Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

Impeached for what?

She makes Sarah look smart. I mean smarter.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

He has to be guilty of something.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

Lynching - a stereotypical white response for being uppity.
Not that she's a bigot or anything.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

Bigotry against the stupid?

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

SOCIALISMBIRTHCERTIFICATESEEKRITMUSLIMACORN!11!

what the holy ever loving fark???

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

Secret Muslimism, obviously.

Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

I intend to salute your service by going to Toys R Us after work and getting some of the new G.I. Joe toys Hasbro just released.

/Was gonna go to TRU anyway
//But seriously, if you're in NYU I'll buy you a beer.

NYC and goddammit.

Cyberluddite: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

Secret Muslimnism, obviously.

FTFY

Sgt Otter: I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

It's not even a sticker. It's a magnet. My brother has one with a "made in China" label on it.

/support fail.

what_now: Sgt Otter: I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

It's not even a sticker. It's a magnet. My brother has one with a "made in China" label on it.

/support fail.

It's amazingly stupid and phony. It's LESS supportive than a bumper sticker, because it says, "I support the troops, but not enough to risk a bit of gunk on my bumper."

Bloody William: Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

//But seriously, if you're in NYU I'll buy you a beer.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Sgt Otter: Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Ouch. And double-ouch for the Miller. It's gotta suck that... alcohol's banned in that country, like most Muslim states, right? It wasn't even allowed on bases?

I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

/"Let's make room for the good beer!"
//I'll drink Miller Light if it's free, because I love the environment.

Sgt Otter: Bloody William: Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

//But seriously, if you're in NYU I'll buy you a beer.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Ew. Miller? How hard up do you have to be to drink that shiat.

Sgt Otter: You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer Miller Lite.

Good God!

Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I went to a stranger's BBQ (friend of The Boy) and asked for a beer. The guy reached in the bucket, past the 12 of Sam Adams I brough, the lose Harpoons and assorted delicious beers, and came up with a Miller Genuine Draft.

Can.

You really can't do anything in that situation. You can't tell a stranger you won't drink the swill in his hand.

I summon the spirit of Phil Hartman to smite that biatch.

what_now: Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I went to a stranger's BBQ (friend of The Boy) and asked for a beer. The guy reached in the bucket, past the 12 of Sam Adams I brough, the lose Harpoons and assorted delicious beers, and came up with a Miller Genuine Draft.

Can.

You really can't do anything in that situation. You can't tell a stranger you won't drink the swill in his hand.

If he wasn't the host, you damned well better tell him he's a douche!

what_now: Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I went to a stranger's BBQ (friend of The Boy) and asked for a beer. The guy reached in the bucket, past the 12 of Sam Adams I brough, the lose Harpoons and assorted delicious beers, and came up with a Miller Genuine Draft.

Can.

You really can't do anything in that situation. You can't tell a stranger you won't drink the swill in his hand.

You brought the Sam and he hands you a near beer... Fark that

Diogenes: I summon the spirit of Phil Hartman to smite that biatch.

Be nice to her. Her brother just died.

FriarReb98: If he wasn't the host, you damned well better tell him he's drinking a douche!

Yeah, but can she suck it while doing that handstand?

neglogon: You brought the Sam and he hands you a near beer... Fark that

Well, see I dropped the Sam in the bucket w/ the ice. As you do. Then, I went and did introductions, played with the dog etc etc. So I've been at this party for a few minutes, and the guy sitting next to the cooler didn't look, he just reached down and grabbed something.

He was drinking a Keystone Light so to him the MGD was probably a step up.

Bloody William: Sgt Otter: Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Ouch. And double-ouch for the Miller. It's gotta suck that... alcohol's banned in that country, like most Muslim states, right? It wasn't even allowed on bases?

I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

/"Let's make room for the good beer!"
//I'll drink Miller Light if it's free, because I love the environment.

Consumption of alcohol by U.S. troops in Iraq is banned under the All Powerful, Gweat and Tewwible General Order Number One. This doesn't apply to our allies. There were Romanian troops (from Transylvania, with Dracula-themed unit patches) getting hammered in the Food Court at Camp Liberty.

There's Non-Alcoholic beer available in the dining facility, but most guys don't even bother. Some guys had some mailed to them, sometimes it got seized, but a lot slipped through. Oh, and the "green food coloring in Vodka and packaged in a mouthwash bottle" trick doesn't work.

Some Iraqis do drink. Our area also had a pretty large Christian population, as you can see here:



A few of the enterprising Coptic Christians were bootlegging tallboys of Tuborg, some halfway decent gin, and this incredibly vile whiskey to American troops.

We'd also keep an eye on (Islamic) Iraqi weddings, as they like to get shiatfaced drunk and fire off a few bursts into the air from their AK-47s. Each family is allowed to have one, as long as they register it with us.

Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

Sgt Otter: Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

So...did you????

what_now: Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I went to a stranger's BBQ (friend of The Boy) and asked for a beer. The guy reached in the bucket, past the 12 of Sam Adams I brough, the lose Harpoons and assorted delicious beers, and came up with a Miller Genuine Draft.

Can.

You really can't do anything in that situation. You can't tell a stranger you won't drink the swill in his hand.

BBQ at the in-laws on Saturday. I brought a case of Blue Moon & when I opened the fridge to put it in, there were 2 shelves full of Rolling Rock and Miller Lite.

/Thank God I brought something I could drink!
//My brother-in-law tasted the Blue Moon. He made a face & dumped it.

Adjective Bird Whiskey: Yeah, but can she suck it while doing that handstand?

Reminds me of one of my favorite Blond jokes --

Q: What do you call a blond standing on her hands?

A: A brunette with bad breath.

Hard to believe that an entertainer is seeking to be a big wheel in the GOP.

TFA: In such a climate, it strikes me as . . . well, almost un-American to be griping so vehemently about helping those less fortunate. Were this a war, we'd all dig a little deeper to buy guns and battleships.

Well, we're in a war, and we've got to dig a little deeper to provide jobs and economic band-aids.

QFT. Why do these teabaggers hate America so much?

brigid_fitch: //My brother-in-law tasted the Blue Moon. He made a face & dumped it.

I like it - orange slice and all. But I would say it's not for everyone.

Sgt Otter: There's Non-Alcoholic beer available in the dining facility

Do they issue you some blanks for your rifle too, for all the fark-all good it'll do?

Sucks about General Order 1, but glad you're back from there.

Not that I'd begrudge anyone the right to want to fire a farking huge, cool gun, but I never understood the fire-into-the-air thing at Iraqi/Afghani weddings. I mean... don't those bullets come down somewhere, generally at a velocity that can injure or kill?

Makes more sense to fire somewhere you farking know where the rounds will go. Like, get a junker pick-up truck and blast the shiat out of it in the middle of a field. Firing straight up seems kinda... Darwin awards dumb.

Your Faith is Creepy: QFT. Why do these teabaggers hate America so much?

I'm convinced that they are just anarchists.

what_now: Sgt Otter: Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

So...did you????

Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

The M2-HB .50 caliber Heavy Machine Gun?

"White 4 Actual, this is White Six Eagle"
"Send it."
"Roger, local friendlies are requesting a Show-of-Force demonstration on the primary weapon system on Two Actual's horse."
"They want the Deuce? Who's getting married?"
"Mustafa's nephew."
"Yeah, I guess we owe him for that tip last week. All White Elements, Two is doing a test-fire. Don't panic."

"Platoon Daddy gave it the okay. Have your Golf light it up."
"Hey Dirt McGurt, you're cleared hot. Send it."
"Roger. ON THE WAY!!!"



So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer. The men whooped and cheered, the women covered their ears and glared at us.

/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

So...did you????

Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

The M2-HB .50 caliber Heavy Machine Gun?

"White 4 Actual, this is White Six Eagle"
"Send it."
"Roger, local friendlies are requesting a Show-of-Force demonstration on the primary weapon system on Two Actual's horse."
"They want the Deuce? Who's getting married?"
"Mustafa's nephew."
"Yeah, I guess we owe him for that tip last week. All White Elements, Two is doing a test-fire. Don't panic."

"Platoon Daddy gave it the okay. Have your Golf light it up."
"Hey Dirt McGurt, you're cleared hot. Send it."
"Roger. ON THE WAY!!!"



So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer. The men whooped and cheered, the women covered their ears and glared at us.

/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

That's farking cool. And those are some huge goddamn bullets.

bronyaur1: Hard to believe that an entertainer is seeking to be a big wheel in the GOP.

Victoria Jackson is a rabid right-wing conservative and I can't figure out why. She's like Ann Coulter or Michelle Bachman, only not quite as smart (and I'm not calling those two smart).

timmy_the_tooth: Your Faith is Creepy: QFT. Why do these teabaggers hate America so much?

I'm convinced that they are just anarchists.

This isn't about anarchy, despite all of their anti-government rhetoric. Many of these people are just dissatisfied right-wingers, bitter partisan reactionaries who are angry that "their side" didn't win last November and "the enemy" is now in control of the government.

Bloody William: This isn't about anarchy, despite all of their anti-government rhetoric. Many of these people are just dissatisfied right-wingers, bitter partisan reactionaries who are angry that "their side" didn't win last November and "the enemy" is now in control of the government

Actually, that does make more sense, because when Bush was in office I never head a peep from them about how the government is too big.

Sgt Otter:

So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer. The men whooped and cheered, the women covered their ears and glared at us.

/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

This story made me giggle. You just got yourself favorited for it.

/son of a Navy .50 cal. TBF Avenger tailgunner.
//stay safe, ok?

Sgt Otter: words



I said I liked UNIFORMS. Not that I understood....weaponry.

/btw, I finally figured out what hat you were talking about. You are...correct about that.

Epsilon: bronyaur1: Hard to believe that an entertainer is seeking to be a big wheel in the GOP.

Victoria Jackson is a rabid right-wing conservative and I can't figure out why. She's like Ann Coulter or Michelle Bachman, only not quite as smart (and I'm not calling those two smart).

IIRC she comes from a family of religious conservative whackaloons, so she was raised to be that stupid.

what_now: Sgt Otter: words



I said I liked UNIFORMS. Not that I understood....weaponry.

/btw, I finally figured out what hat you were talking about. You are...correct about that.



This one? I'm not sure I remember what I said about it.

/I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Sgt Otter: This one? I'm not sure I remember what I said about it.

Never mind. It was NSFW.

Also, I'm not wondering why you aren't wearing a big-ass combat infantryman's badge because I don't have a clue what that is.

I have a girl scout uniform. I can tell you what that means.

Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: words



I said I liked UNIFORMS. Not that I understood....weaponry.

/btw, I finally figured out what hat you were talking about. You are...correct about that.



This one? I'm not sure I remember what I said about it.

/I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

That digital camo is TOO digital. Looks like your shirt's pixelated.

/I kid.

Bloody William: Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: words



I said I liked UNIFORMS. Not that I understood....weaponry.

/btw, I finally figured out what hat you were talking about. You are...correct about that.



This one? I'm not sure I remember what I said about it.

/I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

That digital camo is TOO digital. Looks like your shirt's pixelated.

/I kid.

Heh. We some incredibly obnoxious Neo-con embedded reporters with us Iraq, whose articles about us were total garbage. Coincidentally, one of them got greenlit here on Fark, and I kind of got carried away about how much of a piece of shiat this guy was, and how much we couldn't stand the farkhead. Of course, after FINALLY convincing his fan club I was the real deal, they got incredibly butthurt and tried to get me in trouble with my command. They even called up a few CID units (like the Army version of NCIS) to have me "arrested for slander."

Sgt Otter: Heh. We some incredibly obnoxious Neo-con embedded reporters with us Iraq, whose articles about us were total garbage. Coincidentally, one of them got greenlit here on Fark, and I kind of got carried away about how much of a piece of shiat this guy was, and how much we couldn't stand the farkhead. Of course, after FINALLY convincing his fan club I was the real deal, they got incredibly butthurt and tried to get me in trouble with my command. They even called up a few CID units (like the Army version of NCIS) to have me "arrested for slander."

You can smell the troop-supporting conservatism from here.shiat, I don't care if you think Barack Obama is a communist Muslim abortiomancer, if you wear the uniform and don't commit war crimes, you have my support (if not necessarily my respect when it comes to politics).

Sucks that they gave you a hard time. Thin-skinned douchebags. Feh.

Sgt Otter: "Roger. ON THE WAY!!!"

I giggled--nice story. When I tried to re-tell it to my husband, though, I had to keep stopping to explain.

/Dad was Korean war vet, older brother was Gulf War vet, younger brother currently stationed @ COB Speicher, youngest brother a former Marine.
//Thanks for serving, Sgt. If you're ever at the Jersey Shore, I'll buy you a beer.

Sgt Otter: /I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Christ that's a dangerous job.

But I see you're wearing what appears to be the Combat Action Badge. How do the non-infantry types feel about the CAB?

dramboxf: Sgt Otter: /I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Christ that's a dangerous job.

But I see you're wearing what appears to be the Combat Action Badge. How do the non-infantry types feel about the CAB?

We thought it was a nice recognition, plus it's worth promotion points on the E-5 and E-6 board. Unfortunately, it's been heavily abused. We got ours slogging through the worst parts of Abu Dashir and Al Daura. We relieved an Infantry Battalion, and we were relieved by an Infantry Battalion. Hell, the way our RSTA (Reconnaissance, Surveillance, and Target Acquisition) squadron is made up, we actually have a company of infantry embedded with us, along with two company-sized Scout elements. They also have our mortar section, and our sniper section. Somedays we did their job, somedays they did ours.

Some people got them after they happened to be somewhat nearby when a stray mortar round landed on the FOB while they were walking to the volleyball courts. There was even a case of when a few 107mm rockets landed on the FOB, where after the all clear was given, a few of the Fobbits ran over to the impact area as "proof" that they qualified for a CAB.

As for Cavalry Scouts, we don't really give a shiat because we get our Combat Spurs, which mean a hell of a lot more to us than the CAB.

There was a proposal of each of the Combat Arms to have their own badge, i.e. Combat Cavalry, Combat Armor, and then have a generic CAB for all the Combat Support guys and girls.

I rarely wear the CAB, as instead of the old-style you permanently sew on, the new ACUs have them as temporary metal badges you pin on. They get easily scratched up, and they're about $5.00 a pop at the PX.

what_now: Sgt Otter: I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

It's not even a sticker. It's a magnet. My brother has one with a "made in China" label on it.

/support fail.

Oh she is a Republican. I always wondered why her career never went anywhere in Hollywood.

ahhh c'mon, handstands have been her schtick forever--you wouldn't blame carrot top for using props at a political thing.

/not really a fan, but weird al seems to like her, so i'll give her a pass

Greatest troll ever. Has to be.

Mosey: Oh she is a Republican. I always wondered why her career never went anywhere in Hollywood.

Well, that and she is a talentless idiot.

Wait, Victoria Jackson's not dead?

Mosey: Oh she is a Republican. I always wondered why her career never went anywhere in Hollywood.

Yeah, she fell on the same dustheap as Clint Eastwood.

Mosey: Oh she is a Republican. I always wondered why her career never went anywhere in Hollywood.

Yeah, no Republican succeeds in Hollywood.

Peter von Nostrand: Greatest troll ever. Has to be.

No, she really is this batshait crazy.

Fart_Machine: Peter von Nostrand: Greatest troll ever. Has to be.

No, she really is this batshait crazy.

She could be a really, really committed troll, but you're probably right.

Her website. . . aguhh. . . .

Diogenes: brigid_fitch: //My brother-in-law tasted the Blue Moon. He made a face & dumped it.

I like it - orange slice and all. But I would say it's not for everyone.

Yeah, I'm not a fan. Although the one time I tried it, I finished it.

/otherwise it's alcohol abuse.

Fart_Machine: Peter von Nostrand: Greatest troll ever. Has to be.

No, she really is this batshait crazy.

Bingo. She's a fundie wackaloon.

Republican beliefs themselves aren't that terrible. Strong national defense, welfare breeds generations addicted to welfare, free market, drugs are bad, property rights, etc. It's the Republicans that embrace these ideals because God told them to that scare the hell out of me.

Sgt Otter: Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

My friend in Iraq experienced this first hand. He asked his NCO if he could see it for a sec, the sgt said yes, and well, long story short he blew up some guys car.

The thing was, the NCO noted that the grenade was strong, but shouldn't have blown up quite so huge. Turns out, that car was loaded with a car bomb/other munitions, and the grenade set them off.

Second most interesting story he told us about, next to that night vision video of the guy farking a donkey that He filmed on patrol.

Sgt Otter:
/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

Those look amazingly like nomex gloves. Do they issue those to the gunners?

To all you jackasses making fun of her:

She knows what she's talking about. She read 1984. Twice.

I am liking that this thread is more about Sgt Otter than that brainless attention-whoring douchebaggette. She doesn't deserve the smallest bit of our attention.

Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: words



I said I liked UNIFORMS. Not that I understood....weaponry.

/btw, I finally figured out what hat you were talking about. You are...correct about that.



This one? I'm not sure I remember what I said about it.

/I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

I was in the Cav too. Be safe buddy.

Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

So...did you????

Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

The M2-HB .50 caliber Heavy Machine Gun?

"White 4 Actual, this is White Six Eagle"
"Send it."
"Roger, local friendlies are requesting a Show-of-Force demonstration on the primary weapon system on Two Actual's horse."
"They want the Deuce? Who's getting married?"
"Mustafa's nephew."
"Yeah, I guess we owe him for that tip last week. All White Elements, Two is doing a test-fire. Don't panic."

"Platoon Daddy gave it the okay. Have your Golf light it up."
"Hey Dirt McGurt, you're cleared hot. Send it."
"Roger. ON THE WAY!!!"



So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer. The men whooped and cheered, the women covered their ears and glared at us.

/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

Is there a non-ironic "Cool story, bro"? Because that's just some fun storytellin'.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

BKITU: Bingo. She's a fundie wackaloon.


She does seem to have found a niche for herself:

Jackson, who is guest instructing at Regent for a special one-week acting course called "Acting in Sketch Comedy," reflected on her initial move to Los Angeles to jump-start her career. To support herself financially, she took on odd jobs-ranging from cigarette girl to typist for the American Cancer Society. Her advice to students who are aspiring actors is practical: Don't be downtown late at night, and watch out for sleazy people who will try to take advantage of you.

Christian sketch comedy led by Victoria Jackson. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Who the hell is Victoria Johnson ?

she's a whack-a-doodle. Check out her blog if you doubt that.

Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

Could you show that any of it was illegal, or is doing stuff you disagree with grounds enough?

/Bush did warrantless wiretapping and torture, both of which were illegal, before you say "But you libs wanted to impeach Bush for no reason!"

Antimatter: Sgt Otter: Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

My friend in Iraq experienced this first hand. He asked his NCO if he could see it for a sec, the sgt said yes, and well, long story short he blew up some guys car.

The thing was, the NCO noted that the grenade was strong, but shouldn't have blown up quite so huge. Turns out, that car was loaded with a car bomb/other munitions, and the grenade set them off.

Second most interesting story he told us about, next to that night vision video of the guy farking a donkey that He filmed on patrol.

Much better stories than my friend, but then again he was an accountant stationed in Kuwait. Closest he came to action was hoofing it twice a month to deliver checks to the depots.

/that and how he got demoted for making a girl do push ups till she passed out
//mind you the girl left a loaded rifle in a portopotty, but......

Noam Chimpsky: Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

So if there are so many reasons why he should be impeached why couldn't you losers beat him.

This calls for a little more than the standard Picard facepalm pic. (warning- big image)

Noam Chimpsky: I could go on all day ...

Insane ramblings often do.

Of course, as we all know from listening to conservatives for years, we don't care what Hollywood-types say, because they're all idiots, right?

/or does that only apply when they say things the GOP doesn't like?

krelborne: To all you jackasses making fun of her:

She knows what she's talking about. She read 1984. Twice.

Yeah, but she tells people she read 3968.

What a douchebag.

And this shiat is a "Christian", too...

It farking figures.. religious people are snarky uptight assholes.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

Communism and... Constitution something.

Sgt Otter: So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer

That's awesome you guys would do that :)

Bob16: Who the hell is Victoria Johnson ?

The answer you seek is contained in the article you clicked to register a comment on. Dumbass.

She needs to hang out with that garafalo asshat.

Summoner101: Sgt Otter:
/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.

Those look amazingly like nomex gloves. Do they issue those to the gunners?

Yeah they are the Nomx Pilot gloves. Everyone got them as part of the pre-deployment RFI (Rapid Fielding Initiative) where they issue you ten tons of shiat.

They last maybe a month in combat. Our Supply Guy was a lazy fark, so most guys bought their own replacements.

I wore these Oakley motorcycle racing gloves for awhile, that lasted awhile. They're nomex and carbon-fiber.



My favorite were these Wiley-X's, which are now being issued. Yes the knuckles are reinforced, and yes they hurt when you punch somebody with them on:

Sgt Otter: /I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Is that after webelo scout?

Victoria Jackson is a complete lunatic. And yet, she's one of the saner ones they've got in the teabagging movement.

If there is a fire in her proximity, I hope she dies in it.

she DOESN'T like Obama!?! How DARE she have an opinion.

what_now: Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I went to a stranger's BBQ (friend of The Boy) and asked for a beer. The guy reached in the bucket, past the 12 of Sam Adams I brough, the lose Harpoons and assorted delicious beers, and came up with a Miller Genuine Draft.

Can.

You really can't do anything in that situation. You can't tell a stranger you won't drink the swill in his hand.

I don't know. I've turned down every free Miller Light ever swung in my direction. I thank them for the offer, and order something closer to my taste. Most times I don't even tell them, my lips have never touched one of those.

/I usually bring my own swill.
//PBR will do, in a pinch, though

3_Butt_Cheeks: She needs to hang out with that garafalo asshat.

Maybe they'd kill each other . . .

/We can hope
//Can we force Bachmann and McKinney to live together too?

Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

You folks never had any trouble paying your taxes until it was a black man that came asking for them. Then it was suddenly "Oogity boogity! Too many taxes, y'all!"

Not racist my ass.

T.rex: she DOESN'T like Obama!?! How DARE she have an opinion.

She's free to have an opinion. However, we're also free to say how stupid her opinion is.

icanhazstapler: You folks never had any trouble paying your taxes until it was a black man that came asking for them. Then it was suddenly "Oogity boogity! Too many taxes, y'all!"

Not racist my ass.

Particularly when it's been less than an entire week in Obama's first fiscal year.

Sgt Otter

And I have a new favorite.

Shooting a "M2-HB .50 caliber Heavy Machine Gun" at weddings for the win!

/you should start a service stateside.
//big $$$
///thanks to big guns
////that's what she said

eraser8: Victoria Jackson is a complete lunatic. And yet, she's one of the saner ones they've got in the teabagging movement.

Well it's not just a problem of her being a complete lunatic.

She's a complete nobody.

She was really on SNL ?

Obviously she's waasn't one of the more talented people that came out of that show.

Antimatter: Sgt Otter: Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

My friend in Iraq experienced this first hand. He asked his NCO if he could see it for a sec, the sgt said yes, and well, long story short he blew up some guys car.

The thing was, the NCO noted that the grenade was strong, but shouldn't have blown up quite so huge. Turns out, that car was loaded with a car bomb/other munitions, and the grenade set them off.

We had something similar. We discovered a possible IED, and we blocked off the road unilt the EOD (Bomb Squad) guys could come out and dispose of it with a "controlled detonation."

Basically, they rig up a C-4 charge, hand it off to the robot, and the robot takes it over to the IED. Robot comes back. You blow the charge, the charge takes out the IED. That "NO! CUT THE BLUE WIRE!!!" crap is Hollywood.

Well, they roll the robot out, and his video camera shows a single 155mm artillery shell buried in a dirt mound on the side of the road. So the robot heads out, drops off the charge, and they blow it.

It turns out, that there was at least SIX more 155mm artillery shells underneath the one the robot found. We were way, WAY too close to the blast zone for an IED that big.

And...well, let's just go to video.

/Yes, he's being deliberately cheesy with his play-by-play.

missiv: I don't know. I've turned down every free Miller Light ever swung in my direction. I thank them for the offer, and order something closer to my taste. Most times I don't even tell them, my lips have never touched one of those.

/I usually bring my own swill.
//PBR will do, in a pinch, though

I'm not a huge fan of Miller Lite, but I have at least tried it. If you want beer that will make you wish for a Miller, go pick up a sixer of Pig's Eye Lean. That is the only beer I have ever spit out.

Sgt Otter, you can add another free beer to the list if you're ever in my part of Oklahoma. Hell, I'll even let you pick the brand and serving size.

RevMercutio: T.rex: she DOESN'T like Obama!?! How DARE she have an opinion.

She's free to have an opinion. However, we're also free to say how stupid her opinion is.

Didn't you hear that conservatives have been getting lynched for having opinions. It's the liberal media thats stringing them up.

It's absolute truth. Agnew said so.

Well with Palin quitting politics, the GOP has a vacant spot for a mororn...oh, wait

Bob16: eraser8: Victoria Jackson is a complete lunatic. And yet, she's one of the saner ones they've got in the teabagging movement.

Well it's not just a problem of her being a complete lunatic.

She's a complete nobody.

She was really on SNL ?

Obviously she's waasn't one of the more talented people that came out of that show.

She was on during what's usually pointed out as one of the peak SNL years. with Carvey, Miller, Myers, Nealon, Hartman, and Hooks.

The problem was that they were all phenomenally good at their job, and she was whiny and could only play the bimbo that she apparently wasn't acting as.

Bob16: eraser8: Victoria Jackson is a complete lunatic. And yet, she's one of the saner ones they've got in the teabagging movement.

Well it's not just a problem of her being a complete lunatic.

She's a complete nobody.

She was really on SNL ?

Obviously she's waasn't one of the more talented people that came out of that show.

She did a great job playing airheaded blond bimbos. As it turns out, however, she wasn't acting.

Mosey: Oh she is a Republican. I always wondered why her career never went anywhere in Hollywood.

Oh, you can suck and fail whether you're Republican or Democrat.

Although it is true, once you're a failure in Hollywood, running for office as a Republican is about all you got left. Like hookers who had to give up Las Vegas for Reno.

RevMercutio: She was on during what's usually pointed out as one of the peak SNL years. with Carvey, Miller, Myers, Nealon, Hartman, and Hooks.

Well that answers that question.

I had figured she was on during the forgettable years but i see thats not the case. Man she must be pretty lame.

Sgt Otter:
And...well, let's just go to video.

/Yes, he's being deliberately cheesy with his play-by-play.

The "I think we got it!" call on radio makes it, in my opinion. Nicely done. May very few of your alcoholic beverages be bought by your money.

Bob16: Obviously she's waasn't one of the more talented people that came out of that show.

When is the last time SNL had someone talented on its cast?

SNL should have someone play this idiot.

It would be classic.

nutkick_42: missiv: I don't know. I've turned down every free Miller Light ever swung in my direction. I thank them for the offer, and order something closer to my taste. Most times I don't even tell them, my lips have never touched one of those.

/I usually bring my own swill.
//PBR will do, in a pinch, though

I'm not a huge fan of Miller Lite, but I have at least tried it. If you want beer that will make you wish for a Miller, go pick up a sixer of Pig's Eye Lean. That is the only beer I have ever spit out.

Sgt Otter, you can add another free beer to the list if you're ever in my part of Oklahoma. Hell, I'll even let you pick the brand and serving size.

Hmmm, the reason I've never tried it is simple. I don't drink anyone's light beer. Personally if I need to drink a Light, I shouldn't be drinking any thing. I don't eat light foods either. I prefer my food to be real, and full of every danger it was meant to have naturally.

Bloody William: abortiomancer

I'm a level 80 Abortiomancer. I specc'd into late-term abortion to raid. I top the APS (abortions per second) charts.

i don't even know who she is, but if the fark community can't stand her, then i like her.

i would even like her more if she did her hand stand with a dress on, and no undies.

but that's just me.

FuturePastNow: Bob16: Obviously she's waasn't one of the more talented people that came out of that show.

When is the last time SNL had someone talented on its cast?

Damn i can't even remember when i stopped watching it. Maybe in the late 1980'S.

Up to that point they seemed to have some pretty talented comedians on.

Let's be honest here: Outside of some guest appearances on Scrubs, what else has she done since SNL (sure, she may be doing the stand-up circuit, but if you're not getting in shows like Bob & Tom, you can't be doing THAT good). She did that shiat to get some free publicity and now you all are talking about it.

she needs to stick with acting and blowjobs because she's not capable of making any serious, informed, conversation.

Sgt Otter: And...well, let's just go to video.

Too close to the blast? You don't say ;)

/awesome vid :)

Malachilenomade: t's be honest here: Outside of some guest appearances on Scrubs,

Well there's a show thats not funny so i guess it was a good fit for her.

Tor_Eckman:

Terrible Photoshop is terrible.

Malachilenomade: Let's be honest here: Outside of some guest appearances on Scrubs, what else has she done since SNL (sure, she may be doing the stand-up circuit, but if you're not getting in shows like Bob & Tom, you can't be doing THAT good). She did that shiat to get some free publicity and now you all are talking about it.

So what? Our talking about her does not increase her income one bit--because it doesn't make anyone who finds her talentless more likely to go see her stand-up routine.

Bob16: Damn i can't even remember when i stopped watching it. Maybe in the late 1980'S.

They were good into the early 90s, but then it started going south.

Malachilenomade: She did that shiat to get some free publicity and now you all are talking about it.

She's a fundie whackjob like Kirk Cameron and Steven Baldwin. If you check out her appearances on Fox and the 700 Club she actually believes this shait.

Malachilenomade: Outside of some guest appearances on Scrubs

I think you may be confusing her with Nicole Sullivan.

icanhazstapler: You folks never had any trouble paying your taxes until it was a black man that came asking for them. Then it was suddenly "Oogity boogity! Too many taxes, y'all!"

Not racist my ass.

THIS.

Kinda like the jackasses claiming "The GOP doesn't run up deficits! Obama did it!"

/tell that lie long enough and loud enough...

RemyDuron: Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

Could you show that any of it was illegal, or is doing stuff you disagree with grounds enough?

Firstly, you make inquiries with subpoenas. When Obama doesn't answer to the subpoenas satisfactorily, you impeach him for contempt of congress.

Noam Chimpsky: When Obama doesn't answer to the subpoenas satisfactorily, you impeach him for contempt of congress.

lulz

WhyteRaven74: Sgt Otter: And...well, let's just go to video.

Too close to the blast? You don't say ;)

/awesome vid :)

Yeah, you can't really see, but you notice all the utility poles in the center of the road before the blast? They were all bent in half from the shockwave afterwards.

Sgt Otter: Antimatter: Sgt Otter: Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

My friend in Iraq experienced this first hand. He asked his NCO if he could see it for a sec, the sgt said yes, and well, long story short he blew up some guys car.

The thing was, the NCO noted that the grenade was strong, but shouldn't have blown up quite so huge. Turns out, that car was loaded with a car bomb/other munitions, and the grenade set them off.

We had something similar. We discovered a possible IED, and we blocked off the road unilt the EOD (Bomb Squad) guys could come out and dispose of it with a "controlled detonation."

Basically, they rig up a C-4 charge, hand it off to the robot, and the robot takes it over to the IED. Robot comes back. You blow the charge, the charge takes out the IED. That "NO! CUT THE BLUE WIRE!!!" crap is Hollywood.

Well, they roll the robot out, and his video camera shows a single 155mm artillery shell buried in a dirt mound on the side of the road. So the robot heads out, drops off the charge, and they blow it.

It turns out, that there was at least SIX more 155mm artillery shells underneath the one the robot found. We were way, WAY too close to the blast zone for an IED that big.

And...well, let's just go to video.

/Yes, he's being deliberately cheesy with his play-by-play.


IEDs...friend had bad experiences with those. A few months after the carbomb issue, one took out his humvee. He lived, but his Lt and Sgt both died.

This was time no 1 of like, the dozen times the guy nearly died over there. Consequently, they kept promoting him, so as it was, he was like a 19 1/2 yeah old Sgt last I checked.

Damn you guys are slippin!!

WhyteRaven74: They were good into the early 90s, but then it started going south.

I worked on a shoot that took place inside Franken's or Davis's (can't remember which one) manhattan apt.

The only reason i remember it is cause i remember seeing the dead cockroach that one of them snuffed on the air during a skit. I think there was some kind of Peta uproar about it so he saved the roach and made a little framed presentation out of it and it was hanging on the wall.

Anyway it was a long time ago.

Sgt Otter: what_now: Sgt Otter: Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

So...did you????

Ha. The Mark 19? No. Each individual round, when it detonates creates a killing radius of 5 meters, and a wounding radius of 15 meters. You usually fire it in 3 to 5 round bursts. Not something you play with for shiats and giggles.

The M2-HB .50 caliber Heavy Machine Gun?

"White 4 Actual, this is White Six Eagle"
"Send it."
"Roger, local friendlies are requesting a Show-of-Force demonstration on the primary weapon system on Two Actual's horse."
"They want the Deuce? Who's getting married?"
"Mustafa's nephew."
"Yeah, I guess we owe him for that tip last week. All White Elements, Two is doing a test-fire. Don't panic."

"Platoon Daddy gave it the okay. Have your Golf light it up."
"Hey Dirt McGurt, you're cleared hot. Send it."
"Roger. ON THE WAY!!!"



So, yes, about 20 of these took off in about a second. Every fifth round is a tracer. The men whooped and cheered, the women covered their ears and glared at us.

/For scale, I wear a Men's Large in gloves.



You just made my favs list.

Bigger Leftist Intarweb Schlong: Bloody William: abortiomancer

I'm a level 80 Abortiomancer. I specc'd into late-term abortion to raid. I top the APS (abortions per second) charts.

NERF!

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

SOCIALISMBIRTHCERTIFICATESEEKRITMUSLIMACORN!11!

You owe me a new keyboard.

Antimatter:

IEDs...friend had bad experiences with those. A few months after the carbomb issue, one took out his humvee. He lived, but his Lt and Sgt both died.

This was time no 1 of like, the dozen times the guy nearly died over there. Consequently, they kept promoting him, so as it was, he was like a 19 1/2 yeah old Sgt last I checked.

Yeah, IEDs killed most of our guys. I like sharing that video because an IED actually provided us with some comedy relief for once.

We had the new, factory-armored (as opposed to the bolt-on aftermarket armor) M1151 Armored Humvees, and they still got thrashed by IEDs.





I'm only posting these photos because everybody walked away with a few minor bruises.

/Gunner was lucky he had his turret rotated to the side.

Sgt Otter: They were all bent in half from the shockwave afterwards

I figured they didn't fare well. Also that big cloud of dust looks like it's just about 100 feet away. I assume no one needed any caffeine the rest of the day to stay awake ;)

Bob16: The only reason i remember it is cause i remember seeing the dead cockroach that one of them snuffed on the air during a skit.

Yet another reason I love Fark, always someone showing up with a neat story :)

Johnny Chicago: What a douchebag.

And this shiat is a "Christian", too...

It farking figures.. religious people are snarky uptight assholes.

2/10. Put a little more into it, son.

I liked Victoria Jackson on SNL. I had no idea that she was batshiat insane.

/Gonna have to watch some Sarah Silverman on youtube to cancel out the crazy.

Ringshadow: "Damn fine post chief."

This. I guess this thread makes Sgt Otter Fark's resident Iraq expert.

/By my count, that makes one for Iraq, one for Venezuela, and two for Iran
//One of those being Tats, obviously

jst3p: Sgt Otter: /I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Is that after webelo scout?

Nope that is someone who wants to be infantry but never made it to Sand Hill, Ft. Benning, Ga. Sorry to be a real scout you need to 11B. HOOAH.


/thanks for serving
//Still a POG

What's a "fundie"?

globalwarmingpraiser: jst3p: Sgt Otter: /I'm a Cavalry Scout, not Infantry, in case you're wondering why I'm not wearing a big-ass Combat Infantryman's Badge.

Is that after webelo scout?

Nope that is someone who wants to be infantry but never made it to Sand Hill, Ft. Benning, Ga. Sorry to be a real scout you need to 11B. HOOAH.


/thanks for serving
//Still a POG

HA! You 11 Bang-Bangs gave us a shiatty AO, we locked it down, then the 11 Bang-Bangs we handed it over to farked it back up.

It could be worse, though. You could be a DAT.

SomeTexan: What's a "fundie"?

The opposite of a boringlive.

/Thanks for your service SgtOtter. My brother is currently on his fourth tour, and I've got a bunch of other friends over there. If you're ever in Flagstaff I'll buy you a round.

Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry Making me cry, forcing me to have dirty sexual thoughts about a black man, making me cry while masturbating to dirty sexual thoughts about a black man, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

/Czarification?

SomeTexan: What's a "fundie"?

A religious fundamentalist. More often than not it is used to describe Christians of the "Evolution is a lie"/"Blastocysts are people"/"The world is 6000 years old" variety.

Fark that 11B(rainless) Sgt Otter. Thanks for the vid and service. You ever make it thru Ft. Carson, let me know I'll hook you up, beer, whatever.

gwp, try to mind your manners. ;)

You want an example of dumb?

Our V.P., Joe 'Plugs' Biden thinks that 'jobs' is a three letter word and discusses going to resturants that have been closed for 20+ years.

And yet you folks elected him; now that's dumb.

Came for links to pictures of Victoria Jackson pulling that handstand stunt, staying for Sgt Otter's stories, pictures, and video. Good on ya, Sgt!

Nurglitch: Came for links to pictures of Victoria Jackson pulling that handstand stunt, staying for Sgt Otter's stories, pictures, and video. Good on ya, Sgt!shiat, you and everybody else in this thread has been way, way too kind for me.

I'm almost tempted to bring out the Vaseline Man story.

Victoria Jackson is divorced from her first husband?!?!? How DARE she go against god's will (tm). How arrogant of her to think her desires are more important than in sticking with god's plan.

Why do you hate god Victoria? That means you hate America (tm) too. Why would you want to make baby Jeebus cry Victoria? Some conservative you are!

mfaby: You want an example of dumb?

Your mother didn't have an abortion?

mfaby: You want an example of dumb?

Our V.P., Joe 'Plugs' Biden thinks that 'jobs' is a three letter word and discusses going to resturants that have been closed for 20+ years.

And yet you folks elected him; now that's dumb.


Over the alternative? I think not.

She's like Glenn Beck if he had tits.

Oh, wait.

She's like Glenn Beck if he had a vagina.

Dammmit.

She's like Glenn Beck if he had longer hair.

Murkanen: religious fundamentalist

Oh. That phrase no longer means anything, anyway, because it has become a label.

/ "Bored now..."
// >lightning crackles<
/// >minions cower in terror<

Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.

/Don't drink often, but would show up to a bar just to buy you a beer if you're ever in Boston.

King Wicker: Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.


I agree, cool stuff.

what_now: I have a girl scout uniform. I can tell you what that means.

I'm sure I speak for all the farkers when I say, "pictures".

King Wicker: Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.


Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:

Coming up next, on Reno 911!

Last month, I promised to tell the tale of Vaseline Man, which ranked up there with the shotgun-toting mental patient episode in terms of weirdness. I apologize for the delay, but I was trying to find out who had the pictures we took of the incident, which would have made a nice coda to the story. I had no luck tracking them down, so I gave in and decided to publish the tale of Vaseline Man, sans photographs.

When we first arrived in al-Dora some seven months ago, everyday things went apeshiat. We'd tangle with Al Qaida in Iraq (AQI) fighters in full-scale firefights until around noon, when they would break contact to have lunch and chai. We'd pile their dead on the hoods of our Humvees, drop the bodies off at the Iraqi National Police headquarters, hose the blood off the hood, and wait for them to finish lunch and come back for round two. Hell, when we first got there, we'd have to go in on foot using massive human waves, because the Humvees were just farking RPG magnets. Yeah, I know that sounds backwards, but whatever.

After a series of massive house-to-house clearing operations, which netted hundreds of AQI douchebags a one-way ticket on the Dirty Bird to Camp Bucca, things kind of settled down into a typical episode of Cops.

There are a few days where things devolve into Reno 911!-esque absurdity. This is one of those days.

We had set up a screen-line to overwatch the main boulevard in our mulhalla, when a frantic woman came up to one of our trucks yelling in Arabic. We could pick out "Ali Baba" and "biet," which mean "thief" and "house" respectively. We finally figured out she was trying to tell us there was an intruder in her home. The Lieutenant pulled up in his truck with the interpreter (a native Iraqi who works for the US Army), and he told us that she said that there was a terrorist in her house, armed with a pistol and a hand grenade.

She even described the pistol as nickel-plated, as it was shiny. This was odd, as all we had ever seen were matte-black Tariq 9mm automatics, which are cheap Iraqi knockoffs of an Italian Beretta 92F.

We rolled up to the house, and found the supposed terrorist on her front lawn, getting turf-stomped by about five of her neighbors. We pulled him out of the melee, and searched him for weapons. He was unarmed, but he had one of those squat, roundish jars of Vaseline in his jacket pocket. Odd.

We decided to get the wife's story first, as this would help us decide whether to use the Columbo or Vic Mackey style of interrogation. She lived with her husband and a friend, a young, attractive widow whose husband had recently been murdered by Moqtada al-Sadr's Jaysh al-Mahdi (the JAM).

She and her husband had gone to Karrada to buy a new satellite receiver, and had left the widow alone in the house. When they found out the store was closed, they came back early and surprised the intruder, and the wife ran to the nearest American soldiers for help.

We then started interrogating Vaseline Man. After much stalling and non-answers, he finally broke down when one of our more intimidating NCOs got in his face. It turns out he was the secret paramour of the young widow, and even produced some pictures of them as a couple on his cell phone. He said that she had called him up once she was alone in the house, and told him that she was in the mood for some backdoor shenanigans, and asked him to bring some Vaseline for a romantic night of balls-deep buttsex.

The jar of Vaseline was the "grenade." The "shiny 9mm?" Well, you know how skin has that kind of glazed-look when you smear Vaseline on it? Mmm-hmm. Because of the coitus interruptus, he had forgotten to stuff his dick back in his pants when he was caught by the lady of the house.

At this point, the widow was pleading to talk to our Lieutenant. She finally got him alone with the interpreter, and amazingly enough, she confirmed his story. She even offered to hike up her niqab to show him her greased-up butthole as evidence of her boyfriend's innocence, as she thought we were about to send him to the detention center at Camp Bucca. But he, being an officer and a gentleman, declined.

At this point, every trooper in the platoon is laughing hysterically. We call it up to our Tactical Operations Center, who refused to believe us. We even got pictures of Vaseline Man holding up the jar of Vaseline, while we gave cheesy shiat-eating grins and thumbs-up next to him (this is what I was looking for), while he forced an embarrassed smile.

We did this for the benefit of her neighbors, who know we bring digital cameras out on missions and take pictures of suspects. We threw him in the back of a Humvee, drove him out of sight, and let him off with a warning, with plenty of high-fives.

Considering what his neighbors were planning on doing to him, getting cock-blocked by the United States Army wasn't so bad.

Sgt. Otter. You de man! Thanks!!







This one's for you! I'll set you up if you are in the Seattle area. From one vet to another:

acefox1: Victoria Jackson is divorced from her first husband?!?!? How DARE she go against god's will (tm).

Like Sarah Palin and her inability to teach her own kid abstinence, she's finding that actually following the teachings of her party is tough.

OgreMagi: what_now: I have a girl scout uniform. I can tell you what that means.

I'm sure I speak for all the farkers when I say, "pictures".

Do it for us vets.

7Mary3and4: Kinda like the jackasses claiming "The GOP doesn't run up deficits! Obama did it!"

ObamaCo is just doing it on a much larger, grander scale.

It's not a tea party. It's a teabagging party.

Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

If you are ever in the dallas area free Shiner or your choice of beer on me.

/I salute you
//military stories in this thread are great

OK I always thought Victoria Jackson was an annoying bimbo BUT I always liked the "commercial" she did for getting rid of her extra fingers, Handi-off. Putting the acid on her extra fingers and blowing on them going "ooohhh" as they bubbled and fell off, now that was funny shyte.

Sgt Otter:
Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:

Great stories, and well told. Thanks for making me not care that I'm still at work at 7:30 on a Monday when I should be out playing softball in Grant Park.

Sgt Otter: King Wicker: Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.


Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:


I wish to subscribe to your entirely awesome newsletter.

/that is, make with link to Sgt. Otter's Story Time page!

you are a puppet: forcing me to have dirty sexual thoughts about a black man, making me cry while masturbating to dirty sexual thoughts about a black man,

You need to take responsibility for your own sexual thoughts. You can't blame Obama for that.

The best season of SNL was the one with Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, Martin Short, and that one weird guy whose name I forget.

Unfortunately all these guys decided they'd rather spend time with their families than doing SNL so it didn't last.

I don't really care about the article....just came in to say SgtOtter kicks ass!

Trainspotr: Sgt Otter:
Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:

Great stories, and well told. Thanks for making me not care that I'm still at work at 7:30 on a Monday when I should be out playing softball in Grant Park.

This one is about the "weird shotgun-toting mental patient" that the Vaseline Man story referenced.

The past few days have been odd. I was giving some guy a business grant application so he could renovate his clothing store, which appears to only sell Iraqi schoolgirl uniforms. If his grant gets approved, we give him $2500. It helps develop the neighborhood, keeps people employed and happy (and too busy to link up with the insurgency), so it's a pretty good investment.

I had parked my truck near some woman's driveway, and she came up to me carrying a small white bundle and, through the English-speaking shop owner if she could drive through. I told her yes, and then she unwrapped the bundle and showed me a dead baby. She wanted to take it to the cemetery and wanted to make sure we weren't setting up a checkpoint. Odd.

We went to check on some other shops we've given grants to, including a new internet cafe, where most of the clients were either playing some cheesy CounterStrike knock-off or looking at Hentai.

My dismount and I got some lamb shawarma from a nearby stand. The owner's son spoke some English, and was wondering if Halo 3 was out in the USA yet, and wanted to know if Linkin Park had a new album coming out.

About an hour before our patrol ended, some guy came frantically running up to my truck and yelling for a mutahrjehm [sic], which is Arabic for "interpreter." I got on the radio for the LT to bring the terp up, and that's when we noticed he was bleeding, so I also called for the Doc.

He told us that he had gotten into a fight with his brother, and his brother came at him with a shotgun, and during the struggle it had discharged and opened up his scalp, hence the bleeding. Doc patched him up, and we had him lead us to back to his house, expecting some crazy shotgun-toting maniac. We went over the Rules of Engagement, fully expecting having to storm the house and kill the guy.

Well, we get there and then the supposed victim freaks out and charges at his sister-in-law, screaming and yelling. We grab him and end up tearing his shirt off, and pulling him off the sister, and sit his big ass down.

We talk to the brother, who speaks perfect English, and is actually a contractor working for the new Iraqi government. He produces some documents stating his brother is mentally disturbed and prone to violence.

Turns out "the victim" was the antagonist in this whole little mess.

So...we have a shirtless, sweaty, monstrously huge guy with a history of mental illness and violence, who owns a shotgun.

The brother turns over the shotgun, which is some bizarre home-made revolver/shotgun thing, and it actually works. It smelled like it had been recently fired.

Meanwhile, Tons O' Fun is getting agitated, as he's realizing we're getting the whole story. He gets up and charges Tony. Tony thumps him in the chest with the silencer on his M-4 and tells him to sit back down. He goes to grab the barrel when Mark jumps out of nowhere and twists the guy's head around nearly 180 degrees and drops him down the ground.

He agrees to calm down again, but then he sees the sister-in-law talking to our LT via the terp, and starts screaming and goes to charge her.

So it's on. Matty, Mark, Tony, and I deliver this guy a serious four-man ass beating, to little effect. He keeps trying to grab Mark's M-4, so he tears it off, throws it to Moose, and then chokes the shiat out of the guy until he finally drops, and we all pile on. Someone is screaming for us to get out of the way so they can shoot the motherfarker, which while it would have been justified, was unnecessary, so we go for non-lethal compliance. Honestly, the only thing that saved his life was this went down near end-of-mission, and we didn't want to do the paperwork on a fatal engagement.

I've got my knee in his throat and I'm punching the shiat out of his melon, using my gloves with the carbon-fiber reinforced "safety knuckles." Mark is punching the guy all over while Matty is trying to zip-cuff the guy, and Tony is kicking the guy repeatedly in the nuts, to no effect. He's still fighting us and screaming.

So Tony actually stands on the guy's scrotum, and GETS UP ON ONE FOOT and starts grinding his heel with his full body weight, plus gear. This finally makes the guy yelp and start cooperating. Yes, we fight dirty. Tough shiat.

Mark apparently dislocated the dude's shoulder when he took him down, so one arm is bent at a farked-up angle and we can't get his wrists lined up to cuff him, which encourages him to start struggling again. He finally stops struggling after we stomp his head into the driveway about a dozen times, until the point you can tell who kicked him where, as the individual boot patterns are visible on his face. We finally cuff the guy.

So now I'm straddling a fat, shirtless, bloody, sweaty crazy guy to keep him on the ground. His family is actually disappointed we didn't kill him, as he's tried to rape half of his female relatives, and has terrorized them for years.

As the guy is just a loon and not a terrorist/insurgent, we tell the family we can't take him, and to call the Iraqi Police if they want to press charges, but we will seize his shotgun. The sister-in-law begs us to shoot him. Crazy.

Homeboy finally calms down. In fact he's so calm, he looks me in the eye and say, "Meestah. Pepsi." The guy wants a farking Pepsi. The four of us just beat this guy so hard we're exhausted. I was punching him so hard his blood was sprayed on my Oakley sunglasses. The muscles in my arms are cramping up. While he's just calmingly looking and me and asking for a Pepsi. You know, I've heard the phrase "retard strength" before, but I never really appreciated it before now. Our relief arrives, and the LT orders us to cut the zip-cuffs on him and get the hell out of there. If the family does decide to kill him, we don't want the body to turn up in American-issue zipcuffs. Oh, and the next morning, the relief platoon who took the night shift said he came back a few hours later for round two. He took on three of their guys until he got bored, calmed down, and asked for a Pepsi.

This story does have a happy ending. We gave a microgrant to a local Catholic Iraqi woman who runs a pharmacy, which sells sketchy-looking Tahiti-brand condoms, and a cream that promises to "enhance vaginal sensitivity." She was able to get his anti-psychotics in stock, and now Big & Crazy is now a Gentle Giant who makes ballerina-themed music boxes.

Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

aaaand I can't close my tags.

So they want to start a revolution to stop taxes levied by the congress they voted in? (Even if your guy doesn't win, it's your farking congress).

Antimatter: My friend in Iraq experienced this first hand. He asked his NCO if he could see it for a sec, the sgt said yes, and well, long story short he blew up some guys car.

The thing was, the NCO noted that the grenade was strong, but shouldn't have blown up quite so huge. Turns out, that car was loaded with a car bomb/other munitions, and the grenade set them off.

Second most interesting story he told us about, next to that night vision video of the guy farking a donkey that He filmed on patrol.

Wait, was Victoria Jackson doing a USO tour?

Ahhh, men in uniform holding big ass guns - I'll be in my bunk-er!

Sgt Otter: aaaand I can't close my tags.


No worries, sir. You've done enough. More than enough. Thanks for that.

As someone whose father was a Psych Tech at a "Developmental Center", your "Big & Crazy" story screams of 100% legitimacy. =D

Sgt Otter, I think you need to jack more threads with stuff like this. Also perhaps look into publishing after you've served. You've got a knack for storytelling.

Robert1966: So they want to start a revolution to stop taxes levied by the congress they voted in? (Even if your guy doesn't win, it's your farking congress).

I would like to fire the entire congress, every last one of them. Republican, Democrat, independent, I don't care. you're all a bunch of useless farkwits whose only talent is getting reelected.

/some of them may be actually good, but I can't tell the difference, so to be fair, all of 'em.
//needs to be a term limit, or at least no-consecutive-terms

Sgt Otter:

You did wash your hands after, right?

Man On Fire: Robert1966: So they want to start a revolution to stop taxes levied by the congress they voted in? (Even if your guy doesn't win, it's your farking congress).

I would like to fire the entire congress, every last one of them. Republican, Democrat, independent, I don't care. you're all a bunch of useless farkwits whose only talent is getting reelected.

/some of them may be actually good, but I can't tell the difference, so to be fair, all of 'em.


So punish them for your ignorance? Nice plan.

Sgt Otter: Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

I'm no gun nut, but I'd buy a revolver shotgun

Sgt Otter

Goddammit. Upgrade that beer to a liter of Spaten at Heidelberg if you're ever in NYC. And that motherfarker becomes a 2 liter boot if you have any .50 casing you might be willing to let go.

And that shotgun looks like something Hellboy would use. Fan-farking-tastic.

Bloody William: Sgt Otter: Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Ouch. And double-ouch for the Miller. It's gotta suck that... alcohol's banned in that country, like most Muslim states, right? It wasn't even allowed on bases?

I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

/"Let's make room for the good beer!"
//I'll drink Miller Light if it's free, because I love the environment.

Im pretty sure you can drink in every single Middle Eastern country. Also

Sgt Otter: Trainspotr: Sgt Otter:


Put me down for one of those steampunk shotguns, Would fit my revolver, packaging tape and shotgun fetish nicely.

I have nothing more to add, so here is Victoria Jackson singing "The Boyfriend Song" (new window) with Willie Nelson.

evilmousse: ahhh c'mon, handstands have been her schtick forever--you wouldn't blame carrot top for using props at a political thing.

/not really a fan, but weird al seems to like her, so i'll give her a pass

You're kidding, right? Just because Weird Al gave her a role twenty years ago doesn't mean he kept close ties with her. Maybe these bullshiat shenanigans she's pulling will make him hold a press conference issuing a public apology with the phrase, "I'm sorry I cast her in UHF, I could've easily had Judy Tenuta!"

/No pass for VJ.

rippinthegears: Im pretty sure you can drink in every single Middle Eastern country. Also

When did Cool Story Bro become the new meme? Was I out that day?

acefox1: Victoria Jackson is divorced from her first husband?!?!? How DARE she go against god's will (tm). How arrogant of her to think her desires are more important than in sticking with god's plan.


No, that's forgivable, after all he was a JEW!

I don't know why she makes a big deal out of it, but she never seems to fail to mention that her first husband was Jewish when she speaks about him.

A friend of mine was a bridesmaid in which Victoria Jackson was also serving in that capacity, back in the early 90's. I remember her coming back from the wedding and telling me that the whole "dumb blonde" thing was apparently no act. Given what's come out of Victoria's mouth since then, I've had no reason to dispute that assessment.

RevMercutio: As someone whose father was a Psych Tech at a "Developmental Center", your "Big & Crazy" story screams of 100% legitimacy. =D

Well, even if you didn't take my word for it, you can take Time Magazine's:

"Then there was the young man with a mental condition whose brother blasted him with a homemade shotgun because he wasn't taking his medicine."

Victoria: You found me beautiful once.
chuggernaught: Honey, you got real ugly.

- end scene

/the above is pure fiction, I never found her beautiful
//nice rack though

Sgt Otter: aaaand I can't close my tags.

No worries, that's just the high-visibility version. Awesome story, awesome revolver/shotgun (which you could probably now design and sell, if only to Farkers), awesome shiat you're doing, period.

Awesome.

Man I can't find a Season 10 DVD anywhere, nor any clips on the official SNL website. Here's the only halfway decent clip I can find from Season 10:
Men's Synchronized Swimming

Do I have to wait for Lorne Michaels to die of old age before NBC will release the damn season?

This isn't funny anymore. I think she may be functionally retarded.

Sgt Otter, it's been said by many people here, but add Pittsburgh to the list of places where you can get a free beer.

/Of course, you might want to wait another 8 months for me to be able to legally buy it for you.
//Stupid Puritan country.
///Also, you are now the inaugural member of my favorites list.

Subby: Former SNL star Victoria Jackson attends L.A. Tea Party, calls for Obama to be impeached, then does a handstand on stage for the troops, proving once and for all her whole dumb blonde airhead routine on SNL was just an act an accurate assessment of her cognitive ability.

Victoria Jackson has become a stain on the legacy of Saturday Night Live. I'm absolutely ashamed that she spent a year in my state attending Auburn University. At least when Dennis Miller went Neocon, he remained funny. Jackson is merely a strident attention whore who hasn't realized her public influence died the day she left 30 Rock some seventeen years ago.

Yeesh. Can somebody post some Tina Fey pics? I think this thread needs a palette clearing.

1). The last time I wore a girl scout uniform I was 14, you sick farks.

2). Sgt Otter, beer, Boston etc. You'd probably have more to talk to with The Boy than me, but I'd be happy to hear more of your stories at the local.

3). Bring the hat. I'll bring my single friends.

Sgt Otter: Consumption of alcohol by U.S. troops in Iraq is banned under the All Powerful, Gweat and Tewwible General Order Number One.

The hell? I thought General Order Number One was the non-interference directive. Not giving advanced technology to primitive planets, not screwing with their societies, that sort of thing.

Was this something they changed in Voyager, or is this another bit of revisionism from Enterprise? Fark, it's a good thing they reset the continuity....

/not really this clueless
//or this big a Trek geek
///Sometimes, intentional dorkiness is fun.
////Kirk broke the Prime Directive, but always followed his Primed Erective.

what_now: 1). The last time I wore a girl scout uniform I was 14, you sick farks.



"Did I evah tell you 'bout how Pruh-sillah and I met?"

Thanks, ladytron. And to everybody else. I've run out of funny & weird stories. The rest are about you-know-what.

Rhaab: Sgt Otter: Consumption of alcohol by U.S. troops in Iraq is banned under the All Powerful, Gweat and Tewwible General Order Number One.

The hell? I thought General Order Number One was the non-interference directive. Not giving advanced technology to primitive planets, not screwing with their societies, that sort of thing.

Was this something they changed in Voyager, or is this another bit of revisionism from Enterprise? Fark, it's a good thing they reset the continuity....

/not really this clueless
//or this big a Trek geek
///Sometimes, intentional dorkiness is fun.
////Kirk broke the Prime Directive, but always followed his Primed Erective.

I thought the First General Order was: I will Guard everthing withing the limits of my post and quit my post only when properly relieved.
The Forth was I w8ill will walk my post from flank to flank and take no shiat from any rank.

"Income taxation is an institution of slavery" that the founding fathers would've found unacceptable, Benoit says.

Wait, what?

Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

First, thank you for your service. Second, I almost wish more of you would speak up about it. I've heard from other troops and veterans whose reaction to the car magnet is basically a massive eyeroll, but I guess they try and be polite enough not to make a big fuss over it. It still amuses me.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

I saw my first "IMPEACH OBAMA" bumper stick about three months ago. That was my reaction too and I'm still not sure what they think he did other than disagreeing with them.

WFern: Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

First, thank you for your service. Second, I almost wish more of you would speak up about it. I've heard from other troops and veterans whose reaction to the car magnet is basically a massive eyeroll, but I guess they try and be polite enough not to make a big fuss over it. It still amuses me.

Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

I saw my first "IMPEACH OBAMA" bumper stick about three months ago. That was my reaction too and I'm still not sure what they think he did other than disagreeing with them.

I wrote on this friday on my blog. Sgt. I would love your take on it.

Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

If you wish your points considered valid, please prove you also called for Bush to be impeached.

Sgt Otter: "Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"



fusillade762: Wish the damn movie would come out in Portland, already.

That's still not out in Portland? I've been waiting for it to come out in Bend. Looks like I'll be watching the DVD.

Sgt Otter: Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

What the holy hell... Your description makes him sound far too stupid and impulsive to actually rig that himself, but if he took the time to construct that Frankenstein of a device, it's quite disturbing.

what_now: 1). The last time I wore a girl scout uniform I was 14, you sick farks.

Pictures ?

/Why thank you
//I will take a seat over there

A couple of years ago I was seeing Dana Carvy at the Kravis Center in downtown West Palm Beach. Decent show, I guess. A few minutes into the show this blitzed, ditsy female voice starts screaming "Hi, Dana! Dana, look, it's me!" I thought it was just a fan, but in the back of my head I was thinking, "That biatch sounds exactly like Victoria Jackson." Lo and behold, Dana Carvy turns, looks (she was in the first few rows) and was like, "Holy shiat, hey Victoria! Victoria Jackson, everyone, of SNL fame!" He was really nice about it. A thousand times more successful than her, and introduced her to the audience and everything. Would have been nice if that was that. She was obviously pretty wasted, and she kept screaming for the rest of the show. Dana Carvy, one of the nicest men in the world, it seems, turns to her and says "Vicky, for God's sake, shut up and stop embarrassing yourself."

Yeah, she's classy.

great story

I think I found a picture of Sgt. Otter in the cavalry:

I enter this anti-tax tea party, held Friday evening in the foothills above Glendale. "It's a $10 donation," the nice woman at the entrance says.

I love a cup of irony in the morning.

Sgt Otter: Long story

Did I miss something, or was this whole thing just random spurts of aggro vigilante justice? Everyone wanted to kill this guy? WTF?

Wake me when Iraqi troops are occupying Sandusky and stomping on one of our drunk shirtless redneck's nuts and gleefully strutting around in sunglasses confiscating weapons.

Jesus.

/Don't hate you, just the game

The President of Hittin' That Ass: Sgt Otter: Long story

Did I miss something, or was this whole thing just random spurts of aggro vigilante justice? Everyone wanted to kill this guy? WTF?


Spend a month working in a developmental center. When a patron/client/patient goes off to a degree like this, this isn't far from what occasionally has to happen to subdue them.

Winktologist: Noam Chimpsky: Trivia Jockey: Impeached for what?

For what shouldn't he be impeached?

Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached.

If you wish your points considered valid, please prove you also called for Bush to be impeached.

No one called for Bush's resignation more often than I did. The one thing he did that rose to the level of impeachment was the first bailout, but he was a lame duck at that point. He should have been investigated for the Ramos and Compean miscarriage of justice and that might have been an impeachable offence as well, had it been investigated.

what_now: I think I found a picture of Sgt. Otter in the cavalry:



what_now, drunk on her ass.

Sgt Otter: what_now: I think I found a picture of Sgt. Otter in the cavalry:



what_now, drunk on her ass.

I want your opinion. Definately had good replies. (new window)

It's always funny until someone accuses Obama of being the Anti-Christ . . . and then it's hilarious.

Link (new window)

Methinks RevMercutio likes the wrap-around jacket.


/we had a vote. the vote is now closed, Mr. McMurphy.

Eddie Adams from Torrance: SOCIALISMBIRTHCERTIFICATESEEKRITMUSLIMACORN!11!

This needs to be on the WHARRGARBLing dog photo

Britney Spear's Speculum: Eddie Adams from Torrance: SOCIALISMBIRTHCERTIFICATESEEKRITMUSLIMACORN!11!

This needs to be on the WHARRGARBLing dog photo

Absolutely - heck, that'd make a lovely replacement when editing the typical whargarrbl for brevity.

FormlessOne: Absolutely - heck, that'd make a lovely replacement when editing the typical whargarrbl for brevity.

Where the fark are the new teabagger pictures? Fark is letting me down today. I saw one on Countdown comparing ACORN to the SS, fer chrissakes.

FuturePastNow: Sgt Otter: Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

I'm no gun nut, but I'd buy a revolver shotgun

here ya go. (new window)

Tarkus: FuturePastNow: Sgt Otter: Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

I'm no gun nut, but I'd buy a revolver shotgun

here ya go. (new window)

That's not a revolver shotgun, that's a shotgun revolver!

/But I'll take two, please.
//With Dragon's Breath rounds.
///And if I could get some demons or vampires to fight, that would be great.

Sgt Otter Fascinating posts, man. When you're back on this continent, stop by Vegas. I'll buy you a 3-foot tall beer or something.

Bloody William: Tarkus: FuturePastNow: Sgt Otter: Here's his steampunk homemade shotgun:

I'm no gun nut, but I'd buy a revolver shotgun

here ya go. (new window)

That's not a revolver shotgun, that's a shotgun revolver!

Yeah, I was imagining something like the gun in the pictures. Only a bit less handcrafted.

tatum: Methinks RevMercutio likes the wrap-around jacket.


/we had a vote. the vote is now closed, Mr. McMurphy.

It's like you're constantly being hugged! What's wrong with that, may I ask?

The only troop and alcohol story I know is that my cousins used to send whiskey to my other cousin (their older brother) in Iraq. (I know it's wrong, so I would NEVER do such a thing.) He'd have a few shots and then turn around and sell or trade it with his fellow soldiers.

They're over there risking their lives, let them knock back a few and relax.

EmmaLou: The only troop and alcohol story I know is that my cousins used to send whiskey to my other cousin (their older brother) in Iraq. (I know it's wrong, so I would NEVER do such a thing.) He'd have a few shots and then turn around and sell or trade it with his fellow soldiers.

They're over there risking their lives, let them knock back a few and relax.

18-25 year old males + boredom + alcohol + high explosives + munitions = fun Fark headlines as soon as they become declassified. So I'm all for controlling how much they can drink.

/Please note I said HOW MUCH not COMPLETELY CUT OFF.

Sgt. Otter has made this thread awesome.

HOW DARE SHE CRITICIZE OUR MESSIAH! BURN THE WITCH! RETHUGLIKKAN TEABAGGURZ WHARGAARBL!!!1111 eleven

At this rate, Sgt. Otter can take a trip around the USA and get a free beer in every state.

/I've got ya covered in eastern Pennsylvania.

Well, if Sgt. Otter can get his horse and his ass to Seattle, I'll buy a beer or two.

Sgt Otter: Bloody William: Sgt Otter: Now that's what I'm talking about!

Amusingly enough, when we were in Iraq, we got some banner from some beer company, about how MILLER SUPPORTS THE TROOPS OF [insert completely mangled named of our unit that isn't even close to being right]. They also threw in some can cozies, hats, and some frisbees. No beer, though

You could tell who the hardcore alcoholics were, as they frantically tore through the styrofoam peanuts looking for the actual beer.

"WHAT THE FARK MAN? WHAT THE FARK IS THIS COCK-TEASE SHIAT?!?

Ouch. And double-ouch for the Miller. It's gotta suck that... alcohol's banned in that country, like most Muslim states, right? It wasn't even allowed on bases?

I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

/"Let's make room for the good beer!"
//I'll drink Miller Light if it's free, because I love the environment.

Consumption of alcohol by U.S. troops in Iraq is banned under the All Powerful, Gweat and Tewwible General Order Number One. This doesn't apply to our allies. There were Romanian troops (from Transylvania, with Dracula-themed unit patches) getting hammered in the Food Court at Camp Liberty.

There's Non-Alcoholic beer available in the dining facility, but most guys don't even bother. Some guys had some mailed to them, sometimes it got seized, but a lot slipped through. Oh, and the "green food coloring in Vodka and packaged in a mouthwash bottle" trick doesn't work.

Some Iraqis do drink. Our area also had a pretty large Christian population, as you can see here:



A few of the enterprising Coptic Christians were bootlegging tallboys of Tuborg, some halfway decent gin, and this incredibly vile whiskey to American troops.

We'd also keep an eye on (Islamic) Iraqi weddings, as they like to get shiatfaced drunk and fire off a few bursts into the air from their AK-47s. Each family is allowed to have one, as long as they register it with us.

Usually, after a few rounds, they'd get bold enough to point at the .50 caliber machineguns or Mark 19 fully automatic grenade launchers on our trucks and ask us:

"Mis-tah! Mis-tah! My brotha! Ees married. Please. The big gun? Shoot! Yes? Aww, please, mis-tah?"

This awesome post + you being from Portland (my hometown) = how the hell have I not favorited you before?

/If you're currently in town, I most certainly will buy you a beer (and if you choose a Black Butte Porter [a manly beer indeed], I'll buy you two).

Okay, one more amusing. Well, sort of. Not really. It is if you were there. Starts of kind of farked up. You've been warned:

Always grab the feet. Always.

If your occupation requires you to move dead bodies that have been murdered execution-style (or gangland-style) on a semi-regular basis, I have the following advice. Always be the first to volunteer and immediately grab said corpse's feet. Even if you have a large group of people, the gamble that you won't get picked at all is not worth getting stuck grabbing said body by the arms. The reason why will become apparent later.

The other day, while doing a routine patrol, we came across the corpse of a boy about 15 years old who had been murdered, and dumped into a pile of trash on the side of the road. His hands were bound and he had been shot twice in the head. It didn't look like he had been tortured. He was still warm and rigor mortis hadn't set in when we gently placed him in a body-bag and turned him over to the Iraqi National Police to take away. It kind of got at me. He was just a kid. It was worse when his hysterical father came running up at me and saw us cutting the zip-cuffs off his wrists and he immediately fainted. Things didn't get any better when the platoon sergeant told me that "there's another one around the corner." It was pretty harsh way to start the mission.

The next night, we were doing another patrol, although we had our XO along with us, who usually doesn't go outside the wire. We passed by the same trash pile and told him that we had found a dead body there yesterday.

"What, did you guys just leave him there?"
"Huh? I put the kid in the body-bag myself, sir."
"Well, whose feet are those?"
"Oh shiat. You've got to be farking kidding me!"

Two new ones. It's amazing how the same incident can happen less than 24 hours later and provoke a completely different response. For some reason, this incident produced a mixture of mild annoyance and fits of inappropriate laughter. This started when we realized that the truck we keep our body-bags on was left behind for the mechanics to work on. So we had nothing to put these guys in, and the Iraqi Police were busy somewhere else.

I fortunately was not on brain detail tonight. The Senior Scout (who at the age of 24, is on his fourth combat tour in Iraq and the most experienced) directed one of the privates to pick him up the legs. Another NCO (a former skater/stoner from Fresno) grabbed him under the armpits and lifted him up. After getting shot twice in the head at close range, the back of his head gave away like a lid and dumped the entire contents of his skull onto his boots. A chorus of "fark! fark motherfarker's!" ensued. Highly inappropriate laughter ensued.

No morgue truck. "K! Special K! (The driver, whose name begins with a K followed by a nonsensical and unpronounceable explosion of Slavic consonants) pull the farkin' truck up."

Oh no. No. He's not.
Yep. He did. They heaved the body up onto the hood of our humvee to drive him down to a nearby Iraqi police checkpoint, much like your Uncle Larry might do with an 8-point buck on opening day of deer season.

K: "I can't farkin' see around this fat-ass dead guy!"
"The Gunner will tell him where to farkin' drive."
"Ahh! Turn his head around. He's farking staring at me!"
"He's farkin' dead. Quit being a farkin' biatch!"
He then started goosing the brake trying to roll his head around.
Me: "K, you roll that farkin' dead guy off the farkin' hood, I'm going to have you do farking push-ups right in that puddle of his farking brains."

Meanwhile, the dead guy is expelling various bodily fluids all over our vehicle. We hoped some random BBC reporter wasn't about to pop out of the shadows to take a picture of us hauling around this poor bastard like Bambi's mother.

HEARTLESS AMERICAN SOLDIERS PROUDLY PARADE MURDERED CIVILIAN AROUND IRAQI NEIGHBORHOOD, ARMY LAUNCHES INVESTIGATION.

We roll up to the INP checkpoint, where an empty helmet propped on a broomstick was busy pulling guard behind a Russian PKM machinegun, alongside a group of cops drinking chai. They immediately began cheering, thinking we had capped an "Ali Baba." An Ali Baba is a bad guy, named after the famous Arabian thief.

Once they realized we were turning them over to them, they refused. Our senior scout (who at 6'5" and 230 lbs. towers over the small statured Iraqis) argued with one of their guys who spoke fragmented English to take control of the remains. We finally had one guy distract them with porn clips on his video iPod and then discretely moved the guys off the hood and then took off.

We ended up back at the Iraqi Police station with our team of Iraqi MPs (the military police guys we roll with are a lot cooler than the national police), laughing at the girlish shrieking of our more innocent guys. A hookah was produced, and we took long, smooth pulls off anise-flavored wet tobacco, which was like smoking black licorice. We traded MREs and Gatorade for falafels and chai. We laughed over each others' bad Arabic and English, especially when one guy proclaimed about his dream to visit America, and "drink whiskey, dance with Michael Jackson, and jack off to Pamela Anderson."

"Jack off? Dude, why won't you just fark her?"
"She is a married woman! That would be disrespectful."
"It's a fantasy. Wait. Nevermind."

One of our FISTers produced a stun gun for "when Hajj starts acting crazy," which the Iraqi MPs loved, as it produced a macho contest of who could get zapped the longest.

We cleaned the blood off the hood, quoting the exchange between Jules and Vincent in Pulp Fiction and laughing hysterically, especially after we discovered the guy's shoe lodged in the grill, and one of our privates wandered around aimlessly asking everybody what to do with it. Not the laughter of heartless sociopaths, but the "fark it dude, let's go bowling" laughter of being caught up in this insanity.

Ahh Victoria Jackson, easily the 13th funniest female regular of SNL.

Fine example of gallows humor, it is.

And you really should look into getting these stories published, I think.

Fark needs a "batshiat" tag for people like Jackson and Palin. Yeah.

RevMercutio: Sgt Otter: King Wicker: Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.


Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:


I wish to subscribe to your entirely awesome newsletter.

/that is, make with link to Sgt. Otter's Story Time page!

I fully agree. Sgt, you made my day.

And "Cock-blocked by the United States Army", there should be some kind of achievement or badge for that. ROFL

Sgt Otter:

We had the new, factory-armored (as opposed to the bolt-on aftermarket armor) M1151 Armored Humvees, and they still got thrashed by IEDs.

I'm only posting these photos because everybody walked away with a few minor bruises.

/Gunner was lucky he had his turret rotated to the side.

I can't even begin to understand what it's like to go out and having to deal with IEDs...

Not aspiring for an armchair expert title or anything, but it seems the troop compartment took the blast pretty good after all? So it seems to work as designed (?), a smashed humwee is a small price if the passengers walks away? If you had that kind of armor all over the engine as well, how heavy wouldn' that be.

Sgt Otter: Okay, one more amusing. Well, sort of. Not really. It is if you were there. Starts of kind of farked up.

Do you have a blog or something set up? I could kill the entire rest of my shift reading stories like that.

Dumle: RevMercutio: Sgt Otter: King Wicker: Less Victoria Jackson. More Sgt. Otter stories.


Sigh. Here is the tale of Vaseline Man, it's copy & pasted from my journal, so it might be a bit confusing at first:


I wish to subscribe to your entirely awesome newsletter.

/that is, make with link to Sgt. Otter's Story Time page!

I fully agree. Sgt, you made my day.

And "Cock-blocked by the United States Army", there should be some kind of achievement or badge for that. ROFL

Agreed. Sgt. Otter I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, or buy your book, which you really have to write.

RevMercutio: Is there a non-ironic "Cool story, bro"? Because that's just some fun storytellin'.

late to the party - standing invite to Sgt Otter, if ever in oz, a free decent aussie beer or ten, to see what you yanks are missing out on;)

/hates war, supports soldiers
//dont drink beer, but figure anyone brave enough to be a soldier damn well deserves to be bought one or so:)

Thread's probably dead, but I'll treat SgtOtter to a brew or several in Hagerstown, Md. or its environs.

globalwarmingpraiser: I want your opinion. Definately had good replies. (new window)

Real farkin' funny asshole. I expect links from 4chan to run scripts, but not from Fark. DIAF dickhead.

I like how a thread about an anti-tax rally gets hijcaked by a story about some "hero" showing off with our tax dollars in Iraq. G-d bless america!!

/any idea how much them there big bullets cost Sarge?

Noam Chimpsky: "For what shouldn't he be impeached? Supporting the proliferation of communist dictators against the constitutions of Latin American countries, the czarification of the US, nationalizing the automobile industry, I could go on all day with reasons this idiot should be impeached."

You could, and they would all be wrong. There is no impeachable offense listed there, nor has any occurred. But, hey, whatever gets you hard in the shower.


Observatory: "I like how a thread about an anti-tax rally gets hijcaked by a story about some "hero" showing off with our tax dollars in Iraq. G-d bless america!!

/any idea how much them there big bullets cost Sarge?"

And what the hell is it that you do? Well, besides parrot empty verses in effort to justify your partisan bile, I suppose.

Morale is morale; given what has been presented, Sgt. Otter is pretty cool.

Very interesting reading. And a new name for my Favorites list.

One of our FISTers produced a stun gun for "when Hajj starts acting crazy," which the Iraqi MPs loved, as it produced a macho contest of who could get zapped the longest.

LOL. Doesn't surprise me.

/FIST for 8 years.

Sgt Otter: We cleaned the blood off the hood, quoting the exchange between Jules and Vincent in Pulp Fiction and laughing hysterically, especially after we discovered the guy's shoe lodged in the grill, and one of our privates wandered around aimlessly asking everybody what to do with it. Not the laughter of heartless sociopaths, but the "fark it dude, let's go bowling" laughter of being caught up in this insanity.

Jesus Christ. Is your life written by Garth Ennis?

Somebody call Sarah Palin. We have found her long-lost sister.

I hate Illinois Nazis.

This is the coolest dead thread ever.

Bloody William: I brought a 12-pack of Bass to my friend's July 4th barbecue. He took all the Bud and Miller Lights out of the fridge to make room for it.

I am Newcastle Brown fan currently. My roommates won't touch it, opting for coors light. I am a "freaky beer" fan according to them, which is fine for me........

chrisr64: I am Newcastle Brown fan currently. My roommates won't touch it, opting for coors light. I am a "freaky beer" fan according to them, which is fine for me........

Lucky you!

/my latest homebrew is an IPA
//1.070 OG, 58.5 IBU

Sgt Otter: Jackson goes on to call for the impeachment of President Obama -- "There, I said it" -- then does a handstand on stage that she dedicates to the men and women of the U.S. military.

I didn't think it was possible to come up with a more empty gesture than a yellow ribbon sticker on your car, but she managed to find a way.

/Iraq War veteran.

Sargent, you are my new favoritest person. I've been saying that about the god-damned yellow sticker for years. Nice to hear it from one of the Armed Services.

Manic_Repressive: globalwarmingpraiser: I want your opinion. Definately had good replies. (new window)

Real farkin' funny asshole. I expect links from 4chan to run scripts, but not from Fark. DIAF dickhead.

I'm sorry, I when I put a WOT, I usually blog on that subjext already so I link to it. Forgive me.

Dumle: Sgt Otter:

We had the new, factory-armored (as opposed to the bolt-on aftermarket armor) M1151 Armored Humvees, and they still got thrashed by IEDs.

I'm only posting these photos because everybody walked away with a few minor bruises.

/Gunner was lucky he had his turret rotated to the side.

I can't even begin to understand what it's like to go out and having to deal with IEDs...

Not aspiring for an armchair expert title or anything, but it seems the troop compartment took the blast pretty good after all? So it seems to work as designed (?), a smashed humwee is a small price if the passengers walks away? If you had that kind of armor all over the engine as well, how heavy wouldn' that be.

It went off too early. You see that long metal pole with the black box on the end of it in the first photo? It sticks out a few meters in front of the truck, and it can set of IEDs with a certain triggering system early.



This is what a direct hit looks like.

Nail the doors and windows shut and torch the building. Problem with TEA parties solved. Whiny white people.

Sgt Otter

In late, but wanted to say thanks for the great stories. Pretty interesting stuff.

/Brother served one tour with the Navy.