Wow, George was right, it does work better this way.



Now with votey goodness

"Yeah, so then I emailed Boenher back this picture of a dog barking into a sprinkler."

"No really, I'm The President and I'm calling you from the Oval Office. Go ahead, star 69 me and you'll see. No, they never even asked to see my birth certificate!"

"No, she can't come to the phone, her mouth is full."

Hey, is this Rush? It's Obama. I know you're in commercial right now, so I'd just like to tell you that, according to my teleprompter here, Reverend Wright and Richard Ayers were up here in the Oval Office last night helping me lick dijon mustard off of that underage Brazilian girl's ass.
[pause]
Just stay calm, man, the ambulance will be there soon.

Hey Sarko, it's Barack. Dude, she's 17.

/with votey

"Hello, John McCain, is your refrigerator running?"

"Yes. That's what I said. Go ahead and arrest Cheney now. And don't forget to get his farkhead lawyer David Addington. Naw, leave Dubya alone. You wouldn't arrest are retard would you? Then again, they do in Texas. OK, bring him in too."

"I know man, that ass was bumpin'! If Michelle wasn't there I would have tapped that so hard..."

Hey, when I hold the phone with the cord on the bottom like this, I can hear people!

"It was awesome! I told them I wanted a KFC in the White House, and they actually said 'we'll get right on it!'"

As part of this administration's efforts to bring the deficit under control, I'd like to take the time to mention that the warranty on your vehicle is about to expire...

"Yeah, it was working fine for a while and then it just stopped! It's a TelePrompt DX-1000, hang on, let me get the serial number."

"Ok Ok...the itsy bitsy spider wen..."

Can you hang on a sec, I need to smile for this photo. So ya as I was saying, we are pretty much farked. Anyway, how's your mom doing?

"Dirka Dirka Mohammad Jihad"

And, last one...

"When I want the opinion of a wise Latina woman, I'll beat it out of her"

No Shiat, she thinks she thinks she wants to be a democrat now? This is going to be hilarious.

"So I says, 'I'm sorry Michelle, I can't hear you over how bangin' that young girl's ass is.'
[pause]
Hell yes she was pissed but, fark it, aint like I was getting laid that night by that point anyway."

"...yes, last name Butts, first name Seymour."

Obama..."What hangs upside-down, and has a little d*ck?"

Person on phone..."A bat?"

Obama..."Correct. Now what has a big d*ck and hangs up?"

"If you know what happened in the Mets game don't tell me, I taped it. Hello?"

"No... the white phone..."

Hello? Hello, Dmitriy? Listen, I can't hear too well, do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? Oh, that's much better. Yes. Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitriy. Clear and plain and coming through fine. I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then as you say we're both coming through fine. Good. Well it's good that you're fine and I'm fine. I agree with you. It's great to be fine

"yes, I *did* get that hilarious email you forwarded me."

"Yeah, I know... that dude said 'Hey Ladies', and I couldn't get the cowbell out of my head either!"

"... And so Biden says 'Honey, this one's eating my popcorn!'"

"The first thing I do...is talk to corporate! LIKE A BOSS!"

"Ha ha, no. Mo. You're not going to get me to say 'why'd he'. Wait! Aww shi--"

[CLICK]

\

'So I came up with...'saved or created jobs'....it's impossible to prove but it's also impossible to dis-prove...and the lemmings who voted for my are too stupid to understand that."

Of course I was scopin' the booty, baby! I just told Michelle I was responding to someone's question!

"The president is seen negotiating with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, smiling after offering missile technology while his assistants mail a DVD explaining the proper use of the Photoshop clone tool"

"HA, I know! Hope. Change. Can you believe the suckers fell for it?"

/Now with voting

Hillary? You sound groggy as shiat. Is it 3AM where you are? Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!

Hello? Who? Dick? Dick Cheney, you old scoundrel! How the heck are ya? A what? A pardon? Oh, Dick, you SLAY me! Dig this: I've decided not to close Guantanamo entirely. Think Rudolf Hess, knowaddamean?

"I know; I know. I still can't believe they're calling me the first black president, when I'm only half black and was raised by my white relatives! I'm more like the first minstrel president."

"If you think the stimulus package was a pile, you should see the size on the one I pinched off in Biden's bathroom and didn't flush. That place is going to smell like a Yetti when he gets back."

Perhaps it would be better if you bill me for the flowers, I'm sure it'll be all right with your boss... Well, I don't know if you recognize my voice, but this is the president... Of the United States!... Hello?

"No, I don't want any of that new grilled shiat. I want the FRIED chicken bucket."

PapermonkeyExpress: "Yeah, so I tells them, I tells them 'It's working, you guys just got to give it more time.' I know, can you believe it?? Almost $800 Billion $1.5 trillion and nothing to show for it, not even an idea WHERE it went.

"I don't know why we Democrats Republicans didn't think of this sooner! The term 'Simulus' War on Terror allows us to spend money on ANYTHING."

PapermonkeyExpress: mediablitz

www.law.state.ak.us

She was referencing the national equivalent of what she has in Alaska.

But you KNEW that, amirite?

Know how I know you're an apologist?

"Firearms Friday? I just wanted to say I agree with the last caller, Ted. God Bless Sarah Palin and her family!"

...look, you'll need to break open the window in order to stop the poison gas from entering your room, so get something heavy, like the toilet tank lid and smash the mirror to get the axe and gas masks that are hidden behind it...

"Please, baby. I am NOT from Havana."

LoLz! And next I'm taking over health care and then who knows? Maybe we can have a red, white and blue hammer and sickle? No one will dare call me on it, this is a blast!

Trust me, this crackers know all about grape soda now. Hey, you want a Newport?

No, YOU hang up first! No, you.....You didn't hang up! I love you MORE. No, YOU hang up first!

"...no.. you hang up first.."

What the fark is my problem?

That's "B" as in "boy.
"A" as in "apple".
"R" as in...

You know what? It's Bob. My name's Bob.

Yeah, biatch stole my fish too!

Right, good, now take the mattress and throw it out the window. (snicker)

"Yeah Bill I gave her the line you told me. Yes I made sure to put emphasis on 'entry level position'. Well I can't say too much because I'm being photographed; but, let's just say I rammed my ding dong up her rocky road into her peanut butter cup. Yeah Im taking precautions that she doesn't pop out a baby ruth. What?!?! Out her vajayjay what did you think I meant?"


/Type40 that was the stupidest block of text ever. I only read it to see if you were goin somewhere with it and the answer is no.

//Hoser, let me know when the WoW servers are back up ok?

Yeah. I got a new teleprompter. It's telling me to smile.

Hello? Dick Cheney? Tell me, how did you fool Liberals in Congress into believing Iraq had WMDs so you could invade Iraq? That would help me when the time comes for Iran.

BTW, your daughter is hot. Oh what? She's a lesbo!? Dayyyummm!

LOL. What?????? Pictures of bottle rockets?!? You one bad motha.....you shut yo mouth dog!!!!

Did you see that 17 yr old Brazilian girl's booty? Dam, she's got the butt of a black woman! I'ld Cap and Trade that like ther was no tomorrow!

"Mayora Mayora....I had a feeling I'd be hearing from you..."

"Yeah, no shiat. Can you believe it? All the fried chicken and watermelon a nubian can eat up in this house."