You'd think these people would die almost immediately from loss of blood. The train's wheels probably cauterized the wounds...ugh.

He wasn't looking for a handout, just wanted to get a leg up...

If he was serious, he'd put his neck on the track.

suicide FAIL.

should have just parked a car in front of it.

"The victim, named Matt, recovered from his injuries and spends all of his time lying on the porch by the front door of his house."

Right.

Man tries to commit suicide by laying on train tracks, is stumped by his failure

Wrong.

/obligatory

That's funy.
He should do stand up.

Great headline subby, I lol'd.

+1

All I can think is:

"Here comes a lawsuit"

/Doesn't have a leg to stand on
//Not a litigator
///Nor plays one on TV

That's pretty good, but he's going to have to step it up to beat taxi guy.

FTFA "and two people died after being struck by the same train "

Hmmm...

"Lost some limbs"
Makes him sound Like a tree.

When discussing lost limbs, how many is "some?"

just from stumped i started laughing to myself.....then thought of that character on South Park that had no legs for some reason.

Barnacles!: "The victim, named Matt, recovered from his injuries and spends all of his time lying on the porch by the front door of his house."

That's no longer true. He got a job as third base at A T & T Park.

This comes to mind:

I thought of the song "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" when I saw this.

Californication FTW

Just euthanize the poor bastard.

Oremor Cir: When discussing lost limbs, how many is "some?"

More then one, but less then all.
I think.

PersonaNonGrata: I thought of the song "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" when I saw this.

The railroad don't run no more...

You didn't save my life, you ruined my death, that's what ya did!

oblig

I do believe the man should be given the choice of humane euthanization.

How awful to be so horribly horribly unhappy and so desperate to escape the pain and to fail at that last one task you assign yourself. Only to find yourself survived but now limbless. Without limbs he won't even be able to finish the job.

I drove past this place on my way home from work yesterday. The police were placing items in a large clear plastic bag at Webster and Embarcadero. I thought someone had died since the coroner's wagon was departing at about the time I drove by. There were a couple more teams at 5th and Embarcadero as well, but I guess that was to collect items from last week's attempt.

avictor: I do believe the man should be given the choice of humane euthanization.

How awful to be so horribly horribly unhappy and so desperate to escape the pain and to fail at that last one task you assign yourself. Only to find yourself survived but now limbless. Without limbs he won't even be able to finish the job.

Dr. Kevorkian is still pushing for this.

Fluff Girl: Barnacles!: "The victim, named Matt, recovered from his injuries and spends all of his time lying on the porch by the front door of his house."

That's no longer true. He got a job as third base at A T & T Park.

Not true. Bob likes to stay in his pool these days.

he faced the train? yikes i wouldnt want to see it coming.

I cringed.

Amtrak spokeswoman Vernae Graham said the eastbound Capitol Corridor train No. 536 was leaving Jack London Square when it struck the man at Webster Street at 3:37 p.m.

I was told there would be no math!

FAIL tag on vacation?

Maybe he just wanted a cute pair of wings and a halo?




/Spoilers?

eagles95: just from stumped i started laughing to myself.....then thought of that character on South Park that had no legs for some reason.


"You don't count Halfy, you don't have any legs"

The M.A.S.H theme song lied to me.

farfigneugan: FTFA "and two people died after being struck by the same train "

Hmmm...

Sounds like we have a rogue train on our hands. We better put him down

gopher321: You'd think these people would die almost immediately from loss of blood. The train's wheels probably cauterized the wounds...ugh.

Cauterizing requires high heat. Chances are the wheels just pinched the wound closed long enough.

farfigneugan: FTFA "and two people died after being struck by the same train "

Hmmm...

Obviously that train is out for blood.

LessO2: FAIL tag on vacation?

Too mean.

/submitter

Two Dogs Farking: Too mean.

/submitter

I expected more out of TotalFarkers.

Lt. Dan.........?

avictor: I do believe the man should be given the choice of humane euthanization.

How awful to be so horribly horribly unhappy and so desperate to escape the pain and to fail at that last one task you assign yourself. Only to find yourself survived but now limbless. Without limbs he won't even be able to finish the job.

Yeah, and now he's going to be a burden on his family and the taxpayer, which I'm sure he really wanted when he decided to kill himself.

This is the saddest Fail ever.

vertiaset: A friend of mine killed himself in San Diego this way a month ago. He sat on the tracks, then according to witnesses, when he heard the train, stood up, turned around, crossed his arms and just waited for the train to hit him.

You have to be in a lot of pain to do this.

There have been quite a few in the Bay Area lately.

They posted cops at a train crossing where a few kids ate train near a Palo Alto high school. Three different kids on different occasions decided to do it around there.

There was an old guy who rode the tracks the wrong way... he did it during the morning commute. I only saw the body bag (and the coroner picking up bits), but apparently some folks on earlier trains saw the dismembered & shredded corpse while the cops were investigating.

/California is great, blah blah blah. Come for the weather, stay for the malaise & the annual budget crisis.

Gonna let you in on a little secret.
We CAN swerve out of the way.
We are just Aholes I guess.....

All those incidents appeared to be suicides, according to investigators.

Or homicides given that it's Alameda County. Land at Oakland airport and take BART to Frisco, it's Detroit East. No matter how you do it, it's good to get out of there.

Oremor Cir: When discussing lost limbs, how many is "some?"

More than one, less than all?

PersonaNonGrata: I thought of the song "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" when I saw this.

Californication FTW

That's what I came here for. Leaving satisfied.

leonel: gopher321: You'd think these people would die almost immediately from loss of blood. The train's wheels probably cauterized the wounds...ugh.

Cauterizing requires high heat. Chances are the wheels just pinched the wound closed long enough.


Let's see. Metal wheels rolling on a steel track at high speeds.


Sounds like it may produce some heat.

musashi1600: Maybe he just wanted a cute pair of wings and a halo?

/Spoilers?

I will quote you, because that was a damned good show. Apparently some things are obscure on Fark.

Bunnyhat: leonel: gopher321: You'd think these people would die almost immediately from loss of blood. The train's wheels probably cauterized the wounds...ugh.

Cauterizing requires high heat. Chances are the wheels just pinched the wound closed long enough.


Let's see. Metal wheels rolling on a steel track at high speeds.


Sounds like it may produce some heat.

Is this your thesis Dr.Bunnyhat? It would also disperse said heat fairly quickly, owing to moving air and such, but I'm just copying your method ;). Pinching does have some precedent though, really. I think it'd probably be like a tourniquet, but it smooshes the flesh together so it doesn't need constant force.

The arteries tend to clamp shut for a short time after a traumatic injury to a limb. If the limb is tourniqueted quickly you have a good chance of survival. Train wheels are not hot enough to cauterize.

He was chuffed to bits.

Oh well...maybe next time...

PersonaNonGrata: I thought of the song "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" when I saw this.


Me too.



/hot like Terri Clark

Recovery should be easy. As long as you put one foot in front of...
Oh, wait.

/But look at the great new parking spaces he can use!

Failing_Junk: The arteries tend to clamp shut for a short time after a traumatic injury to a limb. If the limb is tourniqueted quickly you have a good chance of survival. Train wheels are not hot enough to cauterize.

Pretty much this. In a traumatic amputation, the blood vessels contract back up into the limb, and the muscles themselves spasm violently, acting as a natural tourniquet for a brief period of time. There is often enough time for aid to arrive and apply a pressure bandage.

It's when the artery is TORN, but not severed, that you get massive bleed-out and near-instant death.

I detest these people.

I mean really, drink some poison, eat a shotgun barrel, jump off a cliff somewhere, but quit inconveniencing the traveling public with your solution to your terrible angst. Not only does the train have to stop, but it stops all other rail traffic using that line. Then the police come to "investigate". Investigate what? I don't have to watch CSI every week to know that the person in question was hit by a train and killed but no, now we have to waste hours while an "investigation" takes place.

Old_Chief_Scott: I detest these people.

I mean really, drink some poison, eat a shotgun barrel, jump off a cliff somewhere, but quit inconveniencing the traveling public with your solution to your terrible angst. Not only does the train have to stop, but it stops all other rail traffic using that line. Then the police come to "investigate". Investigate what? I don't have to watch CSI every week to know that the person in question was hit by a train and killed but no, now we have to waste hours while an "investigation" takes place.

Bitter, are we? S'okay...you'll get over it.

Old_Chief_Scott: I detest these people.

I mean really, drink some poison, eat a shotgun barrel, jump off a cliff somewhere, but quit inconveniencing the traveling public with your solution to your terrible angst. Not only does the train have to stop, but it stops all other rail traffic using that line. Then the police come to "investigate". Investigate what? I don't have to watch CSI every week to know that the person in question was hit by a train and killed but no, now we have to waste hours while an "investigation" takes place.

Plus the driver now has to live with having killed a person. It wasn't their fault... but still.

I can't see some of the images in the thread, so would someone tell me if someone else already posted this?

In addition, people should not jump off of bridges unless they walk out onto the span. These people that drive out to the middle of the bridge, park, and then leap to their deaths are blocking a lane of travel. Jesus, can't they take a cab or something, or get a friend to drop them off, so to speak?

Oh sure, some people will show up in this thread and say "But Old_Chief_Scott, at least they didn't get up there and dawdle". Well, if that's the case I hope they left the keys in the ignition and didn't put them in their pocket, but the cops still will want to "investigate" so don't be a good Samaritan and try to move that car out of the damned way.

Old_Chief_Scott: In addition, people should not jump off of bridges unless they walk out onto the span. These people that drive out to the middle of the bridge, park, and then leap to their deaths are blocking a lane of travel. Jesus, can't they take a cab or something, or get a friend to drop them off, so to speak?

Oh sure, some people will show up in this thread and say "But Old_Chief_Scott, at least they didn't get up there and dawdle". Well, if that's the case I hope they left the keys in the ignition and didn't put them in their pocket, but the cops still will want to "investigate" so don't be a good Samaritan and try to move that car out of the damned way.

They should have the good sense to toss a watermelon down first so that people will be warmed up and have an idea of the splash zone.

Alx_xlA: I can't see some of the images in the thread, so would someone tell me if someone else already posted this?

Yep...Do A Barrel Roll beat you to it:

Do A Barrel Roll: This comes to mind:

Fano: The M.A.S.H theme song lied to me.

If he'd been successful in offing himself, then the song doesn't lie...

People do this in Del Mar fairly often, mostly women for some reason. They'll park their car, take off their shoes, and just walk onto the tracks which run right along the beach.

While I lived there I figured if I saw some terribly sad looking person walking barefoot on the train tracks I would say something to them.

Never saw anyone though.

This one time, I was walking along the railroad tracks near where I then lived. I found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her, and we had sex for hours. My only disappointment was that I didn't get a blow job because I couldn't find her head.

Fano: They should have the good sense to toss a watermelon down first

If they are over pavement, sure, but it's just a waste of a perfectly good watermelon if there is no pedestrian traffic below, like jumping off the Coronado Bridge here in San Diego. And then it's only polite not to skewer yourself on the mast of somebody's Hobie Cat.

jackmalice: This one time, I was walking along the railroad tracks near where I then lived. I found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her, and we had sex for hours. My only disappointment was that I didn't get a blow job because I couldn't find her head.

Her head probably wound up on Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London

Hahahha!

Suicide chump! Now the life you thought sucked so bad is about to become a thousand times worse!!


/i get to laff cuz i failed suicide last month
//tried the train thing before, but picked the wrong tracks and had to watch it fly on by a hundred yards away
///the man who could not die!

myzdoxae: jackmalice: This one time, I was walking along the railroad tracks near where I then lived. I found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her, and we had sex for hours. My only disappointment was that I didn't get a blow job because I couldn't find her head.

Her head probably wound up on Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London

Can you send it to me? I'd like to meet her again.

You're supposed to jump in front of the train.

How is his wife Peg holding up?

jackmalice: I didn't get a blow job because I couldn't find her head

You magnificent bastard.

myzdoxae: Her head probably wound up on Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London

*guffaw*

Old_Chief_Scott

...like jumping off the Coronado Bridge here in San Diego.

There as that asshole a couple of years back that jumped, taking the police dog with him. The guy survived. Wish he'd gotten a good Hobie a-skewerin'

"The man lost some limbs and was hospitalized in critical condition, police said."

How many is "some"?

kb7rky: Alx_xlA: I can't see some of the images in the thread, so would someone tell me if someone else already posted this?

Yep...Do A Barrel Roll beat you to it:

Do A Barrel Roll: This comes to mind:

God damn.

Maybe he should have taken the train to the bridge. The fall doesn't kill you, it's the sudden stop.

EngineerBob: Gonna let you in on a little secret.
We CAN swerve out of the way.
We are just Aholes I guess.....

Damn you engineerbob, now you,ve done it.

I've heard of a couple cases of people going through the same thing, and turning their lives around. Perhaps this dude will be another case of that.

Looks like things did not come off the way he meant for them to.

WhyteRaven74: I've heard of a couple cases of people going through the same thing, and turning their lives around. Perhaps this dude will be another case of that.

Good example of that. ALso one of the best docs I've seen.
Link (new window)

Old_Chief_Scott: In addition, people should not jump off of bridges unless they walk out onto the span. These people that drive out to the middle of the bridge, park, and then leap to their deaths are blocking a lane of travel. Jesus, can't they take a cab or something, or get a friend to drop them off, so to speak?

Oh sure, some people will show up in this thread and say "But Old_Chief_Scott, at least they didn't get up there and dawdle". Well, if that's the case I hope they left the keys in the ignition and didn't put them in their pocket, but the cops still will want to "investigate" so don't be a good Samaritan and try to move that car out of the damned way.

A friend was stuck in traffic on the lower deck of the Bay Bridge. Turns out it was a jumper on the upper deck and the police had stopped traffic in order to talk him down. My friend says they were stuck for over an hour and was kind of wishing the jumper would get on with it so everyone could get home. I told her, no, because then the police would have spent at least another hour investigating.

/I was friends with a guy who occasionally had too scoop them out of the water under the Coronado Bridge. He said because of the height, they mostly popped like balloons.

myalias1845: Good example of that. ALso one of the best docs I've seen.

I've meant to see that, haven't gotten around to it yet.

WhyteRaven74: myalias1845: Good example of that. ALso one of the best docs I've seen.

I've meant to see that, haven't gotten around to it yet.

I'm rarely affected by anything that I see, but that was extremely moving. Definitely move it up on your priority list :)

myalias1845: Definitely move it up on your priority list :)

I think I shall, plus soon I'll have plenty of time to watch stuff, so I'm sure I'll get around to it :)

Gyrfalcon

Failing_Junk: The arteries tend to clamp shut for a short time after a traumatic injury to a limb. If the limb is tourniqueted quickly you have a good chance of survival. Train wheels are not hot enough to cauterize.

Pretty much this. In a traumatic amputation, the blood vessels contract back up into the limb, and the muscles themselves spasm violently, acting as a natural tourniquet for a brief period of time. There is often enough time for aid to arrive and apply a pressure bandage.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJbaKpa1CL8]

Old_Chief_Scott

I detest these people.

I mean really, drink some poison, eat a shotgun barrel, jump off a cliff somewhere, but quit inconveniencing the traveling public with your solution to your terrible angst. Not only does the train have to stop, but it stops all other rail traffic using that line.

The above (audio)vid, and this one [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dTAPaAByGU ] always come to mind at times like this.

Dear god what a selfish and assholish way to kill yourself. Buy a gun, go home and shoot yourself in the head. Stop bothering everyone

Those poor suicides,you'd think they would at least have enough for bus fare to the Golden Gate bridge so they could do it right. Doesn't anybody do it there anymore? No class.

Only a flash wound!



Seriously, this is about as pitiful as it gets. Poor bastard.

and that's how quality headlines are written.

I hope he cut his genitals off along with "some" of his limbs.

It sucks when suiciders use other people to do what they should do by themselves. I knew a train engineer who was extremely bothered by people killing themselves on his train.

I don't get it. What did he try to lay on the tracks?

I think the best way to go would be with a vodka enema. You can't just DRINK yourself to death (although it could work...), cause you'll black out and throw up all the alcohol, and maybe not die.

So you give yourself an enema of strong alcohol, and you die peacefully of alcohol poisoning. Bonus: it'll probably be ruled an accidental death (kinky bastards...) so your family will still collect on life insurance. And there's no blood to clean up!

And how does not having limbs prevent this guy from trying again? They'll probably get him an electric wheelchair, and then he can just wheel himself back to the tracks and have the train take off his head this time.

davynelson: Hahahha!

Suicide chump! Now the life you thought sucked so bad is about to become a thousand times worse!!


/i get to laff cuz i failed suicide last month
//tried the train thing before, but picked the wrong tracks and had to watch it fly on by a hundred yards away
///the man who could not die!

He could always sue the city for failing to kill him. It's worked before.

farfigneugan: FTFA "and two people died after being struck by the same train "

Hmmm...

I was on that train. Smashed the first guy, stopped for 3.5 hours, then hit another woman five minutes after we got under way.

/Cabin reaction after first death was "OMG"
//After second death, "Are you farking kidding me?"
///Arrived at destination by bus eight hours later

Atharaenea: I think the best way to go would be with a vodka enema. You can't just DRINK yourself to death (although it could work...), cause you'll black out and throw up all the alcohol, and maybe not die.

So you give yourself an enema of strong alcohol, and you die peacefully of alcohol poisoning. Bonus: it'll probably be ruled an accidental death (kinky bastards...) so your family will still collect on life insurance. And there's no blood to clean up!

And how does not having limbs prevent this guy from trying again? They'll probably get him an electric wheelchair, and then he can just wheel himself back to the tracks and have the train take off his head this time.

Deos that work with ODing in pills too? Rather than risking getting sick, just shove them up that way?

I know the vodka soaked tampons up the butt are quite popular amongst the kids these days. Quick buzz; no hangover. Has anyone tried this? Jaeger might serve as a better lube.

tigast: Those poor suicides,you'd think they would at least have enough for bus fare to the Golden Gate bridge so they could do it right. Doesn't anybody do it there anymore? No class.

A while back there was a series of articles by jump survivors that assured readers that a swan dive off the GG Bridge was a painful,slow,scary way to go.

Actually, from my professional experience, people who survive traumatic suicide attempts (gunshots, amputations, falls from great heights, etc) tend to work very hard in rehab and, despite the thought that "wow they must really hate life now", attack life with new vigor.

I know this is FARK and all, but suicide is a major problem (kills 2x more children then cancer, for example) and all of society should be concerned about it - for the cost financially, resource-wise, and emotionally.

myalias1845: Atharaenea: I think the best way to go would be with a vodka enema. You can't just DRINK yourself to death (although it could work...), cause you'll black out and throw up all the alcohol, and maybe not die.

So you give yourself an enema of strong alcohol, and you die peacefully of alcohol poisoning. Bonus: it'll probably be ruled an accidental death (kinky bastards...) so your family will still collect on life insurance. And there's no blood to clean up!

And how does not having limbs prevent this guy from trying again? They'll probably get him an electric wheelchair, and then he can just wheel himself back to the tracks and have the train take off his head this time.

Deos that work with ODing in pills too? Rather than risking getting sick, just shove them up that way?

I know the vodka soaked tampons up the butt are quite popular amongst the kids these days. Quick buzz; no hangover. Has anyone tried this? Jaeger might serve as a better lube.

If you don't want to kill yourself, shoving drugs or alcohol up your ass is extremely dangerous and stupid. And pills need to dissolve, which makes the stomach better for that. Alcohol gets absorbed right into the bloodstream through the rectum.

Yup, I was around to see the aftermath that day. We were just seriously mad that they couldn't find a way to do that that wouldn't freak out/traumatize somebody else.

If you wanna go, go, but don't take someone else's peace of mind with you, you dick.

ManBearPig: musashi1600: Maybe he just wanted a cute pair of wings and a halo?

/Spoilers?

I will quote you, because that was a damned good show. Apparently some things are obscure on Fark.


Not obscure, but damn good regardless.

one of my trailer cousin's ex-husbands (yes many ex) got drunk and took a nap on some train tracks. yep, very EX.

glad I'm from the half of the family from the North.

I guess next time he can roll himself out there in his wheelchair

Lying, subby, lying.

thegod082: Lying, subby, lying.

I think you're laying.

Is it possible that this guy actually got the result he was looking for?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder


/Just sayin'

I lived down the street from a guy who lost his legs trying to kill himself railroad style. He got a huge insurance claim from the RR, bought himself a big fancy house & truck & then got married & had some kids.

So you never know, suicide may just work out in your favor!