Next week: Nanny State outlaws rope.

Sounds like a farker.
Wasn't me.

Get a rope.
/oh wait

FTA: Ambulance services attended at 12.40am and the man was pronounced dead at the scene.



That's some fine police work there, Lou.

That's no way to get ahead in life.

I submitted this hours ago with a different headline and got the Bad Kitty message.

Wait, different HEADline? LQTM(laugh quietly to myself)

I agree with subby though, this is a spectacular suicide. It's clever, inventive, probably quick and has a high level of creepiness for it's method and location.

50mm: That's no way to get ahead in life.

I guess he wasn't very headstrong.

Uchiha_Cycliste: 50mm: That's no way to get ahead in life.

I guess he wasn't very headstrong.

He'll never be the head of a major corporation.

/going to hell

50mm: Uchiha_Cycliste: 50mm: That's no way to get ahead in life.

I guess he wasn't very headstrong.

He'll never be the head of a major corporation.

/going to hell

Not the time to lose one's head.

FTFA: The death happened shortly after midnight at a disused petrol station

I read midnight as midget.

I wonder what his Fark handle was.

cksewell: I wonder what his Fark handle was.

Roland?

The death happened shortly after midnight at a disused petrol station yards from a 24-hour cafe used by black-cab drivers.

and

Police were trying to trace the driver's next of kin today. They were also trying to establish if the dead man was a genuine black-cab driver.

Seems that the cops and journalists in London are unapologetically hung up on race. For shame.

I've read about this kind of suicide before, but this is indeed the only time I read about it today (so far).

that'd be quick and relatively painless.

If I ever decide to check out and I can't locate large quantities of morphine, I want to go out going over a big-ass waterfall somewhere. There's a nice 500-footer here in town that's not hard to get to the top of.

And Britain is full of CCTV cams EVERYWHERE.

Some Metro PC bloke has some fantastic Youtube-able stuff right there.

I'd post a Highlander-Christopher Lambert-Kurgan-there can be only one-Queen-Don't Lose Your Head-photo but I'm too tired.

What his casket may look like.

AW FTW

What's that in the road a head?

RocketRod: What's that in the road a head?

heh.

RocketRod: What's that in the road a head?

There was a spherical object a-restin' in the highway. And it wasn't a piece of the car.

Flatulent_Flea: cksewell: I wonder what his Fark handle was.

Roland?

Brilliant.

?

I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

This is not new, I've heard of people doing it before. All you need is 100 feet of rope, one end tied securely around your neck, the other end tied securely around a telephone or power pole. Then you hit the gas and as soon as the slack runs out, BOOM! Instant decapitation.

The worst part is that it's a particularly messy and disgusting death. If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

Flatulent_Flea: Really? Exactly the same way?

I witnessed someone do this about 11 years ago, using a chain instead of a rope. It wasn't so public a place as this incident though.

/the images, they haunt

Epsilon: If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

Unless you're not found for a week or so, and turn into a putrefied puddle of maggoty goo. If you DO choose to do that at least have the forethought to FedEx your suicide note with your apartment door key to the coroner's office the day before, so they can collect you before you're room temperature.

He should have quit while he was a head.

No wait, while he was making headway.

what's a headway?

about eight pounds.

It's not noose, it's Fark.com.

I heard he gives good head

Well that's putting your neck on the line.

I've heard of losing your mind but damn...

Solid State Vittles: It's not noose, it's Fark.com.

*cringelolcringe*

Solid State Vittles: It's not noose, it's Fark.com.

win.

he always wanted road head.

soosh: lt's better to go like this than in some senseless tragedy.
l mean, l'd rather burn in at 300 miles an hour and have some laughs...than to eat it in a car accident.
l mean, that's a really dumb way to go.
Oh, hey.
l got to tell you about my dream.
You're gonna get into this.
This is great.
No, really. The one thing l want to do...before l join the cosmos
is to hang-glide off of Mount Everest.


Wait. This is the best part. lt's naked!

Yeah, man.

Yeah, we're almost there, buddy.
The drop zone's dead ahead.

Which one of you geeks grabbed the wrong chute? Who's got my laundry?

I love that movie.

/approves

eqtworld: At least he won't have to read all these stupid puns

They giving you a headache?

cksewell: What his casket may look like.

/this

//thread over

After reading the comments, I have come to realize that people in the UK just aren't snarky enough.

Keep your eyes on the road, pal

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

/might try that one day

The story forgot to mention that the headless torso successfully navigated two right turns and a stop light.

Now that would have been spectacularly disturbing.

Wasn't there a story a while back about a guy who did this in a Aston Martin DB9? Trying to get back at his wife who was divorcing him by racking up a ton of bills her name and then offing himself?

I can't find it, but somebody post that xkcd about the dude who made his suicide look like he tore off his own head.

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

I'm sorry, the best suicide idea ever is to find a helicopter about to take off at an airport, and then get out a pogo stick and make a beeline for it.

/boing
//boing
///boing
////boin-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT
////thud

That's some terrible road head.

Jerk.

There was a thread vaguely similar to this about a year ago, the guy cut his own head off with a chainsaw. I daresay it's more hardcore.

The speculating of how he did it was the best part.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3733783

I give him 8 out of ten for creativity and motivation

Oops

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=3733783

Was one of the witnesses Ichabod Crane?

Scotland Yard is sending out their head detective to investigate...

"Ambulance services attended at 12.40am and the man was pronounced dead at the scene."

Good thing they waited to be sure..

I always thought a det cord collar would be a good one..

In Michigan they build their own guillotines and cut their heads off with them. Now THAT'S hardcore.

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.


/hot

Heads are going to roll over this one

Ambulance services attended at 12.40am and the man was pronounced dead at the scene.

"Well, it took some investigation but I think we've established the cause of death..."

/there can be only one

What black-cabs without headless drivers may look like.

eqtworld: Poor guy was probably at the end of his rope and just lost his mind completely

You are the winrar.

soosh: lt's better to go like this than in some senseless tragedy.
l mean, l'd rather burn in at 300 miles an hour and have some laughs...than to eat it in a car accident.
l mean, that's a really dumb way to go.
Oh, hey.
l got to tell you about my dream.
You're gonna get into this.
This is great.
No, really. The one thing l want to do...before l join the cosmos
is to hang-glide off of Mount Everest.


Wait. This is the best part. lt's naked!

Yeah, man.

Yeah, we're almost there, buddy.
The drop zone's dead ahead.

That was just beautiful. And they got to dig up Dom, too.

A cab driver, who preferred to remain anonymous headless, said:

Well, Bonanza Jellybean beat me to the punch. How the hell could I have been so slow posting that gif?

Anyhoo, when submitter said this suicide was going to be spectacularly disturbing, I thought it would involve a giant blender or man-eating puppies or something.

The real news is that the headless carcass was a better driver than all the other cabbies.

eqtworld: I heard the doctor who prescribed the rope was being paid a lot of money, and this type of rope is never to be used outside of a hospital setting

Well, you don't say "no" to the King of Cab Drivers.

eqtworld: It was probably just a cry for help

Yeah well, he won't make any headway on my sympathy for this episode!

Made me think of this...
nsfw language
Link (new window)

FTFA: "His head was found yards from his taxi in Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London."

Otto's_Jacket: FTA: Ambulance services attended at 12.40am and the man was pronounced dead at the scene.



That's some fine police work there, Lou.

Corpse is headless. Repeat; headless.

I told you I was hardcore

i like where this thread is headed.

Maybe it was just another accident.

Decabitation ftl

I wonder what kind of expression he had on his face when they found the head. Was it terror? A smile?

Even though I've never seen a case of somebody actually doing it, the super glue self decapitation trick is the most cliche "creative" way to go out.

Eat an entire bag of candy (with the wrappers on) and go to a school or public area with a tall enough building. Go on the roof and stand directly above a crowd of people. Yell "FREE CANDY", and proceed to jump in to the crowd of people.

If you want to traumatize people, go big.

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

5: Make sure you do this from off of the Tarzan Treehouse at Disneyland. It"s the highest you can get at that park for something like this, and as a bonus it's not that popular of an attraction so you will have time to prep, plus it's by a very busy thoroughfare!

Dude. There's *drugs*.

/Hear about the guy who tried to kill himself with an OD of aspirin? After the first two, he felt better....

soosh:

I'm dead certain that the pilot guy is Bruce Spence (Road Warrior pilot) but I have no idea what movie that picture is from.

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Maybe it was just another accident.

...and we're done here.

/golfclap

Well, that's one way to get ahead in traffic.

FTFA: "The death happened shortly after midnight at a disused petrol station yards from a 24-hour cafe used by black-cab drivers."



Where do the white cab drivers eat?

fredbox: I always thought a det cord collar would be a good one..

...and, as not to be too awfully grim, make sure the trigger is in the hand of a dominatrix.

I know just who to call about this.

Farking coward. When I go, I'm taking as many of you farkers as I can.

Was it really necessary to declare him dead? Damn, that coroner has an easy job.

I guess his life wasn't fare

logruszed: soosh:

I'm dead certain that the pilot guy is Bruce Spence (Road Warrior pilot) but I have no idea what movie that picture is from.

Marvin McIntyre, according to Wikipedia; the movie is "Fandango" (1985). One of my favorites.

The English are pretty good at creative suicides - Suicide With An Escape Clause (new window)

Oh, that? That's just the money you could be saving with GEICO.

Farker T:

Where do the white cab drivers eat?

Heh, that's a picture from the old theatre in my hometown. Weird how those things pop up.

has anyone got a video?

FTA: They were also trying to establish if the dead man was a genuine black-cab driver.

Because only a fake black-cab drive would do something this crazy

The suicide theory hinges on the fact that the cab in question was Japanese.

Were there any green eyed people hanging around carrying scythes and rune-covered papers?

/this should not, repeat, not be obscure
//don't pick it up, pick it up, pick i-

As far as outstanding suicides go, this ranks right up there with Budd Dwyer's press conference.

i told u i was hardcore

wow. brilliant. cheap. quick. no pain.
///golf clap
///i'd give it a 9.5. it needed video

Of course, as not quite as disturbing as our cab driver friend's methods, we did have someone in Juneau who might've gone a little over the edge after Palin resigned, I don't know.

Juneau?

soosh: If I ever decide to check out and I can't locate large quantities of morphine, I want to go out going over a big-ass waterfall somewhere. There's a nice 500-footer here in town that's not hard to get to the top of.

Like this guy? (new window)

Poor guy, that is no way to get ahead in life. Seriously though that guy is hardcore. I wonder if anyone got it on film.

That had to hurt...

Right?

Quick and painless maybe, but there's a period of a few seconds before the head actually dies. In the olden days of mass beheadings, it was customary in some places to pull the head from the guillotine and turn it towards its body. It was noted that, for just a brief moment, the head (face) did in fact react to seeing its body... freaky

Teddy just couldn't take it anymore


/DNRTFA

A fan of Isadora Duncan?

This actually happened not too long ago in Memphis. A gentleman was found by MemphiS fire with a metal cable around his neck, strung out the window of the car, and around a light post. Apparantly he had aimed it at the other pole, and floored it. Cut his head clean off, and pulled it out the window. It was found several feet away from the car. Impressive suicide.....

So it seemed. There was a rock on the accelerator, and they found evidence of prior head trauma. They knocked him out, Someone put it in gear and killed him.

mikemir

that's creepy...

I'm glad that I don't live in the olden days. hmmm

Maybe he just got a little carried away with auto-erotic asphyxiation:

Vroooom....(*fap* *fap* *fap*)....thwaaaak...."aw crap"....crash

sip111: eqtworld: Poor guy was probably at the end of his rope and just lost his mind completely

You are the winrar.

/b/ is back, you know.

MentalMoment: A fan of Isadora Duncan?

Definite victim of fashion.

Why do they keep measuring stuff in yards? I thought they used the metric system over there.

It's suprisingly hard to find a group of topless women willing to chase you off a cliff.....

Paranoiax: Even though I've never seen a case of somebody actually doing it, the super glue self decapitation trick is the most cliche "creative" way to go out.

Eat an entire bag of candy (with the wrappers on) and go to a school or public area with a tall enough building. Go on the roof and stand directly above a crowd of people. Yell "FREE CANDY", and proceed to jump in to the crowd of people.

If you want to traumatize people, go big.

You do realize that the force of impact from a normal-sized building won't actually result in the jumper's stomach bursting with enough force to send the contents flying across the landscape?

Everyone would just wonder why on earth the guy screamed "Free candy!" prior to death, and then would later understand following completion of the autopsy.

hardinparamedic

Wnat the hell is wrong with [some] people nowdays?

I can't possibly masturbate furiously enough to that article.

celery_stalker: soosh: If I ever decide to check out and I can't locate large quantities of morphine, I want to go out going over a big-ass waterfall somewhere. There's a nice 500-footer here in town that's not hard to get to the top of.

Like this guy? (new window)

Attention whore.

If you really want to cut your head off in midair use Gigli saw wire. It's what the green berets use for garrots and it's what Miike had his actress use to cut up her victims in Oddition which is a pretty good flic if you liked Old Boy. It's what people use for real amputations in ORs every oday.

I think this sort of thing was in the bible - seriously. A guy tied a rope around a tree and his neck and rode off on his chariot. Have heard of it happening in outback Australia also - push out the back window of the ute and use a cable.

It's not "daddy ate my eyes" disturbing, but that was pretty farked up. Reminded me of the "suicide" from The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul (Douglas Adams). That one ended up with a guy sitting in a chair in a locked room with his head across the room on a turntable.

RocketCarHead: It's suprisingly hard to find a group of topless women willing to chase you off a cliff.....

Not if you've got the big bucks.

Even in suicide, it pays to be rich.

Lenny_da_Hog: Of course, as not quite as disturbing as our cab driver friend's methods, we did have someone in Juneau who might've gone a little over the edge after Palin resigned, I don't know.

Juneau?

Heh, soosh can vouch for me that the first thing I asked after hearing about that was, "Was it was a Palin supporter?"

Then the victim was misidentified as a lady who's son died in a car wreck on graduation night. The lady's husband said, "Um, no, she's in Anchorage right now."

The saddest part about it is that the commission on aging just got a block grant to help suicidal seniors. There was help available if the lady knew where to ask for it.

Video of incident (new window)

Skip to 0:20

calbert: /approves

Mythbusters don't.

Reminds me of this:

Neckbelt recall (new window)

lstywnch: Lenny_da_Hog: Of course, as not quite as disturbing as our cab driver friend's methods, we did have someone in Juneau who might've gone a little over the edge after Palin resigned, I don't know.

Juneau?

Heh, soosh can vouch for me that the first thing I asked after hearing about that was, "Was it was a Palin supporter?"

Then the victim was misidentified as a lady who's son died in a car wreck on graduation night. The lady's husband said, "Um, no, she's in Anchorage right now."

The saddest part about it is that the commission on aging just got a block grant to help suicidal seniors. There was help available if the lady knew where to ask for it.

For the record, I thoroughly despise any play on the word, "Juneau." However, this is a thread that appeals to baser instincts, and I will mire in the slime with the rest of the swine.

Now that's using your head.

nutkick_42

"daddy ate my eyes"....

you had to go and bring that up didn't ya?

ndubyaj: Video of incident (new window)

Skip to 0:20

DAMMIT YOU!

I've had relatives hang themselves, and that was bad enough, but to have someone's head completely come off? Boggles the mind.

/Sad article, horrible circumstances, but I can't help to laugh at all the puns.
//Surely going to Hell.

OscarTamerz: If you really want to cut your head off in midair use Gigli saw wire. It's what the green berets use for garrots and it's what Miike had his actress use to cut up her victims in Oddition which is a pretty good flic if you liked Old Boy. It's what people use for real amputations in ORs every oday.

And, if you haven't plucked up enough courage, you could just watch "Gigli". It's a brand name win all around.

I bet the development of beaming technology would make suicide more interesting. And by "interesting" I mean spectacularly disturbing.

I think a lot about beaming technology and how it can help and/or kill mankind.

myzdoxae: I've had relatives hang themselves, and that was bad enough, but to have someone's head completely come off? Boggles the mind.

/Sad article, horrible circumstances, but I can't help to laugh at all the puns.
//Surely going to Hell.



Mind boggling indeed

eraser8: I bet the development of beaming technology would make suicide more interesting. And by "interesting" I mean spectacularly disturbing.

I think a lot about beaming technology and how it can help and/or kill mankind.

"What we got back didn't live long. Fortunately."

They were also trying to establish if the dead man was a genuine black-cab driver.

I know we are all supposed to at least pretend to be color blind, but this is taking it too far. I mean all they had to do was look.

But then again, there is the Michael Jackson angle. I keep here from people like Al Sharpton that MJ was black, but I still cant see it.

He could have been saved.

A Gentile in Boca: He could have been saved.

/hug

HeadOff, apply directly to the neck
HeadOff, apply directly to the neck
HeadOff, apply directly to the neck

Lenny_da_Hog: "What we got back didn't live long. Fortunately."

This quote made me snort. MrWnch is laying out his heart and soul about work and the stories he's been reporting on this week, and I snorted.

A Gentile in Boca: He could have been saved.

I lollied.

Lenny_da_Hog: "What we got back didn't live long. Fortunately."

I was just a little kid when I first saw that (I think it was on HBO). And I was so disturbed by that scene; I just thought it was unspeakably horrible. I didn't regain faith in beaming technology for years.

Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.

Isadora Duncan, unavailable for comment.

At least it was successful. We had a guy here aim the gun at the bottom of his chin and shoot. Bullet lodged in the roof of his mouth so he shot again in the temple and succeeded. That would just suck.

madblader: Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.

Sometimes the best planned suicide doesn't always turn out so well. One of my favorite scenes from Frasier:

Roz: "Ever heard of Lupe Velez?"
Frasier: "Who?"
Roz: "Lupe Velez, the movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids, so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide - flowers, candles, silk sheets, white satin gown, full hair and makeup, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed, and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper. Unfortunately, the pills don't sit well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet, and that's how they found her."
Frasier: "Is there a reason you're telling me this story?"
Roz: "Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway."
Frasier: "Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet."
Roz: "All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?"

madblader: Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.


A lungful of CO2 will stop your heart almost immediately.

Of course, there will be those few seconds of unpleasant sensations, so you could always go with the buckshot to the brainpan. Instant dead.

(The CO2 method is a lot more pleasant for the people who have to clean you up. Unless you shoot yourself in a river.)

This suicide method occurred about a year ago, also in England.
Link (new window)

Otto's_Jacket: FTA: Ambulance services attended at 12.40am and the man was pronounced dead at the scene.



That's some fine police work there, Lou.

My grandpa was a fireman when they first started coming up with the artificial resuscitators. No one ever died at a fire after that. Cause if you hooked them into the resuscitator, they counted as alive, and the hospital had to do all the paperwork, even if they had to put the dudes head back on.

I can't help but wonder... was he wearing his seatbelt?

Nope, self-immolating Buddhist guy still wins.

Driver: I can't help but wonder... was he wearing his seatbelt?

I'd say yes to be sure it didn't just drag him out of the car.

eraser8: Lenny_da_Hog: "What we got back didn't live long. Fortunately."

I was just a little kid when I first saw that (I think it was on HBO). And I was so disturbed by that scene; I just thought it was unspeakably horrible. I didn't regain faith in beaming technology for years.

For me, it was on the big screen, first day of release, first time I'd been in a theatre equipped with Dolby Sound, with all the excitement of the long-awaited Star Trek movie, the continuation of that camp crew and light-hearted feel....

...that scene immediately and permanently laser-engraved into my brain that *this* was not going to be the Star Trek I grew up with.

No.1: I think this sort of thing was in the bible - seriously. A guy tied a rope around a tree and his neck and rode off on his chariot.

Maybe you're thinking of Absalom. He got caught like that and then chopped up as he hung there in the tree.

Driver: I can't help but wonder... was he wearing his seatbelt?

More importantly, did he own a gun?

Everything would have been OK if he had owned a gun.

Lenny_da_Hog: For me, it was on the big screen, first day of release, first time I'd been in a theatre equipped with Dolby Sound, with all the excitement of the long-awaited Star Trek movie, the continuation of that camp crew and light-hearted feel....

...that scene immediately and permanently laser-engraved into my brain that *this* was not going to be the Star Trek I grew up with.

I was five. My parents took me, and I didn't remember anything other than the funny bald lady and my dad getting mad at me for laughing at the funny bald lady.

50mm: That's no way to get ahead in life.

Someone got ahead...

Boy, the penalty for losing on Cash Cab is severe!

Those guys in Japan (I think) that spent years mummifying themselves are still my favorites.

En-ra-ha

/Obscure?
//extra points for not doing a search.

I wonder why he did it in that neck of the woods? Maybe he was looking for a stretch of shoulder to park on by the cafe...

Loved the picture of the black cabs.
I never thought they looked like that.

If you're gonna go, at least raise some questions about it.

Mail out shaky hand-written letters to all the newspapers in your area, telling them that you've found the dark secret to the Time Cube, and that you're going to go public with 'the conspiracy'

Then, tie your legs together, handcuff yourself, and jump down an elevator shaft as you shoot yourself in the head.

'SUUURE it's a suicide,' they'll say.

Maybe it's just me, but 'the most spectaculary disturbing suicide' should have at least involved hamsters and firecrackers...

Lenny_da_Hog: Of course, as not quite as disturbing as our cab driver friend's methods, we did have someone in Juneau who might've gone a little over the edge after Palin resigned, I don't know.

Juneau?

I was eating lunch in the 8th floor atrium right before that happened. I left the area at about 1:05 PM. I didn't see a thing, thank goodness.

APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/kref23
(copy and paste)

lstywnch: I didn't remember anything other than the funny bald lady and my dad getting mad at me for laughing at the funny bald lady.

I was a raging ball of hormones emerging into manhood.

Ann-Margret defined the perfect, Platonian form of womanhood.
The Deltoid warped a huge fetish into that image: Women with very short hair, anywhere from bald to Annie Lennox.

Instant character development. "My oath of celibacy is on file..." Jesus. I was only a mortal teenager. They should have enforced that PG rating....

/DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!
//Oh, right, guy dead. Suicide thread. Baseball stats. Tech manuals, electroconvulsive therapy...

soosh: that'd be quick and relatively painless.

Not really. Getting your head ripped off hurts. Quick and painless? You want a motorcycle helmet lined with high explosives. Turn your brain into vapor before the neurons have a chance to register anything.

This man was clearly a little too driven.

Mister Peejay: madblader: Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.


A lungful of CO2 will stop your heart almost immediately.

Of course, there will be those few seconds of unpleasant sensations, so you could always go with the buckshot to the brainpan. Instant dead.

(The CO2 method is a lot more pleasant for the people who have to clean you up. Unless you shoot yourself in a river.)

One time I poured myself a Super Big Gulp cup of Barq's rootbeer, not from a store pop fountain but from a just-opened 2-litre bottle, so it happened to have plenty of fizz. I was thirsty, and in a hurry to get some Barq's goodness, so I put my face over the cup the instant I was done pouring. Then before I started to tilt the cup back, I happened to breathe in. Do NOT try this at home. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out, and just about dropped almost 2 litres of rootbeer. I wonder if a larger volume of fresh pop, say a few gallons, huffed intentionally, could do the job?

Ed Grubermann: I was eating lunch in the 8th floor atrium right before that happened. I left the area at about 1:05 PM. I didn't see a thing, thank goodness.

J.K. saw the whole thing. He was lunching at Ballwrinkle's, started walking across the street to go through the SOB and go back to work, looked up and saw her jump. He was the first one to say, "Oh, she was dead before she got to the hospital. She landed head first." He also was the first one that said, "That was NOT Carol."

Constantine has a habit of "losing" friends. Never thought Chas would lose it.

feanturi: Mister Peejay: madblader: Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.


A lungful of CO2 will stop your heart almost immediately.

Of course, there will be those few seconds of unpleasant sensations, so you could always go with the buckshot to the brainpan. Instant dead.

(The CO2 method is a lot more pleasant for the people who have to clean you up. Unless you shoot yourself in a river.)

One time I poured myself a Super Big Gulp cup of Barq's rootbeer, not from a store pop fountain but from a just-opened 2-litre bottle, so it happened to have plenty of fizz. I was thirsty, and in a hurry to get some Barq's goodness, so I put my face over the cup the instant I was done pouring. Then before I started to tilt the cup back, I happened to breathe in. Do NOT try this at home. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out,and just about dropped almost 2 litres of rootbeer. I wonder if a larger volume of fresh pop, say a few gallons, huffed intentionally, could do the job?

The body's breathing reflex is triggered by co2. Which is why you breathe faster and harder if you stick you head in a plastic bag and feel uncomfortable. Inhaling helium is dangerous, in that if you pass out with lungs full of helium, hydrogen, nitrogen, or whatever, you feel no automatic impulse to breathe again.
Knowing is half the battle.

Dallymo: Marvin McIntyre, according to Wikipedia; the movie is "Fandango" (1985). One of my favorites.

Truman Sparks, he's the head jumpin' bean. Trelis isn't his wife, man, that just his old lady.

gorgor: APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/kref23
(copy and paste)

You know, there's a reason I have you tagged with a notice to immediately, unquestioningly open any link you post.

TheGreatZarquon: gorgor: APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/kref23
(copy and paste)

You know, there's a reason I have you tagged with a notice to immediately, unquestioningly open any link you post.

I am going to use the exact same information to come to the opposite conslusion.

Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

Police don't view this as suspicious? *Seriously*?

Man, every day I feel more and more like I need to leave whatever you call the opposite of a suicide note with my lawyer in case I get shot in the back in broad daylight and the authorities decide to rule it as self-inflicted.

Swallowing a bunch of wax-coated cesium slugs and a healthy pitcher of water would be pretty good. I figure the wax coating would give you at least half an hour to get onto a crowded subway or restaurant before you puff up like a balloon and explode.

kb7rky: Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

FYI: Do it where a family member wont farking find it.

"A man is lying on the street
some punk has chopped off his head
And I'm the only one who stops
to see if he's dead
aaoohhh
Turns out he's dead...

Flight of the Conchords

\got nothin'

Unknown_Poltroon: kb7rky: Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

FYI: Do it where a family member wont farking find it.

Oh, and lay down a goddamn tarp. And shoot a last video message so no one gets accused of your murder. ANd for gods farking sake, do it quiet so a street full of witnesses dosent have to watch.

Years ago, a guy I knew told me he wanted to commit suicide in a very spectacular manner. It went something like this:

He wanted to get a very long length of piano wire, a hardhat, and a couple of those foghorn-in-a-can gizmos. He was to mount the foghorns on the sides of the hardhat, similar to the beer can hat. Next, he would tie the piano wire to the railing of the Hyatt Grand Cypress' atrium. Of course it would be way up.
His goal was to have the horns blaring, and run and jump over the railing. At one point, the wire would tighten, stripping his head from his body, with the hat/horns attached and wailing. Then before the body hit the floor, the wire would tighten around his ankles, causing some of his guts to shoot out of his neck.

Yeah. Steve invented Emo.

rooftop235: Years ago, a guy I knew told me he wanted to commit suicide in a very spectacular manner. It went something like this:

He wanted to get a very long length of piano wire, a hardhat, and a couple of those foghorn-in-a-can gizmos. He was to mount the foghorns on the sides of the hardhat, similar to the beer can hat. Next, he would tie the piano wire to the railing of the Hyatt Grand Cypress' atrium. Of course it would be way up.
His goal was to have the horns blaring, and run and jump over the railing. At one point, the wire would tighten, stripping his head from his body, with the hat/horns attached and wailing. Then before the body hit the floor, the wire would tighten around his ankles, causing some of his guts to shoot out of his neck.

Yeah. Steve invented Emo.

Youtube.

Mister Peejay: madblader: Why would you kill yourself that way?

I've already designed by painless (well unless I'm very unlucky) carbon monoxide suicide.

It's well planed out, picked out a small room, blocked all the airways, burn coals in a small grill, fall asleep for ever, peace.


A lungful of CO2 will stop your heart almost immediately.

Of course, there will be those few seconds of unpleasant sensations, so you could always go with the buckshot to the brainpan. Instant dead.

(The CO2 method is a lot more pleasant for the people who have to clean you up. Unless you shoot yourself in a river.)

feanturi:One time I poured myself a Super Big Gulp cup of Barq's rootbeer, not from a store pop fountain but from a just-opened 2-litre bottle, so it happened to have plenty of fizz. I was thirsty, and in a hurry to get some Barq's goodness, so I put my face over the cup the instant I was done pouring. Then before I started to tilt the cup back, I happened to breathe in. Do NOT try this at home. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out, and just about dropped almost 2 litres of rootbeer. I wonder if a larger volume of fresh pop, say a few gallons, huffed intentionally, could do the job?

The CO thing is popular in Asia for some reason. It's very dangerous, tends to set fire to the building and CO can kill first responders on the scene, esp friends/family/neighbors/landlords, etc who enter a roomfull of CO.

EMTs are trained to assess the safety of the scene before entering... but may or may not do it.

And a lungful of pure CO2 will not kill you. I've huffed an empty 2-ltr bottle before, for no particular reason. It's all CO2 inside. Exhale, put your mouth on it, and inhale while squishing the bottle.

Very strong urge to inhale from the CO2 surge, a little lightheadedness. Otherwise, nothing remarkable- my heart didn't stop. No, I didn't see dead people or funky colors or whatever. I didn't expect to. I was just bored.

Ed Grubermann: soosh: that'd be quick and relatively painless.

Not really. Getting your head ripped off hurts. Quick and painless? You want a motorcycle helmet lined with high explosives. Turn your brain into vapor before the neurons have a chance to register anything.

Slim had the right idea...



Instant conversion from matter to energy. That's how I want to go!

"But I know we'll meet again some sunny day..."

Unknown_Poltroon: Unknown_Poltroon: kb7rky: Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

FYI: Do it where a family member wont farking find it.

Oh, and lay down a goddamn tarp. And shoot a last video message so no one gets accused of your murder. ANd for gods farking sake, do it quiet so a street full of witnesses dosent have to watch.

Or do it outside. At least the birds will get it.
Have some consideration for the guy who has to clean that mess up

rooftop235: Unknown_Poltroon: Unknown_Poltroon: kb7rky: Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

FYI: Do it where a family member wont farking find it.

Oh, and lay down a goddamn tarp. And shoot a last video message so no one gets accused of your murder. ANd for gods farking sake, do it quiet so a street full of witnesses dosent have to watch.

Or do it outside. At least the birds will get it.
Have some consideration for the guy who has to clean that mess up


No shiat. Look up H Beam pipers suicide. He used a tarp, and a note.

BUnny suicides (new window)
for more ideas

TheGreatZarquon: You know, there's a reason I have you tagged with a notice to immediately, unquestioningly open any link you post.

LOL:)
*clinks beer*

There was this guy once who jumped off his building with a sawed off 12gauge, he was gonna pop himself on the way down.

He did, but one barrel didn't fire until his spattered headless body hit the ground... shot a woman and her child, iirc they lived.


Your beheading, it lacks merit, go use a tazer on the wrong side of the guardrail of a sewage blending pool subby.

Here's an idea.

1.Put on a Santa suit.
2. Wedge yourself in the chimney
3/ Traumatize all family members for decades to come

Unknown_Poltroon: Unknown_Poltroon: kb7rky: Epsilon: ...If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

But it ain't anywhere near as spectacular...

FYI: Do it where a family member wont farking find it.

Oh, and lay down a goddamn tarp. And shoot a last video message so no one gets accused of your murder. ANd for gods farking sake, do it quiet so a street full of witnesses dosent have to watch.

I hate you. Bastard.

/jk

IIIIIIIII ain't got no baaaaa deee....

Oznog: And a lungful of pure CO2 will not kill you. I've huffed an empty 2-ltr bottle before, for no particular reason. It's all CO2 inside. Exhale, put your mouth on it, and inhale while squishing the bottle.

Very strong urge to inhale from the CO2 surge, a little lightheadedness. Otherwise, nothing remarkable- my heart didn't stop. No, I didn't see dead people or funky colors or whatever. I didn't expect to. I was just bored.

I did that at a paintball tournament once...my nose felt like I had just sneezed soda. Kinda stumbled around for a few seconds as the feeling wore off.

One huff of straight CO2 won't kill you. Now, if you wanna try and breathe it for a few minutes, that might do the trick, but you'll be fighting the sensation of suffocating.

CheetahOlivetti: RocketRod: What's that in the road a head?

There was a spherical object a-restin' in the highway. And it wasn't a piece of the car.

I've had Raising Arizona quotes popping into y head all day today. True!

If suicide doesn't disturb you you're not human.

Farker T: Ed Grubermann: soosh: that'd be quick and relatively painless.

Not really. Getting your head ripped off hurts. Quick and painless? You want a motorcycle helmet lined with high explosives. Turn your brain into vapor before the neurons have a chance to register anything.

Slim had the right idea...
Link (new window)



Instant conversion from matter to energy. That's how I want to go!

"But I know we'll meet again some sunny day..."

Best movie/suicide scene ever. Other than this Link (new window)

SherKhan: If suicide doesn't disturb you you're not human.

We're not all INFJs on the Myers Briggs, ya know?

Declines comment.

Fano: Here's an idea.

1.Put on a Santa suit.
2. Wedge yourself in the chimney
3/ Traumatize all family members for decades to come


Not impressed.

Lenny_da_Hog:

We're not all INFJ

Whoa... Oh my. Man. Bro. New term internalized. Dude... I.. I .. I love you, man. You know that? I do. You're me. I'm you. We're the walrus, man. We are the walrus.

Just tape his head back on and sell him to a blind kid.

/He was pretty old.
//Got nothin'

Lenny_da_Hog: We're not all INFJs on the Myers Briggs, ya know?

UGH I hate that personality typing shiat. Especially when someone like one of my coworkers gets ahold of it and decides it's absolutely the bombshell to end all bombshells in human psychology and relationships.

Not a way I want to go.... A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

lstywnch: Lenny_da_Hog: We're not all INFJs on the Myers Briggs, ya know?

UGH I hate that personality typing shiat. Especially when someone like one of my coworkers gets ahold of it and decides it's absolutely the bombshell to end all bombshells in human psychology and relationships.

So do I.

But as I said, this thread appeals to the baser instincts, and I shall wallow in the slime with the rest of the swine....

lstywnch:

UGH I hate that personality typing shiat. Especially when someone like one of my coworkers gets ahold of it and decides it's absolutely the bombshell to end all bombshells in human psychology and relationships.

I just want you to know that I forgive you. I don't know if I have to forgive you or what but I do. And you don't have to accept it. I'll forgive that too.

SherKhan: Lenny_da_Hog:

We're not all INFJ

Whoa... Oh my. Man. Bro. New term internalized. Dude... I.. I .. I love you, man. You know that? I do. You're me. I'm you. We're the walrus, man. We are the walrus.

/hug
//love
///cry

Lenny_da_Hog:

///cry

*recoiling terrorist fist jab. Resumption of unquestionably manly mannerisms*



Arrrr!

SherKhan: I just want you to know that I forgive you. I don't know if I have to forgive you or what but I do. And you don't have to accept it. I'll forgive that too.

Pardon me while I barf.

Flatulent_Flea: cksewell: I wonder what his Fark handle was.

Roland?

Headwig.

OK, yeah, that one was pretty damn disturbing. Thank god it wasn't noon, or the traffic jam would have been surreal.

There are some who call me Tim: Not a way I want to go.... A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

two hands short of "the awesome."

A friend of mine wants to do it like this:

Strap yourself with a load of explosives.
Go stand out on the ledge until a crowd gathers.
Jump.
As the crowd looks up and gasps with their mouths wide open, scream "EAT ME!" and push the button.
*BOOM*
Bits of you come raining down into their gaping maws.

Bill_Carson: Escape Cla

THAT. WAS. AWESOME.

lstywnch:

Pardon me while I barf.

Of course I forgive you. It's what I do.

kb7rky: There are some who call me Tim: Not a way I want to go.... A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

That's why I say hey man nice shot.

Mister Peejay: Of course, there will be those few seconds of unpleasant sensations, so you could always go with the buckshot to the brainpan. Instant dead.

Make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Thank you for calling!

/What about that lady that got the face transplant? She was shot in the face with a shotgun, and she survived.

Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

Rule one of committing suicide:

If something is driving you to suicide, kill it first.

/quiet desperation, my ass.

lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

Don't you oppress me!

lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

bunner: Rule one of committing suicide:

If something is driving you to suicide, kill it first.

/quiet desperation, my ass.

The majority of the time, it's the person's mind driving them to suicide. So I would say most people actually follow that rule.

Ed Grubermann:

I know you want me to have an abortion!

And here is the intersection between want and need. I want every ant to live a life unsquashed by my foot. I need to get my beer. Guess which wins.

If I make no sense, blame beer. I've imbibed a bit.

Lenny_da_Hog: lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

But where's he going to keep the fetus, then? In a bloody box?!?

Ed Grubermann: kb7rky: There are some who call me Tim: Not a way I want to go.... A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

myalias1845: The majority of the time, it's the person's mind driving them to suicide. So I would say most people actually follow that rule.

So, all suicides are delusional and have no basis for their desperation and anger in daily circumstances beyond their control?

I'm gonna need some sort of credentials on that, Sigmund.

Gyrfalcon: Lenny_da_Hog: lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

But where's he going to keep the fetus, then? In a bloody box?!?

Oh, thank you for playing, but we've moved on past that line into something improvisatory. Would you like to read that and try again?

I guess that's one way to squeeze a black-head.

Lenny_da_Hog: But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

But where are they going to suck the fetus out? Through his navel?

Fano: BUnny suicides (new window)
for more ideas

Came here for this. Took 200 posts, but still glad it's here.

bunner: myalias1845: The majority of the time, it's the person's mind driving them to suicide. So I would say most people actually follow that rule.

So, all suicides are delusional and have no basis for their desperation and anger in daily circumstances beyond their control?

I'm gonna need some sort of credentials on that, Sigmund.

Never said "all." But yes most. Working in law enforcement, the majority of reports that come through are either people with health or money issues that can't cope and/or mental issues who just don't know how to deal with every day life. Obviously people have done it for every reason out there, but I think it all comes down to one's own perspective on life and how to deal with it.

Was he a Brit?

...or a Yank?

I dont get it. Why are they trying to figure out if he was "a genuine black cab driver"? Either he was black or he wasnt. I would think they could tell from either the body or the head.

myalias1845: Never said "all." But yes most. Working in law enforcement, the majority of reports that come through are either people with health or money issues that can't cope and/or mental issues who just don't know how to deal with every day life. Obviously people have done it for every reason out there, but I think it all comes down to one's own perspective on life and how to deal with it.

Poor buggers. :- /

If he had really had his wits together he would have rigged up a system to cause a jack-o-lantern to end up on his neck after his beheading.

Uchiha_Cycliste: If he had really had his wits together he would have rigged up a system to cause a jack-o-lantern to end up on his neck after his beheading.

How much you want to bet he thought of that the second he stepped on the pedal and was like, "damn!"

Johnny Bananapeel:

Tie the balloons to your head, then when your head rips off it floats away into the sky.

Githerax: Johnny Bananapeel:

Tie the balloons to your head, then when your head rips off it floats away into the sky.

Attach a stand magnifier to a headband, then walk outside on a sunny day.

Hey... at least it worked. Prior to rtfa I had visions of a dude climbing a 15m communcations tower and tying himself off with 20m of piano wire.

I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

I blame anomie.

The most bizarre suicide I've ever seen on the net was a guy in the 1950s who cut himself in half with a band saw. His upper torso managed to stay on top of the machine. I seriously doubt it was a quick cut either.

Was it a Chrysler?

Tsar_Bomba1: The most bizarre suicide I've ever seen on the net was a guy in the 1950s who cut himself in half with a band saw. His upper torso managed to stay on top of the machine. I seriously doubt it was a quick cut either.

That must have given him a splitting headache.

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

I see you're new here.

/and yes, actually we did kind of discuss that

What ever happened to the unwritten-rule of not reporting deaths as suicides in news stories?

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done[...]

There's nothing we can do. We don't know anything about the guy. Not even his name. Hell, we don't even know if this is true or just another fabrication the Daily Mail pulled out of its ass.

We laugh at the absurdity of it because it's how humans cope with insane, morbid crap we can't do anything about. It's called gallows humor. It's a survival mechanism.

FTFA: His head was found yards from his taxi in Great Suffolk Street in Southwark, London.

It always cracks me up when a reporter tries to answer a lot of questions in one sentence. This gem makes me sit and think "The taxi was in London, but where exactly was his head? Stockholm, Sweden?"

He should have superglued his hands to his head first so it looked like he ripped off his own head.

It's one of the few effective ways for an Immortal to commit suicide.
Don't try drowning yourself in a lake. It won't work.

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

Win! (in terms of
creativity")

TheGreatZarquon: I can't remember where I read it, but this was the most entertaining suicide idea I've ever seen:

1: Tie piano wire around your neck, other end around balcony.

2: Superglue hands to side of head.

3: Jump.

4: When you hit the ground, it will look like you ripped your own head off in midair.

No ripping. Just glue one hand to the top of your head (shave a patch) and it will look kind of...TADAA....wait, no, it will look like a bowling thing...forget about it

Solid State Vittles: It's not noose, it's Fark.com.

Nice.

You Can't Fix Stupid: Next week: Nanny State outlaws rope.

That would be hilarious if I didn't live here.

FTA> "The death happened shortly after midnight at a disused petrol station yards from a 24-hour cafe used by black-cab drivers."

RACISTS!!

Cshhhh... This is dispatch. You're 16 minutes late. Where's your head at? Over.

"Bodies are for hookers ... and fat people."

/Hot like a alcohol fueled fire belch

blueriver: What ever happened to the unwritten-rule of not reporting deaths as suicides in news stories?

That's pretty much gone the way of the west. I mean, in the local paper's coroner's report (yes, they publish the results in the Blade), they pussyfoot around it somewhat if they can, like in drug overdoses, but stories regularly contain references to suicide.

The only other suicide I heard of like this was in Thomas Lynch's book, The Undertaking. He is an undertaker/poet in Michigan, and he recalled a guy who used an electric knife to cut his own neck open. With his sleeping wife in bed beside him.

As a Londoner, I would like to personally thank him for not making everyone late for work by leaping in front of a train like everyone else who can't handle life in this city.

/London. We're the friendly city!

This isn't the first time, that I've read of someone offing themselves using this method. The first time I head of the method itself though, was under the suggested ideas on the now dead alt.suicide.holiday website (related to the newsgroup).

On the same website, was another quite spectacular-sounding suggested method. This involved tying the ends of lengths of piano wire to a bridge, and then to one's limbs and head/neck, so that when one jumps from said bridge, one's limbs and head would be ripped from the torso and just dangle there in mid air, like some fine display of modern art.

This is how I want to die.

GiveMeFiveDollars: Why do they keep measuring stuff in yards? I thought they used the metric system over there.

Nope, miles, yards and feet for us.

And for everyone wondering why the driver was black, this:


is a "Black cab", and anyone who drives one is a "Black-cab driver"

Oh Noes! The Happening it is happening. What's happening, the happening is happening.

I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

/you're all a bunch of racists
//no - not really. Just trained to think immediately of race whenever "black" is used
///there was a point to all this, but I've forgotten it

shiat!

280 comments before zz9 clarified things.

/gotta learn to refresh before commenting

Friskya: I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

Is that what people were thinking?

There are two different kinds of taxis in London, black cabs and mini-cabs.

Black cabs are the only ones permitted to pick up passengers in the street. All black cab drivers have to possess "the knowledge" - that is, a perfect mental map of London. They have to know every street, every address, and the best way to get from any one place in the city to any other.

This is quite a lot more difficult than it sounds to people used to the grid design of cities in North America. London's streets don't follow any pattern at all. Black cabs are astronomically expensive, but they're the quickest way to get around.

Mini cabs are cheaper, of course. You can only book them by telephone, or by walking into their office. Mini cab drivers don't have the knowledge. They use GPS navigation systems instead.

myalias1845: At least it was successful. We had a guy here aim the gun at the bottom of his chin and shoot. Bullet lodged in the roof of his mouth so he shot again in the temple and succeeded. That would just suck.

My grandmother claimed that one of our relatives apparently pointed at his temple with a handgun, fired, bullet hit skull, routed down along skull, tore out jugular, bled to death.

step one: while standing on a box, secure thin wire around neck and from rafter above.

step two: glue hands over ears

step three: jump

result: looks like you pulled your own head off

/read that somewhere on the internets

i gotta read the comments first from now on

Let this be a lesson to all those who and attempt suicide and fail. Save yourself the humility of failure and just do this.

No one will ever again have an excuse for a failed suicide, and I'll no longer have to mock them for said failure.

Win/Win.

markie_farkie: Epsilon: If you really want to do yourself in, a drug overdose is much more polite.

Unless you're not found for a week or so, and turn into a putrefied puddle of maggoty goo. If you DO choose to do that at least have the forethought to FedEx your suicide note with your apartment door key to the coroner's office the day before, so they can collect you before you're room temperature.

...and...
you might want to make sure your bowels and bladder are completely empty before you try this, because once you've shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleedin' choir invisible, everything you've left behind is going let go.
Kinda ruins the effect, lying there in a pile and puddle of stinky...

/ they never tell you about this sort of thing on TV...
// wonder if it would affect the suicide rate...as it bringing it down...if they did...

FTA:
-----
A taxi driver decapitated himself after tying a rope around his neck and a post before driving off at high speed.

The incident took place just metres from a 24-hour cafe.

The man, believed to be in his thirties, is said to have then driven off at full speed
-----

LOLWUT? He decapitated himself, then drove off at full speed?

DarthBart: A friend of mine wants to do it like this:

Strap yourself with a load of explosives.
Go stand out on the ledge until a crowd gathers.
Jump.
As the crowd looks up and gasps with their mouths wide open, scream "EAT ME!" and push the button.
*BOOM*
Bits of you come raining down into their gaping maws.

Wow...That's like...holy communion!
Except it really IS flesh and blood instead of the symbolic crispy farinacious wafers usually given out for this purpose...

Might want to have a sympathetic wingman or two on the ground to pass the wine around afterward...people are going to need it.
Chianti would be a nice choice...

/ you could probably skip the fava beans

aammaazzoonn: FTA:
-----
A taxi driver decapitated himself after tying a rope around his neck and a post before driving off at high speed.

The incident took place just metres from a 24-hour cafe.

The man, believed to be in his thirties, is said to have then driven off at full speed
-----

LOLWUT? He decapitated himself, then drove off at full speed?

Reading comprehension. You don't have it.

Gyrfalcon: Lenny_da_Hog: lstywnch: Ed Grubermann: Don't you give me that red zone crap! I know you want me to have an abortion!

If you ever got pregnant I would seriously consider forcing you to abort. I think the pain of labor and delivery would be a serious risk to your health and well being.

/not having a womb, which is nobody's fault. Not even the Romans.

But I say that, whether or not he's got a womb, he has the *right* to have a womb, if only so he can have the right to an abortion.

But where's he going to keep the fetus, then? In a bloody box?!?

There's a Welsh legend of a baby who was aborted/miscarried when his mother (who was not only not supposed to be knocked up, but virgo intactae) stepped over a stream. This was a test, to see if she was worthy to have this high-powered wizard use her as a footrest (part of his geas was that he had to have his feet in the lap of a virgin).

Anyway, she failed the test miserably...and her brother saved the partially-baked fetus (there were actually two boys, but one was well into childhood and he swam away. The stream was really a 'babbling brook'...the way it worked was 'one fark = one baby') and put it into a box to finish growing.
The 'boy in the box' eventually became Lleu Llaw Gyffes, IIRC...

/ I missed the point again, didn't I...

syzygy whizz: There's a Welsh legend of a baby who was aborted/miscarried when his mother (who was not only not supposed to be knocked up, but virgo intactae) stepped over a stream. This was a test, to see if she was worthy to have this high-powered wizard use her as a footrest (part of his geas was that he had to have his feet in the lap of a virgin).

Anyway, she failed the test miserably...and her brother saved the partially-baked fetus (there were actually two boys, but one was well into childhood and he swam away. The stream was really a 'babbling brook'...the way it worked was 'one fark = one baby') and put it into a box to finish growing.
The 'boy in the box' eventually became Lleu Llaw Gyffes, IIRC...

A copycat suicide? Already been done:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,400221,00.html
(new window)

angryred: Was he a Brit?

[puts on sunglasses]

...or a Yank?

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


/FTFY

AzraelBrown: angryred: Was he a Brit?

[puts on sunglasses]

...or a Yank?

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


/FTFY


Oh man.

You sure as hell did. ;)

That's nothing new. I thought that one up in high school

1. Fill a pool with nitroglycerin
2. Douse yourself in gasoline
3. Jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet
4. While in the air, light yourself on fire
5. Aim for the pool

Gordon Bennett: Friskya: I find it hard to believe that no one has given any consideration to the possibility that the term "black-cab" driver did not refer to the race of the driver, but the color of the cab. Kind of like "yellow cab" in the U.S.

Is that what people were thinking?

There are two different kinds of taxis in London, black cabs and mini-cabs.

Black cabs are the only ones permitted to pick up passengers in the street. All black cab drivers have to possess "the knowledge" - that is, a perfect mental map of London. They have to know every street, every address, and the best way to get from any one place in the city to any other.

This is quite a lot more difficult than it sounds to people used to the grid design of cities in North America. London's streets don't follow any pattern at all. Black cabs are astronomically expensive, but they're the quickest way to get around.

Mini cabs are cheaper, of course. You can only book them by telephone, or by walking into their office. Mini cab drivers don't have the knowledge. They use GPS navigation systems instead.

Mini cabs are also usually small compact cars, hence the word "mini".

I can't believe no one has posted the bash.org quote yet (although several people have mentioned the concept)

#488793 +(7257)- [X]

: Best suicide plan ever
: what is it?
: you go up to the top of a roof
: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
: then you put super glue on your hands
: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

...and of course fark assumed i was using tags and wrecked the post.

#488793 +(7257)- [X]

[evilada]: Best suicide plan ever
[mcm310]: what is it?
[evilada]: you go up to the top of a roof
[evilada]: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
[evilada]: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
[evilada]: then you put super glue on your hands
[evilada]: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
[evilada]: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
[evilada]: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
[evilada]: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
[mcm310]: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

gorgor: Get a rope.
/oh wait

he gits his salsa from NEW YORK CITY!

/roffle

England is so civilized the black cab drivers lynch themselves!
I love a good suicide thread. With health care the way it is, suicide seems like the only final solution for many of us. I don't have the insurance or the money to stay comfortably medicated in my final days. My catastrophic health insurance is a pistol. When it finally gets too bad I'm going out on my own terms.

Poor bastard. Tomorrow might have been a brighter day.

Hard core, man

I. Am. In. Awe.fark yeah, man. If you're gonna off yourself, make it spectacular and messy. Something newsworthy. This dude offed himself, and awed the whole world in doing it. What could top this?

Cutting off your own head with a chainsaw with one hand while doing a handstand off the top of the Empire State Building with the other?

God damn.

Why drive straight at a pillar (figure one designed to stop a car) if you're committing suicide?

Why show this consideration about where your car is going to end up when you don't care where your head is going to pop up?

/off wall, one street bounce, nothing but baby carriage.

madblader: I really don't understand humans. Most of you seem concerned about the man committing suicide, yet you just brush it off and continue. No one discussing the issues that drove him to suicide and what can be done, granted some people are just mentally ill, but in suicides I've come to see that it's not mostly the case. It is usually a combination of factors such as, poverty, cruelty, isolation, etc... things that as a society and yes sometimes at a personal level can fix. Humanity is truly condemned to annihilation.

We're all going to die, this guy went out in a "look at me" fashion, so we get to talk about it. I fully intend on committing suicide when I get to piss-your-pants age, and this definitely makes my short list of possible methods.