When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs. When a little kid's shoelace (saggy pants, finger, etc) gets caught in one, OM NOM NOM NOM.

+1 for the Mitch Hedberg reference, subby.

I don't believe it, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

I once saw a little girl playing around on an escalator. She had beautiful long blonde hair. I say "had" because her hair got pulled into the escalator, and she had to have her hair cut pretty much off to free her. I thought it was funny, but I am kinda cruel that way.

//they borrowed my scissors to do it.

Hender: I don't believe it, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

Well, I see we've covered our bases. I'll be leaving now.

well, i guess that taught the 4-year-old about the dangers of wearing crocs

Sorry for the convenience

No Jim Gaffigan references?

You're slipping fark.

AntonSzandorLaVey: Sorry for the convenience

To this day, I think this may be the best-delivered joke Mitch Hedberg ever did.

Kid in question

SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)

HELL YES!

I am so happy I get to use this!

My friend and I made this at work when the escalator broke. Her idea. Shes a huge Hedberg fan.




/no I didnt bone her. She was hot and in a serious relationship though

//wanted to

RIP, Mitch.

We've covered Mitch Hedberg and Mallrats in 4 posts....it's done...next thread.


Thanks for making me laugh in my 2 am, 6 hour wait at Jack in the box drive-thru.


Learn to respect the escalator.

gOD forbid his foreskin gets stuck.

If only some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

I'll wait patiently for the family of the little snowflake to file a lawsuit and blame former President Bush for the faulty equipment....

There's not a year goes by that I don't read about an escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've been easily avoided had some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent, conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!

we also forgot Dmitri, I believe:

"I once tripped on an up escalator and fell downstairs for an hour and a half"

This isn't funny! I once slipped on an escalator and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

Hmmm. I see sand crabs.

Danger Avoid Death: This isn't funny! I once slipped on an escalator and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

My first simulpost!

Was it good for you?

PartTimeBuddha: SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)

So much this.

buk110: I'll wait patiently for the family of the little snowflake to file a lawsuit and blame former President Bush for the faulty equipment....

You are waiting for that? Have fun.

Darwinism . .. ...
I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

I only clicked on this comment thread 'cause I misread "kids" as "kittens"

I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues!

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child.

proof that america's kids are always lowering the bar. And the F'd up parents are doing a bang up job of speeding up the process.


Either the kid is a total retard and deserved it, or his/her parents are the loser kind that don't do their job of parenting.

nhcfark: I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

damb kids ...

Do you want a chocolate covered pretzel?

this is a very vague memory, but when i was about 8 (20 yrs ago, roughly) there was an episode of Rescue911 that had a toddler have his bare feet eaten by the teeth at the end of the escalator.

/LAWLS
//very dramatic in R911 fashion

skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

Looks more like a parasaurolophus.

"This is the San Dimas mall. And this is where people of today's world hang out. All right everybody, watch your step getting off. Beeth-oven make sure you don't get sucked under. Everybody get together. Make sure you remember who your buddy is. So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. Okay, follow me. You've got your Broadway down here, and your Sears over here..."

Think of it as Final Destination 4 but in real life.

skinink: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastards. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.

What you need is a fatty-boom-batty BLUNT, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-t***ed mermaids doing some of that lesbian shiat. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME, YOU SLOPPY BIATCH!

93 YJ: I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues!

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child.


Unfortunately, those types of parents never learn, they just blame it on others.

Just watch if you have to rein in their crotchfruit for them- they flip out- because you're the problem by meddling, not their kids.

Get mall security or call the police, they love it when parents with feral kids make them work for a living.

nhcfark: Darwinism . .. ...
I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.
i>

Farkin dumn kids these days, right? Bunch of farkin' dumn-dumns.

Escalators like to eat tennis shoes with kids feet inside them.

Crocs taking bites out of feet -- Children's soft-soled clogs getting caught in escalators.

PartTimeBuddha: SpeshilEdjukashin: When an escalator breaks, it becomes stairs.

Not so. When a chain breaks, it falls off its gears. Escalator breaks = stairs disappear, all fall down.

('Halt' is different)

see: mitch hedberg.

HairBolus: Crocs taking bites out of feet -- Children's soft-soled clogs getting caught in escalators.

Good. That'll teach 'em to wear Crocs.

Hot Pockets!

HairBolus: Escalators like to eat tennis shoes with kids feet inside them.
[...]

That happened to me when I was small. Toe of my shoe got jammed in the rake at the top. They stopped the thing before my actual foot got injured, but the shoe was stuck, and when they reversed the thing, my shoe popped out taking three of the escalator's teeth with it!

IlGreven: HairBolus: Crocs taking bites out of feet -- Children's soft-soled clogs getting caught in escalators.

Good. That'll teach 'em to wear Crocs.


Like having your feet smell like fresh-from-the-factory radial tires, and looking like a dumbass isn't enough...

Danger Avoid Death: nhcfark: I see dumn kids all the time trying to mutilate themselves on Escalades.

damb kids ...

hehe...I've missed your humor around these parts. Been a while

Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

zimbach: HairBolus: Escalators like to eat tennis shoes with kids feet inside them.
[...]

They stopped the thing before my actual foot got injured, but the shoe was stuck, and when they reversed the thing, my shoe popped out taking three of the escalator's teeth with it!

Hehe. Before your 'actual foot' got injured.
That's good I guess. Right?

zimbach: Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

Dunno, but would a tennis sock be used for safe sex?

myalias1845: zimbach: Why do some people refer to all rubber-soled shoes as "tennis shoes". That irritates me.

Dunno, but would a tennis sock be used for safe sex?

depends, can you get tennis elbow from chronic masturbation?