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(Some Guy) Obvious A kid had to be rescued from a mall escalator. You know the rescue wasn't that dramatic. When an escalator breaks, doesn't it just become stairs?   (johnsoncitypress.com) divider line 93
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SpeshilEdjukashin [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 09:28:36 PM  
When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs. When a little kid's shoelace (saggy pants, finger, etc) gets caught in one, OM NOM NOM NOM.

 
Joystk [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 09:34:38 PM  
+1 for the Mitch Hedberg reference, subby.

 
Hender [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 09:43:34 PM  
I don't believe it, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

 
can i be you when i grow up 2009-07-10 09:44:03 PM  
I once saw a little girl playing around on an escalator. She had beautiful long blonde hair. I say "had" because her hair got pulled into the escalator, and she had to have her hair cut pretty much off to free her. I thought it was funny, but I am kinda cruel that way.

//they borrowed my scissors to do it.

 
ninjakirby [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 10:00:56 PM  
Hender: I don't believe it, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

Well, I see we've covered our bases. I'll be leaving now.

 
Megain [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 10:13:22 PM  
well, i guess that taught the 4-year-old about the dangers of wearing crocs

 
AntonSzandorLaVey [TotalFark] 2009-07-11 01:08:20 AM  
Sorry for the convenience

 
SilentStrider [TotalFark] 2009-07-11 01:31:09 AM  
No Jim Gaffigan references?

You're slipping fark.

 
cameroncrazy1984 [TotalFark] 2009-07-11 02:09:34 AM  
AntonSzandorLaVey: Sorry for the convenience

To this day, I think this may be the best-delivered joke Mitch Hedberg ever did.

 
Fano 2009-07-11 03:08:16 AM  
www.loudersoft.com

Kid in question

 
PartTimeBuddha 2009-07-11 03:09:58 AM  
SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)

 
NeuroticRocker [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-11 03:10:18 AM  
HELL YES!

I am so happy I get to use this!

My friend and I made this at work when the escalator broke. Her idea. Shes a huge Hedberg fan.

i247.photobucket.com


/no I didnt bone her. She was hot and in a serious relationship though

//wanted to

 
NEDM 2009-07-11 03:12:11 AM  
www.fluxw.com

RIP, Mitch.

 
smalltownmind 2009-07-11 03:13:41 AM  
We've covered Mitch Hedberg and Mallrats in 4 posts....it's done...next thread.


Thanks for making me laugh in my 2 am, 6 hour wait at Jack in the box drive-thru.


Learn to respect the escalator.

 
skinink 2009-07-11 03:13:43 AM  

Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.


www.vision3d.com


 
PickinWhiskers 2009-07-11 03:13:49 AM  
gOD forbid his foreskin gets stuck.

 
syntaxic 2009-07-11 03:14:00 AM  
If only some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

 
buk110 2009-07-11 03:14:37 AM  
I'll wait patiently for the family of the little snowflake to file a lawsuit and blame former President Bush for the faulty equipment....

 
CelesX 2009-07-11 03:15:03 AM  
There's not a year goes by that I don't read about an escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've been easily avoided had some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent, conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!

 
NeuroticRocker [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-11 03:17:34 AM  
we also forgot Dmitri, I believe:

"I once tripped on an up escalator and fell downstairs for an hour and a half"

 
Danger Avoid Death 2009-07-11 03:17:35 AM  
This isn't funny! I once slipped on an escalator and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

 
PickinWhiskers 2009-07-11 03:18:04 AM  
skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

Hmmm. I see sand crabs.

 
NeuroticRocker [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-11 03:18:09 AM  
Danger Avoid Death: This isn't funny! I once slipped on an escalator and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

My first simulpost!

Was it good for you?

 
Tachikoma [TotalFark] 2009-07-11 03:19:27 AM  
PartTimeBuddha: SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)


So much this.

 
PickinWhiskers 2009-07-11 03:21:11 AM  
buk110: I'll wait patiently for the family of the little snowflake to file a lawsuit and blame former President Bush for the faulty equipment....

You are waiting for that? Have fun.

 
nhcfark 2009-07-11 03:21:56 AM  
Darwinism . .. ...
I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

I only clicked on this comment thread 'cause I misread "kids" as "kittens"

 
93 YJ 2009-07-11 03:23:07 AM  
I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues!

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child.

 
accelerus 2009-07-11 03:24:03 AM  
proof that america's kids are always lowering the bar. And the F'd up parents are doing a bang up job of speeding up the process.


Either the kid is a total retard and deserved it, or his/her parents are the loser kind that don't do their job of parenting.

 
Danger Avoid Death 2009-07-11 03:25:24 AM  
nhcfark: I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

damb kids ...

 
Firebug 2009-07-11 03:25:29 AM  
Do you want a chocolate covered pretzel?

 
NeuroticRocker [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-11 03:26:39 AM  
this is a very vague memory, but when i was about 8 (20 yrs ago, roughly) there was an episode of Rescue911 that had a toddler have his bare feet eaten by the teeth at the end of the escalator.

/LAWLS
//very dramatic in R911 fashion

 
DrGunsforHands 2009-07-11 03:27:02 AM  
skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

Looks more like a parasaurolophus.

 
LincolnLogolas 2009-07-11 03:27:29 AM  
"This is the San Dimas mall. And this is where people of today's world hang out. All right everybody, watch your step getting off. Beeth-oven make sure you don't get sucked under. Everybody get together. Make sure you remember who your buddy is. So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. Okay, follow me. You've got your Broadway down here, and your Sears over here..."

 
babsasf 2009-07-11 03:28:17 AM  
img11.imageshack.us

 
tekkie55 2009-07-11 03:28:18 AM  
Think of it as Final Destination 4 but in real life.

 
Tony Baloney 2009-07-11 03:31:29 AM  
skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

What you need is a fatty-boom-batty BLUNT, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-t***ed mermaids doing some of that lesbian shiat. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, YOU SLOPPY BIATCH!

 
Ikahoshi 2009-07-11 03:34:19 AM  
93 YJ: I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues!

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child.



Unfortunately, those types of parents never learn, they just blame it on others.

Just watch if you have to rein in their crotchfruit for them- they flip out- because you're the problem by meddling, not their kids.

Get mall security or call the police, they love it when parents with feral kids make them work for a living.

 
PickinWhiskers 2009-07-11 03:34:43 AM  
nhcfark: Darwinism . .. ...
I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.
i>

Farkin dumn kids these days, right? Bunch of farkin' dumn-dumns.

 
HairBolus 2009-07-11 03:36:10 AM  

 
mandingueiro 2009-07-11 03:36:30 AM  
PartTimeBuddha: SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)


see: mitch hedberg.

 
IlGreven 2009-07-11 03:45:14 AM  
HairBolus: Crocs taking bites out of feet -- Children's soft-soled clogs getting caught in escalators.

Good. That'll teach 'em to wear Crocs.

 
myalias1845 2009-07-11 03:48:36 AM  
Hot Pockets!

 
zimbach 2009-07-11 03:48:53 AM  
HairBolus: Escalators like to eat tennis shoes with kids feet inside them.
[...]


That happened to me when I was small. Toe of my shoe got jammed in the rake at the top. They stopped the thing before my actual foot got injured, but the shoe was stuck, and when they reversed the thing, my shoe popped out taking three of the escalator's teeth with it!

 
Ikahoshi 2009-07-11 03:50:28 AM  
IlGreven: HairBolus: Crocs taking bites out of feet -- Children's soft-soled clogs getting caught in escalators.

Good. That'll teach 'em to wear Crocs.



Like having your feet smell like fresh-from-the-factory radial tires, and looking like a dumbass isn't enough...

 
myalias1845 2009-07-11 03:51:16 AM  
Danger Avoid Death: nhcfark: I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

damb kids ...


hehe...I've missed your humor around these parts. Been a while

 
zimbach 2009-07-11 03:51:53 AM  
Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

 
PickinWhiskers 2009-07-11 03:54:08 AM  
zimbach: HairBolus: Escalators like to eat tennis shoes with kids feet inside them.
[...]

They stopped the thing before my actual foot got injured, but the shoe was stuck, and when they reversed the thing, my shoe popped out taking three of the escalator's teeth with it!


Hehe. Before your 'actual foot' got injured.
That's good I guess. Right?

 
myalias1845 2009-07-11 03:55:22 AM  
zimbach: Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

Dunno, but would a tennis sock be used for safe sex?

 
Uchiha_Cycliste [TotalFark] 2009-07-11 04:04:38 AM  
myalias1845: zimbach: Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

Dunno, but would a tennis sock be used for safe sex?


depends, can you get tennis elbow from chronic masturbation?

 
zilbel1038 2009-07-11 04:08:06 AM  
2.media.tumblr.com

 
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