Richard in a Box: So much hate for Transformers and Michael Bay, though I can't say I'm shocked to see that here. I don't know about all of you, but I go to movies now based on certain expectations of what I'm going to get. I went and saw Transformers 2 with the expectations that I was going to get lots of explosions and robots fighting, and I came away satisfied.

I like the first Transformers movie. All I want out of a movie is just to have a good time watching it; I really don't care much beyond that.

The 2nd one is really just ass. It's one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen...not the worst, but the dumbest.

Dr_Gats: But the one thing I will not agree with is the above quote. HOW THE FARK can you possibly not have loved the optimus death scene? AWESOME robot action, was probably the best part I took away from the movie!

Mark your spoilers next time, asshole.

/there's not much to spoil, but it's a principle.

Shadowknight: My problem is it's rampant overuse.

That's the problem with memes on the Internet. It's like teenagers and swearing. Swear words can be very powerful and effective when used sparingly and appropriately. Use them all the time and you don't sound cool, you sound like a farking moron.

All I have to say is, after two Transformers movies, where the hell my Gobots movie at??????

I absolutely love this genre of movies! Keeps the yappie kids out of the good movies.

DamnYankees: Considering all this consternation over a film like Transformers 2, can you imagine what would have happened if Fark and this robust internet culture had existed 10 years ago when The Phantom Menace came out? I mean, Google's own servers would have melted.

And you would've had just as many happy to be "satisfied" jackasses equating the term "popcorn flick" to "mindless garbage" then too.

robsul82: I'd just think to myself, "Another person who didn't see The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford." Fark Warner Brothers for dumping that magnificent film.

I saw the first 3 minutes of that movie one time. I really need to see it. Casey Affleck is a very good actor, and Pitt is just fantastic in most things. I think we're sort of in a Golden Age where the huge movie stars (Pitt, Clooney, Bale, Cruise) are all legitimately good actors. That wasn't always the case.

This is the first movie I ever walked out on in my life. It made the first transformers look like Citizen Kane.

amanogowa: aggravatedmonkey Thanks for ruining her for me.

/my is grossed out by that nasty tattoo.

Yeah... for me it was like "woo hoo, hot chick", and then I saw that monstrosity and went "blhhharrghhh".

amanogowa: aggravatedmonkey Thanks for ruining her for me.

/my is grossed out by that nasty tattoo.

well i'm sorry your "my" was grossed out...

/sharp knees and whatnot

DamnYankees: Dr.Knockboots: Rented it on VHS some time later and was like "god dammit, this movie was great".

2 great lines from that movie always gives me chills just due tothe delivery:

"Detectives. Detectives. DETECTIVES!"

"John Doe has the upper hand."

No, best line:

Det. Mills: "Has he tried to speak or communicate in any way?"
Dr.: "Even if his brain were not mush...which it is...he chewed off his own tongue long ago."

I'm surprised none of the critics, Michael Bay, etc didn't look at a map. Look it up... Giza, Petra (Wadi Mousa), Aqaba, Karnak. Not within a 5 minutes drive.

If you can see something being air dropped from Petra, I salute you. And if you can fall onto the Temple at Karnak from Giza, you are really tall!

So, wait, I have a question: Is the movie really all giant robots fighting and explosions? If so. . . that sounds about right. Really. The first Transformers wasn't a good film, but the giant robot fights were fun. And if the second film spends more time on giant robot fights and less on humans, even if they make no sense at all, I imagine it is better.

But even people that generally like mindless action movies say Transformers 2 sucks. Oh well, I'll guess I'll watch Crank again and see over the top action done right.

Roger Ebert's main job is to be a festering sump of ooze.

Telos: ObscureNameHere: Telos: yogaFLAME: Didn't read Ebert's review, but I guarantee he was far too nice to the film. This is better.

Yeah, it's like what an idiot would write if he were trying to make a film look worse than it was so that he could brag to his friends about his popular internet site.

Hey look! Michael Bay has a FARK account!

Yeah, that's it. :roll:

Sorry if I'm capable of noticing when someone writes an outright lie when he's trying to make a movie look bad.

Ooh, or how about let's explain the entire decepticon plan ourselves in 2 sentences and THEN claim the movie never explained it? Even though you just did, based on watching the movie.

Yeah.

The real thing is, the actual problems he noticed were made less noticeable in his blog by the crap he made up. when you've read 10 misinterpretations/lies/retarded statements the 2 or 3 true ones just kind of fade away...

/liked the movie
//it was FUN
///blog article was stupid.

Transformers 2 is the only movie that been so bad unanimously, that I don't even want to pirate it, let alone watch it.

Inaditch: The term WHARRGARBL needs to be stricken from human consciousness forever.

Few people realize that WHARRGARBL is a perfectly cromulent word. It actually comes from Chinese, 哇而嘎而不了, which means "crying and cackling to no end."

spanky_pete: The family and I have seen it twice now, we thoroughly enjoyed it. It's great for what it is, an action film. If you go into it expecting a flawless plot, then you weren't meant to enjoy it in the first place.

No.

I can't state this enough, or loudly enough.

Aliens is great for what it is, an action film. Terminator 2 is great for what it is, an action film. Iron Man was great for what it is, an action film. Hell, even The Rock was pretty darned good for an action film.

Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Empire Strikes Back, Die Hard, Independance Day, Minority Report, The Bourne Identity, The Matrix, yadda yadda yadda.

You've seen good action films. Michael Bay does not make those. He makes movies that have good action in them... but everything else in the movie is pure cringeworthy shiat. Lame plot, lame acting, lame jokes, lame writing, etc.

Until Bay makes a movie that is quite literally 100% action, this means I will be cringing through every part of the movie that is not shiat getting blown up. That's not how I want to spend a few hours.

So, obviously, this is the correct movie for Bay:

One of my favorite Roger Ebert reviews of all time is for the movie North.

Here's the first paragraph:

I have no idea why Rob Reiner, or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a movie, and close examination of the film itself is no help. "North" is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails.

Link to the full review

Richard in a Box: So much hate for Transformers and Michael Bay, though I can't say I'm shocked to see that here. I don't know about all of you, but I go to movies now based on certain expectations of what I'm going to get. I went and saw Transformers 2 with the expectations that I was going to get lots of explosions and robots fighting, and I came away satisfied. I went and saw Public Enemies this weekend expecting a good crime drama and good acting, and I came away satisfied. Contrary to what some people seem to think, I believe it's possible to enjoy both fine art and popcorn flicks at the movies if you keep realistic expectations and form your own opinions instead of listening to critics.

Don't get me wrong, I like reading Ebert's reviews, just AFTER I've seen the movie and formed my own opinions first. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. I certainly wouldn't flame the guy like some of those emailers did though.

I feel better now. Thought I was going crazy.

never saw whining about sharp knees in so many forms.

Too much CGI? How else do you expect them to do huge robots? Build freaking huge robots? Im pretty sure if that was possible we would all have one.

Megan Fox not hot because she looks like a porn star? Are you listening to yourselves?

Crappy action sequences? This was a big robot film, not indie wu shu. If you want 5 star choreography please go to broadway.

lukelightning: Inaditch: The term WHARRGARBL needs to be stricken from human consciousness forever.

Few people realize that WHARRGARBL is a perfectly cromulent word. It actually comes from Chinese, 哇而嘎而不了, which means "crying and cackling to no end."

Holy shiat. As a person who speaks Chinese, that is 100% brilliant. I am in awe.

Considering the suck that Bay has at anything but pure action, this is the movie Bay should make:



/hotlinked

DamnYankees: Considering all this consternation over a film like Transformers 2, can you imagine what would have happened if Fark and this robust internet culture had existed 10 years ago when The Phantom Menace came out? I mean, Google's own servers would have melted.

Some minor Star Wars news came out and fark got up to 130+ replies (new window)

t3knomanser: Anhydrous Dihydrogen Monoxide: The first one was mindless fun.

No, there was not. The first Transformers was so distant from fun that the light from fun will take billions of years to reach Transformers.

For what should have been a vaguely retarded action-fest, we got just vaguely retarded. We got 45 minutes of some inscrutable subplot involving the NSA and hackers that involved absolutely nothing exploding and only little tiny robots. We got 45 minutes of gag-inducing romantic subplots involving nothing exploding and only a robot disguised as a car. We got 45 minutes of pratfalls, and about 5 minutes of fighting, and honestly- it wasn't even very good fighting.

Seriously, when you finally get to the big epic robot battle, and for all your special effects mastery, you can't do more than make me yawn, you are a shiatty, shiatty director. Michael Bay couldn't make getting crack injected directly into your heart exciting.

You know what I wanted in the cartoon series? More Spike. Whenever I saw the robots talking or fighting, all I could think was "where's Spike?" "Spike should be teaching them to love and learn the human way." "All these nonsense alien robots make no sense, I need Spike to ground the series. Especially after he is crippled. That gives meaning to the show."

DamnYankees: robsul82: I'd just think to myself, "Another person who didn't see The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford." Fark Warner Brothers for dumping that magnificent film.

I saw the first 3 minutes of that movie one time. I really need to see it. Casey Affleck is a very good actor, and Pitt is just fantastic in most things. I think we're sort of in a Golden Age where the huge movie stars (Pitt, Clooney, Bale, Cruise) are all legitimately good actors. That wasn't always the case.

Oh, dude, you've gotta. Sit down and just enjoy, man. That's a movie that'll be studied for years to come, and one that'll be recognized as a classic to the point that people of the future will be legitimately surprised to hear it didn't make any money on release. Casey Affleck was brilliant, Pitt matched him note for note...the problem was that WB thought they were getting a typical Western and they received a near-three hour rumination on fame, heroism, and how we got to our current celebrity culture. So they shelved it, tried to get the director to edit it into a two-hour action film, Pitt went to bat for him and WB said, "fark it, just dump it in 500 theaters for two weeks and call it a day."

belhade: Katie98_KT: yogaFLAME: Didn't read Ebert's review, but I guarantee he was far too nice to the film. This is better.

oh my god that's awesome.

I agree. Hell, it makes me want to watch the movie even more now!

Can Michael Bay be considered the modern Ed Wood?

You mean Michael Bay will eventually resort to making porn? How the hell would Michael Bay direct porn movie?

From a nostalgic point of view, I have to again whine that the robots look like candy canes fell onto a bling jewelry factory.. i.e., they look like shiat.

/Thanks Michael Bay
//for raping my childhood
///not in an MJ kind of way
////Stick to Bad Boys

Pxtl: Hell, even The Rock was pretty darned good for an action film.

Pxtl: You've seen good action films. Michael Bay does not make those.

Ummmm....

/the rest of your post was spot on
//could have used a ST shout-out

notmtwain: Transformers had a bigger week to week decline in business than any other movie in the top 10.

Those of us who were saved from wasting our money and time have a lot to thank Roger for.

/// And to those of you who loved it-- good for you. I liked the first part of the first movie but could not imagine having to live through the last 10 minutes of film one for two hours.

Dude (and Roger) - it's a movie about Giant Sentient Robots from a Comic Book - not Shakespeare or Schindler's List. And it was tied for first this week too. So neener neener. Plus pretentious folks like you aren't clogging up my theater for when I go so thanks for that. - Raging criticism and snobbery are national sports akin to crabs in a barrel - if one of the crabs starts making progress toward escaping everyone pulls him down. I did see Transformers and it was most excellent, the director and writer answered all the character questions I had, they slowed down some of the fights to where I could enjoy them and gave me two hours of fun and special effects and everything I could want in a summer movie. If I wanted to be preached to about how bad the human race is and all of that there are plenty of movies you and Roger can nod sagely about and tell us how 'important' this movie is and how we must all march off to see it. But my dollar for movies goes for entertainment. Come to think of it, the critics also got what they wanted - something to be sanctimonious and preachy about and they could smugly wag their fingers about how base the rest of the viewing public is. -

Excen: Wow, aggravatedmonkey, I had no idea that "meh" could be encapsulated so succinctly.

I'm not impressed by her anymore. I don't dig the whore appeal. Also, her rack is underwhelming.

/don't get me started on those knees

goddamn, this applies to A LOT of you...

Who's the slut everyone keep posting?
Is she bi-sexual

DamnYankees: Richard in a Box: I went and saw Transformers 2 with the expectations that I was going to get lots of explosions and robots fighting, and I came away satisfied.

Considering the last few years have give us "summer popcorn flicks" like Star Trek, Iron Man, and The Dark Night, how the hell can you still make excuses for something like this? I mean, its very possible to make a fun action movie which is *great*.

I enjoyed all three of those movies as well, though I didn't fawn over TDK as much as Farkers did.

Here's the thing, though: I don't need to make excuses. I paid to see a film with Transformers fighting and got what I came to see. I don't see where it's automatically required to go into every movie expecting Oscar-caliber acting, writing, and directing when movies are made to entertain, and people get enjoyment out of different types of entertainment. Honestly, I find myself enjoying more movies this way and appreciating the truly artistic ones even more than before.

But hey, that's just me.

/Oh, and having Jetfire make an appearance is super nostalgic since I still have my Generation 1 Jetfire toy.
//Though I wish I had kept him in better shape
///Still transforms though!

You want some decent Transformers? Check out The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime (new window, NSFW language)

gad: notmtwain: Transformers had a bigger week to week decline in business than any other movie in the top 10.

Those of us who were saved from wasting our money and time have a lot to thank Roger for.

/// And to those of you who loved it-- good for you. I liked the first part of the first movie but could not imagine having to live through the last 10 minutes of film one for two hours.

Dude (and Roger) - it's a movie about Giant Sentient Robots from a Comic Book - not Shakespeare or Schindler's List. -

FAIL.

stopped reading after that

aggravatedmonkey: amanogowa: aggravatedmonkey Thanks for ruining her for me.

/my is grossed out by that nasty tattoo.

well i'm sorry your "my" was grossed out...

/sharp knees and whatnot

Somethings just ruin a hot woman. Disgusting tattoos are one of them.

RemyDuron: but the giant robot fights were fun

No they weren't. And they certainly weren't good enough to justify the rest of the film.

Dr_Gats: Crappy action sequences? This was a big robot film, not indie wu shu.

Soooo... wait a second. The only purpose of the film was to justify giant robot action sequences. So, nobody should complain that the action sequences sucked, because it wasn't supposed to have good action sequences?

Nobody expects wu shu from giant robots. But I'd take the action from the worst kaiju films over anything Bay put into Transformers. At least those have some sense of visual composition and make some kind of sense.

Michael Bay directs action like he's finger painting.

HowAboutNo: All I have to say is, after two Transformers movies, where the hell my Gobots movie at??????

Gobots = Win

No one went into TF or TF2 expecting "an Oscar movie," you disingenuous assholes. If nothing else, try not using the same 3 farking talking points every time.

Richard in a Box: Here's the thing, though: I don't need to make excuses. I paid to see a film with Transformers fighting and got what I came to see. I don't see where it's automatically required to go into every movie expecting Oscar-caliber acting, writing, and directing when movies are made to entertain, and people get enjoyment out of different types of entertainment. Honestly, I find myself enjoying more movies this way and appreciating the truly artistic ones even more than before.

But hey, that's just me.

I hope the next time you go into a fast food joint and find out someone spat in your burger you take the same attitude. I mean, its just fast food, and you were expecting shiat, so I suppose you should be happy with horrible food which was salivated on.

Expecting crap does not mitigate getting crap.

for the Soundwave fans (new window)

Richard in a Box:
/Oh, and having Jetfire make an appearance is super nostalgic since I still have my Generation 1 Jetfire toy.
//Though I wish I had kept him in better shape
///Still transforms though!

I loved the visuals for jetfire, they did an awesome job on him. Was sad he didn't have a bigger part.

TheDeathMerchant: If you go to see Transformers 1 or 2 expecting anything other than a bunch of giant robots beating the crap out of one another and Megan Fox being ridiculously hot, you have paid to see the wrong movie.

I'm not certain why people are calling Megan Fox "ridiculously hot." Sure, she's attractive, but the same could be said for many chicks in her age range.

Not to mention the fact that she has almost zero acting ability, and depends on her tits and lips to make up for it. (In before "welcome to what all women do".)

/Cue the "I wouldn't hit that, just look at her sharp knees" pic.
//I would in fact hit that, but I wouldn't consider her more attractive than the college chicks I see on a daily basis.
///Does anyone else think that her forehead covers half her face or something?

aggravatedmonkey: goddamn, this applies to A LOT of you...

I don't think anybody is saying they wouldn't hit it. Megan Fox is smoking hot.

But she looks like a porn star, has a weird thumb, and could easily be replaced by any other hot chick in Hollywood, and quite frankly we're all sick about hearing about her.

When you spend $100 million to make a movie, you'd better have something more to say about it than "look, we got a pretty attractive lady in here doing sexy things". There are guys shooting movies that cover that ground over the weekend, for a lot less money.

Ebert can suck a big one. Transformers 2 was a fun popcorn movie. Not every movie has to be freakin Citizen Kane. My family and I enjoyed it because we got what we expected: giant robots fighting each other. If you expected more than that, you picked the wrong movie. I'm smarter than the people who are disappointed in it because I had the right mindset going on. It is what it is. If you expected anything more you just didn't 'get it'. It did what it set out to do. Fun popcorn movie during which I can eat popcorn which I can't do with good movies because I might accidentally miss one of the subtitles when I'm trying to get popcorn out of my teeth. If you don't like this movie then you're a pretentious artsy indie arthouse film critic who needs to get the sand out of his vagina. I don't actually know what the words pretentious, artsy, indie or arthouse mean. I like fun popcorn movies where you can just turn your brain off, check your mind at the door, and enjoy yourself. I like stuff you don't have to think about! Puke! Now that's a funny word.

This has been my impression of a retard

/Can't wait for Transformers 3 but how can can it top the first 2?
//Fun popcorn movie
///Retard

tricycleracer: Can you explain Megan Fox's appeal?

Yes. She looks like a porn star and has the same acting talent as one, yet for some reason she makes mainstream movies. This tonal disconnect is what's so appealing about her.

Win.

I have never understood Megan Fox's appeal. I always felt strange about telling people that because they would look at me as if I suddenly turned gay. But that line sums it up. She looks like a porn star but hasn't done porn (yet).

Don't get me wrong, she is a very beautiful woman. But there are far more attractive women out there with real talent.

amanogowa: aggravatedmonkey: amanogowa: aggravatedmonkey Thanks for ruining her for me.

/my is grossed out by that nasty tattoo.

well i'm sorry your "my" was grossed out...

/sharp knees and whatnot

Somethings just ruin a hot woman. Disgusting tattoos are one of them.

for YOU maybe...not to some of us. with or without, i'm happy to look at a hottie.

Richard in a Box: I paid to see a film with Transformers fighting and got what I came to see.

So, that must be something they added in the sequel. Because it didn't show up in the first Transformers film.

yogaFLAME: Didn't read Ebert's review, but I guarantee he was far too nice to the film. This is better.

this review had me in tears! LOL

you are a puppet: This has been my impression of a retard

Ha. Let's see how many bites you get.