robsul82: Exactly. And the worst part of all was Cage was pretty calm in the role. A few spots of overacting, but nothing in the vein of The Wicker Man at all.

That's how he gets you nowadays. You go thinking, "Well, if nothing else, maybe he'll get back to The Wicker Man levels of acting excess." And then he doesn't!

From Wiki:

Having noticed that the last date on the paper is not accompanied by coordinates, further clues in Lucinda's home lead John and Diana to realize that the '33' listed as the death toll for the final disaster is actually 'EE' reversed, which Lucinda meant to represent 'Everyone Else'.


That's retarded. RE-TAR-DED.

DamnYankees: Seven has an 84% on Rotten Tomatoes. So what are you talking about?

Years ago.. whatever year Seven came out in the theaters (1995?).. multiple critics in 2 big newspapers panned the movie.. giving it a D or C at best.. low stars.. whatever.
So I skipped it.
Rented it on VHS some time later and was like "god dammit, this movie was great".
From then on, I ignored critics and idiot anonymous internet dummies and been better for it.

robsul82: Exactly. And the worst part of all was Cage was pretty calm in the role. A few spots of overacting, but nothing in the vein of The Wicker Man at all.

That's how he gets you nowadays. You go thinking, "Well, if nothing else, maybe he'll get back to The Wicker Man levels of acting excess." And then he doesn't!

I absolutely loved Cage in Adaptation.

The term WHARRGARBL needs to be stricken from human consciousness forever.

Sgt Otter: Yes, it is.

That's awesome.
Srsly.
I'll see the damned thing now.

Ku_No_Ichi: DamnYankees: Is that an actual line from the movie? I assumed it was made up by the reviewer.

I assumed the reviewer was taking a creative license there, and summing it up for us.

If it is an actual line from the movie, I will pay double price for one ticket and actually go see it,

I assure you, it is an actual line in the movie, uttered by John Turturro.

Lest we forget, Spielberg signed off on this trainwreck of a film. My guess is that he was off to the side counting his pile of cash a la J&SB Strike Back.

If you go to see Transformers 1 or 2 expecting anything other than a bunch of giant robots beating the crap out of one another and Megan Fox being ridiculously hot, you have paid to see the wrong movie.

iollow: Dr_Gats: so, did you guys go there expecting something more than big shiny robots beating each other up with gratuitous one liners and hot chick scenes?

Er, WHAT "hot chick" scenes??

Megan Fox is "okay" is far as women who are put on film to be objects of beauty. Hell, I could go to most college bars on a Friday night and find 10 better-looking chicks.

Overall, The director presents her as if you're as into her as much as she is into herself, and if you're not, the effect is lost.

When I see Megan Fox I don't think, "Wow, that woman is stunning." I think, "Why would anyone go for the 'porn star' look?"

I'm still upset that no one threw a hissy-fit that they ran from Egypt to Jordan without passing thru another country

louiedog: I loved Transformers as a kid. But I'm not a kid anymore. My tastes have moved beyond ridiculousness tied together by transforming robots. If someone wanted to make a good movie that featured transforming robots I'd be sure to see it. But nostalgia and robots alone aren't going to get 2 hours of my time.

There's a huge market for nostalgia flicks that have this very obvious problem. People grow up and want to see the stories they grew up to come to life on the big screen, but the stories have to overcome the fact that the audience has grown up.

If we're talking about George Lucas, the result is an embarrassing (albeit highly profitable) disaster. On the other hand, "The Dark Knight" demonstrates that it's possible to transform a kid's favorite comic book into a flick that appeals to adults. It's just very, very tough to pull off.

That said, just because an Olympic-level dive is phenomenally hard to pull off doesn't mean a lazy cynic should be allowed to call a belly flop a meaningful effort.

El Freak: It's a movie,directed by Michael Bay, that is based on a terrible 1980s cartoon about robots from outer space that transform into cars, planes, etc, and it took a negative review from Roger Ebert to convince you that it was going to be a huge turd? Really??

I liked The Rock, a Bay movie. I liked the original cartoon show - if you watch the pilot eps and the '80s movie and avoid the main series, some of it still holds up. Ebert is willing to cut sci-fi/action movies slack if they're good enough.

I mean, if Cameron can make a good movie about time-travelling robots from the future that masquerade as humans and beat each other up, then Bay should be able to make a good movie about space-traveling robots that masquerade as vehicles and beat each other up.

But he doesn't. He doesn't even try. In every choice between "quality" and "shiny" he picks the shiny. Tits over talent. Cheap slapstick over thought. Shaky swirling metal over coherent action scenes.

louiedog: When I see Megan Fox I don't think, "Wow, that woman is stunning." I think, "Why would anyone go for the 'porn star' look?"

So she can be in a porno? Please! Please say that's why!

zarberg: robsul82: Exactly. And the worst part of all was Cage was pretty calm in the role. A few spots of overacting, but nothing in the vein of The Wicker Man at all.

That's how he gets you nowadays. You go thinking, "Well, if nothing else, maybe he'll get back to The Wicker Man levels of acting excess." And then he doesn't!

I absolutely loved Cage in Adaptation.

Cage was great in that, The Weather Man, Lord of War. Adaptation at least went to the Oscars, the latter two flopped and have been generally forgotten. All that teaches Cage is that these quiet dramas can bite it and let's make Knowing, which sadly was a big hit.

Dr.Knockboots: Rented it on VHS some time later and was like "god dammit, this movie was great".

2 great lines from that movie always gives me chills just due tothe delivery:

"Detectives. Detectives. DETECTIVES!"

"John Doe has the upper hand."

Took my son and his friend to see this pile of fail.

Actually slept for an hour.

The best CGI ever

I mean you know how hard it is to hide a five head

So much hate for Transformers and Michael Bay, though I can't say I'm shocked to see that here. I don't know about all of you, but I go to movies now based on certain expectations of what I'm going to get. I went and saw Transformers 2 with the expectations that I was going to get lots of explosions and robots fighting, and I came away satisfied. I went and saw Public Enemies this weekend expecting a good crime drama and good acting, and I came away satisfied. Contrary to what some people seem to think, I believe it's possible to enjoy both fine art and popcorn flicks at the movies if you keep realistic expectations and form your own opinions instead of listening to critics.

Don't get me wrong, I like reading Ebert's reviews, just AFTER I've seen the movie and formed my own opinions first. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. I certainly wouldn't flame the guy like some of those emailers did though.

FTA: If sports fans were like certain movie fans, they would hate sports writers, commentators and sports talk hosts for always discussing fine points, quoting statistics and bringing up games and players of the past. If all you want to do is drink beer in the sunshine and watch a ball game, why should some elitist play-by-play announcer bore you with his knowledge? Yet sports fans are proud of their baseball knowledge, and respect commentators who know their stuff.

As a lover of all types of films, I really like this statement.

coinspinner: The best review I've found of Transformers 2. It's an art piece, and you probably didn't get it.

Awesome.

LaBoeuf, who's actually a fine actor, is the stand-in for the male viewers' greatest fears about themselves. No matter how great a loser they might be, they can't be as losery a loser as Sam Witwicky. And yet, Sam has awesome giant robots stomping around telling him he's the most important awesome person ever. And he has the hottest girlfriend in the universe, Megan Fox, for whom banality is a huge aphrodisiac. The more pathetic Sam gets, the more Fox's lips pout and her nipples point, like little Irish setters.

yogaFLAME: Didn't read Ebert's review, but I guarantee he was far too nice to the film. This is better.

That. Was. Awesome.

/kinda wanted to see the film for mindless summer movie experience
//now...notsomuch....

Inaditch: The term WHARRGARBL needs to be stricken from human consciousness forever.

My problem is it's rampant overuse. It was created as a response to the increasingly crazy shiat Republicans have been spouting since Obama took office. They're seemingly coming unhinged and saying weirder and weirder things. Combine that with a funny pick of a dog attacking a hose, and you have a meme.

Now we're using it to describe fanboy rage? Different animals.

DamnYankees: robsul82: Exactly. And the worst part of all was Cage was pretty calm in the role. A few spots of overacting, but nothing in the vein of The Wicker Man at all.

That's how he gets you nowadays. You go thinking, "Well, if nothing else, maybe he'll get back to The Wicker Man levels of acting excess." And then he doesn't!

From Wiki:

Having noticed that the last date on the paper is not accompanied by coordinates, further clues in Lucinda's home lead John and Diana to realize that the '33' listed as the death toll for the final disaster is actually 'EE' reversed, which Lucinda meant to represent 'Everyone Else'.


That's retarded. RE-TAR-DED.

Actually, the way Alex Proyas filmed it, set it up, the EE moment was the one spooky and decent moment in the film. Then everything just got even worse.

coinspinner: The best review I've found of Transformers 2. It's an art piece, and you probably didn't get it.

Came in here to reference this.

Leaving happy.

TheDeathMerchant: If you go to see Transformers 1 or 2 expecting anything other than a bunch of giant robots beating the crap out of one another and Megan Fox being ridiculously hot, you have paid to see the wrong movie.

Then explain Tuturro's asinine role in both movies. The character is neither giant robot nor hot chick, and he's just an annoying PITA.

TheDeathMerchant: If you go to see Transformers 1 or 2 expecting anything other than a bunch of giant robots beating the crap out of one another and Megan Fox being ridiculously hot, you have paid to see the wrong movie.

Except Transformers 1 contained none of that.

Ahh yes, once again the Fark masses are bashing something successful.

The family and I have seen it twice now, we thoroughly enjoyed it. It's great for what it is, an action film. If you go into it expecting a flawless plot, then you weren't meant to enjoy it in the first place.

Ebert is an idiot, all critics are.

/SpongeBob is Skids and Wheelie, my daughter loved that.

A sequel to a movie based on a cartoon sucks? Whodathunkit?

I saw it. I've seen worse, but all the children in the theater seemed to really enjoy it. I kinda think that was the point...

ObscureNameHere: Excen:
I believe Randall Graves had something poignant to say about the subject:

They are an unholy curse from the beast we call the desolate one. (click-pop)

/He is like a prophet, man. . .

Can you tell me the gist? I can YouTube from work and I am curious to know now what the link is talking about.

Watch Clerks 2. It's not as fresh as the original, but I'll be damned if Kevin Smith isn't some sort of weird, basement-dwelling cinematic prophet.

CUE THE SPOILERS!!!

Anyway, Elias (possibly the most obvious latent-gay character ever filmed) is trying to defend Transformers from the criticism of Randall Graves and fails miserably.

Picture, if you will, Brian Boitano stepping into the octagon with Fedor Emilianenko. . .

Richard in a Box: I went and saw Transformers 2 with the expectations that I was going to get lots of explosions and robots fighting, and I came away satisfied.

Considering the last few years have give us "summer popcorn flicks" like Star Trek, Iron Man, and The Dark Night, how the hell can you still make excuses for something like this? I mean, its very possible to make a fun action movie which is *great*.

I look at it this way. This movie was made for kids. So have kids review it.

My 8 year old son, thinks this is the greatest movie ever.

Now, If I had him watch "There will be blood" what do you think his response would be?

My 2 favorite things about Transformers 2...

1)My son screaming, laughing and cheering in the theater.
2) Megan Fox from the neck down.

Win, win.

TheDeathMerchant: If you go to see Transformers 1 or 2 expecting anything other than a bunch of giant robots beating the crap out of one another and Megan Fox being ridiculously hot, you have paid to see the wrong movie.

Spoily (But not nearly as bad as Bay spoiled it):

First off, there was very little robot fighting in this movie. Devastator (I believe?) possibly the biggest baddest robot ever built doesn't even end up in a robot fight and gives up after being plinked by the navy. And that scene didn't even make sense. (the navy just blind fires at the pyramids in gaza because some dude on the radio told him too)

Second, There is absolutely no reason why a movie about robots fighting has to be bad. It is not a predetermined outcome. The movie very well could have been mediocre to good, but instead was a pile of shiat, because for some reason Michael Bay can make half a billion dollars in his first weekend after a dogpoo release and that's a reason to give him another movie deal.

black_knight: And I tend to think of this when I hear of movie critics:

I'll never forget a scene from one of the episodes...borrowing the exact words from Wikiquote since a paraphrasing doesn't do it justice:

Jay: I am a movie critic by trade and until recently, I got paid to tell you people which movies merely stink and which ones you shouldn't screen near an open flame. Well, I'm putting the burden of lousy movies back on you.

It's very simple: if you stop going to bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies. If the movie used to be a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numeral II, give it a rest. If the movie is a remake of a classic, rent the classic. Tell them you want stories about people, not a hundred million dollars of stunts and explosives. People, it's up to you. If the movie stinks, just don't go.

DamnYankees: Dr.Knockboots: Rented it on VHS some time later and was like "god dammit, this movie was great".

2 great lines from that movie always gives me chills just due tothe delivery:

"Detectives. Detectives. DETECTIVES!"

"John Doe has the upper hand."

And if the studio suits got their way, Doe would've failed, lunged for Mills' gun or something. Say what you will about Brad Pitt, but he had it put specifically into his contract that New Line could not change the ending. They tried to anyway, but Pitt stood his ground.

I had to go through the five stages of grieving before I could properly discuss this film.

The first surprised me and unfortunately built up my expectations for this one. But I would have NEVER in a MILLION years expected it to be THIS bad.

I was physically drained when I left the theater after trying to understand the plot, where the explosions were coming from, subduing my hatred of the racisticons, and eye fatigue from tracking all the goddamn senseless explosions.

I LOVE stupid action movies and they ALWAYS fall into bad but good action or so bad it's a comedy. This was the first time it just didn't fit anywhere. It's technically not a movie.

It's like going to a restaurant and someone serves you boiled paper. You can eat it and you do trying to find where the taste is or whether it's some new way to enjoy food you're just not getting but once it's digested and comes out the other end as paper, you sit on the bowl and just get farking MAD!!!!

brigid_fitch: Blair Witch--some didn't find it the least bit scary and felt cheated that they never showed the witch. Those are the ones I look at and say they just didn't "get it".

Actually, most people didn't find it the least bit scary and the fact they never showed the witch is irrelevant and would have made the movie even worse. The guy standing in the corner was predictable. I was fully expecting it, and yes I understand he was standing there of his own free will. I got it and still thought it was god awful.

and now, back to Transformers

wkiernan: YOU MUST GO TO THE ARTICLE AND CLICK ON THE FRENCH COMMERCIAL.

That is all.

I'm wondering what the purpose of that commercial in the blog post is. Did Bay direct it?

I wouldn't be surprised; his milk commercial, which made his name, was totally awesome)

robsul82: And if the studio suits got their way, Doe would've failed, lunged for Mills' gun or something. Say what you will about Brad Pitt, but he had it put specifically into his contract that New Line could not change the ending. They tried to anyway, but Pitt stood his ground.

Pitt does a magnificent job in that last scene. The whole fight within himself whether or not to kill Doe was brilliantly acted. That dude doesn't get enough credit for his mad skillz.

aggravatedmonkey Thanks for ruining her for me.

/my is grossed out by that nasty tattoo.

Considering all this consternation over a film like Transformers 2, can you imagine what would have happened if Fark and this robust internet culture had existed 10 years ago when The Phantom Menace came out? I mean, Google's own servers would have melted.

DamnYankees: robsul82: And if the studio suits got their way, Doe would've failed, lunged for Mills' gun or something. Say what you will about Brad Pitt, but he had it put specifically into his contract that New Line could not change the ending. They tried to anyway, but Pitt stood his ground.

Pitt does a magnificent job in that last scene. The whole fight within himself whether or not to kill Doe was brilliantly acted. That dude doesn't get enough credit for his mad skillz.

When people started going gaga over The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, specifically "wow, I had no idea Brad Pitt could act so well," I'd just think to myself, "Another person who didn't see The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford." Fark Warner Brothers for dumping that magnificent film.

Wow, aggravatedmonkey, I had no idea that "meh" could be encapsulated so succinctly.

/Don't get me wrong, I'd pee in her butt, but make her leave afterward

Dr.Knockboots: I stopped listening to critics because:

1. They said the movie Seven was terrible.. and err, it was great.
2. They are getting paid for an opinion, not everybody likes the same stuff..I don't care about your opinion, I'll make my own decisions on what to like and not like.

True, and you don't go to a movie like this expecting it to be an academy award nominee.

NikolaiFarkoff: I've noticed the comments on RottenTomatoes (in response to critics) are only slightly more intelligent than your average YouTube thread. Light years ahead of b-tards or Honda tuner forums.

If you thin /b/tards are worth than youtubers you haven't spent much time on 4chan.

Rogue71371: I look at it this way. This movie was made for kids. So have kids review it.

My 8 year old son, thinks this is the greatest movie ever.

Now, If I had him watch "There will be blood" what do you think his response would be?

My 2 favorite things about Transformers 2...

1)My son screaming, laughing and cheering in the theater.
2) Megan Fox from the neck down.

Win, win.

**clicks profile**

LMFAO:

When a so-called film critic defended a questionable review by saying, "after all, it's opinion," Gene told him: "There is a point when a personal opinion shades off into an error of fact. When you say 'The Valachi Papers' is a better film than 'The Godfather,' you are wrong." Quite true. We should respect differing opinions up to certain point, and then it's time for the wise to blow the whistle.

QFT, QFT.

The things I'm a qualified expert in aren't things I tend to debate about, but in many, many aspects of life, there's having an opinion, and there's being just flat wrong.

Yet the common belief is "everyone has an opinion, man, and that doesn't make one more valid than the next." Well, if all opinions were equal, that would certainly be true.

But all opinions are not equal, and some things are not subject to opinion other than "I liked it; I didn't like it," and that's as far as you can go. That's not the beginning of an evaluation, it's the end.

"Afternoon Delight" is a good pop song. It has everything a pop song should have -- memorable hooks, comfortable structure, easy changes, no musical wankery. I hate that song with an indescribable fury, a burning hatred beyond the words mortal man.