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(TBO) Florida Teenage hit-and-runner uses Self-Arrest lane to be booked and released in twenty minutes. Would have been ten but the stupid machine wouldn't read her coupons and she had to wait for the assistant manager to override it   (www2.tbo.com) divider line 290
More: Florida  

290 Comments   (+0 »)


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Joelogon [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 01:34:34 PM  
I don't use the Self-Arrest lane because it doesn't really save you any time, and I hate doing my own handcuffing.

 
jehovahs witness protection [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-10 01:52:09 PM  
I'd hit it and run....once she turns 18.

 
Disfunction 2009-07-10 01:56:58 PM  
jehovahs witness protection: I'd hit it and run....once she turns 18.

If you do it before, I'm sure you can just use the Self Arrest Lane and spare yourself some PMITA prison...

 
DslainteC [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:02:39 PM  
If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

 
Walker [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:05:58 PM  
I use the self-arrest lane so I can give myself a body cavity search.

Seriously, a self-arrest lane???? Only in Florida.

 
GooberMcFly [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:10:22 PM  
I can't wait until they invent Self-PMITA prisons.

 
bucjeff 2009-07-10 02:27:00 PM  
Smokin body. There, it had to be said. You are all thinking it. Oh to be 17 again.

 
JJR 2009-07-10 02:27:06 PM  
"Valdez was originally cited for careless driving, but the citation was dismissed when the detective who issued it failed to appear in court to testify". oh

 
DemoKnite 2009-07-10 02:28:32 PM  
DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?


As long as you have the money and are not a minority you should be good to go. Happy bloodlusting!

 
merreborn 2009-07-10 02:29:34 PM  
DslainteC: I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

It only works if you're young and pretty enough.

 
skullkrusher 2009-07-10 02:30:26 PM  
I am gonna self arrest myself for checking out her Boobiess.

/she legal?

 
Headso 2009-07-10 02:30:57 PM  
Is hitting a homeless person even illegal?

 
Sin_City_Superhero 2009-07-10 02:31:10 PM  
Stick it in her pooper!

/I would

 
NeuroticMan 2009-07-10 02:31:15 PM  
Wow, I would totally hit that.

/Even though she is a shiatty driver

 
acronym 2009-07-10 02:31:48 PM  
www.traditionalmountaineering.org

 
Dirtybird971 2009-07-10 02:32:08 PM  
FTFA
A Davis Islands teen charged in a fatal hit-and-run didn't get special treatment when she was booked and released in less than 20 minutes.
maybe not there but definitely below....

Valdez's attorneys had negotiated with prosecutors to have her released on her own recognizance.

OH COME THE FARK ON!!! HIT AND RUN MANSLAUGHTER AND SHE GETS A "ROR" AND THE COP "DIDN'T SHOW UP"....RIGHT..iT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER FAMILY'S WEALTH.

/FAIR IS FAIR!!!

 
superfunhappytime 2009-07-10 02:32:22 PM  
Came for the "I'd hit it and run" comments and will be leaving quite satisfied.

 
mcicchi 2009-07-10 02:33:03 PM  
merreborn: DslainteC: I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

It only works if you're young and pretty enough.


Hey, Donte Stallworth only served 24 days for killing someone and he was drunk.

 
Wizzin 2009-07-10 02:33:47 PM  
skullkrusher: I am gonna self arrest myself for checking out her Boobiess.

/she legal?


Legal enough for the leaders of France and the U.S.

/giggity

 
skullkrusher 2009-07-10 02:34:02 PM  
DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?


her family didn't care enough to make her not homeless so I am guessing they might issue a collective "meh".

Anyway, TFA says she could face 30 years in prison but it is likely she'll plea bargain down and serve no time. No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?

 
dstanley 2009-07-10 02:34:08 PM  
www.tampabay.com

4-11 and 97 pounds, about 20 of which is in her bra.

 
Boberto 2009-07-10 02:34:13 PM  
Headso: Is hitting a homeless person even illegal?

Only if you're a minority.

It's a shame this chick is a minor too..

 
Shakespeare's Monkey 2009-07-10 02:34:30 PM  
www2.tbo.com

Whoever that is on the right, she's twice the man I'll ever be.

/somebody call Beowulf stat, Grendel got out again.

 
Ermungslos 2009-07-10 02:35:02 PM  
Please remember, this is the same country where you can kill someone while driving intoxicated and only serve 28 day (as long as you're an athelete), but god forbid you download a song illegally then it's 3 years in prison.

 
The Dreaded Rear Admiral [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:35:19 PM  
She's given me an erection at work.

 
Dark Overlord 2009-07-10 02:35:39 PM  
I object! Didn't get to do a cavity search and didn't get to run a DNA check!

 
HMS_Blinkin 2009-07-10 02:36:04 PM  
DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?


Bloodlust? She was 17, and ergo probably a crappy driver. Most likely an accident...and she turned herself in, saving the police time and money hunting her down. And "family?" The victim was homeless.

/not that that justifies her death
//but there's no reason to throw away the key on a young person who was probably just driving carelessly....don't pretend YOU never drove stupidly when you were 17. You were just lucky enough to not hit any homeless people.

 
MDGeist 2009-07-10 02:36:07 PM  
Wow so bail for murder must be at an all time low now. Good to know I guess...

 
Boberto 2009-07-10 02:36:09 PM  
skullkrusher: DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

her family didn't care enough to make her not homeless so I am guessing they might issue a collective "meh".

Anyway, TFA says she could face 30 years in prison but it is likely she'll plea bargain down and serve no time. No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?


Sure, why not? She "accidentally" killed someone with her vehicle and then figured it would be cool to just drive away, no problems right?

This is the kind of person we want to see back on the streets...am I right or what?

 
oa330_man 2009-07-10 02:37:12 PM  
skullkrusher: No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?


If by Old Sparky, you mean little spike, why yes she should.

 
fenian- 2009-07-10 02:37:18 PM  
DslainteC: Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

Probably about the same as they felt about her homelessness.

 
sxacho 2009-07-10 02:38:09 PM  
DslainteC: Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

Settle down. The victim was HOMELESS. Can't you read?

 
dstanley 2009-07-10 02:38:34 PM  
Other articles say Tits McGhee hit the homeless woman while she was crossing the street. I can't find anything that says if it was at night or was the homeless woman in a crosswalk?

 
Sin_City_Superhero 2009-07-10 02:40:15 PM  
HMS_Blinkin:
And "family?" The victim was homeless.

/not that that justifies her death



Sure it does.

 
I'm an excellent driver 2009-07-10 02:40:29 PM  
Remember this is Florida - Look at the news links on the right of this story and tell me that "Woman accused of battery with sex toy" didn't grab your attention.

 
lehmac [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:40:49 PM  
Headso: Is hitting a homeless person even illegal?

Where did you read that poor woman was farking homeless?

 
uberdose 2009-07-10 02:41:12 PM  
fenian-: DslainteC: Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

Probably about the same as they felt about her homelessness.


I had a friend who was homeless for a few months. He would sleep in his car behind a grocery store. None of us knew.

 
Headso 2009-07-10 02:41:39 PM  
lehmac: Headso: Is hitting a homeless person even illegal?

Where did you read that poor woman was farking homeless?


uh.. the linked article...

 
tedbundee 2009-07-10 02:42:07 PM  
sxacho: DslainteC: Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

Settle down. The victim was HOMELESS. Can't you read?


Yeah, who cares. Also, I'd hit it and run:

www2.tbo.com

 
skullkrusher 2009-07-10 02:42:12 PM  
Boberto: skullkrusher: DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

her family didn't care enough to make her not homeless so I am guessing they might issue a collective "meh".

Anyway, TFA says she could face 30 years in prison but it is likely she'll plea bargain down and serve no time. No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?

Sure, why not? She "accidentally" killed someone with her vehicle and then figured it would be cool to just drive away, no problems right?

This is the kind of person we want to see back on the streets...am I right or what?


I am gonna guess that she hit someone, is a kid so freaked the fark out. Mommy and daddy got her lawyered up and then she turned herself in. Doesn't deserve to die for that, no.

 
HMS_Blinkin 2009-07-10 02:42:15 PM  
Boberto: skullkrusher: DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

her family didn't care enough to make her not homeless so I am guessing they might issue a collective "meh".

Anyway, TFA says she could face 30 years in prison but it is likely she'll plea bargain down and serve no time. No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?

Sure, why not? She "accidentally" killed someone with her vehicle and then figured it would be cool to just drive away, no problems right?

This is the kind of person we want to see back on the streets...am I right or what?


Good lord, are you seriously implying that she killed the homeless woman intentionally? Because you owe us all a big CITATION on that one. Nowhere in TFA does it say this was intentional. And yeah, she drove away, but what would you do if you were 17 and hit someone? Freak out, that's what. She didn't have the presence of mind at the time to do what those of us who are older than 17 would have done at the time. Which is exactly why she turned herself in later when she calmed down.

 
PumpUpDaFark 2009-07-10 02:42:27 PM  
i28.tinypic.com

She gave me wood. She's sexually harassing me.

 
pvd021 2009-07-10 02:42:49 PM  
Having lived in DC and knowing what its like to have crack addicts dart in and out of the road and all random hours of the day, I can sympathize for the girl.... That said, her parents should have taught her that if you get in an accident you have to stay there and call the police. But kids being kids, and fearing trouble I can see why she fled the scene.

//Poor Kid
//Not accusing the Homeless woman of being a drug addict

 
Ringtailed79 2009-07-10 02:42:56 PM  
Florida tag trumps followup? Maybe..

 
DslainteC [TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:44:05 PM  
sxacho: Settle down. The victim was HOMELESS. Can't you read?

Point taken. I missed the part about her being homeless. That means she had no family and was unloved. Quite frankly, I'm glad she's dead.

 
skullkrusher 2009-07-10 02:44:26 PM  
HMS_Blinkin: Boberto: skullkrusher: DslainteC: If I understand this correctly, you can kill someone in a hit-and-run, book yourself in and out in minutes, get the original charge thrown out because of police indifference, and then use plea bargaining to serve no jail time. Good job, Florida! Now I know which state to visit the next time my bloodlust boils over. I could kill someone without consequence and be home in time for supper.

Can you imagine how the poor victim's family must feel about this farcical form of "justice"?

her family didn't care enough to make her not homeless so I am guessing they might issue a collective "meh".

Anyway, TFA says she could face 30 years in prison but it is likely she'll plea bargain down and serve no time. No mention that she was drunk or anything so her only real crime is leaving the scene of an accident... should she get Old Sparky for that?

Sure, why not? She "accidentally" killed someone with her vehicle and then figured it would be cool to just drive away, no problems right?

This is the kind of person we want to see back on the streets...am I right or what?

Good lord, are you seriously implying that she killed the homeless woman intentionally? Because you owe us all a big CITATION on that one. Nowhere in TFA does it say this was intentional. And yeah, she drove away, but what would you do if you were 17 and hit someone? Freak out, that's what. She didn't have the presence of mind at the time to do what those of us who are older than 17 would have done at the time. Which is exactly why she turned herself in later when she calmed down.


well she did turn herself in 3 months after it happened.
But whatever, the kid does not deserve to go to prison for an accident.

 
bubbaprog [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-10 02:44:38 PM  
HMS_Blinkin: Bloodlust? She was 17, and ergo probably a crappy driver. Most likely an accident...and she turned herself in, saving the police time and money hunting her down. And "family?" The victim was homeless.

You haven't been following this story. It took the police two months of work to pin the crime on her enough to justify arresting her, even though everyone in town knew she did it. She refused to talk to police, despite having the wrecked car in her driveway.

I like the comments in TFA that say "let her free, it's not like she killed an animal or something, it was just a homeless person."

 
sabyJeBus 2009-07-10 02:44:39 PM  
anyone flipping out about this is an idiot...she got booked in 20 minutes, that doesn't mean she got acquitted, that means they processed her bullshiat paperwork in 20 minutes. if you even browsed the article youd see that she faces up to 30 years because she is being charged as an adult. which sucks cuz if someone over 18 slept with her that would be different, she'd be considered an infant.

 
crho85 2009-07-10 02:44:57 PM  
Joelogon: I don't use the Self-Arrest lane because it doesn't really save you any time, and I hate doing my own handcuffing.

www.independentcritics.com

you magnificent bastard

 
skullkrusher 2009-07-10 02:45:02 PM  
DslainteC: sxacho: Settle down. The victim was HOMELESS. Can't you read?

Point taken. I missed the part about her being homeless. That means she had no family and was unloved. Quite frankly, I'm glad she's dead.


This girl should sing the National Anthem at the Orange Bowl this year I say.

 
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