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(Washington Post) Dumbass Amazingly, the transcript of the Sarah Palin resignation speech is even more of a train wreck than the spoken version   (voices.washingtonpost.com) divider line 256
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heap 2009-07-04 08:23:04 AM  
Jon Snow: If Palin wants to run in 2012 - Bill Kristol

well, then it's official.

sarah palin is done in politics.

by virtue of the if-bill-kristol-says-it-then-the-exact-opposite-happens property, we can now tell the future absent any other input.

 
Jon Snow [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 08:28:59 AM  
heap: by virtue of the if-bill-kristol-says-it-then-the-exact-opposite-happens property, we can now tell the future absent any other input.

As always, TDS has it covered.

 
I_Approve_Of_This_Message 2009-07-04 08:39:36 AM  
rantsoftheuninformed.files.wordpress.com

Governor Palin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent speech were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

 
The Fourth Karamazov [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 08:53:18 AM  
jrchan: Anyways, I'm wondering if there are any Republicans that actually take her seriously.

Yes there are. People who I normally consider very intelligent continue to try to tell me that she is really very smart and it's the liberal media that is tearing her down.

 
The_Patriot 2009-07-04 09:02:19 AM  
clifton: Still don't understand the worship of this woman...

How the average Joe Sixpack sees Sarah Palin:

thepatriotaxe.com

 
h2ogate [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 09:09:06 AM  
www.electrongate.com

 
The_Patriot 2009-07-04 09:12:13 AM  
oh, and according to my gramma

thepatriotaxe.com

 
Great_Milenko 2009-07-04 09:26:50 AM  
Gangway Fathead: And so a new political party is born.

Yep. The Teabag Party, also known as Birthers.

And she is their queen.

 
chipspastic 2009-07-04 09:31:20 AM  
furiousxgeorge: People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than our beloved Alaska.

Hmmm. Doesn't sound much like "Country First" to me. More like 4th at least.

 
Lost Thought 00 2009-07-04 09:33:59 AM  
Great_Milenko: Gangway Fathead: And so a new political party is born.

Yep. The Teabag Party, also known as Birthers.

And she is their queen.


and Ron Paul is their Emperor.

 
Magorn 2009-07-04 09:42:53 AM  
Occam's Chainsaw: furiousxgeorge: In the words of General MacArthur said, "We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction."

What are they marching toward, Hell? Obscurity? Ruin?


Good choice quoting MacArthur- A failed presidential candidate, considered by many of his peers (including his former protege who DID become President) to be a Self-absorbed blowhard.

 
Bendal 2009-07-04 09:43:31 AM  
Quitter Palin will have that hung around her neck for the rest of her (presumably short) political career. I don't see the GOP giving her a 2nd look now; they are plenty bright enough to know that she'd be torn apart over this "quitting" issue even without all the other issues she carries with her.

/actually hoping they aren't that bright

 
czetie 2009-07-04 09:45:55 AM  
Lost Thought 00: and Ron Paul is their Emperor.

So who would be his Darth Vader?

/I hear Karl Rove is available, and he has experience

 
Magorn 2009-07-04 09:46:12 AM  
GAT_00: CtrlAltDelete: fish jacket

...right.

You know, it does kinda read like Nixon's "Last Speech," though heavily adapted.


heavily adapted or medicated? I tried to transcribe the video last night and gave up in sheer frustration. The punctuation alone was impossible to determine. She really did sound as if she'd just recently partken of a care package from Levi Johnson's mom (the Meth dealer)

 
blueyedevil 2009-07-04 09:49:54 AM  
"Don't explain: your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway."

So we can assume she's going to plead the fifth in her upcoming trial?

 
eraser8 2009-07-04 10:02:10 AM  
Curiouser and curiouser.

 
Magorn 2009-07-04 10:06:46 AM  
Sgt Otter: ZombieStomper: Freepers are hitting an astounding level of crazy tonight:

Sarah Palin just made a covert Declaration Of War
n/a | 7/3/09 | Ron C
Posted on July 3, 2009 11:02:00 PM CDT by Ron C.

Ever notice? When she's angry, she starts talking a little faster, her eyes lids narrow a tad, and she talks through lips that are a bit closer together - and that faint frown of hers becomes almost permanent, yet a smile remains. She displayed all of those signs today. She didn't say it in so many words, but if I don't miss my bet, Sarah Palin just declared all-out war on the left - and believe me, she can wage that war like no other - as has been well demonstrated.

Her Waterloo was a soft-focus fluff piece with Katie Couric, who wasn't even trying to rattle her.


Alexandra Pelosi (yes Nancy's kid) has a wonderful documentary called "Right America: Feeling Wronged" where she followed McCain and Palin to campaign rallies during the waning days of the campaign, and interviewed the people that came to them.

The Palin devotees were the scariest people I've ever seen on film. I recall one middle-aged woman literally sputtering with outrage over Katie Couric's "Gotcha" questions. "What Magazines and newspapers do YOU read Katie!?" she almost hissed with outrage, apparently thinking that question would be hard for a normal human being to answer.

 
Nucleus 2009-07-04 10:13:04 AM  
Yes but, Where's her birth certificate?

Although its clear what this says about John Mcshames decision making skills, we should all remember Sarah Palin this July 4th weekend as a true patriot for doing the responsible thing and resigning after the self realization that she was under-qualified and lacked the intellectual refinement necessary for serious national politics.

Best of luck to the former governor.

 
technicolor-misfit 2009-07-04 10:15:04 AM  
Well, bless her heart... maybe, like Track, she too can cut a deal to avoid jail time by joining the military and serve alongside him to fight for our freedom to protest.

 
alywa [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 10:17:49 AM  
i35.photobucket.com

/

 
bwesb 2009-07-04 10:20:38 AM  
"We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction."

There's another word for that, Mrs. Palin.

Fail.

 
moralpanic 2009-07-04 10:23:29 AM  
Man, and to think this woman could have been one step away from being President.

 
Jackpot777 [recently expired TotalFark] 2009-07-04 10:23:33 AM  
Jon Snow: Bill Kristol: The odds are against her pulling it off. But I wouldn't bet against it.

I'd also like to point out that this is a classic example of why conservatives fail at probability, and therefore life.


You ain't just whistling Dixie there, brother...

i301.photobucket.com

 
Philip J. Fry [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 10:35:11 AM  
When she said all 15 of the ethics complaints were dismissed, did that include the trooper related stuff? If I recall she was found to have abused her official powers and some other scathing stuff.

 
Nucleus 2009-07-04 10:36:05 AM  
Check the panicked sharp intake of breaths during the entire rambling speech.

 
Magorn 2009-07-04 10:38:21 AM  
Philip J. Fry: When she said all 15 of the ethics complaints were dismissed, did that include the trooper related stuff? If I recall she was found to have abused her official powers and some other scathing stuff.

Alaska Daily News helpfully recaps all 18 ethic complaints against her and their current status here (new window)

 
SherKhan 2009-07-04 10:38:25 AM  
Magorn:

The punctuation alone was impossible to determine.

It needs phonetic punctuation *poipt*

 
Lenny_da_Hog 2009-07-04 10:42:30 AM  
Philip J. Fry: When she said all 15 of the ethics complaints were dismissed, did that include the trooper related stuff? If I recall she was found to have abused her official powers and some other scathing stuff.

The legislative committee found her in violation.

Her hand-picked personnel board took over the investigation and said, "Huh? What? I... don't see anything wrong here! Whuddya mean?"

 
Philip J. Fry [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 10:44:08 AM  
Lenny_da_Hog: Her hand-picked personnel board took over the investigation and said, "Huh? What? I... don't see anything wrong here! Whuddya mean?"

I just read Magorn's link and was relatively content with the complaints being dismissed by the personnel board (Two still pending), but she's the one who chose the board?

Well that just invalidates every opinion they've had.

 
rufus-t-firefly [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:11:14 AM  
Saw this analysis on Salon.com; the bolded portion is spot-on:

First came news that Alaska governor Sarah Palin wouldn't run for re-election, confirmed by CNN around 3 pm ET. Minutes later, Alaska television station KTUU reported that Palin had actually announced she will resign her office at the end of the month.

In an angry, rambling press conference that will rival Gov. Mark Sanford's as a stunning example of a bizarre public meltdown, Palin basically blamed her decision on her national critics, who she said were blocking her agenda and costing Alaska taxpayers money.

"You are naïve if you don't see a full court press right now on the national level picking apart a good point guard," Palin said, a reference to her days as Sarah Barracuda, high school basketball star. What does a good point guard do? "She drives through a full court press protecting the ball, keeping her head up...and passing the ball so her team can win. I know when it's time to pass the ball for a win.

"I really don't want to disappoint anyone with this decision," Palin continued. "I cannot stand here as your governor and allow millions of dollars to go to waste. I don't know if my children are going to allow it either...This decision comes after a lot of prayer and deliberation." Palin said all of her children endorsed her decision, and she closed by complaining about people mocking her Down's Syndrome son Trig, with little Piper standing by her side.

"In the words of General MacArthur, we are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction," Palin said, as she turned the podium over to the apparently shocked Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell.

There was rolling hilarity and a total news vacuum on television for about 10 minutes after the news first broke. CNN's Rick Sanchez wondered aloud if Palin could be pregnant again - shocking Candy Crowley - before interviewing Frontiersman reporter Andrew Wellner, who says the press conference came as a total surprise to local reporters.

"She didn't take any questions, she said she could be more effective outside of government," Wellner said, reading his notes to Sanchez. Then CNN got tape of Palin's announcement.

This is very weird. We'll update when we get more information.

Update: Getting weirder. CNN is now running the entire speech; earlier, it only ran a clip from her resignation statement onward. It's crazy stuff. For the first 10 minutes or so, Palin rambled weirdly about all the good things she's done for Alaska, on energy and budget issues, sounding kind of like a Furby who memorized a lot of information but has no idea how to repeat it in a human-like way. The tone and inflection were completely off.


I've never known how to describe her...but that Furby bit is perfect.

In summary: "I did so much awesome stuff for my beloved state...but people are picking on me so I gotta go."

And misattributing that "advancing in another direction" quote - not MacArthur in WWII but Maj. Gen. Oliver Smith in Korea - is just the icing on a cake of WHAARGARBL.

 
Salt Lick Steady 2009-07-04 11:17:19 AM  
Ed Finnerty: Onward, Christian soldiers!

You know, it's mighty funny that that site quotes 1 Timothy 2, which goes on to say, "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;...

"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

 
Gough 2009-07-04 11:18:13 AM  
I couldn't help but notice the three huge ads for SarahPAC when I opened Fark. Doesn't look to me like she's giving up on politics. Maybe she's trying to raise the money for her upcoming legal bills.

 
rufus-t-firefly [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:18:14 AM  
Gangway Fathead: And so a new political party is born.

Too bad it's retarded.

 
Tor_Eckman [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:18:48 AM  
Homer_J_Fong: After reading the first few lines of the transcript...I couldn't help but think...


Hi Alaska, Mesa appreciate speakin' directly TO yousa, der people Mesa serve, as yousar Governor. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! People who know mesa know that besides faith and family, nothin's more important to mesa than wesa beloved Alaska. Oh. Flbulbulbu. Servin' her people is der greatest honor Mesa could imagine. Way? Esqueeze mesa. Mesa want Alaskans to grasp wha can be in store for wesa state....


ROFL!

 
Tor_Eckman [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:22:12 AM  
rufus-t-firefly:

And the lulz keep on coming!

Thank you for sharing that. It's classic.

 
Hiro Nakamura [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:22:41 AM  
Ed Finnerty: Onward, Christian soldiers!

Does muttering "Jesus Christ" in disbelief that a site like that exists count as praying? If so I guess I should add my name to the list.

 
YakBoy42 2009-07-04 11:26:09 AM  
Since we're dusting these off again...

i104.photobucket.com

(Thrall, Cairne Bloodhoof, Lady Katrana Prestor/Onyxia, and Araj the Summoner)

 
7Mary3and4 2009-07-04 11:29:23 AM  
"People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than our beloved Alaska. Serving her people is the greatest honor I could imagine."

..says the woman who tried to dump out of the job to "serve" as VP.

 
chipspastic 2009-07-04 11:29:48 AM  
i279.photobucket.com

 
Gangway Fathead 2009-07-04 11:34:31 AM  
rufus-t-firefly: Gangway Fathead: And so a new political party is born.

Too bad it's retarded.


Hey, I didn't suggest it was a good one.

 
The Only Good Moran 2009-07-04 11:37:18 AM  
So how is Queen Palin a victim this time? Please tell me, o loyal subjects who worship her.

 
Mentat [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 11:49:35 AM  
Swampthing in Korea: What is it about an independent, conservative and successful woman that causes the Left to go into a beserker rage and start insulting her intelligence, family and past?

When the GOP decides to field one for President, I'll let you know.

 
SomeoneDumb 2009-07-04 12:12:44 PM  
I'm not the first to say it, but this whole speech sounded to me like her version of a fancy way to say "cut and run."

 
Skleenar 2009-07-04 12:24:32 PM  
In honor of Sarah.

No.

I have no idea why this popped into my mind.

I think maybe just because it is redneck and farked up.

 
Crown_of_Shoes 2009-07-04 12:39:12 PM  
Brand new one for ya'll:

img39.imageshack.us

Get it? She's THE DOPE.

 
Mentat [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 12:41:07 PM  
Where oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave us here all alone?
We searched the world over and thought we'd found true love,
But you got indicted and thwbbb! you were gone!

So long you beautiful starburst you.

 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark] 2009-07-04 12:44:20 PM  
Hiro Nakamura: Ed Finnerty: Onward, Christian soldiers!

Does muttering "Jesus Christ" in disbelief that a site like that exists count as praying? If so I guess I should add my name to the list.


i261.photobucket.com">

 
phaseolus 2009-07-04 12:47:11 PM  
"Now, despite this, I don't want any Alaskan dissuaded from entering politics after seeing this REAL "climate change" that began in August... no, we NEED hardworking, average Americans fighting for what's right!"

sigh.

It's the old "salt of the earth >>> educated people" fallacy...

 
SCUBA_Archer 2009-07-04 12:51:15 PM  
chipspastic :
(Candidates compared to paintings)

I know these are old and dusty from several months ago, but....
Wouldn't it be more apropos to compare Palin to a Thomas Kinkade work?

 
Lenny_da_Hog 2009-07-04 12:54:31 PM  
phaseolus: "Now, despite this, I don't want any Alaskan dissuaded from entering politics after seeing this REAL "climate change" that began in August... no, we NEED hardworking, average Americans fighting for what's right!"

sigh.

It's the old "salt of the earth >>> educated people" fallacy...


Yeah.

And we need more short people on the basketball court. We need more 150-lb. linebackers in football. We need more tone-deaf people in orchestras....

 
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