*Mays'

This topic (the release of the audio) was also cold and blue 2 days ago, submitter.

Bleedin' demised.

Rigor mortis usually is incompatible with life.

He was just pining.

Operator - "He's only been dead for 4 hours! If you give him CPR really quickly, he can be saved!"

Billy Mays' wife - "Are you on crack?"

Just pay processing!

AdolfOliverPanties: Rigor mortis usually is incompatible with life.

In my experience, it's beneficial to the creation of life...

Hey, if you want to stick dead guy boners up your cooze hoping to drain them of their seed, go right ahead. Hope that works out for ya.

You're female, right?

submitter: Billy May's wife: "Nah, forget it. He's freakin dead."

this was never said, according to the transcript.

way to sensationalize/lie, NATIONAL ENQUIRERMITTER


-1 subby

-1 for a completely misleading headline.


LET BILLY MAYS REST IN PEACE!

-1. Bad, bad subby for making crap like that up.

Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

Subby should be beaten with a rigid penis.

Had the same conversation with 911 when my dad died.

If Billy Mays were alive today, I think I know what he would say:

"BILLY MAYS HERE! LET ME OUT OF THIS FARKING BOX!"

/Here till Tuesday. Try the veal.

This is exactly why 911 dispatchers just stopped picking up whenever DeForest Kelly called.

BKITU: Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

I'm not one to exaggerate and say that I spilled my drink laughing over this. I did however chuckle, which is saying a lot.

/+1 to you, and 2 tickets for us to you know where

flickr image search for: Zombie Billy Mays

BKITU: Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

I'm honestly surprised that he didn't do that.

/that's going to give me nightmares for a while

BKITU: Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

Dude- that's not funny. But it is pretty farking hilarious!

Two weeks of deaths. Who's going to die tomorrow?

If Billy Mays' family wants to carry his legacy, they'll bury him with someone else who died in order to save on shipping and handling.

BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE STACKABLE COFFIN. IT'S LIKE LEGOS FOR THE DECEASED.

Maybe Billy should have bought two of those lifesaving heart defib machines. Only 3 payments of 29.95!

heh, morning wood

The 911 Operator should have suggested using Mighty Putty. That probably would have worked.

I'm a 911 operator so I'm getting a kick outta these replies... no really... I am.

I've spent 10 minutes doing CPR over the phone on a 72-year-old man who was found by his wife. Without the magic utterance of "COLD AND STIFF" we are to automatically presume the cardiac arrest just occurred and usher the caller to start the process.

If you are curious... the 911 operator was following the NAEMD protocol.(Not quite verbatim like the academy insists, but the operator got their point across.) They did everything in their power to keep that salesman alive. Notice how after cold and stiff was established and the insistence that it was too late did the operator cease ushering CPR?

/We have to try to get you to start it...
//I made a family give CPR to their father who was still alive after a seizure...
///The family was too damn panicky to correctly identify someone NOT breathing...
////Broke two of his ribs in the process. :)
\\Backwards slashies for not feeling the slightest bit guilty

She didn't want to have to unbutton his pajama shirt.

deadapostle: Operator - "He's only been dead for 4 hours! If you give him CPR really quickly, he can be saved!"

Billy Mays' wife - "Are you on crack?"

Borg nanoprobes can bring someone back after 2 days!

I think "Vince" had him killed.

ACEllis: I'm a 911 operator so I'm getting a kick outta these replies... no really... I am.

Yeah, I don't think the operator behaved weirdly. I doubt they could possibly know when something happened or how panicked the caller is. Better safe than sorry.

I ordered a tool bandit for the hell of it the other night.

The tool bandit was indeed 19.95... and they threw in the hooks, they threw in a "tool bandit belt" as well.

The Shipping and handling was $24.95..

What the hell, I wanted to order something that Billy Mays hocked. The guy struck me as really genuine.

I don't think I'll order anything else though...

phenn: ACEllis: I'm a 911 operator so I'm getting a kick outta these replies... no really... I am.

Yeah, I don't think the operator behaved weirdly. I doubt they could possibly know when something happened or how panicked the caller is. Better safe than sorry.

After listening to the recording, I think the operator did very well.

Mentat: If Billy Mays were alive today, I think I know what he would say:

"BILLY MAYS HERE! LET ME OUT OF THIS FARKING BOX!"

/Here till Tuesday. Try the veal.

I'm picturing the Pitchmen show where the DualSaw inventor cut his way out of a welded steel box with two saws.

I'll jump on the -1 for subby bandwagon.

/Headline was cold like Billy Mays

I never got to watch Pitchmen, and Discovery had a marathon earlier this week, so I tuned in. They dedicated the whole thing to Billy.

He seemed like a genuinely nice, generous guy with a good heart and a great sense of humor.

After watching it, I really felt bad for his wife, his son and his co-host.

Sun God 2009-07-03 05:53:10 AM
Two weeks of deaths. Who's going to die tomorrow?

Tomorrow?
Who gives a fark about tomorrow?!?

I want to know who's going to kick TODAY!

BKITU: Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!


That's had me in stitches for a good 26 minutes.

Out of respect can they stop playing his commercials? Forever.

BKITU: Male Caller: I cannot move him; he is all rigid.

Zombie Billy Mays (sitting up): BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

Well done, would buy the T-shirt.

A hunter calls 911 after shooting his buddy.
Caller: "I just shot my friend!I think he is dead!"
Operator: "First, we need to make sure he is really dead."
"BANG!"
Caller: "Ok, now what?"

/puts onion back on my belt

Sid_6.7: Bleedin' demised.

Pining for the fjords.

ACEllis: Broke two of his ribs in the process. :)

If you don't break a rib, you ain't doing it right. First time I did CPR was on an 80 year old man. First compression I got 2. His Son in Law (my chief) was there too...didn't bat an eye.

O.K.

Who the FARK is "Frank", and why was he there before she called 911?

Actually, there WAS more to the call.

After they said it was too late, the operator said something to the effect of, "Oh...okay...be sure to remove all of your pets when they get there..." I couldn't help but laugh at that and thinking the EMTs arriving, nobody else is in the room, but Fido managed to sneak in and hump Billy' leg one last time....

ACEllis: I'm a 911 operator so I'm getting a kick outta these replies... no really... I am.

I've spent 10 minutes doing CPR over the phone on a 72-year-old man who was found by his wife. Without the magic utterance of "COLD AND STIFF" we are to automatically presume the cardiac arrest just occurred and usher the caller to start the process.

If you are curious... the 911 operator was following the NAEMD protocol.(Not quite verbatim like the academy insists, but the operator got their point across.) They did everything in their power to keep that salesman alive. Notice how after cold and stiff was established and the insistence that it was too late did the operator cease ushering CPR?

/We have to try to get you to start it...
//I made a family give CPR to their father who was still alive after a seizure...
///The family was too damn panicky to correctly identify someone NOT breathing...
////Broke two of his ribs in the process. :)
\\Backwards slashies for not feeling the slightest bit guilty

(also 911 op)
This sort of thing happens all the time. Generally if 911 rings at about 5:04, 5:33, or the like we assume it's someone "waking up dead". And of course when the meds talk to them they gotta try to walk the family through CPR. Most the time dead's dead, but you'd be surprised.

wow sensationalist headline while they're putting Billy in the ground...

You stay classy subby.

You can save his life... BUT YOU MUST ACT NOW!!!

I was sad to hear about Mr. Mays, seemed like a class act and someone who cared for life even though he was hawking inferior products.

He will be missed!

mjoven1975: LET BILLY MAYS REST IN PEACE!

Why? He needs payback for not giving us any peace over the years.

Barnacles!: submitter: Billy May's wife: "Nah, forget it. He's freakin dead."

this was never said, according to the transcript.

way to sensationalize/lie, NATIONAL ENQUIRERMITTER


-1 subby

mjoven1975: -1 for a completely misleading headline.


LET BILLY MAYS REST IN PEACE!

Benevolent Misanthrope: -1. Bad, bad subby for making crap like that up.

[epic facepalm]

You realize the quote was a joke, correct?

/not submitter

Dancin_In_Anson: ACEllis: Broke two of his ribs in the process. :)

If you don't break a rib, you ain't doing it right. First time I did CPR was on an 80 year old man. First compression I got 2. His Son in Law (my chief) was there too...didn't bat an eye.

The was it was explained to me when I learned CPR was "go ahead and break their ribs, if it might get their heart beating again. They're already DEAD, they aren't getting any more injured."

dispatch: NEW NAME FOR CAPS LOCK:

Inspiring.

dispatch: NEW NAME FOR CAPS LOCK:

yes. awesome.

cryinoutloud: The was it was explained to me when I learned CPR was "go ahead and break their ribs, if it might get their heart beating again. They're already DEAD, they aren't getting any more injured."

Pretty much the way it was put to me. And with the new protocols being put in place it's more likely to happen.

Once I was with a friend and her child and Billy Mays came on the TV, and the kid (4 or 5) says, "Mom, why is that man shouting? It's rude to shout."

"Because he sells more cleaners if he shouts, dear."

"But he doesn't have to shout to sell cleaners - he's just being rude to everyone who has to listen to him."

Had to agree, the kid was probably right.

ACEllis: I'm a 911 operator so I'm getting a kick outta these replies... no really... I am.

I've spent 10 minutes doing CPR over the phone on a 72-year-old man who was found by his wife. Without the magic utterance of "COLD AND STIFF" we are to automatically presume the cardiac arrest just occurred and usher the caller to start the process.

If you are curious... the 911 operator was following the NAEMD protocol.(Not quite verbatim like the academy insists, but the operator got their point across.) They did everything in their power to keep that salesman alive. Notice how after cold and stiff was established and the insistence that it was too late did the operator cease ushering CPR?

/We have to try to get you to start it...
//I made a family give CPR to their father who was still alive after a seizure...
///The family was too damn panicky to correctly identify someone NOT breathing...
////Broke two of his ribs in the process. :)
\\Backwards slashies for not feeling the slightest bit guilty

I was under the impression if you do not break ribs you are doing it wrong. Seriously. Is that not right?

Operator: Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, we're going to help him until they get there. Can you hear me?

...

Female Caller: We can't get him up, Ma'am. He's gone.

Was the caller being snarky there?

WhileAmericaBurns: Operator: Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, we're going to help him until they get there. Can you hear me?

...

Female Caller: We can't get him up, Ma'am. He's gone.

Was the caller being snarky there?

The caller was in the American south. The use of "Ma'am" and "Sir" are beaten into us down here, but when we travel north everyone thinks were either suckups or wiseasses.

Richard M Nixon: WhileAmericaBurns: Operator: Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, we're going to help him until they get there. Can you hear me?

...

Female Caller: We can't get him up, Ma'am. He's gone.

Was the caller being snarky there?

The caller was in the American south. The use of "Ma'am" and "Sir" are beaten into us down here, but when we travel north everyone thinks were either suckups or wiseasses.

OK. It just sounded odd, especially after the operator called her "Ma'am" repeatedly (which is not unique to the South when it comes operators of any kind). I thought maybe the caller was being sarcastic. I've never called any operator or customer service representative "Ma'am" or "Sir", though several times I've had to refrain from using more colorful names.

or Sully... on a side note.

who the fark is Frank?

deadapostle: Operator - "He's only been dead for 4 hours! If you give him CPR really quickly, he can be saved!"

Billy Mays' wife - "Are you on crack?"

http://i40.tinypic.com/2alo9h.jpg (new window)

(can't believe I get to use this again today!)

WhileAmericaBurns: Richard M Nixon: WhileAmericaBurns: Operator: Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, we're going to help him until they get there. Can you hear me?

...

Female Caller: We can't get him up, Ma'am. He's gone.

Was the caller being snarky there?

The caller was in the American south. The use of "Ma'am" and "Sir" are beaten into us down here, but when we travel north everyone thinks were either suckups or wiseasses.

OK. It just sounded odd, especially after the operator called her "Ma'am" repeatedly (which is not unique to the South when it comes operators of any kind). I thought maybe the caller was being sarcastic. I've never called any operator or customer service representative "Ma'am" or "Sir", though several times I've had to refrain from using more colorful names.

I gotcha, but we call EVERYONE sir. Kids, customer service reps, cops, criminals, whatever.

WhileAmericaBurns: Operator: Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, we're going to help him until they get there. Can you hear me?

...

Female Caller: We can't get him up, Ma'am. He's gone.

Was the caller being snarky there?

Manners?!?! In my society?!?!?!

"Epic Facepalm"

You sir are retarded.

E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This pitchman is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't mighty-puttied him to the floor 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PITCHMAN!!

911 Dispatcher:

"If you give chest compressions in the NEXT 15 SECONDS, we'll throw-in mouth-to-mouth and airway clearing ABSOLUTELY FREE!"

"It's the EASY WAY to get his heart started, and get him breathing again."

"BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! If you keep up CPR for the next 5 minutes, we'll send TWO PARAMEDICS with shock paddles, RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR."

"Any emergency, big or small, 9-1-1 cures it all!"

CBS News is saying she's resigning and handing power over to the Lt. Governor: Link (new window)

FARKING wrong thread $@#$@#$ 432 palin !E@ a@!!11!1!

What's the use of havin' muscles
If your life hangs by a thread
If you ain't got no red corpuscles
Jack, you're dead

You been always kickin'
But you stubbed your toes
When you ups and kicks the bucket
Just like ole man Mose'

When you get no kicks from lovin'
And the news begins to spread
All the cats will holler "murder"
Jack, you're dead

All the breath has leaked out of you
If your friends gather round the bed
And look at you and say
"Mm mm, don't he look natural?"
When that happens to you, daddy
Jack, you're dead


RIP BILLY CAPSLOCK ALWAYS ON MAYS


/you were louder
//but i lived longer

Since nobody else has:

Hey, can we get her the hero tag?

I had the exact same conversation when my dad died 2 years ago (at 48 no less). Same circumstances too. Woke up and found dad hadn't, as soon as I saw him I knew he was dead. Can't forget that vacant stare in the eyes... I was about to do the monty python dead bird routine but figured it wasn't a good time.

/miss you daddy!

shower_in_my_socks: CBS News is saying she's resigning and handing power over to the Lt. Governor: Link (new window)

I Lawl'd.

dispatch: NEW NAME FOR CAPS LOCK:

god yes

GBmanNC: I had the exact same conversation when my dad died 2 years ago (at 48 no less). Same circumstances too. Woke up and found dad hadn't, as soon as I saw him I knew he was dead. Can't forget that vacant stare in the eyes... I was about to do the monty python dead bird routine but figured it wasn't a good time.

/miss you daddy!

Ugh. So sorry you had to go through that. My mom was also 48 (to the day). Too young to go. She died in front of my brother who was 14 at the time. I don't know how he copes.

/miss her every day
//10 years gone

My dad came home from work sick and found my mom ridged and cold (no pun), mouth open, staring at the ceiling. He called 911 and they sent a cop instead of an ambulance. The cop stayed at the house until I got there. They didn't want my dad to be alone. This was in '88. Rules change. I'm now a First Responder. Had to use it for car crash.

shower_in_my_socks - CBS News is saying she's resigning and handing power over to the Lt. Governor

If she can't get him out of bed, she should resign as his wife and hand power over to Lt. Governor... er, something.