Umm...slogan FAIL:

Staples: That was easy.
RadioShack: You've got questions, we've got answers. (though technically, their current slogan is "Do Stuff")

Subby, you suck.

zpb52: Umm...slogan FAIL:

Staples: That was easy.
RadioShack: You've got questions, we've got answers. (though technically, their current slogan is "Do Stuff")

Subby, you suck.

This. Submitter clearly doesn't work for a company that uses Staples for office supplies.

THAT WAS EASY

...if you have no idea what you're talking about.

Step One in submitting headline to Fark:

mjoven1975: zpb52: Umm...slogan FAIL:

Staples: That was easy.
RadioShack: You've got questions, we've got answers. (though technically, their current slogan is "Do Stuff")

Subby, you suck.

This. Submitter clearly doesn't work for a company that uses Staples for office supplies.

Submitter and the modmins who greenlit this.

Subby fails. That's RadioShack's slogan, not Staples!

/Former RatShat employee
//You've got questions, we've got cellphones
///And extended warranties
////And don't make commission on sales

The Zombie Jackson apacolypse is coming...

Wow, major headline fail.

11,000 tickets seems to be kind of short. Anyone want to place bets on whether there will be Michael Jackson riots?

Proposed Slogan

Staples - What we used to keep Michaels nose on.

Is his corpse actually going to be there? A memorial service doesn't have to include the body, does it?

Looks like a Canadian Football League player to me.

He's not dead. He's going to jump out of the sidewalk and dance like it's something something something...zzzzz

Dear God that was a bucket of piping hot fail.

i thought it was the best headline i've read in a long while, so good job subbie.

Subby, that was the worth headline ever. I seriously lost half of my IQ reading it. You are a disgrace, and if I ever find out who you are, I will hunt you down and kill you. I will slice your throat open and drown you in your own blood and guts. And if you have a spouse and kids, I will find them and do the same, I'll kill your cousins, anyone who means anything to you. Consider this a promise, not a threat.

In short,

i heard that it wasn't a heart attack. I heard he choked on a little bone

"There's no precedent for this," said Councilwoman Jan Perry


Wow, nobody famous has ever died before? What about that Elvis guy?

I predict a minimum of 4 people killed in the ensuing stampede.

Mark my words, and check this thread next Wednesday.

Can't wait for the jacket, glove and nose world tour.

did you guys hear that joe jackson started a record label?

cryinoutloud: Is his corpse actually going to be there? A memorial service doesn't have to include the body, does it?

Disney Animatronics workshop currently has possession of the body.
Link (new window)
Link (new window)

What a ticket shortage might look like

Biness: i heard that it wasn't a heart attack. I heard he choked on a little bone

And in weather news ...

if you hear thunder .. don't worry it's not a rain cloud

its just Elvis kicking Michael's ass for marrying his daughter

I'm glad this got greenlit, just to see the barrage of abuse that's going to get flung around in here.

American Express? Priceless!

The Dread Pirate Robertson: I'm glad this got greenlit, just to see the barrage of abuse that's going to get flung around in here.

American Express? Priceless!

Burger King: I'm lovin' it!

Already seen it:

Michael Jackson died?

AnnoyingKidNextDoor: Subby, that was the worth headline ever. I seriously lost half of my IQ reading it. You are a disgrace, and if I ever find out who you are, I will hunt you down and kill you. I will slice your throat open and drown you in your own blood and guts. And if you have a spouse and kids, I will find them and do the same, I'll kill your cousins, anyone who means anything to you. Consider this a promise, not a threat.

In short,

dude, its a blog, relax.

Biness: did you guys hear that joe jackson started a record label?


I heard something about it, I think it's called "MiLKing It Records."

Given the size crowd they're predicting, Staples seems like a poor choice. There's a reason they had the Lakers event at the Coliseum. There's not enough room for a huge crowd now that they replaced the big parking lot across the street with the Nokia Center.

Looks like someone used the deceasy button...

i just watched the oprah interview, and once he said something to the effect of, yeah i was sad for a long time, but i'm starting to become happy finally - i felt so bad for him. that was beginning the end. poor bastard

Has anyone gone to staplesstadium.com yet to see if they have crashed yet?
Just because the tickets are free don't mean they will stay free

riots I would bet on stampede not so much

Karma Curmudgeon: Looks like someone used the deceasy button...

and this thread is closed. Thank you all for coming, nothing else to see here.

pascoffee: Has anyone gone to staplesstadium.com yet to see if they have crashed yet?
Just because the tickets are free don't mean they will stay free

riots I would bet on stampede not so much

it has been, what, 28 years since the south central riots. I guess we're about due. I blame Obama.

Who is Michael Jackson?

Biness: pascoffee: Has anyone gone to staplesstadium.com yet to see if they have crashed yet?
Just because the tickets are free don't mean they will stay free

riots I would bet on stampede not so much

it has been, what, 28 years since the south central riots. I guess we're about due. I blame Obama.

strike that, 18 years. still due.

when will this be over

cryinoutloud: Is his corpse actually going to be there? A memorial service doesn't have to include the body, does it?

They refuse to answer that question.

I think that means the answer is 'YES', his body will be viewed.

If they had answered 'NO' it would alleviate much of the security issues they expect.

Sugar Bush Squirrel chimes in with the best tribute thus far

New FARK rule for posting. "Always make sure the slogan and the company match.

The history of Michael Jackson's Face (new window)

stuffy: New FARK rule for posting. "Always make sure the slogan and the company match.

Toyota Trucks: Like a Rock

Here's my theory on Michael Jackson's death.

It was a suicide. The breaking news is they just found DIPRIVAN in his home. That's used to induce a coma. You can't even get that in a drug store. That combined with anything else like Demerol is a guaranteed sleep to death. No doubt about it.

He probably planned it for a while and had no intention of living to do the London shows, but for his own legacy he wanted to get his STAPLES dress rehearsals recorded.

Inigo_Montoya: Michael Jackson died?

michael who?

I rather amused at the thought of MJ's diehard fans texting each other: C U Next Tuesday!

pascoffee: Has anyone gone to staplesstadium.com yet to see if they have crashed yet?
Just because the tickets are free don't mean they will stay free

riots I would bet on stampede not so much

I was watching a live unedited press feed of a news conference announcing details, and it crashed AS the news conference was going on.

portscanner: The history of Michael Jackson's Face (new window)

He should have stopped in 1985. He looked decent then.

After that it was pure self mutilation.

After that he got a Jay Leno chin, a Kirk Douglas chin dimple, Katherine Hepburn cheek bones and sliced/diced his nose with some kind of Billy May's kitchen appliance.

I wonder if Debbie's going to wear her Three Wolf Moon Shirt (The comments kept me entertained for quite awhile...)

I'm hoping for some type of performance at the funeral. Re: Elton John's at Diana's funeral.

In this case though it will be super creepy. Who has Joe Jackson signed to his label? I bet they do a slow Thriller or maybe a slow "man in the mirror" at which time MJ's corpse rises up and faces a mirror

Maybe a gloomy "i want you back". The possibilities are endless. I'm not putting it past Joe to use wires and have the corpse dance.

/Mark my words.
//Mark them!

Who was his plastic surgeon? Ron Popeil?

I bet his body doesn't go bad for years, so this will surely be the first stop on a long series of tour dates.

suraimu: I bet his body doesn't go bad for years, so this will surely be the first stop on a long series of tour dates.

he had the dates and venues lined up already for the big comeback tour, so why the fark not?

zpb52: Umm...slogan FAIL:

Staples: That was easy.
RadioShack: You've got questions, we've got answers. (though technically, their current slogan is "Do Stuff")

Subby, you suck.
No, you're a towel .....er suck.

His nose is already on Ebay. (new window)

Video of MJ's last rehearsal (new window)

I think its kinda creepy that his funeral is in the same place he was rehearsing last week

Ok, this is officially a circus. How about they sell the tickets and have a concession stand open during the thing. Ooh! Don't forget: Trinkets with MJ's picture all over them. T-shirts, plates, books, the works! How about we get the Goodyear blimp there while we're at it?

This reeks of stupid. I understand his fans (read: worshipers) want to say goodbye but this is ridiculous.

Oh, as for who pays for the LEOs (Law Enforcement Officers): I say it should be an equal split between the Staples Center and the Jackson family. Normally the security is the responsibility of the person leasing the facility but the Staples Center could make a mint off of this so they should have to share the coast.

/morans... let the man rest in peace

Biness: Video of MJ's last rehearsal (new window)

I think its kinda creepy that his funeral is in the same place he was rehearsing last week

I heard during the press conference that the whole thing was being video taped, and that they are currently "in rehearsal" for the event.

Seriously.

TommyymmoT: Biness: Video of MJ's last rehearsal (new window)

I think its kinda creepy that his funeral is in the same place he was rehearsing last week

I heard during the press conference that the whole thing was being video taped, and that they are currently "in rehearsal" for the event.

Seriously.

So they'll sell DVD's of the memorial. Unreal.

During the news conference a spokesman for the family asked for a little privacy while the are in mourning. Then on the other hand they are putting their family member on display with a big show. It is going to be a big show or they wouldn't even bother.

I thing the govenator should get a front row seat. So he can give his thanks to MJ for the revenue he is going to generate for the state.

AnnoyingKidNextDoor: Subby, that was the worth headline ever. I seriously lost half of my IQ reading it. You are a disgrace, and if I ever find out who you are, I will hunt you down and kill you. I will slice your throat open and drown you in your own blood and guts. And if you have a spouse and kids, I will find them and do the same, I'll kill your cousins, anyone who means anything to you. Consider this a promise, not a threat.

In short,

Wow. You should probably go back to 4chan and work out your repressed anger by enticing some 12-year-old to strip for you on cam.

Seriously, WTF was that?

Jonathan39305: Oh, as for who pays for the LEOs (Law Enforcement Officers): I say it should be an equal split between the Staples Center and the Jackson family. Normally the security is the responsibility of the person leasing the facility but the Staples Center could make a mint off of this so they should have to share the coast.

They're still debating who should pay the $2million that The Lakers parade cost.

So far, the people that made all the money haven't ponied up a penny.

I can't understand why California is broke.

The councial woman said the city already budgets for big events like this...who gets the IOU

/balancing it out

Actually, the premise of this headline isn't far from a possible truth. Michael Jackson allegedly wanted to be plastinated, and the bodyworks company is interested in putting him in a dancing pose and touring him around with the rest of their displays.

This means you may still get to see Michael Jackson in person in your local museum.

Biness: Video of MJ's last rehearsal (new window)

I think its kinda creepy that his funeral is in the same place he was rehearsing last week

What ISN'T creepy about MJ?

Mija: Biness: Video of MJ's last rehearsal (new window)

I think its kinda creepy that his funeral is in the same place he was rehearsing last week

What ISN'T creepy about MJ?

His love of childre....no, nevermind
His clothes were....no, nevermind
His home was just lovel...no, nevermind

ZeroCorpse: Actually, the premise of this headline isn't far from a possible truth. Michael Jackson allegedly wanted to be plastinated, and the bodyworks company is interested in putting him in a dancing pose and touring him around with the rest of their displays.

This means you may still get to see Michael Jackson in person in your local museum.

Correction-- Body Worlds, not bodyworks.

More on MJ's plastination. This, eerily enough, was from March of this year:

MJ considering plastination (pops)

and this is from after death:

Dr. Death plans to plastinate MJ (pops)

Which makes it seem pretty likely that MJ will continue touring, as a plastic mummy, for the rest of human history.

Which is SO like him.

+1, subby. That headline made me spit my soda all over my keyboard. Pepsi is it!

PedoPalooza

Is sub trying to play this off like that was intentional?

I would have even settled for the older "Ya we got that too" slogan.

May as well have said "I'm lovin' it"

/LAME

Hey guys, am I late? Who is Mitchell Jackets?

I'm already hearing the people at Anime Expo are freaking out over all the weirdos hanging around Staples Center.

IExpectAKill: Hey guys, am I late? Who is Mitchell Jackets?





It's Michael Jackson, mom.

Somehow this all seems right, tickets for his concerts, tickets for his death...

zimbach: I'm already hearing the people at Anime Expo are freaking out over all the weirdos hanging around Staples Center.

lulz

This should be good.

(1) Hot - very hot - weather
(2) Staples Center right in the middle of gang/street chimp territory
(3) 25,000 free passes to be raffled out
(4) big-screen TVs outside the Center will NOT be used to show the event
(5) 250,000 to 500,000 mourners expected to show up.
(6) Jackson's body to be on display for the lucky 25,000 (glass case?)
(7) police "suggesting" that if you don't get a pass that you should not show up (yeah, that will work)

I understand that NAMBLA is sending an official delegation out of respect.

With any luck at all, half a million enraged half or fully-insane fans will storm the Center's doors, trample a few hundred LA cops, rampage through the center setting random fires and committing random stabbings, and all converge on Jackson's display case where they will proceed to literally tear the body into very small pieces trying to get "a piece of Michael" as a souvenir and and remembrance. Perhaps some of them will eat the pieces. There will be multiple bloody homicides over who gets to consume or carry off his junk. Then, finally, when Mayor Tony "Dildo" Villar has called in the National Guard, the crazed mob will scatter out into the slums surrounding the Center and set fire to the city. With some more luck, there will be zombies.

I would pay good money to watch this on television.

bookman: ...where they will proceed to literally tear the body into very small pieces trying to get "a piece of Michael" as a souvenir and and remembrance.



Sympathizes.

On the other hand: what if jackson is NOT dead and this is all a publicity stunt? The mourners fill the Center and suddenly Jackson jumps up and starts doing the moon walk?

On the other other hand, what if he is really dead, but jumps up anyway and starts doing Thriller - for real?

Again, I would pay money to see that second possibility.

Any bets that the 'body' is a wax dummy?

Katalyst: IExpectAKill: Hey guys, am I late? Who is Mitchell Jackets?

It's Michael Jackson, mom.

Are you sure? I thought it was Mikhail Johnston.

bookman: With some more luck, there will be zombies.

I would pay good money to watch this on television.

One can only hope.

Khazar-Khum: Any bets that the 'body' is a wax dummy?

For the past 25 years . . . it has been.

bookman: On the other hand: what if jackson is NOT dead and this is all a publicity stunt? The mourners fill the Center and suddenly Jackson jumps up and starts doing the moon walk?

The LA County Coroner's Office, the LA County Sheriff's Dept, the LAPD and UCLA (Ronnie Reagan) Medical Center do not participate in publicity stunts.

...Except for the OJ thing.

> Khazar-Khum: Any bets that the 'body' is a wax dummy?
> For the past 25 years . . . it has been.

I heard his last wish was to have the plastic which made up 90% of his body weight recycled into toys so children could continue to play with him.

Chewielouie:

It hasn't been wax, it's been plastic.

This one will be wax, while whatever passes for the real one is off to finish plastination.

In the meantime, the simultaneous death of Nascar Legend Mike Jacksen has been ignored by the media.

Maybe the crowd will riot like they did with the Ayatollah -

From Wiki: Two million people attended his funeral[122]. Iranian officials aborted Khomeini's first funeral, after a large crowd stormed the funeral procession, nearly destroying Khomeini's wooden coffin in order to get a last glimpse of his body. At one point, Khomeini's body actually almost fell to the ground, as the crowd attempted to grab pieces of the death shroud.

the_marq: I predict a minimum of 4 people killed in the ensuing stampede.

Mark my words, and check this thread next Wednesday.

3 minute mark (new window)

/First thing that came to mind

SwingingJohnson: portscanner: The history of Michael Jackson's Face (new window)

He should have stopped in 1985. He looked decent then.

After that it was pure self mutilation.

After that he got a Jay Leno chin, a Kirk Douglas chin dimple, Katherine Hepburn cheek bones and sliced/diced his nose with some kind of Billy May's kitchen appliance.

There's been a lot of speculation for a number of years that he suffered from some kind of body dismorphic disorder. It doesn't matter how good he really looked at any one point. Psychologically, he'd always feel the need to "fix" something, which is pretty sad if true. Can't blame him for the vitiligo though.

Organizers have requested that people receiving tickets not scalp them.

Good luck with that. EBayers are already putting them up for bids on the site, in the event that they win of course.

So when do we start seeing Michael Jackson wandering around, kinda like Elvis?

The results were released for the autopsy of MJ and the cause of death: apparently it was food poisoning...he ate a 12yr old weiner.

/too soon?

WFern: SwingingJohnson: portscanner: The history of Michael Jackson's Face (new window)

He should have stopped in 1985. He looked decent then.

After that it was pure self mutilation.

After that he got a Jay Leno chin, a Kirk Douglas chin dimple, Katherine Hepburn cheek bones and sliced/diced his nose with some kind of Billy May's kitchen appliance.

There's been a lot of speculation for a number of years that he suffered from some kind of body dismorphic disorder. It doesn't matter how good he really looked at any one point. Psychologically, he'd always feel the need to "fix" something, which is pretty sad if true. Can't blame him for the vitiligo though.

Vitiligo...yeah, right. That's a good one.

sirbissel: So when do we start seeing Michael Jackson wandering around, kinda like Elvis?

Right now.

Michael Jackson is irrelevant.

/O&A party rock!! Huuuuur huuur!