I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

I blame anomie.

The most bizarre suicide I've ever seen on the net was a guy in the 1950s who cut himself in half with a band saw. His upper torso managed to stay on top of the machine. I seriously doubt it was a quick cut either.

Was it a Chrysler?

Tsar_Bomba1: The most bizarre suicide I've ever seen on the net was a guy in the 1950s who cut himself in half with a band saw. His upper torso managed to stay on top of the machine. I seriously doubt it was a quick cut either.

That must have given him a splitting headache.

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

I see you're new here.

/and yes, actually we did kind of discuss that

What ever happened to the unwritten-rule of not reporting deaths as suicides in news stories?

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done[...]

There's nothing we can do. We don't know anything about the guy. Not even his name. Hell, we don't even know if this is true or just another fabrication the Daily Mail pulled out of its ass.

We laugh at the absurdity of it because it's how humans cope with insane, morbid crap we can't do anything about. It's called gallows humor. It's a survival mechanism.

FTFA: His head was found yards from his taxi in Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London.

It always cracks me up when a reporter tries to answer a lot of questions in one sentence. This gem makes me sit and think "The taxi was in London, but where exactly was his head? Stockholm, Sweden?"

He should have superglued his hands to his head first so it looked like he ripped off his own head.

It's one of the few effective ways for an Immortal to commit suicide.
Don't try drowning yourself in a lake. It won't work.

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

Win! (in terms of
creativity")

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

No ripping. Just glue one hand to the top of your head (shave a patch) and it will look kind of...TADAA....wait, no, it will look like a bowling thing...forget about it

Solid State Vittles: It's not noose, it's Fark.com.

Nice.

You Can't Fix Stupid: Next week: Nanny State outlaws rope.

That would be hilarious if I didn't live here.

FTA> "The death happened shortly after midnight at a disused petrol station yards from a 24-hour cafe used by black-cab drivers."

RACISTS!!

Cshhhh... This is dispatch. You're 16 minutes late. Where's your head at? Over.

"Bodies are for hookers ... and fat people."

/Hot like a alcohol fueled fire belch

blueriver: What ever happened to the unwritten-rule of not reporting deaths as suicides in news stories?

That's pretty much gone the way of the west. I mean, in the local paper's coroner's report (yes, they publish the results in the Blade), they pussyfoot around it somewhat if they can, like in drug overdoses, but stories regularly contain references to suicide.

The only other suicide I heard of like this was in Thomas Lynch's book, The Undertaking. He is an undertaker/poet in Michigan, and he recalled a guy who used an electric knife to cut his own neck open. With his sleeping wife in bed beside him.

As a Londoner, I would like to personally thank him for not making everyone late for work by leaping in front of a train like everyone else who can't handle life in this city.

/London. We're the friendly city!

This isn't the first time, that I've read of someone offing themselves using this method. The first time I head of the method itself though, was under the suggested ideas on the now dead alt.suicide.holiday website (related to the newsgroup).

On the same website, was another quite spectacular-sounding suggested method. This involved tying the ends of lengths of piano wire to a bridge, and then to one's limbs and head/neck, so that when one jumps from said bridge, one's limbs and head would be ripped from the torso and just dangle there in mid air, like some fine display of modern art.

This is how I want to die.

GiveMeFiveDollars: Why do they keep measuring stuff in yards? I thought they used the metric system over there.

Nope, miles, yards and feet for us.

And for everyone wondering why the driver was black, this:


is a "Black cab", and anyone who drives one is a "Black-cab driver"

Oh Noes! The Happening it is happening. What's happening, the happening is happening.

I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

/you're all a bunch of racists
//no - not really. Just trained to think immediately of race whenever "black" is used
///there was a point to all this, but I've forgotten it

shiat!

280 comments before zz9 clarified things.

/gotta learn to refresh before commenting

Friskya: I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

Is that what people were thinking?

There are two different kinds of taxis in London, black cabs and mini-cabs.

Black cabs are the only ones permitted to pick up passengers in the street. All black cab drivers have to possess "the knowledge" - that is, a perfect mental map of London. They have to know every street, every address, and the best way to get from any one place in the city to any other.

This is quite a lot more difficult than it sounds to people used to the grid design of cities in North America. London's streets don't follow any pattern at all. Black cabs are astronomically expensive, but they're the quickest way to get around.

Mini cabs are cheaper, of course. You can only book them by telephone, or by walking into their office. Mini cab drivers don't have the knowledge. They use GPS navigation systems instead.

myalias1845: At least it was successful. We had a guy here aim the gun at the bottom of his chin and shoot. Bullet lodged in the roof of his mouth so he shot again in the temple and succeeded. That would just suck.

My grandmother claimed that one of our relatives apparently pointed at his temple with a handgun, fired, bullet hit skull, routed down along skull, tore out jugular, bled to death.

step one: while standing on a box, secure thin wire around neck and from rafter above.

step two: glue hands over ears

step three: jump

result: looks like you pulled your own head off

/read that somewhere on the internets

i gotta read the comments first from now on

Let this be a lesson to all those who and attempt suicide and fail. Save yourself the humility of failure and just do this.

No one will ever again have an excuse for a failed suicide, and I'll no longer have to mock them for said failure.

Win/Win.

markie_farkie: Epsilon: If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

Unless you're not found for a week or so, and turn into a putrefied puddle of maggoty goo. If you DO choose to do that at least have the forethought to FedEx your suicide note with your apartment door key to the coroner's office the day before, so they can collect you before you're room temperature.

...and...
you might want to make sure your bowels and bladder are completely empty before you try this, because once you've shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleedin' choir invisible, everything you've left behind is going let go.
Kinda ruins the effect, lying there in a pile and puddle of stinky...

/ they never tell you about this sort of thing on TV...
// wonder if it would affect the suicide rate...as it bringing it down...if they did...

FTA:
-----
A taxi driver decapitated himself after tying a rope around his neck and a post before driving off at high speed.

The incident took place just metres from a 24-hour cafe.

The man, believed to be in his thirties, is said to have then driven off at full speed
-----

LOLWUT? He decapitated himself, then drove off at full speed?

DarthBart: A friend of mine wants to do it like this:

Strap yourself with a load of explosives.
Go stand out on the ledge until a crowd gathers.
Jump.
As the crowd looks up and gasps with their mouths wide open, scream "EAT ME!" and push the button.
*BOOM*
Bits of you come raining down into their gaping maws.

Wow...That's like...holy communion!
Except it really IS flesh and blood instead of the symbolic crispy farinacious wafers usually given out for this purpose...

Might want to have a sympathetic wingman or two on the ground to pass the wine around afterward...people are going to need it.
Chianti would be a nice choice...

/ you could probably skip the fava beans

aammaazzoonn: FTA:
-----
A taxi driver decapitated himself after tying a rope around his neck and a post before driving off at high speed.

The incident took place just metres from a 24-hour cafe.

The man, believed to be in his thirties, is said to have then driven off at full speed
-----

LOLWUT? He decapitated himself, then drove off at full speed?

Reading comprehension. You don't have it.

Gyrfalcon: Lenny_da_Hog: lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

But where's he going to keep the fetus, then? In a bloody box?!?

There's a Welsh legend of a baby who was aborted/miscarried when his mother (who was not only not supposed to be knocked up, but virgo intactae) stepped over a stream. This was a test, to see if she was worthy to have this high-powered wizard use her as a footrest (part of his geas was that he had to have his feet in the lap of a virgin).

Anyway, she failed the test miserably...and her brother saved the partially-baked fetus (there were actually two boys, but one was well into childhood and he swam away. The stream was really a 'babbling brook'...the way it worked was 'one fark = one baby') and put it into a box to finish growing.
The 'boy in the box' eventually became Lleu Llaw Gyffes, IIRC...

/ I missed the point again, didn't I...

syzygy whizz: There's a Welsh legend of a baby who was aborted/miscarried when his mother (who was not only not supposed to be knocked up, but virgo intactae) stepped over a stream. This was a test, to see if she was worthy to have this high-powered wizard use her as a footrest (part of his geas was that he had to have his feet in the lap of a virgin).

Anyway, she failed the test miserably...and her brother saved the partially-baked fetus (there were actually two boys, but one was well into childhood and he swam away. The stream was really a 'babbling brook'...the way it worked was 'one fark = one baby') and put it into a box to finish growing.
The 'boy in the box' eventually became Lleu Llaw Gyffes, IIRC...

A copycat suicide? Already been done:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,400221,00.html
(new window)

angryred: Was he a Brit?

[puts on sunglasses]

...or a Yank?

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


/FTFY

AzraelBrown: angryred: Was he a Brit?

[puts on sunglasses]

...or a Yank?

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


/FTFY


Oh man.

You sure as hell did. ;)

That's nothing new. I thought that one up in high school

1. Fill a pool with nitroglycerin
2. Douse yourself in gasoline
3. Jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet
4. While in the air, light yourself on fire
5. Aim for the pool

Gordon Bennett: Friskya: I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

Is that what people were thinking?

There are two different kinds of taxis in London, black cabs and mini-cabs.

Black cabs are the only ones permitted to pick up passengers in the street. All black cab drivers have to possess "the knowledge" - that is, a perfect mental map of London. They have to know every street, every address, and the best way to get from any one place in the city to any other.

This is quite a lot more difficult than it sounds to people used to the grid design of cities in North America. London's streets don't follow any pattern at all. Black cabs are astronomically expensive, but they're the quickest way to get around.

Mini cabs are cheaper, of course. You can only book them by telephone, or by walking into their office. Mini cab drivers don't have the knowledge. They use GPS navigation systems instead.

Mini cabs are also usually small compact cars, hence the word "mini".

I can't believe no one has posted the bash.org quote yet (although several people have mentioned the concept)

#488793 +(7257)- [X]

: Best suicide plan ever
: what is it?
: you go up to the top of a roof
: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
: then you put super glue on your hands
: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

...and of course fark assumed i was using tags and wrecked the post.

#488793 +(7257)- [X]

[evilada]: Best suicide plan ever
[mcm310]: what is it?
[evilada]: you go up to the top of a roof
[evilada]: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
[evilada]: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
[evilada]: then you put super glue on your hands
[evilada]: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
[evilada]: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
[evilada]: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
[evilada]: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
[mcm310]: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

gorgor: Get a rope.
/oh wait

he gits his salsa from NEW YORK CITY!

/roffle

England is so civilized the black cab drivers lynch themselves!
I love a good suicide thread. With health care the way it is, suicide seems like the only final solution for many of us. I don't have the insurance or the money to stay comfortably medicated in my final days. My catastrophic health insurance is a pistol. When it finally gets too bad I'm going out on my own terms.

Poor bastard. Tomorrow might have been a brighter day.

Hard core, man

I. Am. In. Awe.fark yeah, man. If you're gonna off yourself, make it spectacular and messy. Something newsworthy. This dude offed himself, and awed the whole world in doing it. What could top this?

Cutting off your own head with a chainsaw with one hand while doing a handstand off the top of the Empire State Building with the other?

God damn.