the shiat out of him

/still worth the great sex

i don't think he's going to be getting a lot of get well soon cards.

good night, funny man.

/too soon?

/ronery

Hail Hail the witch is dead.

I wonder if that the other people in power in North Korea don't want another spoiled and insane Kim Il Sung descendant in charge, that maybe Kim Jong Il soured them on the thought of any future leaders from that family tree. Maybe some of those who are in charge can see the writing on the wall and want more relaxed dealings with the outside world. Maybe that's why this transfer of power isn't going as smooth as the last.

Soon we'll something like this for Kim Jong-Ded

international
Yeltsin fights impeachment
Claims he's 'alive'

MOSCOW - Russian President Boris Yeltsin may have to prove he's alive to stave off an impeachment vote Tuesday in the Russian Parliament.
"I like Boris, but I'd prefer a living President," said Industry Minister Yuri Slendanypolickovanski, as he worked his second job selling hot dogs outside the Kremlin. "Not that I can't take orders from the dead - that's why we keep Lenin's body around. But since we turned into a democracy, having a pulse has become more important."

Yeltsin, who has worked only one day in the last four months due to complications associated with general deadness - has become increasingly distant from his parliament since word of his passing was leaked to the Western press.

"I'm tip top. See - I can dance a jig. Look. I'm dancing," he said in a radio address that proved very little. Even if Yeltsin proves he has a functioning heart and active brain, he could still face impeachment on several other counts including:

Bringing in democracy just as Communism was getting hip again

Killing the Russian people through poverty and starvation, as opposed to the old way of killing them for no reason in particular

Winter. Someone has to be blamed
Slendanypolicovanski admitted the chances Yeltsin will be impeached are remote.

This is bad...for Obama.

Hail Hail the witch is dead?

the original lyric is "ding dong", the guy's name is a phonetically similar "Kim Jong" and you went with "hail hail?"

hm.

Couldn't ask for a nastier cancer, great news. It's just unfortunate that he'll have access to the best painkillers money can buy.

never underestimate the last wishes of a dying maniac, i suppose..

//that being said, decades-old artillery does not a great war make these days. or, denial of service attacks..

Meh. Wake me when the headline reads

Kim Jong-Dead

bob_ross: WAIT A SECOND HERE... How can God die?

They still have yet to accept that Kim Il-Sung died. He still holds the eternal position of Great Leader (KJI is, in addition to "Dear Leader," known as the "Great General.")

One can only hope that KJU brings some sanity to that nutjob country, but all it takes is for him to have the same power trip the others did and it will be business as usual.

As for the people in the gulags, I can't imagine that many of them are still (voluntarily) worshiping the Dear Leader. As I experienced in parochial high school, forced worship does not automatically result in belief in the deity being worshiped.

House could cure him

He's been Ill for a while now. WTF is the newsflash for?

tonguedepressor: House could cure him

So would a low-yield nuke, but that might cause a problem or two...

bob_ross: WAIT A SECOND

And what does he need with a starship?

/and a day of rest? He's GOD. He's got stamina, yo.

logophile: Hail Hail the witch is dead?

the original lyric is "ding dong", the guy's name is a phonetically similar "Kim Jong" and you went with "hail hail?"

hm.

did someone say my name?

gothelder: Lenny_da_Hog: Needs more "House" refs.

Watch it turn out to actually be lupis this time.

/ happy?

Polonium in the salad? Who did the deed?

I wonder if they end up a free country if they'll ever finish that big hotel? It's such a monument to insanity it seems like a waste it's never been used for much.