my 8 year is begging me to go to an Iron Maiden concert. that being said: the drunk is the biggest asshole. Oh, and nevermind the dude close to his forties (or beyond) who is there trying to recapture his youth by attempting to start fights in the pits and trying to knock people out.what an asshole.

/then again i do live in San Berdoo so is some ways, i should almost expect it.

sonnyboy11: They left one out- The Talker.

THIS. You're there to hear music, and you have a couple of people behind you who seemingly haven't seen each other in 5 years, since they're talking the whole damn time. And since they're talking loud enough to hear each other over the show, you get to hear them to.

If you want to get together, drink, and listen to music, go to a farking bar with a cover band. It'll be cheaper, and since you never shut the fark up, the music obviously isn't that important to you.

cirby: No "Whooooo-Guy?"

You know, the one whose one and only thing to do during the whole concert is to yell "whoooooooo," every five to ten seconds, without stop. Usually with one or two friends, so there's no clear moments between mating calls.

He's often also one of the others (usually he Drunk), but his defining mood is "be loud so nobody can actually hear the band play stuff."

God, I farking hate that guy. And he always seems to be positioned behind my right ear. And the "WOO" is always at the precise pitch for rattling my ear drum.

i have a live CRACKER cd, and theres a heckler at the show. one of the tracks is them dealing with him.

he keeps yelling TAKE THE SKINHEADS BOWLING! which is a song, and they say "allright dude. get up here and sing the farking song, all of it, correctly or GTFO"

and he cant and they kick him out.

theres a bonus track where a guy is talking to him and in that "yah brah" surfer voice, hes like "i dunno dude. i dunno what happened, man. i just wanted to hear the show bro, and they kicked me out."

/asshole

No cell phone paparazzo at Japanese shows - they're hardcore about protecting "artist's rights" and while it's kinda bullshiat (from an American get-onboard-with-new-media-already perspective) at least the fans are pretty cool about it. There are plenty of people who go to shows of bands they hate and then biatch about it on 2chan so I suppose we still have haters.

Our biggest problem lately? Crowd surfing addicts. I dunno why but ever since the new years they've just been growing in number at "indie" shows... even when it's not really that appropriate. I don't mind surfing once or twice a show, that's cool and I do it myself when the spirit moves me, but the kids who go up 2-3 times per song need to calm the fark down.

What about the blond real estate agent sitting behind you who calls her friends every 5 minutes during the concert?
"Hi! Like, you know where I am? SORRY SPEAK LOUDER THIS IS, LIKE, A REAALLY, LIKE LOUD CONCERT. OMG, there's so-and-so...."

pleaseleavemebe: They forgot about the losers who sing along with the songs. It's DISTRACTING!

If you are at a live show and can hear somebody singing along, they are singing too loud. I've never had that problem at a concert but I had a friend who knew every word to the songs on the radio and insisted on singing along. She kept going even if I turned it off in desperation.

weiner dog: I always end up seated next to a variation on #1. Not drunks per se, but a small group of people who get up and leave their seats every 3-4 songs to get their overpriced beer, spending more time talking to each other, barely aware of the concert in front of them when they are actually in their seats. (Mostly recently, @ The Tragically Hip show a couple of weeks ago.)

I was at one of the Tragically Hip concerts in Lewiston. Half of my row was missing because they were getting beers. I kept getting knocked in the head by morans ahead of me who kept turning around to say, "Hey! This is the Tragically Hip!!!!!"

I KNOW THAT!!!! I paid 80 bucks to see them! I don't understand why people pay so much to drink! There are tons of bars across Erie/Niagara. Pick one and I guarantee that it's cheaper than buying beer at the show.

Although, I think that the "toss around balloons and beach balls" a'holes should be added to the list. There's nothing more exhilarating than paying 100 bucks to see a band and just stand around blowing up balloons and beach balls all night and tossing them at people who want nothing to do with them.

won't put up with any shenanigans in the front row

sonnyboy11: They left one out- The Talker. The guy or girl who goes to shows and talks and talks and talks about their boring life during the performance of a band they've paid $100 to see. Like your pontificating on how boring your job is, or that dude/chick that dumped you simply could NOT wait until some other time.



Oh God. THIS times a zillion.

8. People who sing along with the lead singer.

9. Music major dweebs who sing harmony.

10. People who sing along with the solos.

11. People who blab incessantly during the show.

12. People taller than me that can't enjoy the show unless they're blocking someone else's view.

13. People who scream or whistle in my ear.

14. Dickhead "security" guards.

15. Pretty much everyone except me, my friends, the band, and the sound & lighting crew.

/don't go to too many shows

No mention of the drunk fat chick who's in front of me at every big show, standing on her chair, arythmically dancing and shouting WOOOO way too often, until she leaves 40 min. into the show to go drink more??

And it doesn't do me any harm, but I never understand, at some bar shows, people who hang out and drink in the bar the whole time. Like when it's a separate area than the show. Dude, you paid your $20, and Napalm Death (or whoever) is playing right there, for real! You can take your beer!

/understands buying booze at shows
//just not at the expense of watching the show
/totally totally understands

I am not a chronic alcoholic, I like to drink!

Got my tickets for P-Funk today, but I ain't going to drive home drunk and a cab is too expensive - it's 30 miles away in a goddamned canyon FFS.

A lot of bands I see allow taping - so what?

I've never seen a lot of camera phones at concert - sure, there are some, but so what? Most bands I see don't give a shiat as long as you're not constantly using your flash.

Set list generator? Who cares? Writing down the set list is not obnoxious and I've had many conversations that started off with "What did they play after Peggy-O, I can't remember"

Haters should be ignored - I've never seen a lot of them anyway. Tickets are too expensive these days.

I've always gotten a kick out of the whirling dervishes - and even the robot chick I saw a few years ago (I couldn't keep my eyes off of her especially since it seemed so inappropriate for the SCI show I was at - but then again, it was Vegas).

IMO, the biggest a**holes at concerts are those people who will not shut the f**k up. If you wanted to talk to your friends, why the f**k did you come to the show? Then there are the peopel who think they can shove you out of their dancing space while you're just trying to enjoy the show. Then there are the people who pass out and fall on top of you - during the first song of the concert no less.

Most of the rest may look stupid, but at least they aren't obnoxious and if they aren't bothering me, I have no problem with them.

sonnyboy11: They left one out- The Talker. The guy or girl who goes to shows and talks and talks and talks about their boring life during the performance of a band they've paid $100 to see. Like your pontificating on how boring your job is, or that dude/chick that dumped you simply could NOT wait until some other time.

Here's the deal, next time you find yourself talking endlessly through a song at a concert, do me a favor and stop for just one second and think "I am a$$hole".

yeah -THIS!

Oh - and the a**hole bouncers who get in your face and make you put out the joint that someone finally passed to you - or the bouncers (I'm looking at you Hard Rock in Vegas) who get in your face because you lit a cigarette and thought it was a joint (and smoking (cigarettes) was allowed) and then literally shove their way through the audience trying to find someone smoking something illegal.

Lloyd Braun: What about those people that smoke the marijuana? Excuse me, but I thought smoking grass was illegal. If you want to have a doobie do us all a favor and don't do it while we're trying to enjoy the music concert show.

worst troll ever!

How about people who burn you with their silly fire dances rituals? (Whirling dervishes are amateurs).

Link (new window)

I'm just jealous because I wasn't there.

mud_shark: Lloyd Braun: What about those people that smoke the marijuana? Excuse me, but I thought smoking grass was illegal. If you want to have a doobie do us all a favor and don't do it while we're trying to enjoy the music concert show.

worst troll ever!

fark that, I agree. Can't go to any goddamn show without jerks toking up left and right. Hell, I went to a ballet at a goddamn auditorium with my wife and there were douchebags smoking in the audience. Terrible. Music should not involve smell. Luckily, it seems to be mostly American bands that get that problem lately. Every foreign band I've seen live, including Rush, has been problem free, interestingly enough. Good thing most American music is ass

I went to see Nightwish a couple of months ago in New York and there was a full contingent of the Cell Phone Paparazzi. What made it worse was that they were pushing and shoving to get better angles for their crappy videos. I literally elbowed somebody in the balls after one too many pushes. My overriding memory of the show was trying to keep my balance from getting pushed all over the place. And let's not talk about the a-holes who were moshing.

/going up in the balcony for the next club show I go to, I'm getting too old for this shiat
//and get off my lawn while you're at it

What They Think This Says About Them:
"My taste in music is beyond compare. I know good music and this isn't it. You're all a bunch of idiots for listening to this stuff..."

Wow, the writer must be a farker because that's exactly what most farkers think.

The Paparazzo is extremely infuriating at festivals where the pit or the "D" is fenced off and at capacity. These douche bags stand there wasting space where people who would actually enjoy the show and participate are left outside.

They forgot the moderately un-hot chick who is drunk before the opening number is over and insists on hugging/kissing every single person within 100 yards of her seat... repeatedly.

Or, as happened at this year's RockFest in Kansas City, the topless hot chick crowd-surfing while squirting breast milk on everyone. You're like "hey, check out the boob...OMG WTF!?!"

What about the fat dude that stands right at the edge of the pit and has no balance and is constantly falling back towards everyone else and you have to keep him from falling back and crushing everyone in his wake. I came for the show, not to babysit.

My favorite are the ones who call their buddies 'DUDE I'M AT THE SHOW, IT'S AWESOME! WHAAT? WHAAT? DUDE I CAN'T HEAR YOU BUT LISTEN TO THIS!!' followed by their phone held in the air. Because everyone knows the sound of a concert coming through a cell phone is almost as good as being there.

A few years ago I saw David Bromberg in a theater kind of place. At the end of the show he did this thing where he asks the audience that if they can be a little quiet because it'll be tough to hear, that they will turn off all of their eqipment and come to the front of the stage to play acoustic and sing. So they shut everything down and he comes to the front of the stage and starts saying 'we really appreaciate you coming out, it's fun to play this kind of music..' and some farking tool decides Bromberg wants to have a conversation with him 'NO THANK YOU DAVE - YOU MUSIC IS REALLY GREAT AND THIS WAS A FUN SHOW BLAH BLAH. The entire audience starts going 'shut up you moron!' Guy had a look on his face like 'what - he was talking to me wasnt he?'

turbotikigod: What about the fat dude that stands right at the edge of the pit and has no balance and is constantly falling back towards everyone else and you have to keep him from falling back and crushing everyone in his wake. I came for the show, not to babysit.

I saw Hank III in Providence last Friday, and this exact guy was right in front of me. My fiancee and I were on one side of the barrier slightly above the pit and he was in the pit, and decided to lean on the barrier and sweat all over us (and almost take out the barrier as well). He abruptly left, thank god, and at the end of the show we saw him face down on the sidewalk passed out drunk!

We also witnessed "Asshole mosh pit dude who randomly runs around and hits random people then disappears so no one can see it was him" That was entertaining and I hope he got punched in the face!

Also hate the couple that makes out in front of you for the whole show. I always end up behind them for some reason.

SynthLord:
14. Dickhead "security" guards.

I was at a GWAR concert back in 2007 and the security guards were being huge douchebags standing in front of the stage. The lead singer stopped what they were doing after the song finished so he could ream him out. He said "these people paid money to see us, not your farking ass. Get down". The crowd loved it.

Last concert I went to was a Tragically Hip show in NYC, and as usual, got there early, got a great spot in the front row.

Things were relatively fine til about the encore, when a few "people" decided they were going to thrash around and though it'd be great fun to push and shove into us. Luckily, I grew up playing hockey, and I have no qualms about shoving my elbow or skull into someone's face to get them away from me.. as the guy whose teeth I cracked found out the hard way.

/not paying money so you can dance, Astaire..

I saw a Ween show in Santa Cruz. All the hippies would touch my mohawk like it wouldn't annoy them if it was on their head. Santa Cruz shows mean you either have to deal with strung out hippies, or middle class white gangsters.

When I saw them at Vegoose the crowd was much more respectful. There were a lot of "wear the shirt of the band you are going to see" guys and I was sure because they weren't selling those shirts anymore.

Worst show I've ever been to had to be CKY at The Pound in San Francisco. There were kids behind me railing some kind of upper and screaming "CKY IS MY FAVORITE BAND!" the whole night. One actually used my shoulders to lift himself up, and in response got the elbow.

most of the stuff mentioned is pretty easy to ignore. and also, if you go to an "aggressive" show, be prepared for people to act aggressively... or don't go, or stand far away. the musicians aren't playing a personal show specifically for you.

If other people around you at a show distract you so much that you can't enjoy the music, then I wouldn't recommend attending concerts.

Byno: Yelling Freebird? People still do that?

Although, at a Turbonegro concert a few years ago, I heard someone yell out "It's Raining Men." Actually got a laugh from the band.

Yes, they do it at every show, every where, regardless of venue, format, or group makeup. I've heard "Skynyrd" or "Freebird" at every show I've ever played in my 15 years on stage.

They think they are HILARIOUS.

Fisty Bum: He said "these people paid money to see us, not your farking ass. Get down". The crowd loved it.

When reading this line, it is extremely important to hear the right voice in your head speaking it.

List is missing the pretentious douche that focuses more on the people at the concert than the music.

How about the guy who dislikes just one of the bands?
I went to a gwar concert, as I lay dying and dying fetus were the opening acts. I'll give them that as I lay dying doesn't fit with the other two at all, but come on. Just because you boo them the entire time they're on stage they're not getting off any sooner.

Fisty Bum: SynthLord:
14. Dickhead "security" guards.

I was at a GWAR concert back in 2007 and the security guards were being huge douchebags standing in front of the stage. The lead singer stopped what they were doing after the song finished so he could ream him out. He said "these people paid money to see us, not your farking ass. Get down". The crowd loved it.

Gwar's always had problems with the security at concerts. I was at a show at the saltaire years ago when they actually got in a fight with security on stage and ended the show abruptly. They didn't come back to utah for years after that.
All they wanted was to feed a few audience members to Gor-gor, but security wouldn't let anyone actually get on stage.

This seems appropriate. (new window)

#7. The Whirling Dervish

I hate these assholes. I usually just cut off their arms with a Sawz-All. Seems to work.

I remember my 1st concert at The Meadowlands. Iron Maiden & Judas Priest.

There was a kid passed out in his own vomit under his seat on the floor for all of the 2nd JP show. Interesting aroma of pot throughout the arena.

We had no rules in the 80's Good times.

More people need to mention the stupid wiggers that try to be the karate kid at metal shows... Some jackoff was trying to do this during Mayhem... He didn't last long...

I also make a point to kidney punch any crowd surfer that comes within arms reach... Consider it payback for my chiropracter bills after some dumb girl was dropped on me...

Also... Crust punks... Dirties... Whatever you want to call them...

John Buck 41: #7. The Whirling Dervish

I hate these assholes. I usually just cut off their arms with a Sawz-All. Seems to work.

Seems I'm mistaken. There is no hyphen, and only the 'S' is capitalized.

Sawzall

kinbote: How about people who have to mosh at any show?

Saw The Sundays at a small venue years ago (stood 5' from Harriet), and there was a jackhole trying to start a pit. Really? At a Sundays show?

Wait, what? How?

ps I am jealous you were so close to her.

weiner dog: In non-seated venues, I seem to be a magnet for crowdsurfers. They - mostly their butt or their shoes/boots - always land on my head (I'm only 5'2", so I guess I end up being a slight depression in the crowd of heads). Given that they're hurting me & being generally negligent in their actions, I feel justified in employing self-defence to try to come out of the situation unscathed. I don't wish to be a violent person, but as far as I'm concerned, they're putting me in a situation where I have to protect myself the best I can. Thankfully, most shows I go to now are not festival seating anymore, except radiohead, where this kind of thing is of no concern.

Steal their shoes.

#4 really should have been #1. The whole concert-going experience (movies too) has been ruined by the popularization of camera-phones. Whatever happened to just shutting the fark up and watching/listening to an event?

Byno: Byno: Yelling Freebird? People still do that?

Although, at a Turbonegro concert a few years ago, I heard someone yell out "It's Raining Men." Actually got a laugh from the band.

Not Turbonegro, but I can't remember now that I think real hard.

FTFM


Mike Doughty.

number umpteen : the a##hole who finds and throws a teargas grenade over the fence at a football stadium during a Guess Who/Steve Miller concert ( i think it was them )

was there, 1972? Albuquerque

/My Lawn, Leave IT!!
//don't remember for sure who was headlining that night
///if you remember the 60s 70s you weren't there

BasqueBastard: Some guys put his topless g/f on his shoulders right behind me at a KISS concert. Everyone in the close vicinity was coping feels, including me!

At my first concert I was on the floor right up front in the general admission crowd behind this hot chick in a tight dress. My hands never left her ass all night. I was such a pathetic little creep

magical_mystery_meat: BasqueBastard: Some guys put his topless g/f on his shoulders right behind me at a KISS concert. Everyone in the close vicinity was coping feels, including me!

At my first concert I was on the floor right up front in the general admission crowd behind this hot chick in a tight dress. My hands never left her ass all night. I was such a pathetic little creep

Ahh... If only the rest of the real world worked that way.

I mean, I'm not a very touchy-feely kind of person, but I don't think I'd turn down a cute chick wanting to cop a feel... and I'd certainly love it if we had the ability to grope people we find attractive (in a way that's pleasant to them) without worrying about offending them, ending up in jail, or getting beat up by their 6'5" boyfriend.

But of course, in my perfect world you'd be able to just walk up to any stranger you find attractive, say "Hi. Let's f#ck." and they'd respond honestly without needing to know your entire history and background. `Just go into a nearby alcove and fark like bunnies, thank each other, then go about the rest of your day...

That's asking too much, though, isn't it?

bhcompy: mud_shark: Lloyd Braun: What about those people that smoke the marijuana? Excuse me, but I thought smoking grass was illegal. If you want to have a doobie do us all a favor and don't do it while we're trying to enjoy the music concert show.

worst troll ever!

fark that, I agree. Can't go to any goddamn show without jerks toking up left and right. Hell, I went to a ballet at a goddamn auditorium with my wife and there were douchebags smoking in the audience. Terrible. Music should not involve smell. Luckily, it seems to be mostly American bands that get that problem lately. Every foreign band I've seen live, including Rush, has been problem free, interestingly enough. Good thing most American music is ass

Meh I wouldn't have a problem with it except that I get drug-tested frequently. It would really suck that the reason I got fired is because some doper at a Panic show kept holding a J in my face asking if I wanted to hit it.

empchang: most of the stuff mentioned is pretty easy to ignore. and also, if you go to an "aggressive" show, be prepared for people to act aggressively... or don't go, or stand far away. the musicians aren't playing a personal show specifically for you.

If other people around you at a show distract you so much that you can't enjoy the music, then I wouldn't recommend attending concerts.

This. Nothing is worse than the guy who absolutely REFUSES to let anybody touch him or move him in a pit. You're at a hardcore show and everybody is goofing around, running into each other, being stupid and having a good time, and this guy makes it his own personal mission to stand as still as possible, arms crossed, in the middle of it all, acting like a pissed-off tough guy. He's paying more attention to everybody near him than the music, while everybody else is doing exactly the opposite (which is what you should be doing). He's worse than the idiot crossing the room throwing punches. At least that guy can take a hit and not take it personally.

You can tell who really enjoys going to shows and who is a weekend warrior by their reaction to the crowd. Go to enough shows and you just automatically can read the crowd and who to stay away from -- or at least how to fark with them enough so they'll leave you alone, if they are being buzzkills.

While all ten of the articles' examples can suck (the alcoholic, really? It's a show!), my guess is that the judgmental author would be just as annoying to stand near.