It's like a reverse Enron.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Porter still wants his $130,000?

Playerslight: It's like a reverse Enron.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Head... hurting.... badly.

HULK MAD!!

SMASH!!!!

The $5000 isn't the only thing that's missing submitter.

Recycled headlines are always good Fark filler.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4153362

Do you trust your wife?

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Porter still wants his $130,000?

That was on TNT last night. My favorite line from the film- James Coburn's character saying to Porter, "that's just mean!"

/big Coburn fan
//hates the actor that played Resnick

Kyro: Recycled headlines are always good Fark filler.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4153362

Yeah, I try not to make fun of why certain things get greenlit (seriously, no one likes a whiner), but you're not even trying, subby.

Split between the finder and the county?

How does that work?

Playerslight: It's like a reverse Enron.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Let me just say: This!!!


/you really, really nailed it!

I'd be interested to hear the stories of those who tried to claim the money but were turned away.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Porter still wants his $130,000?

It's about time for the authorities to declare it "drug money" and confiscate it under the asset forfeiture laws and take it all.

coffee fiend: That was on TNT last night. My favorite line from the film- James Coburn's character saying to Porter, "that's just mean!"

I watched it, too!

Coburn and David Paymer are friggin' hilarious in that, aye...


Lord Farkwad: img29.imageshack.us

Heh!

Haven't seen that pic, myself...

Wert789: It's about time for the authorities to declare it "drug money" and confiscate it under the asset forfeiture laws and take it all.

Came here to say this. The owner will then have to fill out DEA form IQ-1940-FRD0 to get his $100.00 back (minus the $40 processing fee and $59 court costs)

LOLZ CAUSE THIS JOKE ISN'T USED ON FARK EVERY 3 WEEKS THATS WHY ITS FUNNY LOLZ XD

Playerslight: It's like a reverse Enron.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

This wins the whole thread, right here.

/Essentially a synopsis of "Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room." (new window)
//Mark-to-market, LOLLLLL.

Wert789: asset

Considering it was found near the Emerald Triangle it probably is drug money. Although I consider marijuana almost as dangerous as caffeine.

The owner has two months left to claim the money or it will be split between the prison guard and the county.

The county is going to split the money with him? fark that! He was kind enough to turn it in. If the rightful owners never come forward and claim it, he's the only other person with a rightful claim to the money.

How can they keep half? Bullshiat!

I just came to say for all the people who claim they would keep found money: this is how you do it. If it is drug money, it will never be claimed and you can legally keep it after time passes. Check the rules where you live.. in some locations, you can keep it all after only a few weeks.

If you DO NOT turn it in to the police first, you run the risk of having some undesirable people who may have seen you pick up a drug drop come knocking on your door and pummeling you until you give up the cash.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Porter still wants his $130,000?

Damn me if I don't love that movie.

I don't have any cows :(

Er, and what about the extra $4,500?

Why would someone who found thousands of dollars in unmarked cash feel the need to tell the entire world he found the money, let alone give it to the police to "safeguard"? Do people that dumb really exist, or is this just a made-up story by the media to sell newspapers?

Do you have any idea how long it took me to fall asleep the night I read this (new window) article?

How many times did I drive past $100,000 just sitting there for the taking? Once? Twice? A whole work week? I may never know.

whatever, stupid link. Anyway, it was $130,000 and here's the url

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/18562976/detail.html

Fat and Nasty 86: whatever, stupid link. Anyway, it was $130,000 and here's the url

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/18562976/detail.html

The police reported 80k was turned in. The 40k was advertised for a week until finally, after two weeks, the owner came forward to claim their 20k. The police apologized for the mistake in their advertisement as they misreported the amount as there was only 10k found.

famousp: LOLZ CAUSE THIS JOKE ISN'T USED ON FARK EVERY 3 WEEKS THATS WHY ITS FUNNY LOLZ XD


Oh grow up.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Porter still wants his $130,000?

Hubba Hubba

Why do they always report some exact even dollar amount when they find money? If I was transporting that kind of money, I would make sure it was an odd amount with some change thrown in. That way, when I lost it, the newspapers and reporters would have to say the whole amount.

"A local area man found $97,673.54 out by the highway today..."

numb3r5ev3n: This wins the whole thread, right here.

I certainly can't take credit for the old "Two Cows" economic joke, as it's been around since WWII. Here's a larger list:

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to your neighbour who doesn't have a field to put it in.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. Then the cows die due to neglect.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. Then the cows die in the war.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. Then the cows are killed in the war.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

EUROPEAN UNION BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows. The EU takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away because the quota has been exceeded.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. The cows demand 13 weeks annual vacation.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them and sell the milk.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

Somebody comes up with a Fark headline format which makes me guffaw, a bunch of Farkers turn it into a cliche which still makes me laugh, Subby climbs onto the bandwagon one stop before the terminus and barely elicits a chuckle.

/can the ever-decreasing-numbers headline cliche enjoy a dignified death now please, before even the whisper of amusement in it dies?
//I can just barely remember when Fark still had the occasional original headline, rather than the same old tired cliches over and over again

What the $10,000 may look like.

Kyro: Recycled headlines are always good Fark filler.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4153362

It's a meme now, so it's okay.

gweilo8888: ... when Fark still had the occasional original headline

I believe the meme you are looking for here is:

Unoriginal subby is unoriginal.

gweilo8888: Somebody comes up with a Fark headline format which makes me guffaw, a bunch of Farkers turn it into a cliche which still makes me laugh, Subby climbs onto the bandwagon one stop before the terminus and barely elicits a chuckle.

/can the ever-decreasing-numbers headline cliche enjoy a dignified death now please, before even the whisper of amusement in it dies?
//I can just barely remember when Fark still had the occasional original headline, rather than the same old tired cliches over and over again

Personally I don't mind that much if the same format/joke is repeated several times. The vast majority of readers of Fark don't read it daily or even weekly.

If I'd have found it, you would have to look REAL hard to find me or the cash.

Playerslight:

How about this, for 2009:

An American Banking Corporation, according to Alan Greenspan:

You have two cows. The government, upset that your neighbors have no cows, encourages banks to loan them money to help them buy cows. The banks buy insurance from other banks in case your penniless neighbors default on their cow loans. The value of cows goes way up with all the new purchasing capacity, so much so that you decide to borrow against the value of your two cows to purchase more cows. Suddenly, in a chain reaction, your neighbors all default on their cow loan payments and the value of your cows goes way down, and many banks go bust trying to pay off all the insurance claims. As you sell cows to cover your losses, you have 50 cows, then 48, then 10, then none. you feel lucky because you still have good enough credit to borrow money to buy two cows, and your neighbors all defaulted and went into bankruptcy. You now have two cows, but the bank corporation owns them and they are worth less than what you borrowed.

groverXIII: Damn me if I don't love that movie.

It has some great moments and fun scenes, aye.


"Are you threatening me?"

"I'm not threatening you. I'm threatening Carter."


Headless Medusa: Hubba Hubba

"I tried it three times. Do you have any other form of payment?"

".................. try it again."

*EXEUNT*


ha ha guy: Er, and what about the extra $4,500?

... spent on calculators and/or abacuses?

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

Porter still wants his $130,000


It's $70,000 !

I love that movie, too, but you lose so much on the network/cable version.

RTFA. Prison guard found, turned in $5,000. Deputies went there found another $5,000. If nobody claims it, the guard gets only the half he found, county keeps the half the on-duty deputies recovered. Fair.

simpsonfan: RTFA. Prison guard found, turned in $5,000. Deputies went there found another $5,000. If nobody claims it, the guard gets only the half he found, county keeps the half the on-duty deputies recovered. Fair.

One thing is returning money when someone drops it, forgets it, or misplace it in your business or property, but finding a wad of cash on the street and turning it in to the police is simply stupid.

That headline gave me brain-sprain.

Or, as we liked to say at the Tragic Kingdom, "What lost money?"

My cousin is the prison guard who found the money. He showed us pictures of the bag of money he was able to collect. He did the right thing by turning it in, but they told him because he works in law enforcement he will not be able to keep it, despite what is said in the news story.

BTW - he said once other drivers saw what he was doing lots of other people started collecting the bills, he was the only one who turned any of it in.

Also, it's a major highway for drug traffickers running up to Mendocino and Humboldt, so it's likely no one will claim it.

Animatronik: An American Banking Corporation, according to Alan Greenspan:

You have two cows. The government, upset that your neighbors have no cows, encourages banks to loan them money to help them buy cows. The banks buy insurance from other banks in case your penniless neighbors default on their cow loans. The value of cows goes way up with all the new purchasing capacity, so much so that you decide to borrow against the value of your two cows to purchase more cows. Suddenly, in a chain reaction, your neighbors all default on their cow loan payments and the value of your cows goes way down, and many banks go bust trying to pay off all the insurance claims. As you sell cows to cover your losses, you have 50 cows, then 48, then 10, then none. you feel lucky because you still have good enough credit to borrow money to buy two cows, and your neighbors all defaulted and went into bankruptcy. You now have two cows, but the bank corporation owns them and they are worth less than what you borrowed.

Underwater cows are the best. Tanta would have written a blisteringly funny post about dead calves and old bulls, skewing CitiCow right through the heart.

Playerslight: Underwater cows are the best. Tanta would have written a blisteringly funny post about dead calves and old bulls, skewing CitiCow right through the heart.

Had she started posting a few months before 12/2006 and I had read her blog, she might have prevented me from buying my cow, which is now an underwater cow.

Animatronik: Had she started posting a few months before 12/2006 and I had read her blog, she might have prevented me from buying my cow, which is now an underwater cow.

That's unfortunate, I'm sorry to hear. Calculated Risk was a voice in the wilderness for a couple of years before he got popular. I didn't discover that blog myself until the middle of 2007, so I would have been in the same boat as you. I was also finishing grad school, so I didn't have the resources to buy a cow. Now that I have a pool of cash with which to start milking, I'm paralyzed by indecision.

/still a good blog, highly recommended

Playerslight: Animatronik: Had she started posting a few months before 12/2006 and I had read her blog, she might have prevented me from buying my cow, which is now an underwater cow.

That's unfortunate, I'm sorry to hear. Calculated Risk was a voice in the wilderness for a couple of years before he got popular. I didn't discover that blog myself until the middle of 2007, so I would have been in the same boat as you. I was also finishing grad school, so I didn't have the resources to buy a cow. Now that I have a pool of cash with which to start milking, I'm paralyzed by indecision.

/still a good blog, highly recommended

You've got PLENTY of time to shop for a cow. There will be many bad cow loans resetting over the next couple of years, with a steady supply of foreclosures. I bet the cow market doesn't turn around for 3 more years.

This is scary. I didn't recognize the "Porter wants his $130,000" so I plugged it into Google. I still don't know what it means, but this thread was the third hit on the Google page. I'm going to go close my blinds now.

Playerslight: It's like a reverse Enron.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

That would have been amusing if it didn't show up in my inbox every other week.

Link (new window)

Playerslight: I certainly can't take credit for the old "Two Cows" economic joke, as it's been around since WWII. Here's a larger list:

saw this. fair enough

Not Available: saw this. fair enough

I kinda thought it was common knowledge, so I didn't bother referencing it. Lesson learned. :)

irving47: I love that movie, too, but you lose so much on the network/cable version.

Indeed.

It gets chopped up like the TV-edited version of Road House.

"The owner has two months left to claim the money or it will be split between the prison guard and the county."

Yeah - that's fair. Just a quick reminder to oneself what to REALLY do when you find a wad of cash.

Kyro: Recycled headlines are always good Fark filler.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4153362

And, yet, still no cure for cancer. Your dog wants steak. The Aristocrats. Penis.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: irving47: I love that movie, too, but you lose so much on the network/cable version.

Indeed.

It gets chopped up like the TV-edited version of Road House.

I own the uncensored version. I usually love watching Patrick Swayze but this one sucked.

So if I work in law enforcement, even off duty, I can't keep money I find? What kind of bull crap is that?